What is Love?

Hmm. Yes. Love is very interesting thing. So many different ideas about what it is.
I find "The end of love and hate" by Amaro as very interesting. He mentions sticky, possessive, restrictive, attachment, fixed views, type of love.

I see love as a commitment to doing the next right thing. Being willing to go to any lengths (p76,79, AA Big Book) to do so. Whether my feelings support that aspiration or not.
But I like the aspiration of abandoning all craving. All clinging. "let go absolutely' (p58, AA Big Book) ..as they say
Being able to hold the moment. (not feverishly cling to it) Understand that it is beautiful, but not cling to it or hang on to it longer than it will last. Ask more of the moment than it can deliver.
All beautiful moments pass away and are replaced by other moments. The craving mind is the enemy (for want of a better word) that destroys the peace. Not the inevitable passing of all conditioned reality. The coming and going of all people places and things. 'This too shall pass' as they say. well yes. It does.

Like an aa member in my home group said ? ages ago. Pain is not caused by change. It is caused by RESISTANCE to change.

But I see resistance as nothing more than the CRAVING mind. Trying to hold on to an 'old idea'. (p58, AA Big Book)
It is the craving, the clinging that is the cause of the suffering. Not the conditions.
Anyway, I think you would find Amaros explanation of love and hate as very interesting.

At 16.56 minutes in the talk called "We Are More Than Our Feelings" Munindo talks about fully surrendering to the delight of the moment without getting 'lost' in it. A quiet knowing of the relativity of experience. The impermanence. Its a fabulous talk. Well I think so.

I like Tom's description of love, in his myspace post called "Run from the heard"

"What I find most odd is the extreme confusion over such a simple concept as Love. As a society, we've grown so self-obsessed that most confuse love with lust, and have totally lost the notion of Love as a perfect ideal that's unchanging, true, and an object to die for. It's quite a simple concept when you think about it. However, it's easy for selfish desires to "drug" within us any notion of objective idealism, creating deep rooted subjective confusion. So we can now actually believe such erroneous statements as "we are no longer in love," or "we grew apart," etc. to explain failed relationships.

C.S. Lewis said that "we don't fall into and out of Love like bathwater." Precisely. If we are in Love, we shall forever be in Love. If we presume to have fallen out of Love, then we were never in love in the first place.

The disheartening fact that most relationships break-up or end in divorce suggests that most, sadly, never find true love. But how can they, when they've lost the notion of a perfect ideal to some ever-changing, relativistic lustful feeling construed as Love? I read recently that 10 out of the last 11 relationships on The Bachelor have failed. Well is it any surprise when there's no aspiration to common values, morals, or spiritual beliefs – the necessary elements of Love? Isn't it all rather self-centered chaos ending in recycled failure? When shall we break this tiresome cycle of recycled errors?

I'm not jaded; I'm just not drugged. Whatever I do in this life, I shall not be a herd statistic, and conform to a pervasive and undermining motive of self-centeredness. I'd rather die trying to discover a perfect ideal implanted in my heart by a higher Source, a perfect notion of Love, everlasting beyond Time immemorial, a Love that is the "same yesterday, today and forever," not dependent on fleeting feeling or emotion, though the cause of romantic emotion, beyond happiness and sadness, and underpinned by godly morals and values."

He's linked on my blog in my list of 'people I like' as opposed to an alcoholic blogger. An interesting guy. He's very !! much IN the world, but not OF it. Nice bloke.

Indescribably wonderful (p17, AA Big Book)

Nottingham University Campus: Thich Nhat Hanh UK Retreat 2008, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

"there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful." (p17, AA Big Book)

"We have entered the world of the Spirit." (p83, AA Big Book)

I have no idea how to describe the Thich Nhat Hanh retreat so I'm not even going to try.
Thank GOD, once again it provided me with more answers, more guidance, more insight. I rely completely on stuff like this.
I have no idea how people manage without it. It was magical and special, as usual.

