'Fit SPIRITUAL condition'. NOT 'fit PSYCHOLOGICAL condition'

"That is how we react so long as we keep in fit SPIRITUAL condition."
(p85, AA Big Book)

What IS 'Fit SPIRITUAL condition'? (p85, AA Big Book)
That's another post.

'Fit SPIRITUAL condition' (p85, AA Big Book) MAY or MAY NOT manifest as 'fit PSYCHOLOGICAL condition'

But many unconsciously read this sentence as MEANING
'fit PSYCHOLOGICAL condition'

Which it is NOT (!!!) saying.
Think about it.
Its SO !! easy to UNCONSCIOUSLY MISINTERPRET what the big book is saying VERY !! directly to us
WITHOUT EVER REALISING IT.

Whatever.
I'm just drawing your attention to this (what I see as) IMPORTANT distinction.
I will !! TRY (!) to explain what 'Fit SPIRITUAL condition' is another post. (Difficult !!!! or what!)

For now, just remember that the big book does NOT suggest we aim to achieve 'fit PSYCHOLOGICAL condition'. Meaning the aim is not to become more PSYCHOLOGICALLY ADVANCED.
Nope.
Not to increase our Psychological knowledge, proficiency or expertise.
Certainly not as a primary goal.
It may (or may not) occur as a fortunate !! BY PRODUCT of having a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps, (p60, AA Big Book) and thereafter keeping in fit SPIRITUAL condition. (p85, AA Big Book)
BUT THAT'S NOT REALLY WHAT THE BIG BOOK IS TELLING US (in no uncertain terms) WHAT WE OUGHT TO BE STRIVING FOR.

Whatever. Just thought I would mention that if you haven't already spotted it.
Basically recovery has VERY LITTLE to do with PSYCHOLOGICAL GOALS, but has a GREAT DEAL to do with SPIRITUAL GOALS.
Which are distinctly different to the former, (in my perception anyhow.)
That's my experience. Make of it what you will. For all I know ? this is glaringly ! obvious to you all already..

Have a great Thursday!

"If you want to hide something from an alcoholic, put it in the Big book"

Only 21 women in every 1000 are get married in the UK. 23 in every 1000 men

A BBC News article caled Marriage rates lowest since 1862

Amazing eh?
That's for you ladies who have concluded there is something 'wrong' with you if you are not married!

I BET you had no idea the figures were so low. I had NO idea.
So basically, you are one of societies 'oddities' if you are
A. Over 16, ..AND
B. Getting married!

So there you go. Just thought I would share that with you. Personally I think marriage should only ever be attempted by the RUTHLESSLY !!! honest, and pretty enlightened folks, as I think the legal structure leaves a great deal to be desired. And the legalities of divorce are ! Horrendous. Mind you, all separations are pretty dodgy after a long period. But there you go, people are voting with their feet and just not 'playing'.
But yeah I reckon it could work if you knew yourself very well and were able to find a way of doing it that worked.

Makes you wonder how all those 'wedding' magazines and shops manage to stay in business..

Gotta go! Have a nice Wednesday!

Service and getting motivated to go to ANY LENGTHS to study for a BETTER JOB. NO excuses!

Service is everything. it goes beyond outward action to the quality of ones heart, presence, and inner stillness.
These 'silent' qualities enrich others very powerfully.

Everything I do, say, think and feel can be service.
Meaning, In any moment, I am either taking, or I am giving.
But yes. sometimes practical help is needed. If I have free time.

Outward actions that help (for me) are prioritized by the potential benefit that can occur by doing them.
The more my acts have the potential to benefit others, the higher the importance of that task.
So attempting to prevent death is first.
Attempting to prevent premature death second.
Attempting to prevent unhappiness that has no impact on the longevity.
If longevity not an issue. then QUALITY of life is important.
So old and dying first. as very little time! 5 yrs?
Terminal illness, that I cannot alter. of any age.
Misery generally.

All these things I address in that order, by offering (in some form or other) how to practice (what I see as) spiritual principles. Although you might not know that I was doing that if you saw me doing it! But that's what I see myself as doing. I sort of 'sneak it in' while Im doing mundane stuff. Like at work. Which is mundane stuff. Sometimes I just 'hang around' (while I am at work) and be an example of an un neurotic person. Just that can really !! freak people out sometimes. Its quite funny really. Stressed people get freaked out by people ho have no drama. Heehee.

Don't get me wrong. Im not saying Im like this all the time. Im not. I get stressed and tense about things. But by and large that is how my priorities are in my head. That's what I mean. There is a structure to what comes first when choosing how to make use of my time at work, and if I have any free time to sponsor when I'm not studying, and doing my own life obligations.

Mostly it is aiming to prevent death due to (what I see) as untreated alcoholism, (which can look on the surface like madness, or pain, or depression) by trying to teach others what was shown freely to me.
Followed by attempting to show other women how to be good sponsors. So they can do the same.
Then the sick, old and dying in my immediate family.
Then the general misery I encounter on a day to day level at work, shopping etc..

Lastly I look to my study for a new job as a way to help others. I see jobs as ego feeding so this can be difficult.
Getting a high paying, 'swishy' job seems a bit bizarre and pointless. but I am trying to make into another way I can help others.
But this is harder for me because it involves money. seeing beyond the money, ego and position this might provide me with if I do it well is difficult. I lack !!! Motivation!
But I am working on it!
Its probably just laziness, and fear experiencing incompetence and failure outside my area of expertise, and looking c*ap while I do it.
The best workers are egoless, but the potential for money and status confuse me and really put me off actually.
My immediate family are outwardly successful but seem desperately unhappy, so that's kind of what puts me off. I sense a deep abiding pain in them when I am ever around them. That's why I don't want to spend much time with them. Perhaps I am just better at sensing their pain than I am in sensing others pain.
Who knows.
Or else they just have a greater debt of energetic baggage to process than others.
But Winston Churchill was a troubled man and I like him. So baggage need not put one off people. Well all that is my judgment of that situation. But I can find unhappy people very !! draining, so I avoid them, unless there is an ! important piece of service work that needs doing.

So service in the form of this new job I am studying for is my new 'project' in expanding my step 12 remit. Even though I LACK motivation to improve upon my position in a largely repetitive and brain dead unchallenging 'comfortable rut' job that I have been doing for FAR TOO LONG. Oh well.
I hope I manage it, because the 'carrot' (on the stick) of money, position, and social status have absolutely no appeal to me. But this could just be BS. My ego just hiding under the duvet.
One never knows. Most of my thinking and perception is utter BS.
Thank GOD, I know that I don't know. And just don't trust what my head tells me.

