I still can have very unpleasant reactions to people but at some level, NO MATTER HOW PISSED OFF I AM, or how offensive their behavior is, I sort of KNOW that I will see it differently later, and that I have no right to judge another human being. It's quite cool really. It can feel as if two parallel mind states are existing simultaneously. One, heated and emotional. Another, very calm and wise, sort of observing everything that unfolds. I checked with my Sponsees (And their Sponsees) to see if they experience the same kind of mental state, and they said they did too. So it's nice to know that I have succeeded in passing on that faculty, via the steps. Meaning it's not unique to me or dependent upon anything other than the way we went through the steps. It never ceases to amaze me what can be 'passed down' to other people.
I mention this so that you know that if you are going through the Steps with one of my Sponsees, that there is a STRONG likelihood that you will also inherit this mind space. (Usually sometime between step 5 and 9) Provided you are following the suggestions given to you!! Not just in outward appearance, but in MOTIVATION also.
Based on the little research I have done in AA, I have found that this mind state is NOT a common experience. I could be proved wrong, but that is what I have found so far.
It might sound a bit crap (So what? sort of thing) to someone who is new, but, speaking as someone with long term sobriety, I can tell you I REALLY value this faculty of the mind. It provides an opportunity to lend calm objectivity to an otherwise heated and unreasonable mind set. I am EXTREMELY grateful for this ability. And it makes me VERY happy to have found out (via my obedient guinea-pig Sponsees) that it is so transferable! So thank you for providing me with that information!
Anyway, I need to study!!!!!
- An Irish Friend of Bill
- I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.
Friday, December 22, 2006
A strange 'dual' mind space shared by myself and my Sponsees. (And their Sponsees)
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Yes...I have experienced this. My sponsor refers to it as "the witness" I also find it my witness present when I have thoughts or emotions that are perhaps "primal" or "learned" but are inappropriate to the life I am living today. Thank you for bring this up. It is actually different than a conscious...more powerful.
I think of you daily. Sending you love and best wishes.
I love being mentored by my sponsor. I had some poor mentorship growing up and now it is all being deflated. That clamness and collectivity of emotions is something that results in amazing awards.
I am not limited to my sponsor, I get to learn and grow by learning from those in the fellowship, those Great souls just like you!
When I was very ill, I had the terrible experience of being judged very, very harshly by some who I felt were my friends. It was a blessing in disguise, because having felt (and still at times feeling judged by them, last night for example when I celebrated my birthday and spoke and several people wouldn't look at me), that terrible feeling of judgment, I can no longer judge others so harshly. Everytime something "bad" happens in my life, I've been taught to say "Thank you, God."
Thanks 2Dgs! Judging people is so naff. We are all SO full of flaws, it just makes no sense to look down our noses at other people. But i know what you mean, about finding the motivation for dropping judgemental habits after seeing what it's like being on the recieving end of it. I find the motivation comes much easier from watching others, than it does from seeing the same thing in myself as I just have a much clearer perspective of the offendng behaviour in other people, than I do in myself. I call it 'aversion therapy'. but I'm sorry you have to bump into these people in the meetings you go to as they do not sound like a very pleasant bunch. I always am suprisied that so many aa's seem to be very weak on the 'live and let live' front, seeing as it's such a rudimentry aspect of the programme. Differences of any kind ought not to be a big deal. But hey. You just have to accept the way AA is. People get SO attached to their own world views, to the extent that they have HUGE difficulty tolerating the presence of other interpretations. It's crazy really..
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