'Lost' in Uncharted Territory: I have no compass. And I have no map. Uncertainty can be a guiding light.

Growing up in just about any way at all means journeys out of your comfort zone are UNAVOIDABLE.
Welcome to UNCHARTED TERRITORY.
Even though this new stuff is GOOD, it can STILL feel VERY scary when embarked upon, and uncertain. Terrifying, as a matter of fact. For some anyhow.

After a lifetime of drama and fear, and survival skills, feeling comfortable can feel like something is missing.
Not feeling constantly preoccupied can feel like something is 'wrong'.
Also when really SERIOUSLY reevaluating long held beliefs WITH ALL SINCERITY, it can completely 'Rock your World'. Realizations can be VERY far from comfortable. People think insights will be 'comforting', or 'cozy'. Not so. Some can be terrifying. They challenge EVERYTHING. It can seem like there is NOTHING to hold onto. Sometimes, because, for the time being anyhow, there ISN'T. (..Oh ye of little faith.)

So I'm just saying. Feeling 'lost' or without any reference to hold on to, is not comfortable as such, but I see it as being very healthy. Meaning you are in a process of reevaluation.
BUT LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE, you need to use a little common sense with this. Do this in moderation. Don't go 'full tilt' if you can't hack it. If its all getting a bit much, go do something very simple and reassuring, like go to a meeting and coffee after. Have a nap or go see a nice movie. You know, unchallenging stuff. Gym. Whatever.

For a LOT of us, the UNKNOWN and UNCHARTED world is the world of 'Happy joyous and free'.
The world of 'comfortable in my own skin'.
The world of 'There are no 'Big Deals'.
The world of TRUST.
The world of 'I feel safe'.
The world of 'I feel looked after'.

Not everybody. But a LOT. Especially those with abusive pasts.
Or those who live in TERROR of rejection.
Or those with CHRONIC DEPENDENDENCE upon external validation in the form of a relationship. (Most women seem to think their lives are a travesty of inconsequence if they are not in the role of wife/girlfriend) Jeez. Almost as mad as when a guy thinks he is a complete waste of space unless he is a ? 'sufficient' ? Breadwinner.
We are all as bad as each other really. We are ALL riddled with crazy irrationalities. What separates the men from the boys, is not whether we HAVE them, its to what extent we allow our lives to be DOMINATED by them. That all. So don't go thinking you are some kind of freak loser because you have spotted an irrationality. Welcome to the human condition!! It is CHOCK full of paradoxes and contradictions. Sure beats a Rubik cube any day for its brain teasing capacities!

Like Bono says in Zooropa
And I have no compass.
And I have no map.
And I have no reasons.
No reasons to get back.

And I have no religion.
And I don't know what's what.
And I don't know the limit.
The limit of what we've got.

Don't worry baby. It'll be alright.
You got the right shoes.
To get you through the night.
It's cold outside. But brightly lit.
Skip the subway.
Let's go to the overground.
Get your head out of the mud baby.
Put flowers in the mud baby.
Overground.

No particular place names.
No particular song.
I've been hiding.
What am I hiding from?

Don't worry baby. It's gonna be alright.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light.
I hear voices. Ridiculous voices.
In the slipstream.
Let's go. Let's go overground.
Take your head out of the mud baby.

She's gonna dream up the world she wants to live in.
She's gonna dream out loud.

Bed Bug Infestation: Don't sit down on trains Between Aldgate East and Stratford

And other East End trains in that vicinity. Why? Because you are at risk of picking up a bed bug off the seat.
The bugs are about the size of an apple pip.
And the amount of infestation I London has shot up, but is much higher in those areas than other parts of London.
Getting rid of them is a total pain in the a*se. You have to chuck out mattresses, bedding etc. Its expensive!

Anyway. Just thought I'd share that with you!
I heard a pesticide guy who deals a LOT with bedbugs on LBC Radio recently saying he would NOT risk sitting on a London transport seat between those two stations. Plus loads of horror stories about the piles of bedbugs he has come across along the way..
Lovely!
On that cheery ! note! I will bid you all a deliriously happy Monday while I head of to (yes you've guessed it) the gym. Then Study!!

Oh and by the way I LOVE !!! this new gadget. (Super Trackstick GPS Tracking System) Pointless for someone like me as I am not scaling some obscure mountain at great personal risk, but I just LOVE Google earth, and quite like the idea of looking at a PROPER map and seeing a little journey trail of all the little places I go to. Pointless but FUN. Whatever..
I am VERY tempted to get one. We shall see.. I have a bunch of other stuff to sort out. So I'l do that first.
See y'all..

New regular Friday meeting

I am going to start going regularly to a Friday meeting in town, as I cant make the Thursday one during term times. So if you want to find me, that's where I'll be. There is coffee after as there is a ton of places nearby. If you're not sure which one I mean email me and I'll send you the address. Ms J's Sponsee, (Ms V) already goes there.
Yeah and I MIGHT be able to make Ms L's Sponsee (Ms C's) Saturday one too, but I dont think I can make that one a regular. We shall see.

Back to sorting out my new computer stuff... !

Hidden Motives: When Genuine DESPAIR is also a form of ATTACK

I just LOVE this book. They F*** You Up: How to Survive Family Life by Oliver James
Us ladies are VERY good at being ANGRY in more 'covert' ways. We don't want to be seen throwing punches, or yelling at people in the street, so we employ SNEAKY ways of expressing HOSTILTY.
We are SO good, we don't even know OURSELVES that we are being angry after a while..
(Yeah I know some women are more dis-inhibited with 'out-and-out' anger, but this is for the ones that sneak anger in the back door. So to speak.)
Anyway here's the quote:

"Our despair is GENUINE
But is is ALSO a means of expressing HOSTILITY
A COVERT way of FRUSTRATING and RETALIATING.

ANGERED by the failure of others TO NUTURE US

We use MOODS and threats, to 'GET BACK' and ''teach a lesson'
By exaggerating our plight, and acting in a miserable fashion
We AVIOD RESPONSIBILITIES
And place ADDED BURDENS on others.
Cold and stubborn silences are PUNITIVE BLACKMAIL, a THREAT of trouble to come."
P206 They F*** you up by Oliver James.

Ouch!
I kind of knew moods were a way of being angry, but I think he has captured this trait REALLY well in this passage.
Particularly the despair and the nurture part.
I tend to view despair as something that hurts the owner more than anything. And if I am experiencing despair, I am too self absorbed to see the impact it is having on others. Even if the mood is not 'acted out' as such.
I LOVE this passage. Good old Oliver. Perhaps men have a better view of the way us women are covertly angry. Who knows. But I LOVE this observation.
I just LOVE finding hidden anger and attack.
See I don't do the more obvious moods or sulks as such. Nothing that you would notice externally anyway. I'm from the more repressed end of the spectrum. But I hadn't seen the way the feeling of despair could have a sneaky more unconscious agenda to punish, that's all.
Yeah I know some women do very OVERT moods and sulks. Door slamming. Plate throwing. Obvious tantrums and what have you. Those are EASY to spot. It is the SUBTLE stuff that sneaks in under the radar that bugs me. So there you go.

So just for the sake of clarity. If we were all really good at EGO PUNCTURING HONESTY.
Instead of 'doing' despair in this way.
We could say:
"Yes right now, it WOULD be true to say I am feeling some despair.
But in addition to that, I can see there is (quite a strong) temptation to use that mood as a way of punishing you. Classic GUILT TRIP material really..
You see the truth is, that I AM angered by (what **I** see) as your FAILURE to NUTURE me.
But rather than say that OUT LOUD, (because lets face it, it sounds a bit naff and petulant.)
Its 'easier' (Ha!..NOT!) to flail about, feeling sorry for myself, and wallow in a sense of hopelessness, (because I KNOW that will make you feel BAD) rather than deal with this problem face on. Or GOD FORBID
ACTUALLY HAVE THE GUTS TO ASK FOR THE THING (whatever it is) THAT I THINK (?) I NEED RIGHT NOW, that you APPEAR to not be giving me.
You know WHY I don't ask?

Well firstly, because I probably don't even know MYSELF what it is!!.
Why? Because I am FAR better at thinking about what I DON'T want instead of what I DO want.
When I'm in one of these moods, I'm more interested in PUNISHING you, than ACTUALLY SORTING OUT MY PROBLEM.

And secondly, because I HATE thinking of myself as NEEDY. Which is what I essentially AM, when I'm in one of these moods. Its quite a VULNERABLE place, and I don't like being VULNERABLE and EXPOSED like this. Its too ego puncturing!

Thirdly. Actually SEEING what I DO require to feel 'nurtured' is VERY, VERY ego puncturing. It makes me see my own HUMANITY. And I don't want to be human.
I want to be INVULNERABLE!
To rise above everything!
To feel FINE all the time! (ie not FEEL vulnerable EVER again.)
And even WORSE. Let YOU see me being VULNERABLE. Ouch!
These messy, squishy emotions are EMBARRASING to my ego, and reduce me (in my UNFORGIVING eyes) to the level of a pathetic blob. Basically I HATE admitting my weaknesses and BASIC HUMANITY. Even to myself. Yeah the alcoholic ego does NOT like that ONE BIT!

