"Do you think honesty comes in degrees? Or is it all or nothing?"

Door at UCL, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

I saw this posed on another blog and thought it was an interesting question. Anyway, here's what I make of it.

"Do you think honesty comes in degrees? Or is it all or nothing? "

Neither. Those two alternatives are too limiting.
Holding back keeps you in a retrogressive (and very repetitive) groove, regardless of how often you are honest with the less ego puncturing things.
Secondly, its the effort and the intention that betrays the caliber of ones honesty, not the result.
Going to ANY lengths? Well that's gold plated, lustrous and beautiful.
Half measures? Looks as unattractive as it feels.
There is no need to reconfigure the 'terms and conditions' of the AA programme to fulfill a personal definition. Every word in there tells you EXACTLY what you need to know. You need no further definitions.
I am certain, that you KNOW, without a ! moments hesitation, whether you are going to 'any lengths' to tell the ego puncturing truth. Or not.
See? There's your answer.

I have a TON of half finished posts ! Too do because I am in the midst of preparing for a VERY busy academic year. I am VERY!!!! Excited!
Hopefully I will find the time to post them while I go on an shopping spree, and what have you. (Any excuse!)
I WISH I could tell you how many COOL things have 'rearranged' themselves to make my life workable. I have a pretty busy schedule at the best of times, but I need to get quite ! creative when I put some MORE stuff on my plate.
Suffice to say. God is !!! good! Hahaa.
Anyway. That's another post really..
Right. Gotta go.
Bear with me on the comment moderation. There is a 'Restless irritable and discontent' commenter doing the rounds. Again! No change there then!
Right the gym beckons. As does the desperately alluring Apple store..
Have a great Tueday y'all!

(Yeah and three cheers for Johno on getting in to the new course)
Kudos! See? It works!

Constant thought of Others (Not just Newcomers): ALL life situations can be viewed as "An Opportunity for Service"

There is nothing more to life than giving. Being helpful. Its the only reason we're here really. To TRY to help one another.
See the film Groundhog day.
Any life lived in the absence of 'giving' is a life not worth having. Well that's what I think. A spirit of generosity is EVERYTHING. Without it, it is a VERY grey lackluster world.
This is a clip from the film Groundhog Day with Bill Murray.
"Helping others IS the foundation of your recovery". (p97)
"CONSTANT thought of Others and how we can help meet their needs" (p20)

Service is NOT something you do at the weekends. Or something you reserve for newcomers. It is an ATTITUDE. A service mindset.
ALL life situations can be viewed as 'An opportunity for service"
Just requires a little imagination. That's all.
Job, prayer life, family life. EVERYTHING can be done with an ATTITUDE of EITHER Self Seeking OR Self Forgetting.
EVE-RY-THING!

Alcoholics are APPALLINGLY Self centered. This CHRONIC self obsession is the root of their suffering. And poisons their experience of their life no matter HOW many fortunate circumstances they may obtain. Including fortunate religious circumstances.

If ALL you do is help the occasional newcomer, and then go right back to being CHRONICALLY SELF OBSESSED, in ALL your affairs, you will CONTINUE to suffer.

Self Seeking v's Self Forgetting
So basically Newcomers are your BEST CHANCE at grasping the importance of not being SELF OBSESSED.
If you think you can view Service as being CONFINED to newcomers, you are SORELY mistaken.
Until you TRANSFER the SKILL of SELF FORGETTING , FIRST acquired whilst working with newcomers, TO EVERY OTHER AREA OF YOUR LIFE , you will continue to "step on the toes of your fellows and they retaliate". (p62)

"Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate" (p62)

So yeah. The first 100 members were Not talking out of their A*SE when they said
"Helping others IS the foundation of your recovery".

Trust me. Its the truth. Whether you like it or not.
Helping NOT JUST NEWCOMERS.
Helping FULL STOP.

That's why they say:
"Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of MAXIMUM helpfulness to others." (p102) Big Book.

OTHERS.
Not JUST newcomers.

Yeah newcomers get PRIORITY. Why?
"Our PRIMARY purpose is to STAY sober and HELP other ALCOHOLICS to ACHIEVE sobriety." (From The AA Preamble)

So yeah. They get TOP priority. In terms of free time. (If any!)
But AFTER that, we help 'others'.
Ie ANYBODY.
Not just arbitrarily.
"Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of MAXIMUM helpfulness to others." (p102) Big Book.