The reason I'm not posting much these days is because I have been using the summer break to try to really get to grips with the talks by Munindo and Amaro. I am really trying to understand the suggested path they are proposing.
What I am finding out, is that it is a very subtle and carefully constructed plan, spanning from heart wisdom and indefinable places. Basically I cannot explain it.
And thankfully I don't have to because Munindo and Amaro do such a fantastic job. My explanation is not required. But yes, I am struggling to grasp what they are saying. I love it, but am very much a beginner in this subject so I find it very hard to remember. I keep forgetting bits and so I keep having to go back over it. Not sure if I am stupid or it is just a very subtle teaching.
Whatever. It is my FAVORITE path at the moment. It makes more sense than all the others. For the time being anyway. Its a weird one.
Very similar and yet very different to AA. More paradoxes than you can shake a stick at. But seriously great. So that's where my brain is at, and has been at most of the summer.
Its hard! Seems much harder than my term time study! But I think I'm addicted.
2 other AA's came along and really loved it. Whatever. Its pointless trying to explain this in words. Its one of those things that doesn't really make sense unless you actually GO. Same as meetings basically. You could never explain a meeting to somebody who had never been. Well retreats with this type of rare individual are very similar. Doesn't really reveal itself to you, till you SHOW UP. Shame, but there you go..

Anyway. There is a very senior Lama (Khensur Lobsang Tenzin Rinpoche) teaching over a three week period in the Jamyang Centre quite soon. I suggest you book very quickly as they sell out faster than hot cakes.

Also I am strongly tempted to attend a retreat with Sogyal Rinpoche as I have never seen 'Crazy Wisdom' in action ,and I think I might like it. It is a less formally restrained type of teaching. I like to think I have adopted a less restrained approach with sponsees so I might find his style of teaching very interesting.
Whatever. I have enough to be getting on with. A heavy duty academic year kicking off in three weeks. Head down till May basically.
Oh well.

But yeah I am a very blissed out bunny at the moment. Very happy with my 'education' into meditation practice over the summer.
Basically I don't watch TV. I very rarely listen to the radio. I only listen to music to keep me awake or during exercise, and the rest of the time I am listening to Amaro and Munindo. So im kindof getting in the groove, and want to hang on to it by maintaining what I have learned for as long as I can. Its SO easy to let this stuff slip.
I've started sitting for a mere 30mins in the morning and I have to say it is a blessed relief. Wonderful. But there you go.
I'm blissed out. I just want to listen to dharma talks and get 'in (and stay in) the zone. We shall see.

Oh yeah. And just as many mountains to climb as ever. I am still (aren't we all?) trying to figure out ways around my negative mental habits. Nothing changes! But I ! love the way it feels at the moment.
I am SO grateful for those recorded talks. That's all I can say. I've ordered DVDs of Thich Nhat Hanh retreat so that will remind me if I've forgotten anything..

Have a great Thursday!

Thich Nhat Hanh UK Retreat 2008: Nottingham 24th-29th August

There's still time to book this retreat if you feel the urge.
If applications and payment arrive in their office before Tuesday, you are in with a chance. Still places left I think.

350 or 450 quid for Sunday to Friday. All expenses included.
Accommodation is in the Nottingham university campus. Which is a lovely campus as far as know. Green and rambling. Very easy to get to by train from London.

Thich Nhat Hanh is around about 80 yrs old, and he doesn't teach in the UK very often, so for that reason its good to see him if you get the chance. He does regular retreats in France, but its always easier to see him in the uk I think.
Whatever. Just thought I would let you know.
The London talk is sold out. I didn't manage to get tickets as I didn't get one fast enough. The London talk is worth going to. I certainly enjoyed the last one I went to.
Right better be off. Have a nice Sunday!

