What you resist persists: 'We have ceased fighting anything or anyone' p84

Here is a phrase I use when I encounter something I dislike and want to get rid of promptly. I find it really helpful in stopping the rising panic when I see something I think is 'bad' that I must get rid of immediately. It helps me shift into a more open hearted space,

The door of my heart is open to you, X. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

and if I am willing to tolerate the fear that the 'thing' will never leave me, I find the inner conflict dies down and I feel much more peaceful inside. The drama disappears, and the object becomes much more peaceful to have to live with, and can often melt away quite quickly. Its a great trick, so I thought I would share it. Fighting all my defects would just be too exhausting and difficult. A full time job :) So this kind of acceptance is better. Yes, I encounter fear, but AA taught me to to 'do the next right thing' whether I liked it or not, so this is just another time when I have to have some faith in the process and just surrender and get myself out of the way. get rid of the self will, controlling neurotic tendency. Weirdly enough, it is when you surrender that you win :) Well thats what I find. I've put some examples of things I might want to resist, fight or correct, to give you an idea, but it doesn't really matter what examples you use. Just substitute the thing you hate the most about yourself, or others for that matter and see if it works for you.

Some bullet points which relate to this approach.
We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol p84
What you resist persists
Keep coming back. We invite even the most heedless and errant AA member to 'keep coming back.' Why not extend the same principle to ALL our 'visitors'. Including our internal visitors such as the emotions and thoughts that show up on a daily basis?
Acceptance. Some people call this 'radical acceptance'. Does not imply permission to 'act out' or 'indulge in destructive behaviors' or heedlessness. This is about an internal attitude toward things, not so much what you 'do'.
This does not mean being a doormat or a martyr. Or recklessly putting yourself in the line of fire.
Its about 'holding a space' for all these different 'people place and things,' instead of rejecting aspects of ourselves.
It means you never slam the door and say 'No room at the inn!' to any of these 'things'. You resolve to hold a space for ALL of them. Even the most intolerable.
Shadow work: What are you unwilling to acknowledge or permit in yourself? Acknowledge it. Integrate it. Stop running away from it. Let go of trying to 'control' it. Allow it a space at the table too. Show it compassion.

Blank examples.
We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even X.
The door of my heart is open to you, X. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even X.
The door of my heart is open to you, X. Come in. Pull up a chair. You're very welcome. Stay as long as you want.

Named examples.
We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even anger.
The door of my heart is open to you, anger. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even jealousy.
The door of my heart is open to you, jealousy. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even 'restless, irritable and discontent'.
The door of my heart is open to you, 'restless, irritable and discontent'. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even loneliness.
The door of my heart is open to you, loneliness. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even sadness.
The door of my heart is open to you, sadness. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even weepy-ness.
The door of my heart is open to you, weepy-ness. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even fear.
The door of my heart is open to you, fear. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even self pity.
The door of my heart is open to you, self pity. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even hatred.
The door of my heart is open to you, hatred. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even my broken-ness.
The door of my heart is open to you, broken-ness.. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even my 'wrong' components.
The door of my heart is open to you, 'wrong' components. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even my destructive behaviors.
The door of my heart is open to you, my destructive behaviors. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even judgmental thoughts.
The door of my heart is open to you, judgmental thoughts. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even obsessive behavior.
The door of my heart is open to you, obsessive behavior. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even the habits I hate.
The door of my heart is open to you, the habits I hate. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even intolerance.
The door of my heart is open to you, intolerance. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even impatience.
The door of my heart is open to you, impatience. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even confusion.
The door of my heart is open to you, confusion. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even being lost.
The door of my heart is open to you, 'being lost'. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even exhaustion.
The door of my heart is open to you, exhaustion. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even negative entities.
The door of my heart is open to you, negative entities. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even rapists.
The door of my heart is open to you, 'person who has committed an act of rape'. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even murderers.
The door of my heart is open to you, 'person who has committed an act of murder'. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even lairs.
The door of my heart is open to you, 'person who has committed the act of lying'. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even those who have no desire to get well.
The door of my heart is open to you, 'person who have no desire to get well'. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even irrationality.
The door of my heart is open to you, irrationality. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even lack of clarity.
The door of my heart is open to you, lack of clarity. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even despair.
The door of my heart is open to you, despair. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even hopelessness.
The door of my heart is open to you, hopelessness. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even purposelessness.
The door of my heart is open to you, purposelessness. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even sorrow.
The door of my heart is open to you, sorrow. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even tears.
The door of my heart is open to you, tears. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even control-freak-ness.
The door of my heart is open to you, control-freak-ness.. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even frustration.
The door of my heart is open to you, frustration. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even depression.
The door of my heart is open to you, depression. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even negativity.
The door of my heart is open to you, negativity. Come in. Stay as long as you want.