Basically I need to go to ANY LENGTHS to complete this seemingly limitless pile of coursework for the next nine weeks.
Scary!

Nine weeks of ANY LENGTHS study.
I need to 'import' the same focus and energy that I HAVE when I am talking to a newcomer, and TRANSPOSE it onto my study obligations. Which are huge. Or seem huge anyway.
Whatever. Just another journey out of the comfort zone, so same ol same ol.
!! Why are there no days off? Ever? There is ALWAYS something new. Something that you do SO APPALLINGLY that only the GREATEST effort will pull it out of the bag.
Well compared to the proficiency I can experience with aa stuff, my level of student expertise is very !! underperforming by comparison.
I'm not cr*p, but I AM crap, at just sitting down and GETTING !!!ON WITH IT!!

Discipline. Where is it? I think I am just a bit unmanageable. Too much the hippy. Too much 'whatever'. It is there with some stuff, but it is not here IN FORCE with the study.
Ah well. Another learning curve on the spiritual curriculum of life!

Todays (and for the next 2-3 years) Spiritual curriculum is:

'How to find a sense of urgency when you have NONE'
'How to (very sensibly) improve ones position in the job market when I have NO belief that outward conditions are responsible for my wellbeing. Basically that it will make NO difference'
'How to find a desire to have a reasonably prestigious job (compared to the one I have now which I dare say will not last very long) when you have NONE'
'How to desire a first degree, (or a good second) when you don't feel that bothered about getting one or not'.
'How to want better pay when you have no hunger to earn more."
'How to have faith in the skills you are learning, when it all looks like pointless mental loops that always miss the mark no matter how skilled one becomes, as it is tied to thought, which is in itself very limited'.
'How to WANT to do something WELL, that can be sought out because it appeals to grandiose instincts in people' BLEH. (Unlike my current job which is not even remotely grandiose.)

This Is an exercise in patience and tolerance towards the limits of these activities, more than anything. And laziness.
Just because they are LIMITED, or SEEM limited compared to step 11 stuff, does NOT give me the excuse, to be HALF HEARTED and LACKLUSTRE about them.
I need to give a s**t, basically.
Apathy! Toward what I see as kind of pointless stuff. That isn't really pointless. People who can do this job well DO serve others in MEANINGFUL ways because they help them GET OUT OF THE S**T.
They sort out problems for people. Using intellectual bags of tricks.
So there IS a point.
So I need to learn how to do this WELL.
So that when someone REALLY NEEDS help with this, (which they WILL), that I am S**T HOT at solving it for them using this new skill!!

See? I might just be talking myself into it!
Perhaps if I become very good at it but choose to do lots of free work for disadvantaged types, instead of getting a well paid job, that might work.?
But I LIKE the well paid ones, because they tend to be REALLY NICE people. (well that's what I find) More satisfied, more mentally alert, more functioning humans overall. Difficult tasks are VERY character building, so people in more sought after jobs tend to have better life skills than those at the bottom. They function better in all sorts of ways. So that's why I like difficult things, and I LOVE!!!! Being around people who are BRILLIANT at what they do. Why? because they are going to ANY LENGTHS. And I find that BEAUTIFUL and MESMERISING to behold.
But yeah, when there is money and status involved, then it can also attract those that value those things highly. But it is my OPINION, that the REALLY good ones, go WAY beyond that. They do what they do out of LOVE of the activity, or as a meditative task of doing.

See? This is why I despair sometimes. Because I can so easily be disappointed. I find myself always drawn to the people who are REALLY ! GOOD at what they do. Which makes me think I will only be TRULY satisfied working in that environment if I am around those kinds of people.
But in order to qualify for that I will HAVE to get a FIRST and work REALLY HARD for the next nine weeks, next 3 years?
But if I'm honest, I respect ANYONE who does this stuff, because it is difficult, and therefore character building.

Aha!
Another way to trick my brain into not seeing the money, (and therefore getting put off by the grandiose, status thing) would be to IMAGINE I am a person WHO NEED NEVER WORK AGAIN, but who CHOOSES TO WORK, to BE OF SERVICE.

So work of this kind would be a sort of a climb down, really.
I would be 'lowering' the quality of my life by taking part in it.

I actually know of people who are in this position. Not personally. But they have VERY FULL lives. Kids, you name it. They have NO NEED to work. Not like you and I do anyway. But they CHOOSE to do a REALLY IMPORTANT and REALLY RATHER DIFFICULT and DEMANDING job, involving LOTS of contact with rather ORDINARY, and sometimes YUKKY people, in an UNGRANDIOSE environment, despite having experienced (what I would see as) PRIVILGED LIVES. Long hours. Demanding situations. DIFFICULT to qualify academically for.
Basically, money is NOT what it is about, for them. Nor position. Or status. Just service. Even though they are paid very well for doing what they do.

So?
See?
What's my excuse? I DON'T HAVE ONE.
See I ADMIRE people like that. So why can't I do the same?
There are LOADS of STINKY charity things I could do with my expertise if I wanted to. But ultimately ALL work is service. Whether it is performed in a grandiose environment or not.
I am just attached to being employed in a very UN grandiose environment, where ego is considered to be DEEPLY UNFASHIONABLE. (which it is really)
But I do not really fit in there.
My mind is languishing in that environment.
My only way of amusing myself while I perform repetitive tasks is to look for opportunities to be of service to others and have a laugh while I go about my work.
And even though it is not grandiose, ego IS there. Just in a different form. It does not take the form of intellectual superiority, or grandiosity, but in the form of some competitive male posturing, and trying to appear 'interesting' or funny, as opposed to dull.
Plus it is a job that cannot sustain profit with increasing overseas competition. So it will die a death at some point in the next ? 5 years. Probably. Or else be replaced with a MUCH ! lower paid version. Well probably. Like HALF what I earn now or something. Or NO job at all because it is all being done overseas. Gawd knows. It does not look promising.

So I should be making hay while the sun shines!
Basically.

See?
I need to APPRECIATE the LONG TERM VALUE of what I am learning AND THE MEANINGFUL OPPORTUNITIES TO BE OF SERVICE THAT IT CAN! AND WILL! PROVIDE.