Retreat details here
Application form here

Listening to what your mind is saying is like randomly passing through different radio stations

View of Tower Bridge from the Millennium Bridge at 5am, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

This is stuff I typed from Ajahn Amaro's talk called Imbibing Peace in Body and Mind
The Bracketed numbers are minutes and seconds references to the talk, so you know where to find the bits once you download the mp3 onto your itunes or ipod. Its all his talk. I really like his stuff. Theres a great bit on worry at the beginning but I didn't include it. Here's the talk:

(28.33)
Listening to what your mind is saying is like randomly passing through different radio stations
It has: Different things to say
Different moods
Different flavors
Some are worthwhile and interesting
Some are meaningless
Like: Some politician trying to get you to vote for them
Someone wanting you to buy a truck from their showroom
Someone wanting you to get excited about their new song
A lot of of it is pointless and biased,
and just reiterations of the conditioning of a lifetime.

So its just developing a relaxed attitude toward our own thinking.
The things we are excited about.
The things we are annoyed about.
The things we are afraid of.
The things we are irritated by.
The things we are inspired by.
Get a little bit of distance with our own thinking and own own opinions.

So often the mind has just a reactive, compulsive, lurching quality
Chasing one opinion after another.

"I like this"
"I don't like that"

"This is good"
"That's bad"

"This is right "
"That's wrong"

"It should be this way"
"It shouldn't be like that"

"This is beautiful"
"That's ugly"

"I approve"
"I don't approve"

Like a frantic bunny caught in the headlights dashing from one side of the road to the next in an effort to avoid the oncoming car
Bouncing one way, after another, and another.

Just to be able to step back. Listen to the mind.
Not buy into all of its bouncing around.
Lurching this way and that.
Just to listen to the statements it makes. Like:
"Wow this is really great"
And then just to say, or to ask,.."Is that so?'
Or
"This is terrible!" "This is awful!" "That's the worst thing I've ever seen!"
Respond with: ..Oh. .."Is that so?'

"I'm never ever going to do that again. That was a totally stupid mistake! A total disaster. I'm never going to do that again!"
Or.
"This is great! This is it! I am totally with the programme! This is the true way. I'm never going to wobble again. This is absolutely clear to me. This is totally the thing for me!"

Whatever it might be.
Something we are inspired by,
or irritated by,
Or afraid of,
Pursuing,
Running away from,

The mind makes all kinds of assertions and judgments:
"This is good"
"That's bad"

"This is right"
"That's wrong"

"It should be this way"
"It shouldn't be like that"

"This is beautiful"
"That's ugly"

"I approve"
"I don't approve"

"This is totally uninteresting. Completely mediocre. Unimportant"

Respond with:
Is that so?

Just to notice. There needs to be an effort.
Normally, what we like to do is pursue our moods. Which is creating the causes of unhappiness.
Blindly follow our moods.
Chase after them. Its a habit. Its a familiar pattern of being.

But if we make the effort to introduce a little bit of a gap, a little bit of space in it.
To give ourselves that room to consider:
Is that so?
Is it really that way?
Is that the whole story?

When the mind says: "This is GREAT!"
Is it so great?
Is is always going to be great?

When the mind says: "Its TERRIBLE!"
Is it so terrible?
Or is it just terrible to me?
How does it feel to other people?
Is this just a point of view?
Or is this an absolute truth?
Aha!

Even when the mind is vehemently asserting
"Its NOT just an opinion! This is TRUTH!"
"This is GOOD!"
"That's BAD!"
Yes well you really have a strong opinion that this is the truth.
That's a very very strong feeling. A lot of people have other feelings don't they? Ah. Oh yes..

