We’re all a bit different, but I come from the ‘doormat’ end of the personality spectrum, so a LOT of recovery has been about TAKING control. Being a ‘tough’, ‘in charge’ person. -But only with the unreasonable people in my life. It’s only because I know so many alky’s who are quite new and often quite unreasonable, that I have needed this skill. I know long timers as well, but I tend not to bump into them with nearly the same frequency.
I know other women who were loud, bossy, and opinionated from the moment they got to AA!, and they DEFINITELY need to learn how to ’submit’ to the wisdom of others. But I find that the majority of women I meet fall in to the wimp/doormat category.
Unfortunately if you scratch the surface of a doormat, you DO find a RAGING torrent of anger underneath! No doormat ever LIKES being a doormat unfortunately! So don't bee fooled by their 'mild meek' exterior.
Sometimes you get schizophrenic types who have a strong tendency to be wimpy and spineless, but at the same time ARE FAR TOO CONFIDENT FOR THEIR OWN GOOD, and get very INDIGNANT if you suggest to them that they MIGHT just have GOT IT ALL WRONG, in a certain area of their life. !!
I've met them all, and I treat them differently depending on where they are on the Bossy-Wimpy end of the scale!
Different personality types need different step 12 approaches. So bear that in mind when you are trying to help a new person, or any suffering alky really.
- An Irish Friend of Bill
- I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Tailor-made helpfulness. Different personalities need different direction.
Posted by An Irish Friend of Bill
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