Ie in a way that helps as MANY as possible. So try to help in such a way that brings the greatest benefit to the greatest number with the limited resources of time and energy you have. It is a complex moral argument. One has to delegate time and energy with the consideration of the potential impact one can make. An ineffectual and time consuming ATTEMPT to help, deprives many others who COULD have been helped with a better course of action or a more effectual strategy.
So basically its a very STRATEGIC approach to the expenditure of ones time and energy in trying to help others.

My EXPERIENCE is that when I pursue a life goal with a SELF SEEKING motive
I do not have as much success in achieving that goal, as when I adopt a SELF FORGETTING motive.
My mind is clearer, when I adopt the latter.
I can see the wood for the trees.
More is revealed.
Plus I don't p*ss people off nearly as much.
I meet the right people at the right time.
I 'bump into' the right information.
It just 'works' better.

Yeah DESPERATION gets results too. But the emotional 'fallout' for THAT coping mechanism is VERY high. Its a very UPTIGHT condition to maintain. Unless you plan on anesthetizing yourself with mind altering drugs to 'take the edge off', you could end up like a VERY !!! tightly coiled spring!

How do you know when you are doing this thing?
When you keep having the experience Bill Murray has when he is on the dance floor in the movie Groundhog Day. Ie Almost every conversation he has includes an expression of appreciation for a past act of some sort. There is also some unspoken appreciation which is just as real, but doesn't take the form of words. Its not that difficult to tell when one is appreciated. If people are always glad to see us, we can assume they benefit from their association with us.

But the rule is. Just like Bill Murray does in the film..
YOU DO THESE THINGS ONLY !! TO THE EXTENT THAT THEY LIFT ! YOUR SPIRITS.
If you become a MARTYR
You get 'NIL POINTS'

Why?
Because by becoming a MARTYR
You place yourself in BREACH of the EXPLICIT instruction
"We (meaning the first 100 members) are SURE that GOD WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY JOYOUS AND FREE" p133 Big Book
"WE (meaning the first 100 members) ABSOLUTELY INSIST on ENJOYING LIFE" p132 Big Book

So, Get off the cross we need the wood
Do it like Bill Murray instead.
Have some FUN with it for Gods sakes!

Perhaps that clarifies what I mean when I use the word 'service' better..
Have a good Monday y'all.. Keep on keepin on as they say..

I have a great life, but I would lack the POWER to enjoy it if I did not "Perfect and enlarge my spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice"

I have a great life, (in my opinion anyway) but I would lack the POWER to enjoy it if I did not:
"perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others," (p14)

""Lack of power, that was our dilemma."
as they say.
"we could wish to be philosophically comforted, (ie enjoy all our COOL STUFF) in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly." (p45)"

Service. Helping others achieve sobriety, and having a life purpose of "constant thought of others and how I can meet their needs" (p20) is the lynch pin of ALL my inner joy.
So, How many newcomers are you helping stay sober these days?
They are TOTALLY mind altering!

People think I am being 'nice' because I try to be helpful. But I am am taking care of ME. Of MY life.
I KNOW that the less self centered I am the BETTER my life works. So keeping my brain in "constant thought of others and how I can meet their needs" (p20) 'gear', by trying to help alcoholics for a short while every day, is no big deal. I see it like brushing my teeth. Or having a shower. It takes about the same amount of time, so what's the problem? Doesn't feel like sacrifice to me. It feels good. Why else would I do it?

So what I'm saying is
SERVICE MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD
"constant thought of others and how I can meet their needs" (p20) MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD

I have cool things in my life, but where does my joy emanate from?
SERVICE
Weird huh?
I've long since stopped trying to figure it out. All I know is THAT'S HOW IT IS. That's how life WORKS.
So that's what I do.
Easy really.

"Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now." (p124)
"If an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the CERTAIN trials and low spots ahead" (p14)
"Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives."

So if you want to feel gloriously !! happy, fulfilled, and have a sense of meaning and purpose
GO GRAB YOURSELF A PERSON NEWER THAN YOU
And pass on WHATEVER you know. NOMATTTER HOW LITTLE.
Hey you gotta start somewhere.
Just TRY to be helpful. That's all. Just do your lousy best and let go of the outcome.