So just applying that small amount of effort, allowing that small amount of space. Our own natural wisdom is brought into play (35.45) and suddenly we find the world is much more in balance. We are able to harmonize with others. Its not that we are becoming wishy washy, or nebulous, or indecisive about what we do. Its just seeing the whole picture. Feeling how the whole thing fits together. (36.06)

Sometimes just the feeling of trying to dispel a particular kind of attitude.
Maybe the mind is very stuck on an obsession of really wanting something.
Just obsessed with getting this or getting that.
Or obsessed with getting away from something. (37.19)
We can get so used to trying to dispel a feeling, or attitude, that we get habituated to that

"This is bad"
"This is wrong"
"I don't want to feel this way"
"I've got to get rid of this. This thought. This feeling. This attitude. This fear. This aversion. This desire." (37.41)

And so rather than always trying to move away from it, or diminish it, or dissolve it, sometimes the way that we provide that same sort of space around it, the same kind of balancing out, is you take that attitude and you inflate it.
The capacity to take things to absurdity.
So lets say the mind is moving towards self criticism.
"I'm so useless"
"I cant do this properly"

And what I mean by inflating it is
Listening to those judgments
Noticing what the mind is doing
Think it all through and taking it to its logical extremes

"I'm useless"
"I cant concentrate my mind at all"
"I'm a hopeless meditator"
"I'm a hopeless AA member" (added by me IFOB)

Just to say to ourselves:
I probably have the most busy, polluted, unstable, anxious mind in the whole universe.
Of all the human beings that have ever existed, I'm sure that MY mind is the MOST obsessive, compulsive, unstable, superficial, agitated.
There's never been anyone with a mind which is a busy or confused as mine.
I have more hatred than ANYONE else in the whole world.

And if you want something 'x':
Whatever it is that the mind is pursuing..
"I wanna have this!"
"I wanna have that!"

If I had X, and x , and x..
THEN I'd be happy!
I want to own everything in the whole world.
Not just this world. Every world.
If I had EVERYTHING, then I'd REALLY be happy!

You cant even finish the sentence without it being totally absurd.
So sometimes if the mind is obsessively greedy, pursuing. And we are thinking.
"I shouldn't be feeling this
"I've got to get rid of the greed
"Dissolve it
"Let go of it
"I shouldn't be greedy
"I shouldn't be feeling this"

That very urge to let go, gets taken over by a fearfulness, or a repressiveness, and we inflate the issue
is sometimes turning around and saying YES!
I want to have it
I've got to have it all now
All for me! That's good.
And if I had it. I'd be SO happy.
And you know. You cant even finish the sentence without realising. This is totally farcical. It couldn't be that way.

So we end up finding tha quality of spaciousness around the thought or the feeling, or the compulsion. The aversion.
By feeding it
by giving it everything it asks for.
You want some? Have more!
Don't stop now. Take more. Take more! (41.03)

42.59
So these are different ways of working with our minds to provide an awakening. To trigger an awakening to the spaciousness that exist within us.
The spaciousness around our moods, our feelings, our thoughts.
Recognizing that there's actually a lot more room in our lives, more room in our hearts than we recognize. the mind gets so fixed upon objects.
Fixed upon attitudes and plans, and ideas, that we don't notice that. (43.33)
But the more that we are able to notice what the mind is doing.
Seeing that the world is very much the way it is, because of the way that we hold it. And that loosening the grip a little, so that we hold the world rather than feverishly clinging to it.
Pick it up
Hold it
Put it down.

So then we discover a whole quality of ease and spaciousness in our lives, so that then we are able to deal with the possibilities of each moment. The qualities of the past, the present, the future. The kind of work we do in the world. The way we relate to one another. The different people we live and work with. The people in our families. In the world around us.

There's a balanced quality. Simply by remembering.
These are mental states.
These are attitudes that we are creating. And that when we recognize it as being created, we can relax with it.
We realize, we don't have to create this.
We don't have to pursue this, to run away from that.
I don't have to believe that this opinion is an absolute truth. (45.01)

And in that recognition, in awakening to that true spaciousness, then we find a quality of ease and balance within ourselves. We discover that peace which is always here, but we miss it because we are always so busy with this regret and that annoyance. This fear and that passion. We don't notice that peace us already here. We just have to notice it. To imbibe it.

