It might take a while, but eventually you will realize that you are actually alright, a lovable human being, ..and it will be utterly !! heartbreaking to see all the wasted years that you thought you ought to hate/diminish yourself for all your 'wrongs'.
If you think you feel sad now, just wait! ..this will wound you to your very centre. But in a good way. Each time we get a bit better, we grieve for the wasted days, months, decades, when we were 'blind and could not see' and thought it was acceptable to loathe ourselves and our weaknesses.
It ? might be a long time coming, but it will show up eventually..
The sooner you 'get' this, the less time you will squander. -As a fully lived life is impossible if you believe deep down that you deserve to be hated, even if only by yourself.
(I prefer the word hate to the word resentment btw, I see them as interchangeable in case you are wondering..)
If you hate your ‘character defects’, or castigate yourself for having them, reading about the Shadow may help.
Understanding the Shadow is a great way to embrace ones ‘wrongs’ wholeheartedly, without following them heedlessly. It is very respectful toward the presence of destructive impulses, yet accepts them as part of ones humanity.
Have a fabulous Wednesday :) Gosh where did the year go?..
- An Irish Friend of Bill
- I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
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Thanks--because I wasted a lot of time not loving myself or feeling like I deserved love. I am getting better at loving who I am but still can replay the old tapes.
You are lovable inspite of your barriers, walls and defense mechanisms... and 2 years of your life you didnt waste! Happy 2010 you lovable'awl fecker x
Been thinking about your comments since you posted them. This latest episode in my life was around the feelings of hatred I was having (as probably still am having) towards my addicted son. The shame I felt towards myself for having feelings of hatred. As you stated, I began to hate myself for being me and for being powerless to change me.
I have talked with lots of old timers who seem to have gotten past the self loathing and well into self acceptance. It does happen but it might be a long time coming. Might be a lesson in that!
Thank you, friend.
I've recently begun such shadow work and it's been tremendously beneficial, albeit quite unsettling at times. The author that's been helpful to me in this journey is David Richo, author of Shadow Dance (http://www.amazon.com/Shadow-Dance-Liberating-Power-Creativity/dp/1570624445/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262379167&sr=1-1).
One way, not sure who's the originator of this thought, to identify aspects of your own shadow is to list the 5 people who annoy you the most in life and the characteristics about them that are so annoying. The resulting list will likely give you a good composite view of your own shadow: that part of you that you've not been able to accept or embrace. Those annoying people? They can serve as a wonderful mirror, showing us our own shadow.
As I embrace my own shadow with compassion and understanding, these others become far less annoying.
i received an article the other day on the shadow from a guy named Scott Kiloby - you may have heard of him perhaps.. maybe i'll pass it along to ya in email. i moved my blog again and will send you that link as well. miss ya :)
happy new year!!!!!
"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." - Buddha
Thank you, Irish. I have wasted a lot of time engaging in this behavior. Happy New Year to you!
Sorry, to make my pointless point, I have to quote your own "About Me"...
"I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really.... everybody."
"I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired....AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion)."
If this is YOU, I have to wonder at my sanity, for not being a follower of yours...which I am NOW, unless there is an objection.
When I isolate long enough it gets hard to convince myself that I am loveable.
Oh man I wasted the better part of my youth thinking I was less than worthy. I still have my days but they are far and few between. I literally have to tell myself daily that "If god loves me, then I must learn to love me".
My journey has been interesting, brutal, inspiring, awe striking at times, but it's my journey to take.
I came by to thank you for taking the time to quote the BB in your comment. It made me cry...how incredible that a mere human could have written these promises to me 75 years ago that would be exactly what I needed to hear today as I walk through tough life "stuff." You are a very kind man.
After reading your posts...I want MORE! Go figure...Love and hugs,
Ah thanks Karen, but I am female last time I looked :)
I am almost incapable of being offended so don't worry about it :)
Yeah I love the big book too. I never get bored of it. don't know why :)
Please accept my humblest apology for the gender error. I've seen other bloggers make this same error and thought to myself...how silly! Thank you for taking the time to let me know :o)
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