About Me

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I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

What does largely SUPRESSED Anger look like in women? 'Tightness'

I just wanted to describe this thing that I see all the time. Its what I call one of my 'earmarks' for identifying primary weaknesses in people. I NEED to make an accurate assessment of the things that are at the forefront of each Sponsees illness. They are all different. They usually fall into one of three 'neurosis'. Either Anger is the main player, Sadness, or Fear. That's it! There is other stuff that can be a roadblock, (like arrogance, or laziness, or inertia etc etc. the list is endless! But I quite like being able to identify the predominant 'color' of the emotion. I call it 'the main player'.

Anyway, I just think this one is REALLY easy to spot. Almost in an instant, so I thought I'd share it with you. There are some exceptions but I'm not going to explain that here as I don't want this to take too long!

Basically this is the way I 'see' anger in women
Clenched
Tight
Strained
Closed
There is something a little bit FEROCIOUS about them, even when they are saying NOTHING. (I know someone like this and even though she never expresses her judgment OPENLY, you FEEL her wrath!!)
Hard
Hard faced. I think you can see a LOT of tension in the face, and this is why we have the phrase 'hard faced'.
Driven. (Describing more of a tension more than a HEALTHY desire to improve oneself.)

As far as MY interpretation goes, these OUTWARD signs, are indicative of an INNER quite FEIRCE thought pattern, containing a lot of JUDEMENTAL thoughts about people, places and things.
There is also a FRUSTRATED (usually suppressed) desire to CONTROL. No wonder these people are angry!!
It saves you a LOT of bother, if you are able to spot these things from the off, as NOBODY LIKES TO BROADCAST THEIR 'emotional cripple' status. No siree!! They keep these things to themselves!!, and then you only find out about them later on when you get to spend time with them in person.

This is a useful 'trick' for guys who are looking to get involved with women. AVOID THE ONES THAT LOOK LIKE THIS. Only AFTER you get to know them, and you have to some extent 'fallen' for them, will you find out that they are actually quite angry people, and there is a biting presence of resentment burning underneath their 'controlled' exterior.

Also don't assume that this quality has ANYTHING to do with the length of time people are sober. It doesn't.
I always say to Sponsees QUALITY NOT QUANTITY. Look for hallmarks of EXCELLENCE, NOT length of time around!! The two do not always correlate. At all!!

Also I see the ABSENCE of anger in women as what I call 'SOFT'
Relaxed. Physically relaxed.
Easy going
Open
Gentle
No 'tightness'

Tightness is just another word for uptight, but I thought I'd elaborate on this 'identifying characteristic so that you can see it as clearly as I do.

Don't think I resent these people. Often they can have other very redeeming qualities, but I confess, that apart from Sponsees, I choose not to spend time with these types of women in the main, unless I HAVE to.
There you go!! Sorry if any of you ladies reading this see yourselves in this description!! If it's any consolation I have seen obedient Sponsees with very embittered mindsets REALLY 'soften' over time with a bit of work. And I myself! Have this tendency, but I like to think that my awareness of it has reduced it to a 'puppy'. It rears its ugly head from time to time, but I do NOT allow it free expression!

Don't get me wrong. ALL women have anger in some form. The very BEST of us can, and DO have our 'moments' when the best we can do is go off and count to 10!

But I'm talking about something else here. The women who display THESE CHARACTERISTICS mentioned above are TROUBLE, insofar as their anger will cause you pain and problems should you choose to be their friend or business partner. There will be RANCOUR, HARSHNESS, BITTERNESS, BLAME, JUDGEMENT, SUPERIORITY, SARCASM, ATTACKING COMMENTS AND DIGS, LOOKING DOWN THEIR NOSE AT YOU, LASHING OUT, CRUEL WORDS, INABILITY TO TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILTY.
You will become the 'BAD GUY'. The SCAPEGOAT for their PAINFUL REACTION TO LIFE.
These are all examples of 'acted out' anger. There may also be PHYSICAL ATTACK with these women. Could be fairly inadequate as women are in the main much weaker than men, but they may resort to some sort of attempted physical assault. If you are a guy or family member.
These people have NO IDEA that happiness IS AN INSIDE JOB.
So stay away!! Sponsor them, but not much more..