And when we do that, its important to realize that this isn't just a favor to ourselves. When we discover that quality of peacefulness, that quality of inner contentment and happiness in relationship to our own body and our own mind states, because we live together, we affect each other. Wherever we are in our lives, the more that we are able to just take that moment to let go, recognize the tension we are creating. We let it go.

That ease and that peacefulness that is experienced in that moment is a blessing to us, but it is also a blessing to everyone we come into contact with. Whether its the person living next door to you, or the person we are doing dishes with at the sink, or the person we are sharing the freeway with.

Each moment of clarity and peacefulness within us is a blessing to the world around us. It is a benediction to the world. Even in the smallest ways. Even in the tiny and apparently subtle ways. Its a gift to the world.

If we are able to establish those qualities of purity, peacefulness, and contentment, It is then intrinsically conveyed to everyone our life is connected with. (Whether they notice it or not, is another thing,) but it IS conveyed. Because its there. That's what we are manifesting. That's what we are bringing into the world. Whatever we touch. Other creatures. Other people. All that our lives are connected with. They HAVE to be affected by that. It brings some degree of peace and clarity, and quality of ease, into THEIR lives as well. It HAS to be that way. That's the way that nature works.
Just like if we are agitated and busy, and angry and restless, and reactive, then that has its effects on all the beings around us too.
So that we can see for ourselves. So its not just by listening to these words and considering them to be true, because they are being said in a dharma talk but see this for ourselves.
And its not like some sort of grand programme we have to launch into but right in this very moment. This very time. Just seeing the effect of that choice. Making that choice to relax. Let go. Be at ease. And right here we can notice the brightening of the heart. The quality of contentment. The quality of peacefulness. That's right here. Its nowhere else. And we can see for ourselves, how that spreads within us. And spreads around us.

So I offer these thoughts for consideration this evening.

Ajahn Amaro
Imbibing Peace in Body and Mind

Creative problem solving: (Online) Oblique strategies by Brian Eno

Like a tarot deck but different. It was initially a device to assist painting projects. Especially under pressure.
Its a creative problem solving tool which allows you to consider a fresh perspective when things seem stale, predicable or unfruitful.

Something to 'shake up' the thinking, when we are being habitual and uninspired in our approach to situations.

Here is a site that allows you to pick a card. But you need to have adobe shock wave installed for it to work.

Brian eno is quoted here as saying:
" Oblique strategies evolved from me being in a number of working situations when the panic of the situation - particularly in studios - tended to make me quickly forget that there were others ways of working and that there were tangential ways of attacking problems that were in many senses more interesting than the direct head-on approach. If you're in a panic, you tend to take the head-on approach because it seems to be the one that's going to yield the best results Of course, that often isn't the case - it's just the most obvious and - apparently - reliable method. The function of the Oblique Strategies was, initially, to serve as a series of prompts which said, "Don't forget that you could adopt *this* attitude," or "Don't forget you could adopt *that* attitude."

The first Oblique Strategy said "Honour thy error as a hidden intention." And, in fact, Peter's first Oblique Strategy - done quite independently and before either of us had become conscious that the other was doing that - was ...I think it was "Was it really a mistake?" which was, of course, much the same kind of message. Well, I collected about fifteen or twenty of these and then I put them onto cards. At the same time, Peter had been keeping a little book of messages to himself as regards painting, and he'd kept those in a notebook. We were both very surprised to find the other not only using a similar system but also many of the messages being absolutely overlapping, you know...there was a complete correspondence between the messages. So subsequently we decided to try to work out a way of making that available to other people, which we did; we published them as a pack of cards, and they're now used by quite a lot of different people, I think. "

You can buy the bunch of cards from amazon, but the online version is probably easier and less hassle.

Have a nice Sunday!

How to tell if you are RIGHT. About your 'ideas' of how to stay sober. Or anything else for that matter..