So that's why I throw a mood. And do the 'despair' trip.
Keeps me in the PROBLEM, not the SOLUTION.
Which I can see is not really ! helping. To say the least.
So yeah, there is some genuine despair going on, and I'm not ashamed of that.
But this time I am NOT going to use it as a CLUB to BEAT you over the head with. (Which you will be glad to hear!).
I will EVEN, go so far, as to actually sit down and think about EXACTLY what version of 'nurturing' I had the GALL to harbor an EXPECTATION of receiving.
And once I have FIGURED OUT WHAT IT IS,
I might very well POLITIELY ASK YOU for that thing.
ONLY THIS TIME, I will NOT harbor a GRUDGE or an EXPECTATION that you are BOUND to oblige me in this request.
Hey I am not running the show here.
I am not the 'manager'.
This is a two way street, and I can ask, but that DOESN'T guarantee that I will 'get'.
But at LEAST I will have the GUTS to ask.
Instead of simply ALLOWING the "All is lost' and 'What's the point?' THINKING, and the feelings of despair and overwhelm that INEVITABLY accompany that.
Even if ASPECTS of those despairing feelings are genuine.

Heheh.
Im not saying you SHOULD say this, but I just thought it would be fun to articulate a more ego puncturing admission of what is going on, behind the scenes, so to speak, that Oliver James describes in that passage.
I like YANKING the dodgy thought processes into the light, for scrutiny.
The 'cure' for everything is HONESTY. Well that's what I think, so a bit of brutal truth-telling seems to pave the way for change. Well that's what I find. The truth seems to make the disease shrink back into the cracks in the ether from whence it came. Seems to banish shadows. Honesty is like a flashlight. I call it 'cleaning under the cooker'. Bleh!! No one LIKES cleaning under the cooker! Have you SEEN what's under there? Its GROSS!
But if you do get stuck in and face the ! Yukky ! Stuff down there, a burden is lifted, and we feel better.

Phew! Why cant I write SHORTER posts??
See then I wouldn't have so many half finished ones!!
Hey have a FABULOUS Thursday y'all..

Sexually transmitted CANCER

Yeah the HPV VIRUS responsible for cervical CANCER is INFECTIOUS.
EVEN WHEN YOU USE A CONDOM.
Scary huh?
What Are the Risk Factors for Cervical Cancer? By the American Cancer Society
"Recent studies show that condoms ("rubbers"), while they do provide some protection, do not completely protect against HPV. This is because HPV can be passed from person to person by skin-to-skin contact with ANY HPV-infected area of the body, such as skin of the genital or a*al area not covered by the condom. The absence of visible warts cannot be used to decide whether caution is needed, because HPV can be passed to another person even when there are NO visible warts or other symptoms."

Bleh! I know. Yik! factor 10!
There is a vaccine that you MIGHT be able to get free from your doctor if you ask politely. Otherwise its 500 quid or so to get it done privately.
The good news is that the vaccine works for most of the viruses. Its pretty effective.
So if you are planning of having lots of sexual partners, you should consider vaccination. Cervical cancer tends not to show up in young women. You see it more in age 40's or so. But when it DOES show up, it kills quite a few women. The more partners you have, the greater risk you are at.
Lovely eh? As if the sexual health minefield wasn't bad enough..
Never mind. I suppose we should be cheering from the rooftops that they have discovered such an effective vaccination against cancer. That's a neat trick. Even if I say so myself.
There's a TON of stuff on cervical cancer and mortality rates on the internet if you REALLY want to find out about it.
But if you are a HYPOCHONDRIAC, save yourself the anxiety. Easier just to fork out the 450 quid and be done with it. Then you have no need to worry..

Just thought I would mention, in case you hadn't seen this on the news..
See y'all..

For your reference..
Cervical cancer vaccine for girls aged 12 on Times online.
Vaccination (done privately) for 450 quid, if you feel the urge..

They F*** You Up by Oliver James

They F*** You Up: How to Survive Family Life by Oliver James
I saw this the other day and bought it. It's a good un.
I must admit, I like Oliver James. I like Philip Hodson too. Whatever. This is a good book.

If you had dodgy parents, you MUST read it. It doesn't change anything as such, but it maps out some menta and emotional responses to abusive or negligent situations. Gives you a rough guide as to what you are up against. Without self awareness, you really are sc*ewed.
Awareness is the way out. So inform yourself as to how you are habitually getting in the way of your own sanity, and it will be a DARN site easier to act differently.
I don't see this as an 'answer' as such, just a useful roadmap, that informs me which is the best road to take. It is a good observation of the human condition. Read, and learn.
Knowledge is power. It is no substitute for a spiritual life, or of 'constant thought of others', but in order to behave well, it IS necessary to INFORM ourselves. Not in order to feel sorry for ourselves, but to understand ourselves better, with the aim of avoiding some of the more predictable booby traps. Education is a good thing. Anything that shows us our demons is a good thing. We need to be able to see them in order to overcome them. We cannot fight what we cannot see.

Right I better be off. Have a nice Tuesday!

"Do you think honesty comes in degrees? Or is it all or nothing?"

Door at UCL, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

I saw this posed on another blog and thought it was an interesting question. Anyway, here's what I make of it.

"Do you think honesty comes in degrees? Or is it all or nothing? "

Neither. Those two alternatives are too limiting.
Holding back keeps you in a retrogressive (and very repetitive) groove, regardless of how often you are honest with the less ego puncturing things.
Secondly, its the effort and the intention that betrays the caliber of ones honesty, not the result.
Going to ANY lengths? Well that's gold plated, lustrous and beautiful.
Half measures? Looks as unattractive as it feels.
There is no need to reconfigure the 'terms and conditions' of the AA programme to fulfill a personal definition. Every word in there tells you EXACTLY what you need to know. You need no further definitions.
I am certain, that you KNOW, without a ! moments hesitation, whether you are going to 'any lengths' to tell the ego puncturing truth. Or not.
See? There's your answer.

I have a TON of half finished posts ! Too do because I am in the midst of preparing for a VERY busy academic year. I am VERY!!!! Excited!
Hopefully I will find the time to post them while I go on an shopping spree, and what have you. (Any excuse!)
I WISH I could tell you how many COOL things have 'rearranged' themselves to make my life workable. I have a pretty busy schedule at the best of times, but I need to get quite ! creative when I put some MORE stuff on my plate.
Suffice to say. God is !!! good! Hahaa.
Anyway. That's another post really..
Right. Gotta go.
Bear with me on the comment moderation. There is a 'Restless irritable and discontent' commenter doing the rounds. Again! No change there then!
Right the gym beckons. As does the desperately alluring Apple store..
Have a great Tueday y'all!

(Yeah and three cheers for Johno on getting in to the new course)
Kudos! See? It works!

Constant thought of Others (Not just Newcomers): ALL life situations can be viewed as "An Opportunity for Service"

There is nothing more to life than giving. Being helpful. Its the only reason we're here really. To TRY to help one another.
See the film Groundhog day.
Any life lived in the absence of 'giving' is a life not worth having. Well that's what I think. A spirit of generosity is EVERYTHING. Without it, it is a VERY grey lackluster world.
This is a clip from the film Groundhog Day with Bill Murray.
"Helping others IS the foundation of your recovery". (p97)
"CONSTANT thought of Others and how we can help meet their needs" (p20)

Service is NOT something you do at the weekends. Or something you reserve for newcomers. It is an ATTITUDE. A service mindset.
ALL life situations can be viewed as 'An opportunity for service"
Just requires a little imagination. That's all.
Job, prayer life, family life. EVERYTHING can be done with an ATTITUDE of EITHER Self Seeking OR Self Forgetting.
EVE-RY-THING!

Alcoholics are APPALLINGLY Self centered. This CHRONIC self obsession is the root of their suffering. And poisons their experience of their life no matter HOW many fortunate circumstances they may obtain. Including fortunate religious circumstances.

If ALL you do is help the occasional newcomer, and then go right back to being CHRONICALLY SELF OBSESSED, in ALL your affairs, you will CONTINUE to suffer.

Self Seeking v's Self Forgetting
So basically Newcomers are your BEST CHANCE at grasping the importance of not being SELF OBSESSED.
If you think you can view Service as being CONFINED to newcomers, you are SORELY mistaken.
Until you TRANSFER the SKILL of SELF FORGETTING , FIRST acquired whilst working with newcomers, TO EVERY OTHER AREA OF YOUR LIFE , you will continue to "step on the toes of your fellows and they retaliate". (p62)

"Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate" (p62)

So yeah. The first 100 members were Not talking out of their A*SE when they said
"Helping others IS the foundation of your recovery".

Trust me. Its the truth. Whether you like it or not.
Helping NOT JUST NEWCOMERS.
Helping FULL STOP.

That's why they say:
"Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of MAXIMUM helpfulness to others." (p102) Big Book.