Despite SOMETIMES being performed in an atmosphere of grandiosity, or intellectual superiority.
IF !!!! I am motivated to study hard enough to qualify, that is!!!

No excuses!
(Like in the film The Pursuit of Happyness)
I NEED what Will Smith HAD in that film!!!

Exactly!
Improving oneself and ones life is IMPORTANT. Whether I like it or not.
Because I dare say I will always be employed in some form or other, so it is in my interests to have other skills under my belt.
So!!
Anyway just thought I would share that with you as that is the stuff I am resolving in my head these days, and thinking it out loud so to speak helps me organize my thoughts.

Right. Whatever. Better get on with it instead of doing this!!!
Jeez. I KNEW that would take FOREVER to explain!
Right. off now!
See you in ? nine weeks ? Hahahaa

Karma 'Speeds up': Things coming to a head. Things coming to FRUITION.

Ancient Statue of a Bodhisattva in Room 33 of the British Museum, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

Things coming to FRUITION.
Ripening to their inevitable outcome FASTER.

One of the things I tell people who start doing (what I consider to be GOOD) Step 11 practice. With powerful energetic Teachers. (As not all have very strong energy.)

(By the way you can empower yourself by practicing 'constant thought of others, maximum helpfulness' but that's another story.)

Here is a passage from Step 12 section of a guy from my homegroup about how we were 'taught' Step 12.
"AA Service
RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING in AA, we should start trying to adopt AN ATTITUDE OF SERVICE and a what-can-I-contribute approach IN ALL AREAS OF OUR LIVES However, for the alcoholic, it is VITAL that this should include PARTICULARLY (!!) passing on the message of AA’s programme of recovery on to suffering alcoholics.
This can take a variety of forms, direct or indirect, and can be aimed at both alcoholics who are already in AA in the AA group; and those who are outside AA and yet to stop through the Intergroup and General Service structures and even just as we go about our daily lives. The chapter Working With Others in the Big Book is the primary source for guidance here. The Twelve Traditions are invaluable to us in our consideration of how best to carry the message."
This is from the website called miseryisoptional.info

Anyway I digress. As !!! Usual.
Ok .
If you have been 'zapped' by a GOOD step 11
OR
If you have been 'zapped' by EFFECTIVELY helping newcomers.

THEN
You effectively have generated a TON of extra 'energy'.
This has the effect of 'cooking' you FASTER.

So,
The water reaches the boil FASTER than it would ordinarily.
Mind states change more frequently.
Insight occurs more often.
The penny drops more often.
The veil is lifted more often.
Our emotions evolve more often.
The 'furniture in our head' is rearranged more often.

Basically EVERYTHING SPEEDS UP.
NOTHING stays the same!
Its a bit of a rollercoaster ride to be honest. Hold onto your hats!

The furniture thing. Let me explain.
Ok.
Its like you went to bed with all the furniture in the usual place.
Then you got up in the middle of the night to have a pee.
And none of he furniture is in the same place it was yesterday. And you keep bumping into things.
Some stuff is new and you're not sure where you got it.
Other stuff you can't find.
Other stuff you don't even notice was missing till years later.

Well that's what its like IN YOUR HEAD AND YOUR EMOTIONS when you are on a FUNCTIONING Spiritual path.
Well that's what I think anyway. No offence if you know what I mean.

Right I'll get to the point if it kills me!
Reality is in a constant state of flux and IMPERMANENCE is the Hallmark of reality.,
Everything is whirling around at the speed of light. Changing in a nano second.
Reality is very PLASTIC. Hinges on a thought, Hangs on one tiny action.
Its very fragile. Like a butterflies wing. And can change at a moments notice.

"And I'm a million different people from one day to the next"
The Verve. Bittersweet Symphony

Very true. Richard Ashcroft was more accurate than he realized.
Anyway.
Scary huh?
Most of us don't see this very much, because we are too busy hiding in our comfort zones and HABITUAL thinking.
Auto pilot basically. To give us the ILLUSION of stability. Heheh. No such thing!
Reality is MUCH more scary than that. MUCH more delicate and precarious. MUCH more random. Being honest with oneself of the true nature of things is not a 'comfort'. The comfort comes from ACCEPTING that this is how it is. Just making peace with it.Getting used to the sand shifting under your feet constantly.

Anyway! Before I go on for !!!!! Ever!
My POINT IS
Increasing your ? energetic condition, by either (properly) helping others, or doing (a good) step 11 moves you CLOSER to this reality.
Its like you moved closer to the 'fire' and you can feel the 'heat' more.
Things start moving around quicker.
Synchronicity kicks in.
Things just happen at the right time.
The right people show up.
You hear what you need to hear.
You get what you need. Even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

But IN ADDITION to that.
Things that 'aren't quite right'.
Guess what happens to them?
Yep!
Like I said before.
First you get a pebble.
Then you get a Brick.
Then you get a BOULDER!

Well when you are 'tuned in' and the spiritual path is 'working'
The Boulder comes FASTER
Sometimes MUCH FASTER

Its the law of consequences. Or Karma.
Karma is just another word for the 'fruition' of ones actions.

If I eat a cake every day. Eventually I will get fat. That's a KARMIC CONSEQUENCE of that action.
So don't think I'm being vague here. I'm not. I just like using the word karma to describe this thing. Its the same as consequence.

Why does the boulder come faster?
Well its like God decided to put you in th 'A' Stream instead of the usual 'D' stream.
See. You are no longer a Spiritual 'Nancy', so God figures he can 'up the stakes' with you a bit.
So its cool really. Means you have 'upped' a grade. Well that's how I see it.

By the way, this is NOT to be confused with people who experience CRISIS after CRISIS because their lives are hopelessly unmanageable. This has an ENTIRELY different quality to it.
This will ONLY happen to people who are SINCERELY trying to help others OR doing a GOOD step 11.
Meaning, if you are just some sort of a git, and make crummy choices, then yeah, the s*it WILL hit the fan. But that's not the same thing.
This has MUCH more of a flavor of SYNCHRONICITY about it.
So no. If you are not sincere, or your motives are ego feeding rather than to be of service, then its a different ball of wax.