If you are right
The thing you are doing or talking about WORKS
I mean REALLY works
Under ALL conditions

If you are WRONG
I mean TOTALLY UTTERLY COMPLETELY
! WRONG !
The thing you are doing or talking about DOESN'T work

It fails
It comes to an end
It stops delivering
It breaks under the strain of extra weight
It fails to satisfy explanation under a range of new conditions
It P**SES people off
You do NOT get the prize at the end of the rainbow
You do NOT achieve the desired result

You are WRONG!
You have FAILED to identify the correct solution

Wrong !! answer!
Go back to the drawing board
Try again
Try a bit harder next time
Pay attention at the back of the class
You snooze you lose
Come back to me with your new solution and lets see if THIS one works

Why am I saying this?
Because of the human (and largely alcoholic) capacity to DELUDE oneself about the degree of success of the strategy we have knowingly (or unknowingly implemented.

EVERYBODY has a strategy at any one time. For all things.
Just most are largely unconscious of what strategy they are using
Whatever

Insanity is doing the SAME thing
Over and OVER and expecting a DIFFERENT result

What makes you think it will be different THIS time around? ?

99% of the problem is IDENTIFYING THE SOLUTION
99% of the solution is IDENTIFYING THE PROBLEM

Wise people learn from their own mistakes.
SMART people learn from OTHER PEOPLES

SO
When trying to decide if the method you are using is working
For ANYTHING really
Sobriety
Dealing with depression
Getting a job
Building a social life
Losing weight

Whatever

LOOK AT THE TRACK RECORD

What is it telling you?
What are the RESULTS of your efforts telling you
IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS
About the METHOD you have implemented to achieve those ends?

Is it working?
At all?
Is it working MORE when you do 'x'?
Is it working LESS when you do 'x'?
Does doing 'x' move you CLOSER to your goal?
EXACTLY how much closer are you?
Or are you DELUDING yourself about your 'progress'

Rome wasn't built in a day.
But that's NO EXCUSE for the " Insanity is doing the SAME thing
Over and OVER and expecting a DIFFERENT result" Brigade.

SO
This is why you need OTHER PEOPLE to help tell you if you are full of SH*T about your 'progress' or not
Not easy. Well !yeah. Tell me something new!

This form of reasoning I go over at Step ONE
I call it
RESULTS LED REASONING
As opposed to
IDEAS led reasoning

I judge the validity of your approach (strategy/reasoning) by the RESULTS you get from using that approach
Nothing more
Not by how 'CLEVER' your approach sounds
Not by how ENTHUSIASTIC you are about that approach
Not by how much FAITH you have in that approach
Not by how much you WANT to use that approach
Not by how many degrees you have
Not by your impressive job title
Not by the number of years you have been alive
Not by how intellectual or seemingly un-academic you are
Not by how new or old sober you are

Nope
All I care about is

DOES IT WORK?
HOW WELL does it work?
REALLY well?
SH*T HOT well?
Kindof slow, but you get there in the end", kindof well?

Or do you not get 'there' at ALL?
Ever?
(In which case I do not rate your 'method' at ALL.)

So there you go
That's what I call
RESULTS LED REASONING
Or
RESULTS BASED REASONING

Can be summarized by

Do more of what WORKS
Do less of what DOESN'T

Have a nice Thursday!

(If I knew how to do SHORTER posts I would post more often!! Dang!)

How to deal with Praise and Blame: "Breaking into a million pieces" "Ah so"

I was listening to a talk by Ven. Ajahn Amaro today at work today called 'Ah so" (A talk given on September 1st, 2007) and is has a seriously great information about how to deal with both praise and blame. A very 'cool' unreactive response. Plus some great observations about how MUCH the mind LONGS for approval and how much it RECOILS from criticism. Even when its deserved.
He calls the reaction to rejection "Breaking into a million pieces" which I think is BRILLIANT
Because it REALLY FEELS LIKE THAT INSIDE when we are rejected.