There is another LESS SUPRESSED version of female anger, the 'Jade Goody' model I shall call it!! This is the ZERO SUPRESSION, ZERO IMPULSE CONTROLLED model, and is much more common amongst LESS EDUCATED or socialized people.
I would normally associate this with a MALE model of anger, but it is beming increasingly more common amongst women. But that's another post!

Oh well. Never mind eh? Hope this helps somebody out there!

18 comments:

Pam said...

that was very "right on" and I'm glad I read that. thanks

recoveryroad said...

Right on? Lol. It was, y'know.

Not that it matters, and perhaps I missed it - are you male or female?

Thanks for the ideas over at my place. I'm kicking around some of your kind suggestions. I'll let you know where I go with them.

cheers

K

:-)

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Heheh I am a LAYDEE!! Thats what it says on my profile! Thats why I only ever talk about WOMEN sponsees. I've never sponsored a bloke, and I don't think I'd really want to hear a bloke step 4. The women's ones are bad enough! Not that I have anything against you blokes!, it's just I know how gory a step 4 can get! flippin heck, I thought everyone had figured out I was a laydee by now! Oh well..

Pam said...

Thank you for your kind words on my blog.

Shannon said...

OH man, there you nailed it pretty well..

Hope your Monday is going good

Shannon said...

OH man, there you nailed it pretty well..

Hope your Monday is going good

Noor Azman Othman GBE said...

I knew you're a LAYDEE!

Thank you for sharing. Reading your post sure does help me.

Shannon said...

Hey Friend, I have one thing to say...
SHOES! heee heee hope your Tuesday is good (((((HUG))))))

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Thanks Shann! Hey, Tuesdays are ALWAYS a blast, (even the STINKY ones!), didn't you know? but thanks anyway! Have a FABULOUS one yourself why dont you! Hope that dad thing isn't getting to you too much and all that..

Trudging said...

Sounds familar

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Heheh You make me laugh trudge! I think we ALL have met at least ONE of these..
Shame really, but there you go..
There are just FAR too many mad people around!! Don't you think? It's not fair! Oh well..

lushgurl said...

I've seen your comments on other blogs so decided to stop by to say 'hello'. I sure chose a good day( or maybe HE chose it for me?).
When I was reading this it reminded me of someone who is no longer a friend. At first when we drifted apart I felt sad, but today I am grateful to not have to deal with that kind of anger on a daily basis.
Life is too short, I choose to stick with those with serenity...

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Cool. Nice to see you too LG! I've seen you comment too, it''s just I'm in a bit of a hurry these days when I blog so I haven't got round everyone as much as I would like. I think we ALL suffer from too many things, not enough time syndrome!
Anyway. Glad you liked it. i really think learning to identify who is mad and who isn't is a TERRIBLY valuable skill, because I'm always surprised how messy and uncomfortable, (and PAINFUL) life can get, when I have even ONE 'mad' person in my life that I associate with, even on a pretty superficial level. They really do just wreak havoc, and always end up being hurtful. To be honest I think the suggestion 'Stick with the winners' is actuallly a pretty TOUGH instruction. It's very ruthless! I just have to STOP TRYING with the people who are difficult, or 'up the ante' and police my boundaries VERY firmly. I prefer a peaceful life so I end up just sticking with the people that THE EVIDENCE SUGGESTS I have something in common with. Well I'm glad you decided to swerve your angry friend! your'e right, Life IS too short!
I will pop by and say hi round yours more often LG!

Grace said...

Thankyou for visiting my blog, I look forward to reading more :-)

Sober Chick said...

What a great post. So in depth about the 2 sides of anger. I would default into the women you stay away from. I don't have anger. I am learning to express it here and there. I have learned to build it up resulting in RAGE. This is scary, and I will take it out on my body. However I grew tired of this and am learning a balance. It is hard, but it is much better than living like I am a baloon filling up with air just waiting to EXPLODE!

Thank you for your suggestions, experience and words.

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