I don't have time to give examples.
Heres one.
Sometimes the karmic consequence occurs SECONDS after the thought occurs.
I used to ALWAYS ALWAYS pay my travel fares.
One day for some ? Reason I forgot to buy more bus tickets.
THE MOMENT I realized I didn't have a travel pass that included the current day. (It had expired)
THE THOUGHT OCCURRED TO ME that I could just stay in the bus and not buy a new ticket before I got off.
The bus journey was 5 minutes tops.
I was tempted to not pay.
THE MOMENT I thought. Yeah why not. I'm only going to be on the bus for a few more minutes. Its too much hassle to get off the bus and get a new one. Ill be late for work anyway if I do. What the hell, I'll get a new pass when I get off later in the day.
DISHONEST.

GUESS WHAT HAPPENED
About 1 minute AFTER HAVING THAT THOUGHT
A ticket inspector got on. And started checking tickets.
As the bus was waiting to go off. I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO GET OFF THE BUS and buy a new one or else stay on and get a 10 pound fine. Or whatever it is that these guys do. Gawd knows.
Ok. To put this in context.
I went to that job for nearly ? 5 years.
Every day I got the bus 2-3 stops on the way there. 5 days a week.
Guess how often I saw a ticket inspector on the Bus during those 5 years?
ONCE.
Guess how often I THOUGHT about not paying my fare over those 5 years?
ONCE.
How much Step 11 was I doing then?
LOADS. With really cool people.

So there you go. Too long as usual! No change there!
I will have to do some more examples on another post.

DO YOU SEE WHY I BELIEVE WHAT WE THINK IS SO !! IMPORTANT?
There are plenty other examples. But I quite like that one. It was REALLY fast.
The boomerang came back WITHIN SECONDS.
So yeah. You have to stay on your toes if you plan on 'growing along spiritual lines'
Well that's what I think anyway.

Basically its all about MOTIVE.
So make yours 'For the benefit of all sentient beings' which is just another way of saying 'Maximum helpfulness'. Or "The greatest good for the greatest number'.
Its the BEST motive money can buy. If you ask me.

Anyway. Have a GREAT Thursday.
Sorry if that sounds a bit freaky or odd. Its just the mood I am in today. Whatever.
Please IGNORE it if it does your head in. Or ? it doesn't agree with you for some other reason.
See y'all!

Inspirational speech by Steve Jobs: Don't let the NOISE of OTHER'S OPINIONS drown out your OWN inner voice

"Your time is LIMITED.
So DON'T WASTE IT living SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE.
Don't be trapped by DOGMA.
which is living with the results of OTHER PEOPLE'S THINKING.

Don't let the NOISE of OTHER'S OPINIONS DROWN OUT your OWN INNER VOICE.

And MOST important,
Have the courage to FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND YOUR INTUITION.

They somehow ALREADY KNOW what you TRULY WANT to BECOME.

EVERYTHING else is secondary."

~Steve Jobs: From the speech he gives to College Graduates on You Tube.

"What you don’t have. You don’t need it now
What you don’t know, you can feel it somehow"
~U2 Beautiful Day.

I love this speech. Its great for those of you that are struggling with career issues, but its also just great for a bunch of other reasons. I LOVE what he says about intuition, and trying to not be BULLIED into conforming to other peoples viewpoints. Or redundant social norms.
Having said that, this applies AFTER step 9 as opposed to before really. But to some extent, you NEED to be able to use your intuition a BIT beforehand. If something smells a bit 'suss', then it may very well be just that.

"Common sense would thus become uncommon sense."
Chapter 1. Bill's Story p13

"We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense."
Chapter 6. Into Action p85

"We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while."
Chapter 6. Into Action p86

"We will intuitively know how to handle situations
which used to baffle us."
Chapter 6. Into Action p83

"I was to test my thinking
by the new God-consciousness within."
Chapter 1. Bill's Story page p13

"We ask God to direct our thinking."
Chapter 6. Into Action p86

"Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane"
Chapter 6. Into Action p86

"We ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought."
Chapter 6. Into Action p86

"We have entered the world of the Spirit."
Chapter 6. Into Action p84

Learning to trust the quiet inner voice: Christina Aguilera. The Voice Within

I'm sure this might not be to everyone's !! taste, but I think this song has a great message. Just thought I'd mention it here in case you don' know it already

Perhaps its the bit about being your own best friend. Not sure. But like that it suggests relying on ones own resources when the 'outside' seems confusing. I think we understand ourselves better than ANYONE else. So I think this is a very valuable and underused resource. I don't know about you, but I can FAR TOO EASILY defer to 'outside agencies', most often people, for 'external validation'. As they call it.
For me it goes against the grain to trust my perceptions. So that's why I like this kind of stuff.
Have a great Tuesday!

Don't flinch when a Demon shows up. Be a kind host, and their stay will be easier to endure.

Dragon on the Temple Bar Memorial 1880, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

I think I can be a good 'flat mate' when a demon shows up unexpectedly for a visit. The more I try to make them leave, the longer they stay. So I am the consummate host! I am very peaceful about them visiting. No matter how dark and shadowy they are. Even if they STINK! I just watch them go about the place. Sit themselves down. Help themselves to stuff in the fridge. Change the channel on the telly. I just say nothing, watch them. TRY to be nice to them and find out what is bothering them. What they want. Often it is just recognition, or attention. Somehow, in the process of looking at them, they become less shadowy. Less 'mad'. After a while they seem quite logical in many ways. A very obvious reaction to a painful episode. It can often seem quite heartbreaking to see their twisted souls, longings, conflicts, and muddy-ness. Such a mess! But, I am able to stay with them with compassion. Not judge them. And really LISTEN to them. Then this ?'stuff' just moves through me, and it is no longer a 'hot potato'. Its vanished. Back into the ether. There are many pretty ugly unlovable parts of the mind, but you can't flinch from them. Any more than it would be ok to flinch from a stinking, belligerent newcomer man. They ALL deserve our help and our attention. We cannot 'dismiss' them because they are ugly or frightening. They ALL belong to us, so it is up to US, (not anybody else) to be a 'good parent' to them. Show them love and compassion really.
But yeah, it takes a bit of practice, and its probably better to try to do after a while in the programme, rather than when you are feeling very ? Unsafe or afraid of drinking. But don't you see? This is why helping newcomers is so cool! It teaches us compassion towards these quite powerful, damaged and unruly parts of ourselves.