OTHERS.
Not JUST newcomers.

Yeah newcomers get PRIORITY. Why?
"Our PRIMARY purpose is to STAY sober and HELP other ALCOHOLICS to ACHIEVE sobriety." (From The AA Preamble)

So yeah. They get TOP priority. In terms of free time. (If any!)
But AFTER that, we help 'others'.
Ie ANYBODY.
Not just arbitrarily.
"Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of MAXIMUM helpfulness to others." (p102) Big Book.

Ie in a way that helps as MANY as possible. So try to help in such a way that brings the greatest benefit to the greatest number with the limited resources of time and energy you have. It is a complex moral argument. One has to delegate time and energy with the consideration of the potential impact one can make. An ineffectual and time consuming ATTEMPT to help, deprives many others who COULD have been helped with a better course of action or a more effectual strategy.
So basically its a very STRATEGIC approach to the expenditure of ones time and energy in trying to help others.

My EXPERIENCE is that when I pursue a life goal with a SELF SEEKING motive
I do not have as much success in achieving that goal, as when I adopt a SELF FORGETTING motive.
My mind is clearer, when I adopt the latter.
I can see the wood for the trees.
More is revealed.
Plus I don't p*ss people off nearly as much.
I meet the right people at the right time.
I 'bump into' the right information.
It just 'works' better.

Yeah DESPERATION gets results too. But the emotional 'fallout' for THAT coping mechanism is VERY high. Its a very UPTIGHT condition to maintain. Unless you plan on anesthetizing yourself with mind altering drugs to 'take the edge off', you could end up like a VERY !!! tightly coiled spring!

How do you know when you are doing this thing?
When you keep having the experience Bill Murray has when he is on the dance floor in the movie Groundhog Day. Ie Almost every conversation he has includes an expression of appreciation for a past act of some sort. There is also some unspoken appreciation which is just as real, but doesn't take the form of words. Its not that difficult to tell when one is appreciated. If people are always glad to see us, we can assume they benefit from their association with us.

But the rule is. Just like Bill Murray does in the film..
YOU DO THESE THINGS ONLY !! TO THE EXTENT THAT THEY LIFT ! YOUR SPIRITS.
If you become a MARTYR
You get 'NIL POINTS'

Why?
Because by becoming a MARTYR
You place yourself in BREACH of the EXPLICIT instruction
"We (meaning the first 100 members) are SURE that GOD WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY JOYOUS AND FREE" p133 Big Book
"WE (meaning the first 100 members) ABSOLUTELY INSIST on ENJOYING LIFE" p132 Big Book

So, Get off the cross we need the wood
Do it like Bill Murray instead.
Have some FUN with it for Gods sakes!

Perhaps that clarifies what I mean when I use the word 'service' better..
Have a good Monday y'all.. Keep on keepin on as they say..

I have a great life, but I would lack the POWER to enjoy it if I did not "Perfect and enlarge my spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice"

I have a great life, (in my opinion anyway) but I would lack the POWER to enjoy it if I did not:
"perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others," (p14)

""Lack of power, that was our dilemma."
as they say.
"we could wish to be philosophically comforted, (ie enjoy all our COOL STUFF) in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly." (p45)"

Service. Helping others achieve sobriety, and having a life purpose of "constant thought of others and how I can meet their needs" (p20) is the lynch pin of ALL my inner joy.
So, How many newcomers are you helping stay sober these days?
They are TOTALLY mind altering!

People think I am being 'nice' because I try to be helpful. But I am am taking care of ME. Of MY life.
I KNOW that the less self centered I am the BETTER my life works. So keeping my brain in "constant thought of others and how I can meet their needs" (p20) 'gear', by trying to help alcoholics for a short while every day, is no big deal. I see it like brushing my teeth. Or having a shower. It takes about the same amount of time, so what's the problem? Doesn't feel like sacrifice to me. It feels good. Why else would I do it?

So what I'm saying is
SERVICE MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD
"constant thought of others and how I can meet their needs" (p20) MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD

I have cool things in my life, but where does my joy emanate from?
SERVICE
Weird huh?
I've long since stopped trying to figure it out. All I know is THAT'S HOW IT IS. That's how life WORKS.
So that's what I do.
Easy really.

"Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now." (p124)
"If an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the CERTAIN trials and low spots ahead" (p14)
"Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives."

So if you want to feel gloriously !! happy, fulfilled, and have a sense of meaning and purpose
GO GRAB YOURSELF A PERSON NEWER THAN YOU
And pass on WHATEVER you know. NOMATTTER HOW LITTLE.
Hey you gotta start somewhere.
Just TRY to be helpful. That's all. Just do your lousy best and let go of the outcome.

Then, you can enjoy all the !! Cool things in your life!! Excellent huh?
Oh yeah. And it practically GUARANTEES you stay sober!!
Why?
"Chapter 7 Working with others. Practical experience shows that NOTHING will so much insure immunity from drinking as INTENSIVE work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail." (p89)

So its a DOUBLE WIN really...
Have a nice Thursday y'all..

Short of Newcomers to talk AT? (heheee) : New Ladies in Blogland.

Feeling Restless, irritable and discontent?
That feeling of something missing?
A 'God shaped hole' perhaps?

What you need, is a MIND ALTERING NEWCOMER!!
FREE in every AA meeting!!
GUARANTEED to make you feel happy joyous and free in 5 minutes or your money back!
Remember. "It works when ALL else fails" *
TRY ONE TODAY!!
(Hey, and you're NEVER too new, to start giving it away to keep it! Kindness costs nothing!)

* It works when other activities fail. (p89)
Hehehee. Sorry I know its a c*ap joke, but I couldn't help myself.

So yeah.
The Newcomer is THE most important person in the room. (As they say)
Even if the room is a virtual one!
Besides, Its always a little opportunity for service.
From what I can see, the new ladies around at the moment seem to be...
Katia at Seeking the Cranberry(First meeting yesterday. Bless er!)
Lea at Recovering Wino
Johna at My Lifetime Movie
Krista at Wine-O
Clarity at Clarity Case
Kathym at Gospodi Pomiluj
Ms Shadow at one door away from heaven.10 months ALREADY! Time FLIES huh? Practically an old timer already!
Ms V at Onward

(Haven't posted for a while, but you just never know..)
Rhonda at journey to Wellness
SE at The World of an Addict

"Actually, he may be helping you more than you are helping him. Make it plain he is under no obligation to you, that you hope only that he will try to help other alcoholics when he escapes his own difficulties. Suggest how important it is that he place the welfare of other people ahead of his own. Make it clear that he is not under pressure, that he needn’t see you again if he doesn’t want to. You should not be offended if he wants to call it off, for he has helped you more than you have helped him. If your talk has been sane, quiet and full of human understanding, you have perhaps made a friend. Maybe you have disturbed him about the question of alcoholism. This is all to the good. The more hopeless he feels, the better. he will be more likely to follow your suggestions." (p94)

Have I missed any? REALLY new ones I mean.
I have some more listed on my sidebar on the right under Alcoholic bloggers under one year.
Tell me some more if you know of any...

How it DOESN'T work: 26 Methods that FAIL UTTERLY: Religion, Therapy, Will power, Self knowledge etc

Ancient carving of Mara: He is a tempter, distracting humans from practicing the spiritual life by making the mundane alluring or the negative seem positive., originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

Heheh. The poor bloke in the picture! Reminds me of some of my former Sponsees on a bad day! Or before they do the 6 things! should I say! Right, anyway..Back to the subject in hand..
These are things which I see as part of Step 1. Step 1 is EXHAUSTING. This is part of the education as to what recovery asks of us. What Is required to succeed. And why previous attempts have failed.
I think ALL my Sponsees were women who had failed at sobriety previously. Either because they could not stop drinking, or they were suicidally depressed and felt life was not worth living sober. Ie they were at the jumping off place.
Basically, they are people who have 'been through the system' and it just hasn't worked. Often they are disillusioned with AA, and the programme, and they expect to fail. Again. Part of what I do, is identify what was missing from their previous approach. This is not entirely necessary, but I have come to actually quite enjoy ferreting out the offending action, or inaction. This does not mean they choose to use the information immediately. Some do. Others are 'bludgeoned into humility by pain and unremitting suffering'. But anyway, this will hopefully give you an idea of what I have learned is no substitute for the AA programme, and in many cases impedes the programme when employed prior to being restored to sanity as a result of the steps.So here goes. This is a LONG one, so you may need a STRONG cup of coffee to get to the end! Heheh.

