About Me

My photo
I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Codependency: Brainwashing myself with Byron Katie on repeat play

Im not sure what exactly ? codependency is, but if any of you see a great weakness in (what you think is) this area, which I would say is just about ! every alcoholic I meet :) .then I would strongly recommend this CD by Byron Katie. Its not the answer to everything, but its a damm fine start :)
You could do a lot worse, put it that way. Anyway I hate (!) to deflect newcomers from the meat and potatoes of the first 9 steps, so I include this as a post step 9 'side salad'. Meaning something that has the potential to enhance ones recovery once the (much !!!!! more important task of stopping oneself drinking oneself to death has been addressed. (!) So yeah, Im not holding this out as a substitute for the steps. No way :)

Basically I am learning a lot from listening to Katie Byron at the moment. It is taking a while to really sink in. But after many many ! many repeat plays, it is starting to seep into my bones. It is essentially a master-class in Acceptance with respect to our relations with others (among other things). and life in all its forms. I love learning new ways of practicing the principles in all my affairs, so this is my current focus. Will be something else in 6-12 months! I learn better by listening than by reading as it catches me off guard, so sneaks into my brain when I am not looking. You might prefer books. I LOVE hearing the voice. It brings the ? teaching home. Or ? something. Gawd knows. Works for me. Thats all I know :)

So, I thoroughly recommend brainwashing yourself by repeat play on loop on your ipod of 'I Need Your Love - Is That True?' audiobook by Byron Katie if you are struggling to accept life on lifes terms with relationship issues. Family, friends, significant others, you name it :) Its the same as AA (well thats how i see it) so ought not contradict any of the principles we are introduced to in AA. But if in doubt, ask another AA or your Sponsor as I would hate to confuse you. I usually recommend this material to people after the first 9 steps, as by then they understand the AA principles with sufficient clarity to be able to dovetail material like this seamlessly with their existing AA programme. If for some reason they are unclear as to what acceptance means in day to day practice (for instance) this might confuse them and look like something ? completely different to what AA advocates, which (in my opinion) would be counterproductive to their recovery. But then I prefer to err on the side of caution. If I were very confident that the Sponsee was able to grasp the 'similarities not the differences' between AA and Byron Katie I would make an exception, so this is not a blanket rule by any stretch. More a case by case basis. I see only similarities between the material on this CD and what AA suggests, so it presents no conflict for me. But there you go, each to their own. Just thought I would mention it in case anyone was interested.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Need-Your-Love-Approval-Appreciation/dp/0739316990/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1285256587&sr=1-2

Have a great Thursday :)

8 comments:

NOS said...

I don't think I'm codependent with anyone (is that how you say it?) but I think acceptance is a lesson we could all stand to learn even if we're not in AA.

Thanks for the recommendation!

Wishing you well,
NOS

Melissa said...

downloaded it tonight from itunes...looking forward to listening after the littles ones are in bed. Thanks for the suggestion!

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

I might sort out a link for others that are thinking of buying this. alternatively, if you send me a postal address to my email friendofbill@fastmail.fm I could send it to you..

Syd said...

I think that you described the transformation that occurred for me as a result of Al-Anon: being able to accept who I am and not having expectations of others to be anything other than who they are. What a miracle the steps have been for me. Thanks for sharing about the CD. I can download it from iTunes here.

Let Go, Let God said...

Thank you for suggesting the reading on my blogg today, obviously a good time to look into something like this. I did read your blogg today and already went to the website to check it out. Very interesting. Thank you for your kind regard.

Mike L. said...

I'm sure I'd like the CD, because I really liked her book "Loving What Is". It was very consistent with what I learned from my primary mentor in AA (Dr. Earle Marsh, author of "Physician Heal Thyself" and my grand-sponsor for the first 14 months of my sobriety. He repeated things like the following to me as though I was deaf and stupid for a solid 14 months: You are perfect just the way you are! You don't need to change anything! (For example, I don't need to change from being an alcoholic! There's nothing wrong with being an alcoholic!)

I miss him greatly. Byron Katie is basically on the same page as Earle. Insight is not limited to AAers for sure.

All that said, I never really got into Katie's "work" process --- at least not in any formal way. I'd already adopted the "work" outlined in the AA text and literature and didn't really need another version of something already worked for me.

Take care!

Mike L

Anonymous said...

Hi Irishfriend,
Life is amazing.Day before I was happy & productive during the day.Yesterday I was very sad, feeling my feelings.Today morning I woke up & put on your site by mistake or a better word by Grace. Ever since I joined CoDA (Codependent's Anonymous),i have been asking the fellow members who have been there thelongest and travelled the world if they have read I need your love.they haven't heard of Byron Katie.I was heartbroken.
last nite,a dear friend who introduced me to Buddhism, came over and she totally put down 12 steps and said i can't practise 12 steps and Buddhism together because Buddhism doesn't beleive in a HP as we are each responsible for our Karmas and 12 steps strongly believes in a HP.I went through the sites last nite. Not much help. This morning I got your site. Wow! I'd love to know your insight on this.Thankyou for all the inspiration you have put up here. Very thoughtful and encouraging.
Elka.

Elka said...

Hi Irishfriend,
Life is amazing.Day before I was happy & productive during the day.Yesterday I was very sad, feeling my feelings.Today morning I woke up & put on your site by mistake or a better word by Grace. Ever since I joined CoDA (Codependent's Anonymous),i have been asking the fellow members who have been there thelongest and travelled the world if they have read I need your love.they haven't heard of Byron Katie.I was heartbroken.
last nite,a dear friend who introduced me to Buddhism, came over and she totally put down 12 steps and said i can't practise 12 steps and Buddhism together because Buddhism doesn't beleive in a HP as we are each responsible for our Karmas and 12 steps strongly believes in a HP.I went through the sites last nite. Not much help. This morning I got your site. Wow! I'd love to know your insight on this.Thankyou for all the inspiration you have put up here. Very thoughtful and encouraging.
Elka.