I pretty much aim to let go of Sponsees after step 9

I pretty much aim to let go of Sponsees after step 9, so I never let them 'build up'. Meaning I would never have more than 5 or 6 doing the steps at any one time. Plus I try to do ALL 1-9 in 9 months if poss. So I'm always recycling Sponsees. I don't 'keep' them for long. But that's a very personal approach. I could never do that thing where you have 50 Sponsees or something. Jeez. What a nightmare! I don't mind the occasional query from someone who has done the first nine steps, but I don't want to 'baby-sit' them through various life decisions on some kind of permanent basis, if I can help it.

Basically you have to be VERY organized to be a sponsor, otherwise you end up HATING it and resenting the demands on your time.

Soft or Hard? Open or Closed?: The beauty and bravery of vulnerability

Doctor a posted this on his blog called Relationships in Recovery
and I just LOVED it:

"This means allowing ourselves to become more vulnerable, more exposed"
Balance comes when we learn to accept being off balance, not when we hold ourselves aloof."

I LOVE both those statements because they 'champion' 'the beauty and bravery of vulnerability. I have made big inroads into this faculty in the last 2-3 years. I must say I like it. Its a bit of a weird new balancing act, but its do-able. .
I'm not sure what I 'do' as such to make it happen. Its just something I 'feel' more and more as time goes on. A 'softening' if you like.
Maybe its because I am a woman and I know how easy it would be for me to be a Queen Bitch, I dunno. But I HATE the 'aloof' thing in women. YIK!!

So what I don't like is:
Not 'gentle'
Hard faced
Queen bitch
Aloof
'held in'
Controlled
Just 'so'
'Closed'
'Spikey'
Tough
Opinionated
Forceful
Conviction
'Perky': A slightly ? 'lively' amount of energy
Derogatory observations of others
Appears as an ''authority'. Meaning 'someone who KNOWS the answers.
Arrogant.
Complacent
Confident
Spiritual Pride.

What I DO like is:
Gentle
'Open'
Soft
Not 'spikey'
No 'toughness'
Everything is open to question. Open-minded.
Appears NOT as an 'authority', Meaning does not look like they know ALL the answers. Looks as though there might be MANY answers, and that the 'right' choice is FAR from obvious.
Humility.

Bleh! I have seen this trait can develop with SOME women over a long time sober. Lets see..?.. 11 years or so and after. It happens SOMETIMES if they have a VERY structured and effective programme. The less effective ones are never afforded the luxury this kind of ? Superiority. (As far as I know) It is something you 'feel' rather than what they say.
The only reason I mention this is because I have found the success rate with the method I was shown is VERY high, and if you are not careful, that 'success' can go to your head and make you VERY complacent and basically give you a COMPLETELY FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY. I've seen it happen quite a few times with former members of my old home group. Its an easy trap to fall into. The more successful you are, the more likely you are to suffer from arrogance.

Mind you, I don't want to be completely accessible, as I would be overwhelmed by other peoples problems. I need SOME boundaries!

Yeah and don't get me wrong, that DOESN"T mean that I think people are doing GREAT if they are weeping all the time either!! Or falling apart at the seams. I'm just saying this in relation to the people that become just a LITTLE TOO GOOD sometimes at being 'well'.
The way I see it, is you spend the first 8 years or so learning how NOT to be a miserable B*****d. Then you spend the NEXT 8 years learning how to be UTTERLY OPEN TO EVERY SHADE OF EMOTION, WITHOUT JUDGEMENT OR 'INDULGENCE'.
It can seem sometimes like you are going 'backwards'. But its not the same as the uncontrolled emotional chaos that you experienced before you came to AA. Hmm lets see. One could call it a 'Controlled explosion'. Yeah I know. Perhaps not the best choice of word, but I can't think of another one.

Actually here's a phrase which probably explains it better
Going to Pieces without Falling Apart by Mark Epstein (Book)
You know I bought this book and it was a bit of a disappointment, but I LOVE the title. Perhaps if I read it now I would like it. Who knows. I think I like reading monks and nuns best. The only prior monk I like reading is Jack Kornfield.

Whatever. Its like 'Stage 2' of emotional growth,, is learning the VERY FINE balancing act of 'Neither repression or Indulgence'.
But Stage 1, is just like learning how not to HATE people. Including yourself. How not to be a MISERABLE COW and all that. Basic stuff about how to be positive instead of HORRIBLY NEGATIVE.

Whatever. That's just what I think.
Yeah Stage 1 and Stage 2. That's what I should call it from now on..
Stage 1: Steps 1-9. How to not be a Miserable COW.
Stage 2: Step 11. Learning how to "Go to Pieces without Falling Apart". The FINE art of 'Neither Repression nor Indulgence"

Cool! Sorry for thinking out loud there. Hope that makes some sense to you!
Have a GREAT Thursday!

A (better than I expected) Wikipedia page that attempts to explain Projection

This wikipedia page on Projection is pretty good.

Here are some bits I liked but I'll TRY !! and explain it in my own word in another post.

Projection (or projection bias) is a defense mechanism in which one attributes to others one’s own unacceptable or unwanted thoughts or/and emotions. Projection reduces anxiety by allowing the expression of the unwanted subconscious impulses/desires without letting the ego recognize them.

Peter Gay describes it as "the operation of expelling feelings or wishes the individual finds wholly unacceptable—too shameful, too obscene, too dangerous—by attributing them to another."[1]

The concept was anticipated by Friedrich Nietzsche:
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."

Projection is the opposite defence mechanism to identification. We project our own unpleasant feelings onto someone else and blame them for having thoughts that we really have."

A defense mechanism in which the individual attributes to other people impulses and traits that he himself has but cannot accept. It is especially likely to occur when the person lacks insight into his own impulses and traits."

Attributing one's own undesirable traits to other people or agencies."

The individual perceives in others the motive he denies having himself.

Thus the cheat is sure that everyone else is dishonest."

People attribute their own undesirable traits onto others.

An individual who possesses malicious characteristics, but who is unwilling to perceive himself as an antagonist, convinces himself that his opponent feels and would act the same way."

A (better than I expected) Wikipedia page that attempts to explain the Shadow

This wikipedia page on the shadow is pretty good. Not great, but its a start.