Hope you all had a !! restful alcohol free 4th of July and are making the most of the great weather :)

Are you being a Control Freak with your Character Defects?: "The more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got." p66

Interior Stone Gothic Archways, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

Stop fighting your demons: (Control Freak. White knuckle. Self will)

For me its when I am essentially being a CONTROL FREAK that I get hung up on the TODAY's emotional 'outcome.' For example:

Whether I am impatient TODAY
Whether I am intolerant TODAY
Whether I have self pity TODAY
Whether I have inferiority TODAY

The 'outcome' is NONE OF MY BUSNESS. We all have a ?'dark side', a weak side to our personality. I just don't feel ? shame about that anymore. but that's shadow work really. Once you understand the shadow side of things, you stop feeling judgmental and bad about dark ? lurking parts of the mind.

By the way these are GREAT books on Shadow work:
Meeting the Shadow by Connie Zweig
A Little Book on the Human Shadow by Robert Bly
Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Doesn't mean I ENCOURAGE them. Just means I accept that EVERY human has them. The whole human condition is a bit weird really. Can be very dark and very light at the same time. There are so many facets to the mind. It never ends. Its when we stop 'fighting' the 'dark side' that a RELAXED ACCEPTANCE sort of 'kicks in' and everything calms down. Ironic really. 'the more we fight and try to have our own way, the worse matters got' as they say..

Life is just TOO SHORT. And besides, getting hung up on this stuff is too much like taking myself FAR TOO SERIOUSLY. Not wearing life like a loose garment.
I call it 'right effort'. Where I am putting one foot in front of the other, trying to do the 'next right thing', but at the same time, NOT BEING PREOCCUPIED WITH THE OUTCOME too much.
Yeah its a bit of a balancing act. Lots of effort. Going to ANY LENGTHS sometimes as a matter of fact, but not placing my mental energy in the OUTCOME. Why? Because IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS. I have no way of controlling the outcome, so it makes no sense really to get too concerned with it.
So yeah. Get busy going to ANY LENGTHS to have a FABULOUS life, but do not waste one iota of mental or emotional energy on the outcome of your efforts, as you have no control over the outcome anyway.

Whatever. That's just what I think.
Yeah I get frustrated at the speed of my improvements in some areas too. But that's normal to feel like that from time to time. I just don't have the mental energy to be 'fussy' about my recovery. Being pretty laid back has become the norm, so fussing over ANYTHING just feels ? 'odd'. So yeah, I want things quicker too, but by and large I just kind of plod on, and just get on with it.

Quality not Quantity: Old timer (? As far as I know.?.) shagging a 14 yr old girl. Allegedly.

Disillusionment: Sexual misconduct: ? AA ? Old timer (? 60 yrs old) having sexual relations with 14 year old, over a year or so . Allegedly.

When I talk about 'disappointing' or 'disillusionment'. it sounds rather mild mannered, doesn't it? Well the REALITY of 'disappointing' and 'disillusionment' is actually rather RAW and depressing!! To say the least!!!! Here's an example for you so you can get my drift.
Here's an example of something disillusioning and disappointing..

Its a story in the paper I read the other day.
I read about a guy I knew from AA AGES ago (18 years ago or something) who as far as I know stayed sober but I don't really know, as don't bump into him very often and even when I did see him regularly, I never made an effort to get to know him or talk to him.

Basically there are VERY FEW guys in AA that I speak to or get to know. Partly because there are SO MANY I wouldn't have the time even if I DID want to, and also because a lot of them are lonely and MISINTERPRET friendliness as sexual interest. Basically its just MUCH easier if I stick with the women..

Well anyway, he ALLLEGEDLY had sex with a 14 year old. Blah blah blah. Yeah also cleared of looking at kiddie porn for 'research purposes'. Yeah right.
Whatever. I don't think his name or the details are important. The only reason I mention this is because I saw it in the paper, and just beforehand was ? Moved to post about 'beware of aa old-timers full of s**t' yesterday. So you could say there was a bit of a theme going on there!!

