They F*** You Up: How to Survive Family Life by Oliver James
I saw this the other day and bought it. It's a good un.
I must admit, I like Oliver James. I like Philip Hodson too. Whatever. This is a good book.
If you had dodgy parents, you MUST read it. It doesn't change anything as such, but it maps out some menta and emotional responses to abusive or negligent situations. Gives you a rough guide as to what you are up against. Without self awareness, you really are sc*ewed.
Awareness is the way out. So inform yourself as to how you are habitually getting in the way of your own sanity, and it will be a DARN site easier to act differently.
I don't see this as an 'answer' as such, just a useful roadmap, that informs me which is the best road to take. It is a good observation of the human condition. Read, and learn.
Knowledge is power. It is no substitute for a spiritual life, or of 'constant thought of others', but in order to behave well, it IS necessary to INFORM ourselves. Not in order to feel sorry for ourselves, but to understand ourselves better, with the aim of avoiding some of the more predictable booby traps. Education is a good thing. Anything that shows us our demons is a good thing. We need to be able to see them in order to overcome them. We cannot fight what we cannot see.
Right I better be off. Have a nice Tuesday!
- An Irish Friend of Bill
- I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
They F*** You Up by Oliver James
Posted by An Irish Friend of Bill
Labels: Abuse, Book Recommendation, Poor parenting
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I read that book a while ago could do with re-reading it thought is was very illuminating and sad and felt a bit "doomed" by the end...makes you realise how important it is to try to get it right as a parent...(i need to make sure I have a hidden book shelf when I buy my own place to hide all my self help books from any visitors)
I think the Narcissist description on p205 and 206 is significant for you. Plus the angry invulnerabilty described in p216.
Yeah I know. One has to be quite ? strategic about books. either that, or just dispense with the social ritual of having people round. the whole 'dinner party' thing is a bit of a red herring I reckon. I never have an appetite for such a thing. I'ts quite stressful apart from anything.
But yeah. Invariably there is a ton of books that you do not put on display. They are easier to buy than read. But I think you can never read enough really. If there is a 'sin' in buying more than you actually get round to reading, I am less bothered about that 'sin' than others. The most impressive people I have met, read extensively. Amazon being their 'weakness'. So don't have a hard tine with it.
the power parents have, and sometimes don't realise. it scares me sometimes now that i'm a parent myself...
yes - read and learn!! Knowledge IS power. I'm reading "quiet your mind - an easy-to-use guide to ending chronic worry and negative thoughts and living a calmer life" by John Selby. So far, I'm liking it a lot. I will be focusing the rest of my blog this week on that unless something else comes up. Happy day!!
Knowledge really is power. I see the demons but some are hard to kill.
"Awareness is the way out. So inform yourself as to how you are habitually getting in the way of your own sanity, and it will be a DARN site easier to act differently."
Yeh I agree, When I know what the problem is, I do have a choice what I do about it. Some habits are easier to change than others. This is where "there are no days of" comes in, and not resting on laurels, willingness to change=growth=work
Thankfully my parents seem "harmless" now compared to some, but thanks for the tip it may come in handy somewhere along the line.
I've always felt that self awareness is half the battle. What I'm learning now is the other half.
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