Thrashing about in early recovery is pretty normal. not even remotely atypical.
In later recovery it's a HEALTHY sign that you are challenging some deeply held 'old ideas'.
I can STILL feel pulled in two separate directions, 20 years on! There is always SOME sort of pull toward sabotage and another towards hope and a better life. I may not think of drinking (I don't AT ALL as a matter of fact), but the proverbial 'devil' on the one shoulder and the 'angel on the other, is just a STANDARD FEATURE of the human condition. I just think it gets played out more dramatically in early recovery.
Its' important to be honest about whatever is bothering you. that's what honesty is. telling the truth, without worrying what others think. It's a VERY valuable skill.
As long as I continue to grow and challenge my old ways of looking at things, I experience that 'thrashing about' to SOME extent. so you're in good company!
So for those of who who have (wrongly) concluded you are 'off course' because you are experiencing this, don't!. I think you're getting there, no doubt about it! Just keep on keepin on, and all that..
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