Then, you can enjoy all the !! Cool things in your life!! Excellent huh?
Oh yeah. And it practically GUARANTEES you stay sober!!
Why?
"Chapter 7 Working with others. Practical experience shows that NOTHING will so much insure immunity from drinking as INTENSIVE work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail." (p89)

So its a DOUBLE WIN really...
Have a nice Thursday y'all..

Short of Newcomers to talk AT? (heheee) : New Ladies in Blogland.

Feeling Restless, irritable and discontent?
That feeling of something missing?
A 'God shaped hole' perhaps?

What you need, is a MIND ALTERING NEWCOMER!!
FREE in every AA meeting!!
GUARANTEED to make you feel happy joyous and free in 5 minutes or your money back!
Remember. "It works when ALL else fails" *
TRY ONE TODAY!!
(Hey, and you're NEVER too new, to start giving it away to keep it! Kindness costs nothing!)

* It works when other activities fail. (p89)
Hehehee. Sorry I know its a c*ap joke, but I couldn't help myself.

So yeah.
The Newcomer is THE most important person in the room. (As they say)
Even if the room is a virtual one!
Besides, Its always a little opportunity for service.
From what I can see, the new ladies around at the moment seem to be...
Katia at Seeking the Cranberry(First meeting yesterday. Bless er!)
Lea at Recovering Wino
Johna at My Lifetime Movie
Krista at Wine-O
Clarity at Clarity Case
Kathym at Gospodi Pomiluj
Ms Shadow at one door away from heaven.10 months ALREADY! Time FLIES huh? Practically an old timer already!
Ms V at Onward

(Haven't posted for a while, but you just never know..)
Rhonda at journey to Wellness
SE at The World of an Addict

"Actually, he may be helping you more than you are helping him. Make it plain he is under no obligation to you, that you hope only that he will try to help other alcoholics when he escapes his own difficulties. Suggest how important it is that he place the welfare of other people ahead of his own. Make it clear that he is not under pressure, that he needn’t see you again if he doesn’t want to. You should not be offended if he wants to call it off, for he has helped you more than you have helped him. If your talk has been sane, quiet and full of human understanding, you have perhaps made a friend. Maybe you have disturbed him about the question of alcoholism. This is all to the good. The more hopeless he feels, the better. he will be more likely to follow your suggestions." (p94)

Have I missed any? REALLY new ones I mean.
I have some more listed on my sidebar on the right under Alcoholic bloggers under one year.
Tell me some more if you know of any...

How it DOESN'T work: 26 Methods that FAIL UTTERLY: Religion, Therapy, Will power, Self knowledge etc

Ancient carving of Mara: He is a tempter, distracting humans from practicing the spiritual life by making the mundane alluring or the negative seem positive., originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

Heheh. The poor bloke in the picture! Reminds me of some of my former Sponsees on a bad day! Or before they do the 6 things! should I say! Right, anyway..Back to the subject in hand..
These are things which I see as part of Step 1. Step 1 is EXHAUSTING. This is part of the education as to what recovery asks of us. What Is required to succeed. And why previous attempts have failed.
I think ALL my Sponsees were women who had failed at sobriety previously. Either because they could not stop drinking, or they were suicidally depressed and felt life was not worth living sober. Ie they were at the jumping off place.
Basically, they are people who have 'been through the system' and it just hasn't worked. Often they are disillusioned with AA, and the programme, and they expect to fail. Again. Part of what I do, is identify what was missing from their previous approach. This is not entirely necessary, but I have come to actually quite enjoy ferreting out the offending action, or inaction. This does not mean they choose to use the information immediately. Some do. Others are 'bludgeoned into humility by pain and unremitting suffering'. But anyway, this will hopefully give you an idea of what I have learned is no substitute for the AA programme, and in many cases impedes the programme when employed prior to being restored to sanity as a result of the steps.So here goes. This is a LONG one, so you may need a STRONG cup of coffee to get to the end! Heheh.