"If you want to hide something from an alcoholic, put it in the Big Book"

In my ? 'introduction' I say "I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's BEST KEPT SECRET a lot of the time. (In my opinion). "
The reason I say this, is because 99 times out of 100, the alcoholics I bump into in meetings are OBLIVIOUS to the points I list below, despite having read the big book MANY times, yet evidentially have FAILED to study adequately.
Studying something bears NO resemblance to READING something.
This is why I INSIST on Sponsees buying fluorescent markers and a FULL size hard backed copy of the big book, so that thy will haven enough room to DIFFERENTIATE these passages, and many others. Otherwise they stand NO CHANCE WHATSOVER of finding them again. Quickly and efficiently anyhow. And I don't know about you, but I have a LIFE to be getting on with. I do not have time to waste looking for passages again and AGAIN, instead of simply highlighting it once, or making a note in the margin. Life is TOO SHORT!
Anyway. Like I say, here are some EXTREMELY EXPLICIT INSTRUCTIONS from the Big Book that MANY alcoholics I meet HAVE NO IDEA EXIST. Which is a shame. But like every other thing in AA, is NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
90% of these points I learned from the "Favorite old timer" in my old home group. One of the things he used to say (That his sponsor told him) was:
"REALLY get to know the Big Book. Because you may be the ONLY walking Big Book you ever meet'
I used to think that was a bit melodramatic, and grandiose. I wish that were the case. Instead, I find many (!!) alcoholics are unaware of these, and many other EXPLICIT and UNCOMPROMISING STATEMENTS in the basic text. I would like it to be different. Because I would like the degree of suffering to be the minimum. But I am not 'running the show'. So instead I do my lousy best to pass on what I consider myself VERY lucky to have learned. If anyone picks it up and uses it, great, if not, well I never had any power over those people anyway, so it makes no difference.

Disclaimer:
Oh yeah, and if some of the things on the list 'shock' and 'horrify' you, don't take it up with me, take it up with the first 100 members!!
I happen to have found that the things that the first members documented have been true IN MY EXPERIENCE and the experience of others that I have observed using both the the same method as myself and different versions than the one I use. 20 years of 'unofficial' clinical observation, if you like.
I do NOT insist that you agree with me OR them. Because what you make of these IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
So make of them what you will. I list them here for your information. Nothing more.
Like most things in life, applying ANY principle without common sense or with the wisdom of an experienced assistant (ie sponsor) can end up with disastrous results. So don't blame me, If you apply ANY of these in an incredibly kack-handed way, and suffer as a result. That's what sponsors are for!
What I am NOT saying, is that these things have no value at all. Because that's not what the first 100 members said either. These methods fail as ALTERNATIVES TO THE PROGRAMME OF RECOVERY, not !! as a WAY OF PRACTICNG ASPECTS THE SUGGESTED PROGRAMME IN ITS ENTIRETY. But I'm too tired to explain that now. Enough! Another day!
Anyway, I'm waffling now. Here's the list.

How it DOESN'T work.
1. Religion.
2. Human power.
3. Therapy.
4. Self knowledge.
5. Humiliation (The memory of.)
6. Half measures. (As opposed to "Any lengths'.)
7. Holding on to your OLD IDEAS. (This is EASILY the TOUGHEST requirement.)
8. A Mental Defence.
9. Thinking. (As opposed to ACTION. i.e.: Trying to THINK yourself well)
10. Will power. (i.e.: White knuckle. Self will. 'Trying hard', Exerting oneself.)
11. Keeping on guard.
12. Avoiding temptation .
13. Moral and philosophical convictions.
14. Just not drinking.
15. Just going to meetings.
16. Kidding (deluding) yourself that you are enjoying sobriety when deep down you are NOT.
17. Having a "Befogged" brain.
18. Your conduct continues to harm others. (And you are not sorry.)
19. Self reliance.
20. Self Confidence.
21. Constant thought of SELF.
22. Indulging the 'dubious luxury" of anger, resentment, retaliation, or argument.
23. Trying to keep ego puncturing admissions to yourself (You are as sick as your secrets.)
24. An 'easier softer' way.
25. Being Vague.
26. Not COMPLETELY 'giving yourself' to THIS simple program.

(All Page references below refer to the Basic Text of Alcoholics Anonymous.)
1. Religion.
"Your prospect may belong to a religious denomination. His religious education and training may be FAR superior to yours. In that case he is going to wonder how you can add anything to what he already knows. But he well be curious to learn why his own convictions have not worked and why yours seem to work so well. He may be an example of the truth that faith alone is insufficient." (p93)
"He interrupted: "I used to be strong for the church but that won’t fix it. I’ve prayed to God on hangover mornings and sworn that I’d never touch another drop but by nine o’clock I’d be boiled as an owl." (p157)
"Then he (the Lawyer) added, "He (God) sure didn’t do much for me when I was trying to fight this booze racket alone." (p158)
("Alone" here refers to without OTHER ALCOHOLICS as opposed to other similarly inclined religious people.)
"To be vital, faith MUST be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive ACTION." (p93)
"Though not a religious person, I have profound respect for the SPIRITUAL approach in such cases as yours. For most cases, there is virtually no other solution." (p43)

2. Human power.
(that includes therapists, Priests, etc as the last time I heard, they are STILL using human ones.)
"No human power could have relieved our alcoholism." (p63)
"Neither he nor ANY other human being can provide such a defense. His defense MUST come from a Higher Power." (p43)
"Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly." (p45)
"Something more than human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change." (pXXVII)
"There is NO doubt in my mind that you were 100% hopeless, apart from DIVINE help." (p43)

3. Therapy.
(ie Human power)
"Neither he nor ANY other human being can provide such a defense. His defense MUST come from a Higher Power." (p43)
"No human power could have relieved our alcoholism." (p63)
(Doesn't say, "except for therapists, or religious people")
"Something more than human power is needed to produce the essential psychic change." (pXXVII)
"He had consulted the BEST known American psychiatrists. Then he had gone to Europe, placing himself in the care of a celebrated physician (the psychiatrist, Dr. Jung) who prescribed for him. Though experience had made him skeptical, he finished his treatment with unusual confidence. His physical and mental condition were unusually good. Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable. Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time. More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall." (p26)
"There is NO doubt in my mind that you were 100% hopeless, apart from DIVINE help." (p43)

4. Self knowledge.
"The actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly any exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge. This is a point we wish to emphasize and re-emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience." (p39)
"Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable. Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time. More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall." (p26)
"Why was it, when these dangers were pointed out that they agreed, and then got drunk again immediately?(p107)
"I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots." (p42)

5. Humiliation.
(the memory of)
"We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink." (p24)
"The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove." (p24)
"This time I had not thought of the consequences at all." (p41)
"Why was it, when these dangers were pointed out that they agreed, and then got drunk again immediately?(p107)
"Why could they not see that drink meant ruin to them? (p107)

6. Half measures.
(As opposed to "Any lengths')
"Half measures availed us NOTHING" (p59)
"We believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution." (p25)
"The result was NIL until we let go ABSOLUTELY." (p58)
"IF you have decided you WANT what we have and are willing to go to ANY LENGTHS to get it- THEN you are ready to take certain steps. (p58)
"Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to ANY LENGTHS to find a spiritual experience" (p79)
"Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to ANY LENGTHS for victory over alcohol." (p76)

7. Holding on to your OLD IDEAS.
(This is EASILY the TOUGHEST requirement.)
"Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and THE RESULT WAS NIL until we let go ABSOLUTELY." (p58)

8. A Mental Defence.
(ie: thinking in the form of reliance on ones thinking to 'save' you from temptation)
"We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink." (p24)
"neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power." (p43)
"The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove." (p24)
"They prophesied that if I had an alcoholic mind, the time and place would come-I would drink again. They had said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink. Well, just that did happen and more, for what I had learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all. I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. (p41)
"I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots."
(p42)
"This time I had not thought of the consequences at all." (p41)
"Why was it, when these dangers were pointed out that they agreed, and then got drunk again immediately?(p107)

9. Thinking.
(As opposed to ACTION. ie: Trying to THINK yourself well.)
"Outline the PROGRAM OF ACTION, explaining how you made a self-appraisal, how you straightened out your past and why you are now endeavoring to be helpful to him (p94)
"the spiritual answer and PROGRAM OF ACTION which a hundred of them had followed successfully." (p42)
"They had told of a simple religious idea and a practical PROGRAM OF ACTION." (p69)
"To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive ACTION." (p93)
"This is not all. There is ACTION and MORE ACTION “Faith without works is dead.” (p88)
"We pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or ACTION." (p87)
"We have then completed Step Seven. Now we need MORE ACTION, without which we find that “Faith without works is dead.” (p76)
Chapter 6 Into ACTION (p72)
"Next we launched out on a course of vigorous ACTION" (p63)
"The two friends spoke of their spiritual experience and told him about THE COURSE OF ACTION they carried out." (p157)
"You may suggest A DEFINITE COURSE OF ACTION" (p142)