So do you see !! WHY you should never just assume that just because someone has been sober for a long time that they must somehow be ? Less fallible, or less likely to be full of CRAP than anyone else????

See????? QUALITY NOT QUANTITY!!!!!!!
I think this case history makes that !! abundantly clear.

Anyway, before you all start frothing at the mouth and despairing as to the general plight of the human condition nowadays, FIRSTLY
I've seen a TON of sexual misconduct by old timers since I've been in AA, so this is NOTHING NEW to me. Its called 13th stepping and it happens ALL THE TIME. AA has its fair share of (what I call) 'sexual predators' who look out for very new bewildered, and very impressionable new girls to get off with, after spouting a few aa clichés and what have you.
Its EASY. Like shooting fish in a barrel. So it is an ongoing problem. Rather than whinge about it, I try to be part of the solution and 'brief' new women of this inherent risk AS SOON AS THEY COME TO MEETINGS. Whatever. That all I can do really. I can't 'change' the men's behavior, so I try to protect the women instead.

By the way I DO NOT HATE GUYS. Just in case you are thinking that. I have been very lucky in getting to know some really nice people in aa, but I have to admit, that by and large I am MUCH more 'at home' with people who are NOT alcoholics. Generally. That's a very personal thing, but its just how I feel. I feel more comfortable with non alcoholics. I RELATE more to alcoholics, but I would rather be with NON alcoholics.
Right I'm off.. Again. !

The human condition is pretty unflattering. We are quite infantile, petty creatures really.

Well that's what it seems like anyway. Perhaps it is ? Different for 'normal' non alcoholics? The people that just seem to get things done and not react very much at all? I dunno. But this is something I have been noticing a LOT lately.. Seems to be EVERYWHERE...

The more I get to know my head, the more ? 'small' and pathetic it looks. I call it, petty, childish, pathetic, defensive, grandiose, lazy, reptilian, 'cornered rat syndrome'. what I'm trying to say is that it is NOT very sophisticated. No 'big' words for it. I thought getting to know my mind would be 'interesting' and ? academic or something. But instead it seems very basic and a bit petty and embarrassing.
I can sort of see now why a wise person told me that I didn't need a therapist and I would do a much better job of it on my own. most of the time I see my outlook as very basic. an attempt to avoid 'grown up' things. stay a child, and shift the blame onto someone else.
I think you get used to it after a while. but at the moment I am surprised at how petty and small the human condition is. I'm sure I will reach a point where I have more compassion for this, but its a big disappointment to see it the way I do. (By the way if I am disappointed, it just means my previous expectations were too high)

Don't get me wrong. I can see there is good stuff in my head as well,but the 'small', lazy, petty, hiding, avoidant, shifting blame part, just looks SO disappointing. There are grand aspects of the human condition, but the 'small' bit looks SO lame. Oh well.
I think what I find disappointing, is that because there are layers of more sophisticated thought, its like I think we should 'know better'. But I suppose alongside the sophistication and more developed ideas, is a much more ? Reptilian part of the brain. Hey I will get used to it, but for the time being this is my current ? Disappointment I am coming to terms with.
I think to myself, 'why isn't it second nature for people to employ their OBVIOUS intelligence in the pursuit of the destruction of this childish pettiness? And why are these very capable minds still being run on some level by an inner infant? I would like them to be more impartial and less at the mercy of these basic childish instincts.

Whatever. Its none of my business. I don't know WHY I thought looking in my brain would reveal something 'interesting' or 'impressive', any more than you should expect to be 'impressed' when you cut open a body (surgery etc) to examine the contents. Well inside the mind is no more 'impressive' to look at than examining the contents of a body. Both are impressive from the point of view of the miraculous functions they are able to perform. A liver, for instance is an incredible piece of biological engineering, but I don't WANT to LOOK at a liver or HOLD one in my hand. Why? Because there's something very BASIC and very VISCERAL about it. It does not look 'grand', if you know what I mean. Well that the same way I feel about my mind. I can see there are aspects of its functioning that are transcendent and drawn to elevated ideas, but at the same time, I can see that it is THOROUGHLY BASIC in its nature too. That seems to me to be the FAR more obvious part of it.
So there you go. That's what's been on my mind lately. I am coming round to the idea. But I'm not quite there yet. I am in the process of getting used to the idea that our intelligence does not save us from our childish (ego driven) tantrums.
Now I can see why 'restraint of tongue and pen' is such a HIGH teaching. Because it essentially ROADBLOCKS this 'pathetic' part of the brain. Which, now I can see, is a HUGE part of the mind. So when you take that on, you are being pretty brave!