"If you want to hide something from an alcoholic, put it in the Big Book"

In my ? 'introduction' I say "I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's BEST KEPT SECRET a lot of the time. (In my opinion). "
The reason I say this, is because 99 times out of 100, the alcoholics I bump into in meetings are OBLIVIOUS to the points I list below, despite having read the big book MANY times, yet evidentially have FAILED to study adequately.
Studying something bears NO resemblance to READING something.
This is why I INSIST on Sponsees buying fluorescent markers and a FULL size hard backed copy of the big book, so that thy will haven enough room to DIFFERENTIATE these passages, and many others. Otherwise they stand NO CHANCE WHATSOVER of finding them again. Quickly and efficiently anyhow. And I don't know about you, but I have a LIFE to be getting on with. I do not have time to waste looking for passages again and AGAIN, instead of simply highlighting it once, or making a note in the margin. Life is TOO SHORT!
Anyway. Like I say, here are some EXTREMELY EXPLICIT INSTRUCTIONS from the Big Book that MANY alcoholics I meet HAVE NO IDEA EXIST. Which is a shame. But like every other thing in AA, is NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
90% of these points I learned from the "Favorite old timer" in my old home group. One of the things he used to say (That his sponsor told him) was:
"REALLY get to know the Big Book. Because you may be the ONLY walking Big Book you ever meet'
I used to think that was a bit melodramatic, and grandiose. I wish that were the case. Instead, I find many (!!) alcoholics are unaware of these, and many other EXPLICIT and UNCOMPROMISING STATEMENTS in the basic text. I would like it to be different. Because I would like the degree of suffering to be the minimum. But I am not 'running the show'. So instead I do my lousy best to pass on what I consider myself VERY lucky to have learned. If anyone picks it up and uses it, great, if not, well I never had any power over those people anyway, so it makes no difference.

Disclaimer:
Oh yeah, and if some of the things on the list 'shock' and 'horrify' you, don't take it up with me, take it up with the first 100 members!!
I happen to have found that the things that the first members documented have been true IN MY EXPERIENCE and the experience of others that I have observed using both the the same method as myself and different versions than the one I use. 20 years of 'unofficial' clinical observation, if you like.
I do NOT insist that you agree with me OR them. Because what you make of these IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
So make of them what you will. I list them here for your information. Nothing more.
Like most things in life, applying ANY principle without common sense or with the wisdom of an experienced assistant (ie sponsor) can end up with disastrous results. So don't blame me, If you apply ANY of these in an incredibly kack-handed way, and suffer as a result. That's what sponsors are for!
What I am NOT saying, is that these things have no value at all. Because that's not what the first 100 members said either. These methods fail as ALTERNATIVES TO THE PROGRAMME OF RECOVERY, not !! as a WAY OF PRACTICNG ASPECTS THE SUGGESTED PROGRAMME IN ITS ENTIRETY. But I'm too tired to explain that now. Enough! Another day!
Anyway, I'm waffling now. Here's the list.

How it DOESN'T work.
1. Religion.
2. Human power.
3. Therapy.
4. Self knowledge.
5. Humiliation (The memory of.)
6. Half measures. (As opposed to "Any lengths'.)
7. Holding on to your OLD IDEAS. (This is EASILY the TOUGHEST requirement.)
8. A Mental Defence.
9. Thinking. (As opposed to ACTION. i.e.: Trying to THINK yourself well)
10. Will power. (i.e.: White knuckle. Self will. 'Trying hard', Exerting oneself.)
11. Keeping on guard.
12. Avoiding temptation .
13. Moral and philosophical convictions.
14. Just not drinking.
15. Just going to meetings.
16. Kidding (deluding) yourself that you are enjoying sobriety when deep down you are NOT.
17. Having a "Befogged" brain.
18. Your conduct continues to harm others. (And you are not sorry.)
19. Self reliance.
20. Self Confidence.
21. Constant thought of SELF.
22. Indulging the 'dubious luxury" of anger, resentment, retaliation, or argument.
23. Trying to keep ego puncturing admissions to yourself (You are as sick as your secrets.)
24. An 'easier softer' way.
25. Being Vague.
26. Not COMPLETELY 'giving yourself' to THIS simple program.

