The trick is to not believe the anger even when it seems REALLY compelling. Sometimes the best I can do is stay away from conversation with the person I'm mad at till the 'dust settles' and I realize what an idiot I've been.
Restraint of tongue and pen is a VERY powerful practice. highly revered amongst Buddhist monastics. except they call it a 'precept'. their words for it are 'no harmful speech'. it is recognized amongst senior practitioners as being one of THE MOST DIFFICULT aspects of the practice to follow. this is why I have SO much respect for this AA 'instruction'.
If I 'failed' and regretted what I had said..
I would admit it was a foolish and inconsiderate thing to say, regardless of what prompted it, and that I would resolve not to speak in that fashion again.
Justifying 'harmful speech' AFTER the event in an attempt to save face:
Justifying behavior that others find unpleasant (even if you're right) makes others think that you will do it again in future, with a new justification. So I always try to avoid that if possible.
We ALL make STUPID mistakes!
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