It sort of makes me want to be a marine, or a Shaolin monk, or spend three hours a day in the gym or something. Meaning I want to develop something inside me SO tough and SO strong, that I rarely have to observe this SMALL, PETTY bit of my mind. Or that if it does raise its head that I have the coolness or the impartiality to see it for what it is and not give in to it.
By the way I'm not saying that all marines or fitness freaks are enlightened. I'm just saying I could do with 'some of what they have' to deal with this part of the mind I am noticing a lot more these days.

Ah well . I will just have to look at developing more willpower and discipline. Or something!
Right off to the gym . Have a nice Wednesday!

Soft or Hard? Open or Closed?: The beauty and bravery of vulnerability

Doctor a posted this on his blog called Relationships in Recovery
and I just LOVED it:

"This means allowing ourselves to become more vulnerable, more exposed"
Balance comes when we learn to accept being off balance, not when we hold ourselves aloof."

I LOVE both those statements because they 'champion' 'the beauty and bravery of vulnerability. I have made big inroads into this faculty in the last 2-3 years. I must say I like it. Its a bit of a weird new balancing act, but its do-able. .
I'm not sure what I 'do' as such to make it happen. Its just something I 'feel' more and more as time goes on. A 'softening' if you like.
Maybe its because I am a woman and I know how easy it would be for me to be a Queen Bitch, I dunno. But I HATE the 'aloof' thing in women. YIK!!

So what I don't like is:
Not 'gentle'
Hard faced
Queen bitch
Aloof
'held in'
Controlled
Just 'so'
'Closed'
'Spikey'
Tough
Opinionated
Forceful
Conviction
'Perky': A slightly ? 'lively' amount of energy
Derogatory observations of others
Appears as an ''authority'. Meaning 'someone who KNOWS the answers.
Arrogant.
Complacent
Confident
Spiritual Pride.

What I DO like is:
Gentle
'Open'
Soft
Not 'spikey'
No 'toughness'
Everything is open to question. Open-minded.
Appears NOT as an 'authority', Meaning does not look like they know ALL the answers. Looks as though there might be MANY answers, and that the 'right' choice is FAR from obvious.
Humility.

Bleh! I have seen this trait can develop with SOME women over a long time sober. Lets see..?.. 11 years or so and after. It happens SOMETIMES if they have a VERY structured and effective programme. The less effective ones are never afforded the luxury this kind of ? Superiority. (As far as I know) It is something you 'feel' rather than what they say.
The only reason I mention this is because I have found the success rate with the method I was shown is VERY high, and if you are not careful, that 'success' can go to your head and make you VERY complacent and basically give you a COMPLETELY FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY. I've seen it happen quite a few times with former members of my old home group. Its an easy trap to fall into. The more successful you are, the more likely you are to suffer from arrogance.

Mind you, I don't want to be completely accessible, as I would be overwhelmed by other peoples problems. I need SOME boundaries!

Yeah and don't get me wrong, that DOESN"T mean that I think people are doing GREAT if they are weeping all the time either!! Or falling apart at the seams. I'm just saying this in relation to the people that become just a LITTLE TOO GOOD sometimes at being 'well'.
The way I see it, is you spend the first 8 years or so learning how NOT to be a miserable B*****d. Then you spend the NEXT 8 years learning how to be UTTERLY OPEN TO EVERY SHADE OF EMOTION, WITHOUT JUDGEMENT OR 'INDULGENCE'.
It can seem sometimes like you are going 'backwards'. But its not the same as the uncontrolled emotional chaos that you experienced before you came to AA. Hmm lets see. One could call it a 'Controlled explosion'. Yeah I know. Perhaps not the best choice of word, but I can't think of another one.

Actually here's a phrase which probably explains it better
Going to Pieces without Falling Apart by Mark Epstein (Book)
You know I bought this book and it was a bit of a disappointment, but I LOVE the title. Perhaps if I read it now I would like it. Who knows. I think I like reading monks and nuns best. The only prior monk I like reading is Jack Kornfield.

