Almost everybody gets a really ! inappropriate crush on another aa in the first year. Mine was SO funny. I tell Sponsees about how ? Rubbish this guy was when they are looking a bit glum because it was a kind of funny-bad mismatch. Always makes them laugh when I tell them who I found attractive in the first year! What I mean is that AFTER the first year, you sort of 'wise up', and think 'thank GOD I didn't get involved with that guy!!!'. Its like the first crush at school. You think they are GREAT at the time, but of course they COMPLETELY ignore you, and it isn't till some reunion 20 years later that you realize THANK GOD he ignored me!
Well anyway, try ! to ignore the RANDOM aa crushes as much as possible. You'll be VERY glad you did later! I am a strong advocate of the non alcoholic partner. They are just so ! Much more peaceful inside than we are. They forgive more easily. They seem to care more naturally. They have good hearts. They are not 'edgy'. They don't understand our crazy alcoholic head! But that's ok! One alcoholic head is PLENTY in any relationship! Anyway of course that is just my personal preference. I LOVE alcoholics, but I would NOT want to be involved with one. They have their demons! Me too. I STILL have my demons! To some extent.
So anyway. Your higher power will take GOOD care of you.
One thing that I used a lot and helped me in regards to this issue (Because I really believed that my 'old ideas' about relationships were WELL past their sell by date) was:
We tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future relationships.
We asked God to MOLD OUR IDEALS and help us to live up to them.
Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we MUST be willing to grow toward it.
In other words, we treat relationships as we would any other problem. in meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter.
The right answer will come, if we want it. p69 (slightly altered)
(By the way I think that instruction I just mentioned is SERIOUSLY COOL. It really changes the way you feel inside about a future relationship. It sort of 'breaks ties with the past' or something. Shows us a 'better way.')
- An Irish Friend of Bill
- I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Jeez. Those RANDOM AA crushes in the first year! Try VERY hard to ignore them!
Posted by An Irish Friend of Bill
Labels: For Newcomers, Relationships
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I've heard about 13th stepping. Al-Anons don't find each other attractive but we find the alcoholic attractive. Go figure...
I remember my first crushes in my first year of Alanon. They were all Alanon men--I had no idea they existed!
Now I know how I love AA's--men and women and find you all so wildly attrctive
But yeah, it was me learning to not be a jerk that led me into healthier relationship with those not jerks. I have to be of better quality to attract it
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