(All Page references below refer to the Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous.)
1. Religion.
"Your prospect may belong to a religious denomination. His religious education and training may be FAR superior to yours. In that case he is going to wonder how you can add anything to what he already knows. But he well be curious to learn why his own convictions have not worked and why yours seem to work so well. He may be an example of the truth that faith alone is insufficient." (p93)
"He interrupted: "I used to be strong for the church but that won’t fix it. I’ve prayed to God on hangover mornings and sworn that I’d never touch another drop but by nine o’clock I’d be boiled as an owl." (p157)
"Then he (the Lawyer) added, "He (God) sure didn’t do much for me when I was trying to fight this booze racket alone." (p158)
("Alone" here refers to without OTHER ALCOHOLICS as opposed to other similarly inclined religious people.)
"To be vital, faith MUST be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive ACTION." (p93)
"Though not a religious person, I have profound respect for the SPIRITUAL approach in such cases as yours. For most cases, there is virtually no other solution." (p43)

2. Human power.
(that includes therapists, Priests, etc as the last time I heard, they are STILL using human ones.)
"No human power could have relieved our alcoholism." (p63)
"Neither he nor ANY other human being can provide such a defense. His defense MUST come from a Higher Power." (p43)
"Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly." (p45)
"Something more than human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change." (pXXVII)
"There is NO doubt in my mind that you were 100% hopeless, apart from DIVINE help." (p43)

3. Therapy.
(ie Human power)
"Neither he nor ANY other human being can provide such a defense. His defense MUST come from a Higher Power." (p43)
"No human power could have relieved our alcoholism." (p63)
(Doesn't say, "except for therapists, or religious people")
"Something more than human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change." (pXXVII)
"He had consulted the BEST known American psychiatrists. Then he had gone to Europe, placing himself in the care of a celebrated physician (the psychiatrist, Dr. Jung) who prescribed for him. Though experience had made him skeptical, he finished his treatment with unusual confidence. His physical and mental condition were unusually good. Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable. Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time. More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall." (p26)
"There is NO doubt in my mind that you were 100% hopeless, apart from DIVINE help." (p43)

4. Self knowledge.
"The actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly any exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge. This is a point we wish to emphasize and re-emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience." (p39)
"Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable. Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time. More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall." (p26)
"Why was it, when these dangers were pointed out that they agreed, and then got drunk again immediately?(p107)
"I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots." (p42)

5. Humiliation.
(the memory of)
"We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink." (p24)
"The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove." (p24)
"This time I had not thought of the consequences at all." (p41)
"Why was it, when these dangers were pointed out that they agreed, and then got drunk again immediately?(p107)
"Why could they not see that drink meant ruin to them? (p107)

6. Half measures.
(As opposed to "Any lengths')
"Half measures availed us NOTHING" (p59)
"We believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution." (p25)
"The result was NIL until we let go ABSOLUTELY." (p58)
"IF you have decided you WANT what we have and are willing to go to ANY LENGTHS to get it- THEN you are ready to take certain steps. (p58)
"Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to ANY LENGTHS to find a spiritual experience" (p79)
"Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to ANY LENGTHS for victory over alcohol." (p76)

7. Holding on to your OLD IDEAS.
(This is EASILY the TOUGHEST requirement.)
"Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and THE RESULT WAS NIL until we let go ABSOLUTELY." (p58)

8. A Mental Defence.
(ie: thinking in the form of reliance on ones thinking to 'save' you from temptation)
"We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink." (p24)
"neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power." (p43)
"The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove." (p24)
"They prophesied that if I had an alcoholic mind, the time and place would come-I would drink again. They had said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink. Well, just that did happen and more, for what I had learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all. I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. (p41)
"I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots."
(p42)
"This time I had not thought of the consequences at all." (p41)
"Why was it, when these dangers were pointed out that they agreed, and then got drunk again immediately?(p107)

9. Thinking.
(As opposed to ACTION. ie: Trying to THINK yourself well.)
"Outline the PROGRAM OF ACTION, explaining how you made a self-appraisal, how you straightened out your past and why you are now endeavoring to be helpful to him (p94)
"the spiritual answer and PROGRAM OF ACTION which a hundred of them had followed successfully." (p42)
"They had told of a simple religious idea and a practical PROGRAM OF ACTION." (p69)
"To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive ACTION." (p93)
"This is not all. There is ACTION and MORE ACTION “Faith without works is dead.” (p88)
"We pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or ACTION." (p87)
"We have then completed Step Seven. Now we need MORE ACTION, without which we find that “Faith without works is dead.” (p76)
Chapter 6 Into ACTION (p72)
"Next we launched out on a course of vigorous ACTION" (p63)
"The two friends spoke of their spiritual experience and told him about THE COURSE OF ACTION they carried out." (p157)
"You may suggest A DEFINITE COURSE OF ACTION" (p142)