Whatever. Its like 'Stage 2' of emotional growth,, is learning the VERY FINE balancing act of 'Neither repression or Indulgence'.
But Stage 1, is just like learning how not to HATE people. Including yourself. How not to be a MISERABLE COW and all that. Basic stuff about how to be positive instead of HORRIBLY NEGATIVE.

Whatever. That's just what I think.
Yeah Stage 1 and Stage 2. That's what I should call it from now on..
Stage 1: Steps 1-9. How to not be a Miserable COW.
Stage 2: Step 11. Learning how to "Go to Pieces without Falling Apart". The FINE art of 'Neither Repression nor Indulgence"

Cool! Sorry for thinking out loud there. Hope that makes some sense to you!
Have a GREAT Thursday!

Defensiveness and Blame: My response to life is NOT 'their' fault. Admitting uncomfortable truths and shedding the 'rose tinted' view

I love this subject of alcoholic blame. Blame for drinking. Blame for WHATEVER.
You know, I really KNOW that my alcoholism is nobody else's fault.
But what's STILL very challenging for me and can STILL feel VERY opaque sometimes, is that MY RESPONSE TO *LIFE* IS NOT 'THEIR' FAULT.
Basically casting blame. Looking for JUSTIFICATIONS for my unhappiness with what they are doing.
All resentment is BULLSHIT in my opinion. But its difficult to 'see' that when I'm caught up in something, when something 'rattles my cage', or I just can't handle something, and decide to be 'better than', or 'right' instead. Basically finding fault. Looking down my nose, instead of 'changing my mind' to 'their' view.

(This refers to when I KNOW I am dealing with a person with more knowledge of life than I have. This does NOT refer to when somebody with no impulse control lashes out. This is about TRYING to come to terms with what are essentially uncomfortable truths. Not attempts to control by another)

I 'believe' the triggers in their behavior, and I secretly suspect I am right even though I am reluctant to admit it to them in person as I KNOW judgment is wrong. To me its all about the STUBBORNESS and RELUCTANCE to CHANGE MY MIND about things, and BE PREPARED TO LOOK AT IT FROM ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW. When I am disturbed by something, I don't want to change the entrenched beliefs of a lifetime, and the comfortable self righteous 'better than', that goes with it. I can feel as though my house is built in rock, when the uncomfortable truth is that it IS built on SAND and changes CONSTANTLY, and involves admitting scary truths about myself.

Being honest with myself is one of the hardest things in the world. I want to see WHAT I WANT TO SEE. I don't want to 'see' reality, when it involves 'seeing' DISTURBING truths about reality and myself. Basically, what I call 'embracing uncertainty' and dealing with the 'shadow'.

For me, the battle is about NOT BEING RIGHT. NOT BEING BETTER THAN. (Which all comes from the ego). And being willing to SEE IT ANOTHER WAY. Which is ego again.
E Gads! The ego puncturing aspect of this disease, just NEVER ENDS! But that's ok because I would LOVE to have less ego. But the process of reducing it, is HORRIBLE. Its a real 'CLIMB DOWN'. I ALWAYS find that challenging. No matter HOW long I am around. The 'climbing down' part feels HORRIBLE, at the time. But VERY liberating afterwards.

Plus it actually feels very sad to see the world how it IS sometimes, because it means giving up the 'rose tinted view' of humans, and ANY semblance of certainty. There is NOTHING to hold on to! Giving up a fantasy of how the world works involves a period of grieving the loss of the deluded fantasy.

Conflict resolution: NOTHING is black and white. ..So find the THIRD WAY

Arguing the toss. Fighting Fair. Conflict Resolution.
NOTHING is black and white,

So don't be INFLEXIBLE or STUBBORN when it comes to 'I want' or 'who's right'.

Why?
"Some of us have tried to hold on to our (DEEPLY INGRAINED) old ideas and the result was NIL until we LET GO absolutely." BB p58

"We "constructively criticized" someone who needed it, when our real motive was to win a useless argument." 12x12 Step Ten

"We must avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious, power-driven argument. The same goes for sulking or silent scorn". 12x12 Step Ten

"we thought we were helping others to understand him, when in actuality our true motive was to feel superior by pulling him down." 12x12 Step Ten

"We sometimes hurt those we love because they need to be "taught a lesson," when we really want to punish." 12x12 Step Ten

"We were depressed and complained we felt bad, when in fact we were mainly asking for sympathy and attention." 12x12 Step Ten

"It will become more and more evident as we go forward that it is pointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who, like us, are suffering from the pains of growing up." 12x12 Step Ten

Let go or be dragged (Slogan from meetings)

There is ALWAYS a THIRD WAY.
It just takes a bit of CREATIVITY!
Which you should have in SPADES if you are a bit creative!