10. Will power.
(ie: White knuckle. Self will. 'Trying hard', Exerting oneself.)
"Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent." (p24)
"Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly." (p45)
"In alcoholics the will is amazingly weakened when it comes to combating liquor, though if often remains strong in other respects." (p7)
"The queer mental condition surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the will power." (p92)
"I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots." (p42)
"What has become of the common sense and will power that he still sometimes displays with respect to other matters?" (p102)
"The man agreed that no amount of will power he might muster could stop his drinking for long. A spiritual experience, he conceded, was absolutely necessary" (p155)
"Such codes and philosophies did not save us, NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE TRIED" (p45)
"Can you discard the feeling that you are dealing only with habit, with stubbornness, or a weak will? If this presents difficulty, re-reading chapters two and three, where alcoholic sickness is discussed at length might be worth while. (p140)
"How could they be so blind about themselves? What had become of their judgment, their common sense, their will power? Why could they not see that drink meant ruin to them? Why was it, when these dangers were pointed out that they agreed, and then got drunk again immediately?(p107)
"We had gone on drinking many years beyond the point where we could quit on our will power." (p34)
"His human will had failed" (p11)
"Oh no,” said my friend, “this chap is either through with liquor, or he is minus a job. If he has your will power and guts, he will make the grade.”
I wanted to throw up my hands in discouragement, for I saw that I had failed to help my banker friend understand. He simply could not believe that his brother-executive suffered from a serious illness." (p139)
"I felt I had every right to be self-confident, that it would be only a matter of exercising my WILL POWER and keeping on guard." (p40)

11. Keeping on guard.
"We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink." (p24)
"I felt I had every right to be self-confident, that it would be only a matter of exercising my will power and keeping on guard." (p40)
"Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever against the first drink. This time I had not thought of the consequences at all." (p41)

12. Avoiding temptation.
(without doing the programme of recovery.)
"Any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure." (p101)
"Nor are you trying to run his life so he will be shielded from temptation to drink. If he is conscientiously following the program of recovery he can go anywhere your business may call him." (p147)
"Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do." (p100)
"We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything!" (p101)
"Our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there." (p101)

13. Moral and philosophical convictions.
"We found that such codes and philosophies DID NOT SAVE US, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly." (p45)
"Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to." (p62)

14. Just not drinking.
"We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough." (p82)
"Cessation of drinking is but the first step away from a highly strained, abnormal condition." (p122)
"Those who DO NOT RECOVER are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program" (p58)
"Half measures availed us NOTHING" (p59)

15. Just going to meetings.
(As opposed to COMPLETELY giving oneself to THIS simple programme)
"Those who DO NOT RECOVER are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to THIS simple program" (p58)
"Half measures availed us NOTHING" (p59)

16. Kidding (deluding) yourself that you are enjoying sobriety when deep down you are NOT.
"We smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give ANYTHING to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn’t happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol." (p152)

17. Having a "Befogged" brain.
"It is IMPERATIVE that a man’s brain be cleared BEFORE he is approached"
( pxxiv)

18. Your conduct continues to harm others. (And you are not sorry).
"If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, WE ARE QUITE SURE TO DRINK We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience" (p70)

19. Self Reliance.
"Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, BUT IT DIDN'T GO FAR ENOUGH. (p68)

20. Self Confidence.
"Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or ANY other." (p68)

21. Constant thought of SELF.
"Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of OTHERS and how we may help meet THEIR needs." (p20)
"Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery." (p97)
"A kindly act once in a while isn’t enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be." (p97)
"Chapter 7 Working with others. Practical experience shows that NOTHING will so much insure immunity from drinking as INTENSIVE work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail." (p89)
"Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others" (p107)
"Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life" (p86)
"The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others." (p74)
"Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now." (p124)
"If an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the CERTAIN trials and low spots ahead" (p14)

22. Indulging the 'dubious luxury" of anger, resentment, retaliation, or argument.
"If we were to live, we HAD to be free of anger". (p66)
"The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison". (p66)
"Resentment is the "number one" offender. It DESTROYS more alcoholics than ANYTHING else". (p66)
"This business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is FATAL. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die." (p66)
"The more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got" (p66)
"It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness". (p66)
"These resentments MUST be mastered". (p66)
"From it (meaning resentment) stem ALL forms of spiritual disease". (p64)
"To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore". (p66)
"The world and its people really dominated us". (p66)
"God save me from being angry. Thy will be done. We avoid retaliation or argument." (p67)
"If your husband is trying to live on a spiritual basis, he will also be doing everything in his power to avoid disagreement or contention." (p118)

23. Trying to keep ego puncturing admissions to yourself
(You are as sick as your secrets.)
"Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost Invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story." (p74)
"More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. He is very much the actor. To the outer world he presents his stage character. This is the one he likes his fellows to see. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesn’t deserve it."(p73)

24. An 'easier softer' way.
"Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost Invariably they got drunk." (p72)
"At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not." (p58)

25. Being Vague.
"It would be EASY to be vague about this matter. Yet, we believe we can make some DEFINITE and valuable suggestions." (p86)
"If you are an alcoholic who wants to get over it, you may already be asking-"What do I have to do?"
It is the purpose of this book to answer such questions SPECIFICALLY. We shall tell you what we have done." (p20)
".wants to recover and that he will go to ANY extreme to do so, you may suggest a DEFINITE course of ACTION" (p15)

26. Not COMPLETELY 'giving yourself' to THIS (!) simple program.
(NOT!! 'Mary's program', 'Frank's Program', or the 'Hazeltwig program'. THIS !!! program.)
"Those who DO NOT RECOVER are people who cannot or will not COMPLETELY give themselves to THIS (!!!) simple program" (p58)
"Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and THE RESULT WAS NIL until we let go ABSOLUTELY." (p58)
"Half measures availed us NOTHING" (p59)
"We believe there is NO middle-of-the-road solution." (p25)
"We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not." (p58)

Phew! Have a GREAT Sunday y'all. Time for my run!

If Jane Tomlinson's example doesn't convince you there's NO excuse for Self Pity. NOTHING will..

Ancient Statue of Buddha Room 33 British Museum, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

From the Guardian. Although you can find this story in MANY newspapers online. I just picked the Guardian article at random.

The tireless charity fundraiser Jane Tomlinson has died. The mother-of-three took up running after being diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2000 and told she had six months to live.
In the following seven years she raised £1.75m for charities, most of it through feats of endurance which included cycling from Italy to Yorkshire and across the US, as well as numerous marathons and gruelling ironman events.

Here's an interview with Jane Tomlinson that was broadcast on Womens Hour on radio 4 today.

Pining? Song 4 Mutya: Don't react now. You can't go back now. Just look ahead now.

Yeah I know. I'm just indulging myself now. But I meet quite a few 'heartbroken' types in the rooms, pining for somebody who rejected them.
I like Johno's maxim, "Rejection is God's Protection'.
I must say I HAVE found this to be the case. EVERY time.
But for those of you that are still ? Convinced that these former liaisons have any redeeming merit, I thought this tune might cheer you up a bit. Besides, the message, is very true.

"Just as soon as I'm on top of my life, there you are again
But don't react now. You can't go back now.
Don't panic, panic, (Mutya), Just look ahead now."
Groove armada: Song for Mutya

Plus I just like Groove armada AND Mutya from the Sugarbabes. I think she looks GREAT in this vid. Not 'dull , boring and glum, like some righteous folk I see". I LOVE it when women look strong, confident, and sassy. Cheers me up!

"Am I to be consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum, like some righteous people I see?" (p152)
..er ..NO.
Since when did being 'Spiritual" mean wearing Beige and not being funky? Nah. Tambourines and sandals are not necessary. Thank GOD. Personally I find that there is nothing very conservative about a spiritual life. It forces me to question EVERYTHING, and maintain a flexible open minded attitude to things. Scary, but very refreshing at the same time.

Anyway, I'm glad her solo career seems to be taking off as she seems like a nice human being. GA are pretty cool too mind you.

And even more pointless! Little bit of eye candy. Here are some pointless . pics . of . the . Groove Armada Guys who I think are pretty easy on the eye as it happens.

God's Beauty Parlor: Sobriety can be INCREDIBLY !! anti ageing

Just thought I would mention that not drinking can be VERY anti aging. Alcohol makes you red faced, bloated and puffy and dehydrates the skin a LOT. I always say to new ladies. Get sober purely for the sake of VANITY!! (In my opinion) people can age REALLY well in recovery. If you play your cards right.

I saw these photos in today's Mail and was REALLY shocked !! at how aged these women look at age 45. (Yeah I know its the Daily Mail, but I get it free in the gym, so I think of it as a free rag.)
The very ! GOOD news about not drinking, (and not smoking) is that is is VERY anti ageing. Thank GOD. ..So just ANOTHER reason for you ladies to order sparkling water with a slice of lime instead!

Pauline Rees, 45-year-old mother of five. Ouch!
Atricle is called:One big happy family: Scrounging grandmother's pride at daughters' teenage pregnancies
Jacqueline Simpson, 45. Double ouch.
Article is about: Grandmother of girl mauled to death was 'high on drink and drugs' and opened door to killer pit bull

Let that be a lesson all you newcomer ladies! It ALL helps. Besides cosmetic surgery is SOoo expensive these days..
You will save yourselves a FORTUNE in botox, and everything else..