10. Will power.
(ie: White knuckle. Self will. 'Trying hard', Exerting oneself.)
"Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent." (p24)
"Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly." (p45)
"In alcoholics the will is amazingly weakened when it comes to combating liquor, though if often remains strong in other respects." (p7)
"The queer mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power." (p92)
"I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots." (p42)
"What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?" (p102)
"The man agreed that no amount of will power he might muster could stop his drinking for long. A spiritual experience, he conceded, was absolutely necessary" (p155)
"Such codes and philosophies did not save us, NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE TRIED" (p45)
"Can you discard the feeling that you are dealing only with habit, with stubbornness, or a weak will? If this presents difficulty, re-reading chapters two and three, where alcoholic sickness is discussed at length might be worth while. (p140)
"How could they be so blind about themselves? What had become of their judgment, their common sense, their will power? Why could they not see that drink meant ruin to them? Why was it, when these dangers were pointed out that they agreed, and then got drunk again immediately?(p107)
"We had gone on drinking many years beyond the point where we could quit on our will power." (p34)
"His human will had failed" (p11)
"Oh no,” said my friend, “this chap is either through with liquor, or he is minus a job. If he has your will power and guts, he will make the grade.”
I wanted to throw up my hands in discouragement, for I saw that I had failed to help my banker friend understand. He simply could not believe that his brother-executive suffered from a serious illness." (p139)
"I felt I had every right to be self-confident, that it would be only a matter of exercising my WILL POWER and keeping on guard." (p40)

11. Keeping on guard.
"We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink." (p24)
"I felt I had every right to be self-confident, that it would be only a matter of exercising my will power and keeping on guard." (p40)
"Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever against the first drink. This time I had not thought of the consequences at all." (p41)

12. Avoiding temptation.
(without doing the programme of recovery.)
"Any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure." (p101)
"Nor are you trying to run his life so he will be shielded from temptation to drink. If he is conscientiously following the program of recovery he can go anywhere your business may call him." (p147)
"Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do." (p100)
"We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything!" (p101)
"Our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there." (p101)

13. Moral and philosophical convictions.
"We found that such codes and philosophies DID NOT SAVE US, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly." (p45)
"Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to." (p62)

14. Just not drinking.
"We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough." (p82)
"Cessation of drinking is but the first step away from a highly strained, abnormal condition." (p122)
"Those who DO NOT RECOVER are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program" (p58)
"Half measures availed us NOTHING" (p59)

15. Just going to meetings.
(As opposed to COMPLETELY giving oneself to THIS simple programme)
"Those who DO NOT RECOVER are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to THIS simple program" (p58)
"Half measures availed us NOTHING" (p59)

16. Kidding (deluding) yourself that you are enjoying sobriety when deep down you are NOT.
"We smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give ANYTHING to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn’t happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol." (p152)

17. Having a "Befogged" brain.
"It is IMPERATIVE that a man’s brain be cleared BEFORE he is approached"
( pxxiv)

18. Your conduct continues to harm others. (And you are not sorry).
"If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, WE ARE QUITE SURE TO DRINK We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience" (p70)

19. Self Reliance.
"Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, BUT IT DIDN'T GO FAR ENOUGH. (p68)

20. Self Confidence.
"Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or ANY other." (p68)

21. Constant thought of SELF.
"Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of OTHERS and how we may help meet THEIR needs." (p20)
"Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery." (p97)
"A kindly act once in a while isn’t enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be." (p97)
"Chapter 7 Working with others. Practical experience shows that NOTHING will so much insure immunity from drinking as INTENSIVE work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail." (p89)
"Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others" (p107)
"Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life" (p86)
"The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others." (p74)
"Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now." (p124)
"If an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the CERTAIN trials and low spots ahead" (p14)

