About Me

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I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.

Monday, December 24, 2007

A BAD workman blames his tools: Use WHATEVER you are doing as an opportunity to be egoless and present in a life of service

I was thinking about edge from u2 this morning and an interview I heard him do. I really like the way he is sort of EMBARRASED by being a lead guitarist because he sees it as being a bit naff (which very often it can be.) But that's just my opinion. ie. This interview says 'Bono added that Edge is always embarrassed about being a guitar player'
Anyway. I like this because right now my pull between study and aa 'spiritual stuff' is perceived as a 'conflict' because I see the study as a pointless intellectual exercise. Which in its truest sense it IS. But despite that, I think edge was (is) a GREAT guitarist BECAUSE he has so much ? loathing of the 'traditional' egoic role of lead guitarist.
I'm not saying he's got the answers as such, or that he is the perfect example of egoless-ness. I just find his example a useful model for me right now, as it allows me to see the 'good works' that can arise when an egoless state of presence is brought to ANY task. Even a task which is traditionally VERY ego massaging.
It shows the 'good' that can come from something that looks completely pointless and superficial. (You can tell at this point that I will never be volunteering for the next x factor, or for a life in entertainment!)
Whatever. That's just me.
Basically what I'm saying is that when you say, being a guitarist/highly paid professional /brilliant academic/top judge is a pile of sh*te that can NEVER lead to enlightenment. Well that's just BULS*IT.
ANY role can be used in the service of 'waking up'. Any one who blames their ROLE for their unconsciousness is talking out of their A*RSE. Its a COP OUT.

It IS possible for the role of grade A academic to be used as a vehicle for waking up. ANY role can be used.
If I find (what seems to me to be) the pointless to-ing and fro-ing of purely intellectual argument lacking. That is MY problem.

Edge managed to do it, and I have always liked the results of his labour. I have benefited from it in a significant way, as I find music deeply healing in some ways.
So who am I to pooh-pooh what appears to me POINTLESS academia, which (on a superficial level) CANNOT serve the soul (as such) but leans very much towards the MIND rather than AWARENESS. WHICH IS WHAT I WANT.

I just need a little more faith that although the role of academic SUCKS for me because I feel pulled back into the thinking mind time and time again, instead of a sense of BEING and PRESENCE that I encounter when I use AA as a vehicle to serve something bigger than myself, that there IS a THIRD WAY. And Edge is proof of that. It IS possible to find a egoless presence in an outwardly ego massaging activity.
Basically I miss my 'service fix' when I am pulled into academic thought. But thankfully I have enough presence of mind to know that this is BULLSH*T, and that I CAN do this task from a slightly odd (!) mental place, just like I do when I do my aa stuff.
Basically I am out of my comfort zone, and I am sick and tired of doing academic stuff the 'old' way. I want to do it the SCARY aa way. Where I FEEL my way instead of THINKING my way.
Whatever. I'm sure I will get the hang of this eventually!!!
Hey I have 2 submissions to make by the 8th, so my Christmas will be spent close to books and academic stuff. SCARY SCARY.
Ah well. It can all be used as a way of waking up. That's the main thing.
Plus its a high class problem. Yeah! But (as you can probably tell) I get VERY frustrated when I havent figured out how to do something yet. I want it NOW. Hehheh.

Right yous guys. Have yourselves a GRAND old time, and if you feel a bit 'sucky'. TURN YOUR THOUGHTS TO THOSE YOU CAN HELP.
Hey, works for me! ..Mind you I just put Mr Ekhart Tollle on my ipod when I'm having a scary study moment. Which is too often for my liking! But who wants a life hiding under the duvet? Not me! Scaring myself is the inevitable consequence of stepping out of my comfort zone, and I am FINE with that. (!!) Bring it on!
So have a good time you guys! Much love to you.


ArahMan7 said...

Ho! Ho! Ho! My Irish friend of Bill.

Thanks for the lovely comments. I'm now doing blog-stalking to all our mutual friends in Recovery. So, here's yours;

May Joy be your gift at Christmas and may Faith, Hope and Love be your treasures in the New Year.

Greetings and lotta loves from Malaysia.

Syd said...

Hey Irish, Thanks for all your comments. I have always used my thinking in academics and have found with the feeling part of Al-Anon that the academic way seems lacking and a bit shallow. Maybe I'm finding that I can feel the scary stuff and not be scared anymore. That thinking my way through life wasn't the answer. thankfully I can do both. Merry Christmas to you.

johno said...

Gods evidently got much bigger plans for you, than even you can imagine, which is always a good thing (in my opinion) cos it means letting go absolutely ... but... you have to work for it, even when we dont really know what it will be.

Put in the action...have faith, less thinking, follow the processes, no reinventing the wheel! ANY LENGTHS

just do it... lead by example... in all your affairs, this is character building stuff.
and Growing up pains even :) You are doing service, just not perhaps the way which comes most naturally and easily to you, its good to stretch and get out of the comfy brushed cotton pyjamas.

Students real students have no ego I find, remaining teachable requires balance and hard work, no looking up all the time to see whose looking or not as the case may be. Keep on keeping on til yur done (that part anyway)

I never want to stop being a teacheable, especially if Gods in charge. Sometimes I just have to have a kip though!

Good luck with your Grade A paddling!

molly said...

thinking of ya here at Christmas time sweet friend :)