But yeah sunscreen helps too. And glasses of water. But an alcohol free lifestyle can work WONDERS. And of course there's that inner beauty too, because a peaceful and positive attitude is VERY attractive to others.
Which just makes you look even BETTER!!
Trust me ladies. Its a WIN WIN situation!

Untreated Alcoholism: 'Stinking thinking". The STEPS are the answer. NOT Self Knowledge, or Will Power.

Inside All Saints Margaret Street Church London, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

"Stinking Thinking leads to Drinking"

This is for those of you who are new, and have not yet got a Sponsor, and started working through the Steps, as laid out in the Basic Text of AA. (The Big Book)
I remember I had to hear AA members repeat this SO !! MANY TIMES before I really HEARD it. That's why I'm spelling it out here. !

Lets say you have reached a point after starting coming to meetings where you are just beginning to see that instead of being a 'nice person'. Or a 'victim of circumstance', that actually, you have a little more 'stinking thinking' than you first realized. (!!!)
That actually you are a bit ! selfish.
That actually you have about as much gratitude as a gnats chuff.
That actually people annoy you quite a LOT.
That the general conversation, 'washing machine' thoughts that rumble around in your head, ARENT ACTUALLY THAT !!!! POSITIVE.

Well at this point it is tempting to think, that what AA offers is something 'educational' or 'self aware'. A bit like therapy perhaps. This is not so. Not entirely anyway. Self knowledge plays a PART, but not a very BIG part. The 'meat and potatoes' is in the STEPS. Well that's what I've found anyway.
Right. So regarding those negativities or mental 'defects' that you have started to spot..
"Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power."
p62

"We found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn´t there. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly."
p45

"the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly any exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge. This is a point we wish to emphasize and re-emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience."
p39

And regarding any thoughts about drinking you may be experiencing..
"Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense MUST come from a Higher Power."
p43

"No human power could have relieved our alcoholism." (Doesn't say, "except for Mary, Joan, or Bridget')
p60

So if the problem isn't ''selfishness' (or any other 'stinking thinking" ) as such. What IS the problem?
"Lack of power, that was our dilemma. we had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power?
Well, that´s exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem."
p45

So how exactly am I supposed to " find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem."?
"Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery"
p59
"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps"
p60

So. There's your answer.
The STEPS will restore you to sanity.
Which will enable you to have a mental defence against alcohol. See page 84.

(After step 9) regarding alcohol:
"We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. WE react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid."
p84

And will provide you with the 'needed power" to do many things which until now have been beyond reach. Such as to act in keeping with the " moral and philosophical convictions galore" which you have, but are unable to live up to. Eg selfishness etc.

But to do the steps, you will need a sponsor. The more contented the better, the more peace of mind the better. Find the best available woman in your neighborhood and ask her to take you through the first nine steps. After that its just maintenance.
But most importantly,
"the (drink) problem has been removed. It does not exist for us."
p84

Which is why we all showed up in AA in the first place, lets face it!

So happy hunting! And I hope you find a good un!

Deep Deep Joy!

Dalai Lama Ticket May 2008, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

Deep Joy.
Block FBC is the second !! block from the front. The front block is full of die hard ninja types and monks. Religious types and what have you. So I will be near all them. VERY VERY cool. I cannot WAIT.
Early bird gets a seat near the front!!
Hehee
!! Excited now!!

I just LOVE this stuff. Even though most of it goes RIGHT over my head. !!! I can't WAIT. I LOVE this stuff. Don't know why. I just DO.
Anyway. Have a GREAT Friday y'all!

Karma 'Speeds up': Things coming to a head. Things coming to FRUITION.

Ancient Statue of a Bodhisattva in Room 33 of the British Museum, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

Things coming to FRUITION.
Ripening to their inevitable outcome FASTER.

One of the things I tell people who start doing (what I consider to be GOOD) Step 11 practice. With powerful energetic Teachers. (As not all have very strong energy.)

(By the way you can empower yourself by practicing 'constant thought of others, maximum helpfulness' but that's another story.)

Here is a passage from Step 12 section of a guy from my homegroup about how we were 'taught' Step 12.
"AA Service
RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING in AA, we should start trying to adopt AN ATTITUDE OF SERVICE and a what-can-I-contribute approach IN ALL AREAS OF OUR LIVES However, for the alcoholic, it is VITAL that this should include PARTICULARLY (!!) passing on the message of AA’s programme of recovery on to suffering alcoholics.
This can take a variety of forms, direct or indirect, and can be aimed at both alcoholics who are already in AA in the AA group; and those who are outside AA and yet to stop through the Intergroup and General Service structures and even just as we go about our daily lives. The chapter Working With Others in the Big Book is the primary source for guidance here. The Twelve Traditions are invaluable to us in our consideration of how best to carry the message."
This is from the website called miseryisoptional.info

Anyway I digress. As !!! Usual.
Ok .
If you have been 'zapped' by a GOOD step 11
OR
If you have been 'zapped' by EFFECTIVELY helping newcomers.

THEN
You effectively have generated a TON of extra 'energy'.
This has the effect of 'cooking' you FASTER.

So,
The water reaches the boil FASTER than it would ordinarily.
Mind states change more frequently.
Insight occurs more often.
The penny drops more often.
The veil is lifted more often.
Our emotions evolve more often.
The 'furniture in our head' is rearranged more often.

Basically EVERYTHING SPEEDS UP.
NOTHING stays the same!
Its a bit of a rollercoaster ride to be honest. Hold onto your hats!

The furniture thing. Let me explain.
Ok.
Its like you went to bed with all the furniture in the usual place.
Then you got up in the middle of the night to have a pee.
And none of he furniture is in the same place it was yesterday. And you keep bumping into things.
Some stuff is new and you're not sure where you got it.
Other stuff you can't find.
Other stuff you don't even notice was missing till years later.

Well that's what its like IN YOUR HEAD AND YOUR EMOTIONS when you are on a FUNCTIONING Spiritual path.
Well that's what I think anyway. No offence if you know what I mean.

Right I'll get to the point if it kills me!
Reality is in a constant state of flux and IMPERMANENCE is the Hallmark of reality.,
Everything is whirling around at the speed of light. Changing in a nano second.
Reality is very PLASTIC. Hinges on a thought, Hangs on one tiny action.
Its very fragile. Like a butterflies wing. And can change at a moments notice.

"And I'm a million different people from one day to the next"
The Verve. Bittersweet Symphony

Very true. Richard Ashcroft was more accurate than he realized.
Anyway.
Scary huh?
Most of us don't see this very much, because we are too busy hiding in our comfort zones and HABITUAL thinking.
Auto pilot basically. To give us the ILLUSION of stability. Heheh. No such thing!
Reality is MUCH more scary than that. MUCH more delicate and precarious. MUCH more random. Being honest with oneself of the true nature of things is not a 'comfort'. The comfort comes from ACCEPTING that this is how it is. Just making peace with it.Getting used to the sand shifting under your feet constantly.

Anyway! Before I go on for !!!!! Ever!
My POINT IS
Increasing your ? energetic condition, by either (properly) helping others, or doing (a good) step 11 moves you CLOSER to this reality.
Its like you moved closer to the 'fire' and you can feel the 'heat' more.
Things start moving around quicker.
Synchronicity kicks in.
Things just happen at the right time.
The right people show up.
You hear what you need to hear.
You get what you need. Even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

But IN ADDITION to that.
Things that 'aren't quite right'.
Guess what happens to them?
Yep!
Like I said before.
First you get a pebble.
Then you get a Brick.
Then you get a BOULDER!

Well when you are 'tuned in' and the spiritual path is 'working'
The Boulder comes FASTER
Sometimes MUCH FASTER

Its the law of consequences. Or Karma.
Karma is just another word for the 'fruition' of ones actions.

If I eat a cake every day. Eventually I will get fat. That's a KARMIC CONSEQUENCE of that action.
So don't think I'm being vague here. I'm not. I just like using the word karma to describe this thing. Its the same as consequence.

Why does the boulder come faster?
Well its like God decided to put you in th 'A' Stream instead of the usual 'D' stream.
See. You are no longer a Spiritual 'Nancy', so God figures he can 'up the stakes' with you a bit.
So its cool really. Means you have 'upped' a grade. Well that's how I see it.

By the way, this is NOT to be confused with people who experience CRISIS after CRISIS because their lives are hopelessly unmanageable. This has an ENTIRELY different quality to it.
This will ONLY happen to people who are SINCERELY trying to help others OR doing a GOOD step 11.
Meaning, if you are just some sort of a git, and make crummy choices, then yeah, the s*it WILL hit the fan. But that's not the same thing.
This has MUCH more of a flavor of SYNCHRONICITY about it.
So no. If you are not sincere, or your motives are ego feeding rather than to be of service, then its a different ball of wax.