22. Indulging the 'dubious luxury" of anger, resentment, retaliation, or argument.
"If we were to live, we HAD to be free of anger". (p66)
"The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison". (p66)
"Resentment is the "number one" offender. It DESTROYS more alcoholics than ANYTHING else". (p66)
"This business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is FATAL. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die." (p66)
"The more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got" (p66)
"It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness". (p66)
"These resentments MUST be mastered". (p66)
"From it (meaning resentment) stem ALL forms of spiritual disease". (p64)
"To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore". (p66)
"The world and its people really dominated us". (p66)
"God save me from being angry. Thy will be done. We avoid retaliation or argument." (p67)
"If your husband is trying to live on a spiritual basis, he will also be doing everything in his power to avoid disagreement or contention." (p118)

23. Trying to keep ego puncturing admissions to yourself
(You are as sick as your secrets.)
"Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost Invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story." (p74)
"More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn’t deserve it."(p73)

24. An 'easier softer' way.
"Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost Invariably they got drunk." (p72)
"At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not." (p58)

25. Being Vague.
"It would be EASY to be vague about this matter. Yet, we believe we can make some DEFINITE and valuable suggestions." (p86)
"If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking-"What do I have to do?"
It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions SPECIFICALLY. We shall tell you what we have done." (p20)
".wants to recover and that he will go to ANY extreme to do so, you may suggest a DEFINITE course of ACTION" (p15)

26. Not COMPLETELY 'giving yourself' to THIS (!) simple program.
(NOT!! 'Mary's program', 'Frank's Program', or the 'Hazeltwig program'. THIS !!! program.)
"Those who DO NOT RECOVER are people who cannot or will not COMPLETELY give themselves to THIS (!!!) simple program" (p58)
"Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and THE RESULT WAS NIL until we let go ABSOLUTELY." (p58)
"Half measures availed us NOTHING" (p59)
"We believe there is NO middle-of-the-road solution." (p25)
"We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not." (p58)

Phew! Have a GREAT Sunday y'all. Time for my run!

If Jane Tomlinson's example doesn't convince you there's NO excuse for Self Pity. NOTHING will..

Ancient Statue of Buddha Room 33 British Museum, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

From the Guardian. Although you can find this story in MANY newspapers online. I just picked the Guardian article at random.

The tireless charity fundraiser Jane Tomlinson has died. The mother-of-three took up running after being diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2000 and told she had six months to live.
In the following seven years she raised £1.75m for charities, most of it through feats of endurance which included cycling from Italy to Yorkshire and across the US, as well as numerous marathons and gruelling ironman events.

Here's an interview with Jane Tomlinson that was broadcast on Womens Hour on radio 4 today.

Pining? Song 4 Mutya: Don't react now. You can't go back now. Just look ahead now.

Yeah I know. I'm just indulging myself now. But I meet quite a few 'heartbroken' types in the rooms, pining for somebody who rejected them.
I like Johno's maxim, "Rejection is God's Protection'.
I must say I HAVE found this to be the case. EVERY time.
But for those of you that are still ? Convinced that these former liaisons have any redeeming merit, I thought this tune might cheer you up a bit. Besides, the message, is very true.

"Just as soon as I'm on top of my life, there you are again
But don't react now. You can't go back now.
Don't panic, panic, (Mutya), Just look ahead now."
Groove armada: Song for Mutya

Plus I just like Groove armada AND Mutya from the Sugarbabes. I think she looks GREAT in this vid. Not 'dull , boring and glum, like some righteous folk I see". I LOVE it when women look strong, confident, and sassy. Cheers me up!

"Am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see?" (p152)
..er ..NO.
Since when did being 'Spiritual" mean wearing Beige and not being funky? Nah. Tambourines and sandals are not necessary. Thank GOD. Personally I find that there is nothing very conservative about a spiritual life. It forces me to question EVERYTHING, and maintain a flexible open minded attitude to things. Scary, but very refreshing at the same time.

Anyway, I'm glad her solo career seems to be taking off as she seems like a nice human being. GA are pretty cool too mind you.

And even more pointless! Little bit of eye candy. Here are some pointless . pics . of . the . Groove Armada Guys who I think are pretty easy on the eye as it happens.

