When we are 'pleasantly surprised' by others it means we have DIM view of others. we are 'pitching too low' in our estimation. We are NOT seeing reality in 20 20 vision.
I happen to have this tendency. I expect very little from other people. This is unrealistic and wrong. Its just my default way of observing things. A negative habit.
I will know when i have changed for the better when instead of being pleasantly surprised, I find I am disappointed more often instead.
I have not reached that point yet. In the meantime I remind myself that I generally underestimate people, when I find myself taking a view of them. Meaning I take the view that they are probably much nicer than I imagine them to be.
If you are of the more gullible, idealistic, trusting mindset and find yourself being almost continually disappointed. Then you too are wrong. Except you need to remind yourself that people are not always as nice as you think they are, but only really when you enter into arrangements with them. When their life could affect yours, or someone you really care about. Otherwise no. why not over estimate people? Does no harm!
Either way, the reminders help both to become more realistic.
- An Irish Friend of Bill
- I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Pleasantly Surprised by others Behavior? Then you must be UNDERESTIMATING people generally
Posted by An Irish Friend of Bill
Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)
Hi Irish...thanks for linking my site. You have put so much into this blog! What a great place to visit and read so many good quotes and posts.
Interesting thoughts! ;)
I think I am in the middle on this one. I try to take peope for face value and have no expectations... but of course I fall short... LOL oh well Happy Monday
Eventually, we let go of our expectations altogether and just accept and love people just as they are.
Thank you for sharing your insights.
Is it possible for a medium, for the two ideals to meet? Hmmm, I wonder which one I default to.
Happy almost Turkey Day :)
heheh 'almost turkey day'...
thanks for the chuckle!
oh yeah SC, you can be in the middle alright. we are NOT the same. All different! i tend to find quite disturbed or extreme newcomers to work with so i have become accustomed to talking about characteristics in these terms. there are many people with less severe histories, who have less extreme negative trains of thought.. ie more mild symptoms of 'resteless irritable and discontent'. not that i mean to minimize your suffering because that would be wrong. our own personal hell is sufficient! whatever form it takes!
Post a Comment