In my mind I used to see painful rejections like some kind of splintered glass. Like when splinters radiate outward from a point at which a stone hits a car windshield. You know the way that kind of glass cracks? Like that. Like a spiders web or something. Except it isn't restricted in size to that of a car window. It sort of radiates out from ones solar plexus. The solar plexus is the nexus of the splinter impact.
Well that's how I see it in my minds eye. Transparent, but fractured into a million tiny little pieces.
Which is why I LOVE his description.
Obviously this describes a more 'obvious' version of rejection.
But lesser rejections (to me) feel like a reduced version of the above. Like its a weaker version. Like weak tea, instead of strong tea.
Whatever.
Anyway. Its a GREAT talk.
..Yes I am STILL addicted to Ajahn Amaro's talks..
Its what the ipod was invented for!

Have a SUPER Friday!

There must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol

Step One requirement:
"There must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol"
(p33, AA Big Book)

I find Step One the most exhausting of all the steps. Step 5 second most exhausting. Step 8 third most tiring.
Just ONE of the MANY reasons why step one is SO draining is because I consider my work unfinished until the Sponsee has 'got' this Step one requirement.

I will not move on to Step 2 until this requirement has been satisfied.
Its hard work!
ESPECIALLY when I am dealing with an alcoholic who is "early in our drinking careers" (p32, AA Big Book). Ie quite young and not very far progressed. (alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a PROGRESSIVE illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better. p30, AA Big Book)

So basicaly, even if they have trouble controlling how much they drink ONCE A YEAR, my job is to keep working with them untill they have "no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol" (p33, AA Big Book)

Tough? Yep!
But if I get this part right its saves me a LOT of GRIEF later. So it is worth it.
Just thought I would share that..

"If you want to hide something from an alcoholic, put it in the Big book"

'Fit SPIRITUAL condition'. NOT 'fit PSYCHOLOGICAL condition'

"That is how we react so long as we keep in fit SPIRITUAL condition."
(p85, AA Big Book)

What IS 'Fit SPIRITUAL condition'? (p85, AA Big Book)
That's another post.

'Fit SPIRITUAL condition' (p85, AA Big Book) MAY or MAY NOT manifest as 'fit PSYCHOLOGICAL condition'

But many unconsciously read this sentence as MEANING
'fit PSYCHOLOGICAL condition'

Which it is NOT (!!!) saying.
Think about it.
Its SO !! easy to UNCONSCIOUSLY MISINTERPRET what the big book is saying VERY !! directly to us
WITHOUT EVER REALISING IT.

Whatever.
I'm just drawing your attention to this (what I see as) IMPORTANT distinction.
I will !! TRY (!) to explain what 'Fit SPIRITUAL condition' is another post. (Difficult !!!! or what!)

For now, just remember that the big book does NOT suggest we aim to achieve 'fit PSYCHOLOGICAL condition'. Meaning the aim is not to become more PSYCHOLOGICALLY ADVANCED.
Nope.
Not to increase our Psychological knowledge, proficiency or expertise.
Certainly not as a primary goal.
It may (or may not) occur as a fortunate !! BY PRODUCT of having a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps, (p60, AA Big Book) and thereafter keeping in fit SPIRITUAL condition. (p85, AA Big Book)
BUT THAT'S NOT REALLY WHAT THE BIG BOOK IS TELLING US (in no uncertain terms) WHAT WE OUGHT TO BE STRIVING FOR.

Whatever. Just thought I would mention that if you haven't already spotted it.
Basically recovery has VERY LITTLE to do with PSYCHOLOGICAL GOALS, but has a GREAT DEAL to do with SPIRITUAL GOALS.
Which are distinctly different to the former, (in my perception anyhow.)
That's my experience. Make of it what you will. For all I know ? this is glaringly ! obvious to you all already..

Have a great Thursday!

"If you want to hide something from an alcoholic, put it in the Big book"

Can therapy or counseling get you sober, or keep you sober?

..As a substitute for "a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps" (p60, AA Big Book)

"Neither he NOR ANY OTHER HUMAN BEING can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power. " (p43, AA Big Book)

That includes Therapists, counselors, people who work in treatment centres, psyciatrists, sponsors, me, you.
ALL !!!! humans unfortunately..