God's Beauty Parlor: Sobriety can be INCREDIBLY !! anti ageing

Just thought I would mention that not drinking can be VERY anti aging. Alcohol makes you red faced, bloated and puffy and dehydrates the skin a LOT. I always say to new ladies. Get sober purely for the sake of VANITY!! (In my opinion) people can age REALLY well in recovery. If you play your cards right.

I saw these photos in today's Mail and was REALLY shocked !! at how aged these women look at age 45. (Yeah I know its the Daily Mail, but I get it free in the gym, so I think of it as a free rag.)
The very ! GOOD news about not drinking, (and not smoking) is that is is VERY anti ageing. Thank GOD. ..So just ANOTHER reason for you ladies to order sparkling water with a slice of lime instead!

Pauline Rees, 45-year-old mother of five. Ouch!
Atricle is called:One big happy family: Scrounging grandmother's pride at daughters' teenage pregnancies
Jacqueline Simpson, 45. Double ouch.
Article is about: Grandmother of girl mauled to death was 'high on drink and drugs' and opened door to killer pit bull

Let that be a lesson all you newcomer ladies! It ALL helps. Besides cosmetic surgery is SOoo expensive these days..
You will save yourselves a FORTUNE in botox, and everything else..

But yeah sunscreen helps too. And glasses of water. But an alcohol free lifestyle can work WONDERS. And of course there's that inner beauty too, because a peaceful and positive attitude is VERY attractive to others.
Which just makes you look even BETTER!!
Trust me ladies. Its a WIN WIN situation!

Untreated Alcoholism: 'Stinking thinking". The STEPS are the answer. NOT Self Knowledge, or Will Power.

Inside All Saints Margaret Street Church London, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

"Stinking Thinking leads to Drinking"

This is for those of you who are new, and have not yet got a Sponsor, and started working through the Steps, as laid out in the Basic Text of AA. (The Big Book)
I remember I had to hear AA members repeat this SO !! MANY TIMES before I really HEARD it. That's why I'm spelling it out here. !

Lets say you have reached a point after starting coming to meetings where you are just beginning to see that instead of being a 'nice person'. Or a 'victim of circumstance', that actually, you have a little more 'stinking thinking' than you first realized. (!!!)
That actually you are a bit ! selfish.
That actually you have about as much gratitude as a gnats chuff.
That actually people annoy you quite a LOT.
That the general conversation, 'washing machine' thoughts that rumble around in your head, ARENT ACTUALLY THAT !!!! POSITIVE.

Well at this point it is tempting to think, that what AA offers is something 'educational' or 'self aware'. A bit like therapy perhaps. This is not so. Not entirely anyway. Self knowledge plays a PART, but not a very BIG part. The 'meat and potatoes' is in the STEPS. Well that's what I've found anyway.
Right. So regarding those negativities or mental 'defects' that you have started to spot..
"Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power."
p62

"We found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn´t there. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly."
p45

"the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly any exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge. This is a point we wish to emphasize and re-emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience."
p39

And regarding any thoughts about drinking you may be experiencing..
"Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense MUST come from a Higher Power."
p43

"No human power could have relieved our alcoholism." (Doesn't say, "except for Mary, Joan, or Bridget')
p60

So if the problem isn't ''selfishness' (or any other 'stinking thinking" ) as such. What IS the problem?
"Lack of power, that was our dilemma. we had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power?
Well, that´s exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem."
p45

So how exactly am I supposed to " find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem."?
"Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery"
p59
"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps"
p60

So. There's your answer.
The STEPS will restore you to sanity.
Which will enable you to have a mental defence against alcohol. See page 84.

(After step 9) regarding alcohol:
"We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. WE react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid."
p84

And will provide you with the 'needed power" to do many things which until now have been beyond reach. Such as to act in keeping with the " moral and philosophical convictions galore" which you have, but are unable to live up to. Eg selfishness etc.

But to do the steps, you will need a sponsor. The more contented the better, the more peace of mind the better. Find the best available woman in your neighborhood and ask her to take you through the first nine steps. After that its just maintenance.
But most importantly,
"the (drink) problem has been removed. It does not exist for us."
p84

Which is why we all showed up in AA in the first place, lets face it!

So happy hunting! And I hope you find a good un!