I don't have time to give examples.
Heres one.
Sometimes the karmic consequence occurs SECONDS after the thought occurs.
I used to ALWAYS ALWAYS pay my travel fares.
One day for some ? Reason I forgot to buy more bus tickets.
THE MOMENT I realized I didn't have a travel pass that included the current day. (It had expired)
THE THOUGHT OCCURRED TO ME that I could just stay in the bus and not buy a new ticket before I got off.
The bus journey was 5 minutes tops.
I was tempted to not pay.
THE MOMENT I thought. Yeah why not. I'm only going to be on the bus for a few more minutes. Its too much hassle to get off the bus and get a new one. Ill be late for work anyway if I do. What the hell, I'll get a new pass when I get off later in the day.
DISHONEST.

GUESS WHAT HAPPENED
About 1 minute AFTER HAVING THAT THOUGHT
A ticket inspector got on. And started checking tickets.
As the bus was waiting to go off. I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO GET OFF THE BUS and buy a new one or else stay on and get a 10 pound fine. Or whatever it is that these guys do. Gawd knows.
Ok. To put this in context.
I went to that job for nearly ? 5 years.
Every day I got the bus 2-3 stops on the way there. 5 days a week.
Guess how often I saw a ticket inspector on the Bus during those 5 years?
ONCE.
Guess how often I THOUGHT about not paying my fare over those 5 years?
ONCE.
How much Step 11 was I doing then?
LOADS. With really cool people.

So there you go. Too long as usual! No change there!
I will have to do some more examples on another post.

DO YOU SEE WHY I BELIEVE WHAT WE THINK IS SO !! IMPORTANT?
There are plenty other examples. But I quite like that one. It was REALLY fast.
The boomerang came back WITHIN SECONDS.
So yeah. You have to stay on your toes if you plan on 'growing along spiritual lines'
Well that's what I think anyway.

Basically its all about MOTIVE.
So make yours 'For the benefit of all sentient beings' which is just another way of saying 'Maximum helpfulness'. Or "The greatest good for the greatest number'.
Its the BEST motive money can buy. If you ask me.

Anyway. Have a GREAT Thursday.
Sorry if that sounds a bit freaky or odd. Its just the mood I am in today. Whatever.
Please IGNORE it if it does your head in. Or ? it doesn't agree with you for some other reason.
See y'all!

Inspirational speech by Steve Jobs: Don't let the NOISE of OTHER'S OPINIONS drown out your OWN inner voice

"Your time is LIMITED.
So DON'T WASTE IT living SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE.
Don't be trapped by DOGMA.
which is living with the results of OTHER PEOPLE'S THINKING.

Don't let the NOISE of OTHER'S OPINIONS DROWN OUT your OWN INNER VOICE.

And MOST important,
Have the courage to FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND YOUR INTUITION.

They somehow ALREADY KNOW what you TRULY WANT to BECOME.

EVERYTHING else is secondary."

~Steve Jobs: From the speech he gives to College Graduates on You Tube.

"What you don’t have. You don’t need it now
What you don’t know, you can feel it somehow"
~U2 Beautiful Day.

I love this speech. Its great for those of you that are struggling with career issues, but its also just great for a bunch of other reasons. I LOVE what he says about intuition, and trying to not be BULLIED into conforming to other peoples viewpoints. Or redundant social norms.
Having said that, this applies AFTER step 9 as opposed to before really. But to some extent, you NEED to be able to use your intuition a BIT beforehand. If something smells a bit 'suss', then it may very well be just that.

"Common sense would thus become uncommon sense."
Chapter 1. Bill's Story p13

"We have begun to develop this vital sixth sense."
Chapter 6. Into Action p85

"We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while."
Chapter 6. Into Action p86

"We will intuitively know how to handle situations
which used to baffle us."
Chapter 6. Into Action p83

"I was to test my thinking
by the new God-consciousness within."
Chapter 1. Bill's Story page p13

"We ask God to direct our thinking."
Chapter 6. Into Action p86

"Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane"
Chapter 6. Into Action p86

"We ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought."
Chapter 6. Into Action p86

"We have entered the world of the Spirit."
Chapter 6. Into Action p84

15th Century Statue of the Bodhisattva Vajrasattva in Room 33 of the British Museum

15th Century Statue of the Bodhisattva Vajrasattva in Rm 33 British Museum, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

This is something for those that are planning on taking the The Vajrasattva Initiation in Nottingham, May 2008 with the Dalia Lama
I find it helpful to 'get to know' the ? Deities in question before I take an initiation. I was drawn to this statue the other day before I heard that the Dalai Lama was doing an initiation next year in May 2008. I nipped in toady in passing to see if there were any Vajrasattva statues in the museum and sure enough. There he/she/it was!!
Cool. Anyway Pictures work for me, so here is a pic of the 15th Century Statue from Nepal. The words underneath are the short form Mantra, which invokes the Deity. But you may be required to have an initiation before you actually use it. (!) Not sure. Haven't done my research yet. Some you do, some you don't. It is always wise to repeat these things respectfully, and that your motive for using them always be 'For the good of all sentient beings'. As opposed to some other motive.
Whatever. Hope you find the picture helpful, if you plan on attending next year. I just did it to help me get to know ? It better.

Its a really lovely statue. So many beautiful artifacts in Room 33..I LOVE that this stuff is so OLD. Real 'Tomb Raider' stuff..Worth a visit.

Total Lunar Eclipse visible in the US at 4am Tuesday morning

Breakfast coffee at Leadenhall Market in the City, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

Hey I feel pretty weird at the best of times, but the full moon makes me feel even more peculiar! So that's why I've been feeling a bit spaced out today. Moon is 99% full. Due to eclipse pretty soon. Except I won't be able to see it from here, but you guys in the US will
Here's a video explaining what happens and at what time. Pretty cool as it happens. But I love all that 'planet' stuff. Right I'm off. Hope you catch a glimpse of it. There will be plenty of info on this if you google lunar eclipse. See y'all..

Death: "Birth and Death are Just a Game of Hide and Seek" by Thich Nhat Hanh

Tibetan Buddha in Room 33 of the British Museum, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

This refers to a video called Birth and Death are Just a Game of Hide and Seek in my sidebar of a talk by hich Nhat Hanh in Sept 2005. I do not know how to post videos from google video so I'm including a link instead.

For those of you that feel ? Like something has been 'taken away' so to speak when a person dies, this video may help. I am of the belief that Thich Nhat Hanh has a better grasp of the nature of reality than most, so yes I know what he says might sound a bit odd, but he is very good at explaining these things in almost childlike terms. There is no real need to understand it in its infinite complexity. You just need a rough idea of how the dang thing works. That's all. HOW it works isn't necessary to know.

What he describes isn't as simple as reincarnation, if that's what you're thinking. For a start that would rely on the concept of a separate self. To a degree. He describes it much better than I ever could but basically he describes the inter connectedness of ALL things. Which is just another way of describing Non Duality. Which is the concept of only one 'person', as opposed to lots of separate selves. He describes the web of connections that connect us all. To everything and everybody. All the time. Whether we like it or not. The connections don't just exist in the present, they go back in time. Forward too probably. Gawd knows. So basically we are knitted into this fine web of connections to EVERYTHING.

In relation to people who have 'passed' this is relevant in that the connection is no less 'valid' due to the fact the person has passed. So basically we need never be alone again. And our loved ones are only a thought away. Well that's how I see it.

We cannot separate ourselves from them any more than we can separate ourselves from ourselves. Why? Because they ARE ourselves. Another leaf on the same tree, so to speak. We have no choice other than to be knitted together for all eternity. Whether we feel it or not. Whether we believe it or not.

Whatever. Now I'm just talking out of my a*se. So I'd better ! shut up. See I sounds like s*ite when I say it, but Thich Nhat Hanh, on the other hand, makes it sound terribly ordinary. Which is why he teaches all over the world, and I don't. Easy really!

But yes, I saw him do a very similar lecture in Scotland a couple of years ago. It blew me away. I have profound issues with death as I've been dealing with it since I was ? 4 or something. Basically I am programmed to expect death. Mine, or anyone else's I hold dear, or rely upon. Anything I love and value. I expect them to die, or for circumstances to 'take them away'. So this was a very powerful talk for me. It showed me I could never be separated from the most special people I have grown to love and value in this lifetime. Which was a wonderful gift from Thich Nhat Hanh. Like I say, Its not quite as simple as ? 'simple' reincarnation. More a continuum of connections that never 'disappears' as such, but manifests in an ever changing forms, and exists in states that have no intrinsic 'form' or 'shape'. Its just 'there', wherever 'there' is. But like I say. He sees it a DANG site better than I do, so listen to HIS version, not mine.

There is a pretty dull intro (in my opinion) by a woman host. I always skip the intro and go straight to the lecture. I have no patience!

Look I know this stuff seems WEIRD, but try to take it on trust that, that's really how it is, out there in the ether. (If you want to that is). I accept this stuff as reality. That's my choice, but I have come to believe that it is true.

Right I'm off then. Hope that's not too morose for you!

Dalai Lama: Vajrasattva Initiation and Bodhisattva Vow. Nottingham Sat 24th-Wed 28th May 2008

Amazing. His Holiness will be teaching in Nottingham in May 2008.. Thanks Johno for emailing me about it.