Here's a bit of what it says:
"It may be (in part) one's link to animal life, which is superseded during early childhood by the conscious mind; afterwards it comes to contain thoughts that are repressed by the conscious mind. According to Jung, the shadow is instinctive and irrational, but is not necessarily evil even when it might appear to be so. It can be both ruthless in conflict and empathetic in friendship. It is important as a source of hunches, for understanding of one's own more inexplicable actions and attitudes (and of others' reactions), and for learning how to accept and integrate the more problematic or troubling aspects of one's personality. (For example, see The Emperor's New Clothes."

The shadow also includes a bit of Psychological projection, but I'll do that in another post.

Get with the Shadow or you'll end up a bit too 'tightly wrapped' or ? Oblivious/Careless

In my opinion anyway.
Here's my ! Attempt to explain a thing I REALLY like. I gave up after a while, because it's VERY difficult to explain, but its better than nothing. Its a start.

Here's a bit by Robert Bly about how ?'processing' ones shadow affects ones 'authority'. Or perceived authority. I like this description as it communicates what I 'see' in others. Its a 'thing' I REALLY like to be around in other people.My favorite people have this quality. Anyway I just thought I would TRY !! To explain a bit about it. Not easy!

p54 A little book on the shadow', by Robert Bly.
"If a teacher has worked with his own shadow, she says that students, no matter how young they are, sense it, and discipline in that room will not be difficult, because the students know that the teacher has his crow with him. Other teachers, she says, who have not worked with their shadow, can talk about discipline all day and never get it. I like the idea that the work a person does on his or her shadow results in a condensation, a thickening or a denseing, of the psyche which is immediately apparent, and which results in a feeling of natural authority without the authority being demanded."

I must admit Sydney Poitier springs to mind in the film Dear Sir! But is not the best example. But it give you a clue as to what I think this passage refers to. Monks are 'dense' if that helps. Well the ones I like are anyway.

As far as the shadow goes, 'nice' is no good. There is no ? 'honesty' in 'nice'. A fuller appreciation of the 'depth and weight' of the human psyche, means 'nice' just does not 'fit'. Something a little more dense is requiired. Not wild and abandoned, just ? 'dense'. Dense is more honest. In my opinion. And I like being around dense people. The term I use for when people are NOT like this, is 'Sunny side up'. I actually find it pretty difficult to tolerate the company of people like that for very long. Its almost painful or something. Yeah, so there are some terms I use to describe it:

'Nice'
'Sunny side up'
'Tightly wrapped'
'Chipper'
? 'Optimistic' - a more obviously STRAINED form of positive thinking.
There is always something a bit STRAINED about this ? manner. Whatever. I hope you understand what I mean, because I find this pretty hard to describe.
They do not look 'stable'. Not to me anyway.
It always looks like quite a lot of energy is required to maintain that ? Demeanor.
There is an energy of 'enforcement' about them.

This type of person I find DRAINING. Which is a shame, because there are a LOT of people that are like this.

The people I like are:
? 'Dense' (Meaning the way Robert Bly uses the word dense in the passage I mentioned earlier)
No evidence of 'strain'. More like 'loose garment' types.
No evidence of 'sunny side up'
No fear of the dark side of humanity.
Acceptance of the dark side. Peace.
Ability to have fun and enjoy the good things life has to offer.
It look as if there Is more of a 'steady cruise' of energy
There is an energy of 'containment' about them. No 'strained' energy.
They look 'safe'. 'stable'.

Some people are kindof relaxed, but a bit oblivious. People who have integrated their shadow, look ? Powerful and 'knowing'. They have a very ? Silent authority. An unspoken authority. It is felt, more than anything. It doesn't come from being impressed by words.
It is not ? TOO relaxed. Its is NOT casual. It is precise and considered, but not precious. Its like ballet really.
Also it is not ? 'grubby'. I see a lot of acceptance of very negative behavior in meetings. That is NOT an example of shadow work. Instead it is reckless acceptance of damaging and negative thought forms.

Jeez. I KNEW this would be hard to explain. Whatever. Theres an attempt. I see this as pretty important developmental work in ANY spiritual path, so that's why I mention it.
Hey did I tell you I don't do therapy? Just thought I'd chuck that one in, just to mess with your heads! Hahaa. Right I'm off. Have a great Thursday!

Each to their own but I wouldn't want to go out with a male version of myself

I have no idea how al anons put up with alcoholics. I would NOT want to go out with a male version of me! I prefer non alcoholics!
Alcoholics are pretty resentful people. HIGHLY reactive! Defensive, persecution complex, inferior, arrogant, un-teachable!!! You name it!
THAT'S why I don't know how non alcoholics put up with them. They must have more patience or something. Or be very attached. I dunno.

Don't believe what the alcoholic projects onto you. They do not see 'you'. They see only their very personal neuroses, projected onto you. Which is a shame. But never mind. Alcoholics are very sick people you know. And its a very serious mental illness. Even the ones who take their recovery VERY seriously, have to occasionally work against OVERWHELMING irrational moods when the appropriate trigger randomly appears!

I am always AMAZED at how patient al anons are. I just don't have those levels of patience and tolerance. There's fault on both sides of course as there always is. But by an large I just think you need the patience of a saint to be involved with an alky. But what do I know? I've only been able to see It from this side of the fence.. I always seem to end up with non alcoholics so that's all I know really..

A 'Softer' style of recovery in Al Anon

I think Al Anon offers a completely different 'flavor' of recovery. A 'softer' version. and I mean that in a GOOD way. soft as in the opposite of a 'hard heart'. I needed to get to AA to survive. but now my survival is no longer the issue, I can enjoy what al anon offers. when I get round to going! Meaning I'm not very good at showing up!
They are the complete opposite of control freaks. its very refreshing! Well the ones I met were..

To be honest, I don't know enough about al anon to be able to identify what it is I like about it. Its like when you admire a great work of art but you have no real understanding of WHY you like the painting. You just do. There is something very good about al anon, but I have no idea what it is exactly! I'd have to go to more to understand it better!

For me, I see AA as basic training. Survival kit. Al anon is for TRYING to 'smooth off the edges' after the survival aspect is done with. AA is like boot camp. Al anon is a place to learn how to drop the 'survival' act, and learn to yield to life more. It's 'soft' or something. Very female compared to the 'blokey' atmosphere in AA.
I reckon they both have their place. AA is like Yang energy, and al anon is like Yin energy.