Well lets face it, we were ALL very CREATIVE when it came to FINDING WAYS TO GET TRASHED.
Well then. I rest my case!

If you both seem to have different outlooks regarding something,
Ask yourself if you can think of a way of 'managing' those seemingly opposing preferences,
Can you think of a bargain you can make between yourselves or boundaries that would allow for the needs of both in a CONSIDERATE way?

Most of life just requires a little bit of imagination! That's all!

Being RESULTS-led as opposed to IDEAS-led

Forget your BRAIN (and all those 'clever' little ideas). Just follow what WORKS.

Although I LOVE the 'roadmap' the Big Book offers us, I think the MANY !!!! References to 'feelings' as being arbiters of spiritual fitness, guide me VERY CLEARLY to the 'wisdom of my feelings' as a rough guide to my current level of spiritual fitness.
What I'm saying is that I like to 'take my thinking out of the way' sometimes, and just be 'taught' by WHAT WORKS.
Don't analyze, don't cross reference various doctrines. Just follow what works. And don't follow the stuff that doesn't work.
Its like taking a mini-holiday from thinking. Its very humbling, because it removes all the opportunities for RATIONALIZATION, EXCUSES, and various other forms of ALCOHOLIC DOUBLE THINK that we ferret out to JUSTIFY and explain our way out of BAD behavior, BAD decisions, or entrenched prejudices and pet theories.

Looking at the results alone as a judge of the approach I am using is a VERY TOUGH doctrine. For me anyway. It cuts through all the crap. Removes ALL my excuses. (They no longer count).

Follow or Be guided by:
What WORKS
What is the most HELPFUL
What makes you feel COMFORTABLE. (Short term AND long term)

Do more of what works. Do less of what doesn't.
If it makes you feel good, do it more. If it makes you feel bad, do it less.

These are the kinds of questions I ask myself when I am using this method. (notice there is NO reference to ANY book, idea, teaching, what's 'right')
Who is this helping?
Is it helping me?
Is it helping anyone else?

Which would be MORE helpful? Choice A, or choice B?
Which would be MORE helpful to myself? Choice A, or choice B?
Which would be MORE helpful to this other person? Choice A, or choice B?

Which feels more COMFORTABLE? Choice A, or choice B?

By the way, when I say comfortable, I do not mean 'permanently blissful'. What I mean more is CONTENTMENT. Which is very like acceptance, or peace of mind. Its when I am not 'fighting' life. Accepting life on life's terms. It is a 'place of rest' amid the storm, as opposed to getting caught up in the storm.
But what I'm saying is that just following what creates those feelings in my body is a very advanced practice. In my opinion. I think feelings are FAR more 'informed' than our intellect. My emotions 'understand' my situation in ways that my mind simply cannot grasp. Basically, the heart is VERY wise. And it's great because I get to take a holiday from thinking. Which is very refreshing. So leave your brains at the door sometimes, and just be 'taught' by the unflattering !! results of your day to day habitual choices.
By the way this does NOT mean that I endorse never thinking or studying books. Reading and study have their place. I could not recover without the use of my mind, but you need to bE able to do both. Use your mind and have a rest from thinking.

Just so you know: this guidance stems from the instruction regarding (what I see as) gods will in the Big Book where it says:
"We are SURE God wants us to be happy joyous and free" p133.

Have a nice Monday!

Being 'well' is not a 'Get out of Jail Free' ticket, for those who are unwilling or reluctant to break unhealthy ties with the past

Sometimes newer people in AA, think that there is something 'wrong' with them if they get upset by unkind ot thoughtless comments. That if they just work their programme 'a little bit harder' they will somehow become IMMUNE to normal feeling responses.
That's not 'serenity', that's NUMB!

Well that's not really how it works! The point of being 'well', is NOT to develop immunity of some sort to toxic situations. It pretty much works the other way around actually. Meaning the longer I am around, the HARDER it is to be around crazy people.