Regarding tickets. Floor seats are better (usually) as they can be closer to the stage.
Regarding hotels. I think the Nottingham Central Travelodge looks sufficient. 55 quid for a family room that can sleep three if you want ! it to. Starts early on Saturday morning. So book Sat, Sun, Mon and Tues night for the whole event.

There are two main events so to speak.
The Bodhisattva Vow.
The ceremony for engendering the Heart of Awakening - or bodhicitta. To generate the aspiration to attain enlightenment for the benefit of all beings and to enrol on the spiritual career of a Bodhisattva. Cool!

The Vajrasattva Initiation. Wednesday morning 28th May 08.
Vajrasattva is the buddha of purification. The meditation and recitation of Vajrasattva is considered supreme among all practices for the purification of all the accumulated negativities, illness and obscurations that are not inherently part of our true nature. A Sharp Weapon for the Total Elimination of Inner Darkness Caused by the Delusions and Distorted Emotions. Even better!

And some pretty !!! dense teachings, I would imagine. Not easy to grasp with the limits of the human mind. Unless you have many lifetimes of accumulated wisdom to draw from, and an above !!! Average mind. (Neither of which I have..)

General information on the Vajrasattva deity.

Nice old pic of the deity.

Downloadable Recording of the 100 syllable Vajrasattva Mantra sung by Khenchen Rinpoche

Recording of the 100 syllable Vajrasattva Mantra sung by Ven. Geshe Dakpa Topgyal.

Downloadable video of the 100 syllable Vajrasattva Mantra sung by Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche

Vajrasattva Invocation Mantra

OM VAJRA SATTVA HUNG

OM VAJRASATTVA HUM
OM VAJRA SATTO HUNG PHED

The 100 syllable Vajrasattva Mantra
-as described in Geshe Topgyal's: A Guide to Daily Vajrasattva Purification Practice and The Practice of the 35 Purification Buddhas - A Sharp Weapon for the Total Elimination of Inner Darkness Caused by the Delusions and Distorted Emotions)

OM
OM Banza Sato Samaya
Manu Palaya
Banza Sato Teno Per
Thi Kya Dri Dro Mey Bhawa
Suto Kyo Yo Mey Bhawa
Supo Kyo Yo Mey Bhawa:
Anu Rakto Mey Bhawa
Sawa Siti Mey Tra ya Tsa
Sawa Kama Sutsa Mey
Tsi Tam Shri Yam Kuru Hung
Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha Hoe Bha Gha Wana
Sava Tathagata
Banza Ma Mey Mun Zha
Bhan Zhi Bhawa
Maha Samaya Sato
Ah
Hung

See you there!

April was THREE on Thursday. Cool.

April is cool. Bless er. Go say Hi if you get the chance. She gets DISTINCTIONS and all that in her exams!! So I am (naturally) in awe!
Her Blog is A day in the life of Alcohol and drug Recovery

Can't stop I'm afraid..Gotta rush off to work now. See y'all..

Rest assured that my absence has NOTHING to do with either a) a fast moving truck, or b) large quantities of jack Daniels.. (or whatever it is ??? people drink these days.? .Bacardi breezers I think..)Work is BUSY and I've volunteered to help TRY get the stuff done. I dare say It won't last. 13hr days with NO breaks! Ha! Lunch is for WIMPS and all that..Hope y'all are having a GREAT sober time.. See yez later when I get a day off and I've managed to catch up with sleep..

Learning to trust the quiet inner voice: Christina Aguilera. The Voice Within

I'm sure this might not be to everyone's !! taste, but I think this song has a great message. Just thought I'd mention it here in case you don' know it already

Perhaps its the bit about being your own best friend. Not sure. But like that it suggests relying on ones own resources when the 'outside' seems confusing. I think we understand ourselves better than ANYONE else. So I think this is a very valuable and underused resource. I don't know about you, but I can FAR TOO EASILY defer to 'outside agencies', most often people, for 'external validation'. As they call it.
For me it goes against the grain to trust my perceptions. So that's why I like this kind of stuff.
Have a great Tuesday!

An Introduction to Step 8

Tower block in process of being demolished, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

The way I did it was in three columns
1st column: Whom I harmed. (People, places and things.)
2nd column: The nature of the harm
3rd column: What did it feel like being THEM on the receiving end of my harmful actions?
or harmful OMISSION of actions?
How might I have felt if that had been done to me?
But more importantly, how did THEY feel?

This is an exercise in EMPATHY.
In placing oneself in the ROLE of another.
And seeing the world through THEIR eyes.
From a position we may NEVER have inhabited previously.
You have to get inside their skin.
Walk in their shoes.
See it from THEIR perspective.
In its full unadulterated emotional and mental glory.
Its often not a pretty sight.

Its not easy.
Harm is not such an easy concept.
Sometimes we are CONVINCED we have harmed another when in fact we HAVE NOT.
Sometimes we are CONVINCED we have NOT harmed another when in fact we HAVE.
Sometimes we are CONVINCED we have NOT harmed another, bacause THEY HARMED US and we imagine that that somehow invalidates any harm we might have done them.
This is why having a sponsor is so important.

Oh yeah and I do not NOT include myself as a person I have harmed. If you had even the slightest glimples of the RAMPANT SELFISHNESS of the average alcoholic, you would know why this is so laughably irrelevant.

Your sponsor should oversee your step 8 list from the word go, IN CASE YOU ARE DOING IT ALL WRONG. If you meet your sponsor once a week at a meeting, just bring the list along so she can look it over. That's all it takes, no big deal.

THE THIRD COLUMN SHOULD BE HEARTBREAKING.

If it is not. THEN YOU HAVE FAILED IN YOUR ATTEMPT TO TRULY !! UNDERSTAND WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE WOUNDED BY ANOTHER.
Personally. I can tell if the person writing the third column doesn't give a toss about the affect their actions have had on the people who were unlucky enough to be on the receiving end of their self centeredness.

I can just 'tell' when they finally DO manage to 'crawl inside the skin' of the person they harmed. I can just 'feel it' when that happens. And I can smell indifference and BS at 100 paces.
So I am a hard person to impress in this regard.
VERY OFTEN, I tell Sponsees to GO BACK AND DO IT AGAIN.
I do not accept anything less than a SINCERE and ACCURATE ESTIMATE of the EMOTIONAL harm they INFLICTED (knowingly OR unknowingly) on those they came into contact with.

Step 8 is a TOUGH one.
You finally get to see the lacerations and tears on the heartstrings of others. That is ENTIRELY down to YOUR ACTIONS. No one else's.
Plus emotional harm always f*cks people up in some way.
For instance:
It makes them insecure
It makes them doubt themselves
It makes them think they are BAD
It makes them think no one will love them
It makes them think they are SHIT
It makes them angry and frustrated
It makes it harder for them to perform theor obligations at work
It makes them drained
It makes them more likely to lash out at those closest to them
It increases their sense of shame
It makes them preoccupied and worried
It makes them withdraw into themselves
It makes them feel like they are bleeding inside
It makes them feel like they have been stabbed in the chest
It makes them feel like they have been punched in the stomach
It makes them frightened to ever trust another person
It makes them frightened to ever trust their own judgment
It makes them think that they deserved it
It makes them think that everyone knows how shabbily they have been treated
It makes them think that being treated like SHIT was NORMAL
It makes them afraid of getting close to another human being ever again
It makes them afraid of people
It makes them expect abuse
It makes them expect shabby treatment
It makes them give up
It breaks their heart
It makes them a nervous wreck
It makes them afraid all the time
It makes them afraid of being touched
It makes them afraid of sudden movements
It makes them lose faith in human nature
It brings them down and makes them negative
It makes them think "All men/women are bastards"
It makes them think "You can't trust anyone"
It makes them think "What's the point?""
It makes them cry
It makes them sad and they don't really know why they are sad. Its all just one BIG SAD FEELING that follows them around like a ghost
It makes them think they can never be themselves because they were so cruelly rejected in the past that they believe no one could ever truly love them
It makes them believe wholeheartedly, that they are unlovable
It make them think they are 'jinxed'
It make them think people are not very nice
It makes them think they are worthless
It makes them think other people can see that they are worthless
It makes them numb, because they cant deal with the feelings
It makes them feel like they are worse then others
It makes them frightened to talk to others about what is really going on, because hey are ashamed
It makes them feel as though the rug has been pulled from under them. (Hence the choice of photo above)

All these LOVELY observations, and MORE are part of the PICTURE YOU PAINT of 'what it was like being THEM. What did I actually DO to that person REALLY?
What did I really DO to that person???
What was the END RESULT of the actions, or OMISSION to act, that ENDED UP HARMING THAT PERSON?

So yeah. That's just how I did it. Hope that helps!
Yes Step 8 is a bit FULL ON and HEAVY. But that is as it should be.
Step 9 is a whole other ball of wax. Don't even THINK about it during step 8, as it will roadblock you.

Also here is a similar note from a guy who I knew from my old home group who went through the steps the same way I did.
Here is a link to his webpage on Step 8 from the website called "Misery is Optional"