The road gets narrower: Choosing emotionally stable friends in later sobriety

The downside of insight and awareness leading to peace of mind is that we become much more attuned to the negativity of others. the mask is lifted so to speak. some people describe it as 'the road gets narrower'. All I know is that it becomes progressively more uncomfortable to be in close proximity to emotional intensity, as I become less and less ? disturbed, for want of a better word. I pretty much have very little alternative but to choose only reasonably serene company. it can seem a bit limiting sometimes, but I don't mind. Of course I make time for people if I think I can be of service in some way, but I limit the time I spend on that too. I couldn't do it all the time. It means I have a very reduced pool of potential friendships to choose from. There are a lot of frustrated and driven people out there. A lot are simply on auto pilot or just keyed up a lot of the time. Generally I try to gravitate as much as poss to the most ? well adjusted in any social group, and I try to spot the slightly crazy ones and give them a wide berth from the off. Much easier!

I do not need to 'be reminded' of the effects of alcoholism in order to want sobriety

"We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, THE PROBLEM HAS BEEN REMOVED. IT DOES NOT EXIST FOR US. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in FIT SPIRITUAL CONDITION."
p85 Big book.

When people in AA meetings nod sagely when a relapser (upon returning to meetings), 'meaningfully' reports how much worse it got whilst they were out, I wonder to myself, "Jeez, when was the last time these people bothered to speak to a newcomer???' ..they should know this stuff like the back of their hand!! They shouldn't need a relapser to come to meetings to 'report back'. (!!)

I suppose I am forced !! to observe the consequences of active alcoholism when I help people through the steps and help newcomers, so I am made aware of stuff like this whether I like it or not. Just never find myself 'forgetting it', or 'needing to be reminded' like I often hear people say in meetings.

I often hear this bandied about in meetings, as a popular idea about an important aid to stay sober. Along the lines of 'this is why I come to meetings," or "I needed to be reminded of how awful drinking is'. Or 'that helped me stay sober'. To me this way of staying sober bears little resemblance to the protection from relapse described on page 84 and 85 of the big book, so it has no relevance to my own sobriety, or my Sponsees, or my old home group for that matter. Basically I do not relate to it at all.

Its like that thing 'who ever heard of a hay fever sufferer with a compulsion to sniff flowers?' to me anyway, what these people are describing is a very weak mental defence, if it needs to be reinforced in this way. It means they clearly do not already feel " as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected." (p85)

Whatever. Its NONE OF MY BUSINESS how others conduct their own recovery, but that does irritate me somewhat. Its a grave misunderstanding of what AA proposes as a way of obtaining a mental defence. Its a LONG way from the 'fit spiritual condition' described in page 85. To my mind anyway.

Yes I KNOW this is a 'popular belief' in AA but I'm aware of that, and that's the main reason I'm drawing attention to (what I see) as inconsistencies between the reasoning inherent in those statements and the mental defence as described in the basic text. Also it bears little resemblance to my experience, but then, so does EVERYTHING I post as one of my polices is that what I share here is based on various 'case histories', including my own.

We are never 'cooked'. There is no 'let up' as such.

"It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do"
p85 Big Book

If anything, MORE is required of us as our capability increases. Having said that, yes it feels a damm site easier than the first year, but I think we just can't 'get away' with negativity and the defence of 'I didn't know any better' as time goes on. Well it gets harder to underperform. The excuses run out!

I think this thing of 'wanting all the hard work to end' is like the part of us that wanted to blot things out with alcohol and ? drugs, TV whatever. we love the ? work to be over, but life's just not that simple. It really helped me in step 11 to meet really !! awesome people and to find out just how HARD they were working. Every day. made me feel like a bit of a Nancy. I used to think that you could sort of do a phd in spirituality and the tough lessons would be over. well now that I know how !! hard the seriously ! cool people are working. well i find it very humbling. i have NO excuse to take a day 'off'. each to their own. some would say that level of vigilance is not necessary. but i am motivated to TRY to emulate the approach of the people that inspire me, so that's why i prefer to be a little fussy. I just 'want what they have'. that's it really. and not ONE of them is a slouch. so I'm stuck with that approach.
I think it would be very easy to declare oneself 'cooked' and put your feet up for a while, and to be honest I like the less demanding plateaus when they show up, but I think the more work you do, the more is revealed, the more the ego is punctured. I used to think that was a bad thing, but when I met some !! Amazing people in step 11 who made it look consummately beautiful and do-able, I was sold. I don't mind it now really. Now I just don't identify with people who talk or act like they have figured 'it' out. It looks really unattractive and arrogant, and mentally lazy, now that I think of it. Staying 'in the oven' for the rest of ones life CAN be carried off in a VERY elegant manner. It IS possible. Its hard work. But its worth it. It is right to want to safeguard what you have 'built' so far. I think its very healthy to value and appreciate the benefits of recovery when they show up. I don't think its neurotic to fear losing those things. I'm sure you have experienced the ? Inexplicable pull toward negativity when we let up on something, stop making an effort, or indulge some petty small minded bitter aspect of our nature. It all goes to crap!! I know how quickly my thinking or bad mood can screw things up, so I am 'one bitten, twice shy'. I am just not willing to risk screwing it up so much. Yeah I still make stupid mistakes, but I try very hard to keep my head space pretty positive. Bah! I should be in the gym.. Have a great Wednesday!

Abusive Background?: Your TOUGHEST lesson in sobriety is VULNERABILITY

Its tricky learning how to endure the overwhelming scariness of being vulnerable if you come from an abusive background. There is a tendency to either over indulge or repress, as well which doesn't help. All these thing require a very skillful, mindful, balancing act interiorly. Its quite subtle. Plus nigh on impossible if you cannot tolerate overwhelming emotional states without needing to drink to deal with it. so I suppose the heavier stuff, works best after step 9. Well that's what I've found anyway.

If you come from a physically abusive, sexually abusive, indifferent or cruel emotionally abused background, my guess would be that the TOUGHEST thing you will EVER learn in sobriety will be letting your guard down and allowing yourself to be utterly vulnerable. Trust basically.

No front. No defence. No second guessing.
Not everyone is the same, but I think that will be your greatest and toughest lesson. My experience is that the miraculous power in trying to live along spiritual lines by doing the steps can create enough healing to make that possible.