Being 'well' is not a 'Get out of Jail Free' ticket, for those who are unwilling or reluctant to break unhealthy ties with the past. Serenity is not some sort of 'emotional immunity' to BAD life choices. I have found that sometimes, people think they can 'play with fire', or indulge destructive relationships with toxic family members or ex boyfriends, because they now feel 'better'. They soon find out that they start feeling pretty lousy the moment they choose to ignore the 'stick with the winners' suggestion.

They do NOT say, 'stick with the winners', except after you have done step 9, or except when you feel extremely grateful and serene' does it?

AA's with their own agendas, 'read' their own 'exclusion clauses' into every suggestion!

Basically. You can't have your cake and eat it too!
You pays your money, you makes your choice.
Choose toxic people, and you start feeling TOXIC. No matter HOW long you have been sober, or HOW many steps you have completed..

Easy does it: Wear life like a loose garment, NOT a hair shirt!

OVERACTIVITY and TOO MUCH EFFORT are COUNTERPRODUCTIVE to recovery.
So IF you take your recovery VERY SERIOUSLY, you will have no problem at all going to ANY LENGTHS to curb the habit of RELENTLESS SCURRYING, and WHITE KNUCKLE INTENSITY. Chill out! Please!

Some related slogans/ quotes are...
Easy does it
Easy does it, but do it!
Action not Activity.
Wear life like a loose garment, NOT a hair shirt!
Don't 'should' on yourself
You impress me when you STOP trying to impress me
Don't just DO something, sit there!
The only instant thing in AA is the coffee.
Then he did something else that was to become an A.A. classic. It all went on a little card about golf-score size. The cover read: "Middleton Group #1. Rule #62." Once the card was unfolded, a single pungent sentence leaped to the eye: "Don't take yourself too damn seriously."
Tradition 4. 12 Steps and 12 Traditions.

Trying too hard actually CREATES tension and anxiety and therefore INCREASES the distance between you and wellbeing. You can't FORCE wellbeing into existence.
Recovery needs a 'light' touch, not a STRAINED heavy handed 'wrench'!

Unskillful approaches to recovery would be:
Earnest
Serious
Strained
Trying too hard
White knuckle
'Hamster in the wheel'

I started off very 'earnest' and now I'm much more relaxed about my pursuit of recovery. I work hard, but in a 'wearing life like a loose garment' kind of way. The balancing act you perfect is to go to ANY LENGTHS to move forwards, whilst at the same time TOTALLY ACCEPTING your current position. It's a very un-neurotic plan of growth.

Should' (toward oneself) is so judgmental and unkind. And guilt is utterly pointless. Both really poisonous to wellbeing.
'Spiritual Giants' don't DO guilt. The 'lightweights' are the ones making decisions based on guilt.
Guilt just isn't 'happy joyous and free', (p133) so it cant POSSIBLY be god's will..

I VAGUELY recall hearing this parable in a book somewhere, and I can't find it on the web, but it goes something like this..

A young man travels for miles to a remote mountain hermitage to find a Zen Master who can teach him how to become enlightened.
After much arduous and difficult traveling in the mountain range, after 10 years, the student finally sees the master contemplating under the trees. The young man is overjoyed.
He rushes over to the master, prostrates himself, and begs the master to take him on as a disciple, so that he can become enlightened.
The Zen Master says 'that depends'.
The student says. I will do whatever you ask! I will get up at 6am to do all your chores, and I will devote 10 hours of every day to sitting meditation! In addition to that I will study as many of the sutras as you see fit!
The Zen Master says 'Ah. Well in that case, it will take you ten years to become enlightened'
The young man's face falls. 'What? 10 years? But it took me 10 years to find you!
In that case, I will get up at 4am to do all your chores, and I will devote 13 hours of every day to sitting meditation! In addition to that I will study as many of the sutras as you see fit!
The Zen Master says 'Ah. Well in that case, it will take you 20 years to become enlightened'

You could call this 'right effort', but in technical terms, this Buddhist jargon refers to something else. But I like the term as it conjures up the idea of the degree of effort required

Will a better code of morals keep you sober?

p44
If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism,
many of us would have recovered LONG ago.
But we found that such codes and philosophies did NOT save us,
no matter how much we tried.
We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted,
in fact, we could will these things with ALL our might,
but the needed power wasn't there.
Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient;
they failed UTTERLY.
Lack of power, THAT was our dilemma

p42
Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore,
but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to.
Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power.
We HAD to have God's help.

Chapter 4. We Agnostics