TALK IS CHEAP. And boy do we LOVE to talk in AA!!
Oh yes. We get very good at TALKING
Not necessarily much else unfortunately...
Think about it..
Who can you REALLY rely on?
Who can you think of, that if you asked them to do you a favor, would do it for you?
Who would agree to help without even really thinking about it?
Who would hum and ha, and say 'I MIGHT be able to, but I'm just not sure, you see I have a lot going on myself' etc etc
Who would agree and then be flaky about it. Either change their mind, let you down, or forget?
Who could you call at 3 in the morning if you HAD NO CHOICE but to call at 3 in the morning because of the particular difficulty you were having?
Who do you INSTINCTIVELY prefer not to ask, because you feel you are a sort of 'burden' if you do?
Who offers to help you WITHOUT BEING ASKED?
Who offers to lend you things if you say you like something WITHOUT BEING ASKED?
Who never whinges or complains about the things you asked them to do? Ie never runs a GUILT TRIP on you afterwards. So that you always feel you 'owe' them.
Basically, who is a GENEROUS SPIRITED, KIND HEARTED PERSON amongst your friends and acquaintances?
They are not comfortable questions are they?
Isn't it weird the answers you get?
Sometimes we have really wonderful devoted people in our lives that WE JUST DON'T NOTICE, or WE FAIL TO APPRECIATE THEIR TRUE WORTH.
Similarly, WE CAN HOLD PEOPLE IN GREAT AFFECTION with whom we ACTUALLY have a VERY SUPERFICAL, PRETTY INDIFFERENT AND MEANINGLESS relationship WITH.
This reminds me of the story GREAT EXPECTATIONS by Charles Dickens. What a great book!
Young Pip is 'seduced' by the glitz and glamour of 'high society' London life. He becomes embarrassed and a bit ashamed of his 'country bumpkin' dad. Only later when he gets very sick, (scarlet fever or something pretty serious) does he see the 'error of his ways'. As when he comes out of his delirium, he finds his dad dutifully caring for him, having been there for ages. His dad doesn't complain, or make Pip feel bad for avoiding him while he pursued his glamorous life in London. He is totally forgiving, and just takes care of him.
Its such a sweet story!
Anyway, like Pip, we too can get 'seduced' by 'clever', 'glittery' things, (or people) and LOSE SIGHT OF WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT.
We can all FOOL OURSELVES about WHO THE REALLY IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES ARE. And how HOLLOW and meaningless some of our 'valued alliances' are.
The world is FULL of people that say stuff, but when push comes to shove, ...well they don't come through for you.
MOST PEOPLE have VERY FEW 'proper' friends. REAL people you can count on. this is NORMAL.
Coming to terms with that reality can seen very disillusioning if you are an IDEALIST. but if this is the first time you are seeing this, it could seem like an unwelcome realization. nearest and dearest come FIRST. then a very few others. and that's it! the rest are very superficial friendships and mean very little, as the true commitment does not run very deep.
You can 'test' the commitment by asking for something from them and seeing if they actually 'deliver' what you ask. Its a depressing state of affairs! People are better at saying they will help, than actually coming through with whatever help is needed. This is why family/nearest and dearest is SO important, because you CAN rely on them. well more than most ''friends' anyway.
Sorry if that makes you more miserable, but I remember feeling very deflated when i realized that many of the AA friends who I felt VERY fond of, were not really people I could rely on for simple favors in the rare event that i might need some practical assistance with something. Now I just accept it and focus on the people who I know WILL go out of their way for me. (should I need them to)
Related quotes would be..
WALK THE WALK, not talk the talk
Actions speak MUCH louder than words
Never EVER think, that just because someone 'sounds good', that that means they ARE 'good'. They might not be. They just might SOUND convincing, but be UTTERLY INDIFFERENT to your 'lot'
Judge the TRUE 'worth' of your friends, by THEIR RELIABILITY AND PRACTICAL HELPFULNESS. Or ABILTY AND WILLINGNESS TO HELP.
NOT by how you FEEL about them, or the IMPRESSION you have about them, based on an UNTESTED ASSUMPTION ABOUT WHAT SORT OF A PERSON THEY REALY ARE.
- An Irish Friend of Bill
- I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.
Friday, November 17, 2006
TALK IS CHEAP. Who are your REAL friends?
Posted by An Irish Friend of Bill
Labels: Relationships, Social skills
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