By the way, some people have a ‘front’ but do not make it obvious in their outward manner. These are the types with GOOD social skills, who nonetheless, never REALLY drop their reserve. These are just the ‘controlled’ types. Again this need to ‘be a certain way’ is a little inflexible and fear based and can be reduced with a good step 11 practice after step 9.
For these people the lesson is ‘not being in control’. Not having all the answers. But don’t worry. Basically if you bash away at the programme long enough, you Do get to be more like the ‘wearing life like a loose garment’ type. You DO get there in the end!

For those in search of a surrogate parent, or ‘someone to take care of them’ I recommend step 11. It ! Should leave you feeling connected to an ever present feeling of love, no matter what is happening. I refer to this in a previous post called a ‘‘dual mind space’.

Basically ‘god’ is the new ‘mother’, or parent you never had. The new benchmark for trust, security and wellbeing. Perhaps the first TRUE constant you have ever experienced. Its very cool. And step 11 brings you right into the bosom of your higher power. Steps one to nine, ‘set the stage’ for the step 11 magic to happen.

Personally I prefer ‘spiritual’ ? Esoteric ? Remedies for these things rather that (what I see as) the very limited scope of man made intellectual awareness that is available in 20th century mental health. Too limited! I want something MUCH more advanced than that. Ancient wisdom from the great masters. So that’s why I do not promote therapy with my Sponsees regardless of their histories. I understand that is not a currently popular view, but when I say this stuff, I say it to explain what I do. Not to try to control others or ‘make’ you do what I do. I have MUCH better things to do with my very limited reserves of energy than try to herd cats! No Siree! MY life is centre stage. I have NO power over others so that is not my concern. So what I mean is ‘do as you please’. I do not ‘need’ people to agree with me in order to feel ? Validated.
By the way, if these things didn’t work I would never subscribe to them. My experience and observations is that these things DO work. (Just in case you think I am a deranged idiot!)

Anyway! Regarding the abuse personality type, it’s worth noting that alongside this ‘invincibility’ (which is just another way of saying they NEVER let their guard down, or ‘show their face’ that this heavily defended approach is often coupled with a ‘god shaped hole’ of YEARNING to be take care of. This is because people with these backgrounds seem to spend the rest of their lives looking for surrogate parents. In the form of a partner often. Women with this tendency can often have a terrible emotional desperateness about ‘wanting ? Something’ from a relationship that it can never really provide.
They are looking in all the wrong places so to speak. Looking to fill the god shaped hole in relationships. Looking to satisfy the "Hungry Ghost". Relationships were never designed to meet the needs of a desire for a surrogate parent.

In addition. These types can be the ‘We don’t make friends we take hostages’ type. Meaning there is a clinging also. A sort of ‘hanging on to the apron strings’.
I find that people with these types of background have the most difficulty with abandonment issues and ‘letting go’ when I complete the first nine steps with them. They kind of want ‘more’.

‘More’ is just another word for the "Hungry Ghost"., and I direct people to a GOOD step 11 practice who are suffering from this condition. Step 11 is a VERY effective tool for addressing this spiritual condition. The hunger is finally satisfied! Wow. That’s how powerful a GOOD step 11 practice is. It reaches places in the soul that neither you or I will ever know exists. Its very powerful. Make sure you have a good teacher!

By the way, vulnerability does NOT mean being a 24 hr pool of weeping ? ..whatever. It means not being afraid of being exposed, of being (temporarily) a blobby mess. Not being afraid of being 'seen'. It is not a blank check for catharsis, or anything else. It means TRUE honesty. TRUE intimacy. No holding back. No trying to be 'clever'. Its an unflattering exposure of self. There is no ego. But more importantly, its a decision to NOT BE SUSPICIOUS or defended.
It can mean many things. Bu that's more what I mean in this case. So basically, I am not advocating limitless weeping as a hallmark of vulnerability. It is MUCH more than that.

The dark side of humanity: We ALL have a latent aspect of the Shadow

In trying to come to terms with violence and terrible deeds of one sort or another, I have been helped by reading stuff about the shadow. (Robert Bly is very good)
I believe we all have the capacity to discover ! terrible things about ourselves depending on what we focus on.
(as in)
You MOVE TOWARDS, and BECOME LIKE, THAT WHICH YOU THINK ABOUT, whether it is good for you, or bad for you

So, if I were in military combat. for instance and was required to kill others to survive, I think I would get to see some VERY ! dark places in my mind. We all have a shadow nature, but we don't get to see it very well if we choose to live a wholesome life.

I believe violent people are very caught up in that aspect of their condition, due to habitually negative behaviors, and do these things in an act of desperation to relieve the suffering that is building up inside them. I believe it is simply overwhelming for them and they blindly follow the tendency because they can see no other way of finding satisfaction. they are very sick people, and they create huge amount of suffering upon themselves for many lifetimes for performing such an act. its very sad.

They may put an end to their body, but they do not put an end to their suffering or their newly acquired karmic debt. Well that's how I see it anyway.

Also my non-dual view of the world and everyone on it, means I do not see myself as separate from anyone including people who kill and maim. But that's another post!
Like Thich Nhat Hanh says in the poem 'Call Me By My True Names':

I am the twelve-year-old girl, refugee on a small boat, who throws herself into the ocean after being raped by a sea pirate. And I am the pirate, my heart not yet capable of seeing and loving.

On that rather ! Unexplained point, I'm off! Anyway have a great Tuesday!

I am LOVING Ajahn Munindo's online talks right now

(And people like Ken Wilber.) It feels like what I need to hear right now.
Just thought I would share that with you!
I was listening to the talk called Am I Practicing Rightly? Today and LOVED it.

Gawd knows, but its just the ticket. Mostly stuff about what I call 'emotional processing' because I have NO CLUE what else to call it!
He refers a lot to Self centeredness, but the words he uses to describe it is 'trying to get my own way', and control freak. I always use those two terms to describe what's happening when we are 'trying to run the show'.

He also describes what he calls a 'capacity to feel', being increased by this process. Which is what I was trying to describe in an earlier post called
'Steady containment' is what I call enlightenment
Becoming a 'Strong Vessel': Increasing your capacity for holding very powerful (good and bad) mind states in consciousness, without going mad!
Peace of mind is NOT dependent on having PLEASANT thought forms or emotions

What he describes is the ability to hold powerful emotional states in consciousness without making them a problem. Normally they are overwhelming, But that the more you do this thing, the greater your capacity is to feel these things. This is a step 11 mindfulness technique if you don't already know. This is a post step 9 thing really.

Anyway, he explains it better! have a nice Sunday!