This is why I do not get Sponsees to do therapy or such (if ever) until AFTER step 9. Ie when the spiritual malady Is overcome (p64, AA Big Book) and they are no longer in danger of drinking PROVIDED THEY STAY IN FIT ***SPIRITUAL*** CONDITION. (p85, AA Big Book)

Anyway. That's how I do it. That's how old timers did it when I was new. And that's what I saw working again and again and again.
So that's what I pass on. That's my experience.
Thankfully it seems to be the same as that of the first 100 members. (re first quote from p43, AA Big Book)
There's another reason, but ill explain that another time. Theres more to this, but I'll split it over a few posts.

Have a great Thursday!

"If you want to hide something from an alcoholic, put it in the Big book"

'I'm not going to jump into the lifeboat until I know WHY this ship is sinking'

Its not what you KNOW, its what you DO: 'I'm not going to jump into the lifeboat until I know WHY this ship is sinking' (I cant remember ? where I first heard that one, but it was in some meeting..)

Regarding trying to get to the bottom of things, or trying to understand stuff. I'm not really trying to figure it out as such. Just trying to live according to spiritual principles.
If I tried to UNDERSTAND the universe and all the stuff in it, I would drive myself MAD. So I don't bother. Its just not worth it. What difference would it make anyway?
Ie.
'I'm not going to jump into the lifeboat until I know WHY this ship is sinking'

It takes great moral courage to embrace the contradictions and unseen crannies inherent in reality.
Its often very unflattering and confusing. I stopped trying to understand it a long time ago. All I know is that I must try to treat other humans how I would like to be treated. That's all. The rest I don't really know.

Did a 'chair' at a meeting today which was nice. Saw some new faces and discovered a GREAT coffee place afterwards I had no idea existed. A good day! Weather is STILL fabulous over here..
Have a good Thursday!

"Just because I think it, it doesn't mean it's true." Is that so? 'Some of us tried to hold on to our old ideas..'

"Just because I think it, it doesn't mean it's true" ~ Ajahn Amaro in Metta - It All BelongsA talk on November 17th, 2007 during the Thanksgiving Retreat. At 49mins and 44secs

Heres one I kind of do anyway but I liked hearing about on Ajahn Amaro's talk.
All thoughts are a bit dodgy to say the least.
Pretty unreliable.
Yet most of the time we do not question them, or their validity.
I find myself disbelieving most of what my head tells me. But its easy to get caught out and find myself just accepting the thought that comes into my head as if it were true.
Here are some of the ways I 'loosen' the unquestioned nature of what I find myself thinking if I feel the urge, and want to unsettle any mental ruts I happen to be in.
I just repeat any one of these statements after EVERY thought I find myself having.
Unsettling but very refreshing!

I would call this any one of these things:
Letting go of OLD ideas.
Not 'believing' what your head tells you.
Introducing uncertainty to thoughts that are taken on face value or taken for granted as being true
Undermining thoughts that are taken on face value
Undermining stubborn thoughts
Undermining stubborn 'tapes'

So some statements you could use are:
Is that so?
Are you SURE?
Thank you for sharing...(then just carry on with your day)
(More aggressive versions..)
Yeah right.
Thank you for sharing..now ...EFFF!! OFF!!!
Liar!
Says who?
..Or any statement you prefer that has the same sort of effect..

Example:
I'm quite a nice person really
Is that so?
I'm such a useless student
Is that so?
I should be doing ........ Right now
Is that so?
I really fancy getting 'that' done later on
Is that so?
God 'so and so' is SO irritating!
Is that so?
I really don't want to have to make that trip later on this summer
Is that so?
I can't afford that
Is that so?
Wow that person is SO ! amazing. I am crap in comparison.
Is that so?
I'm such a lazy person
Is that so?
Etc etc..
..Basically WHATEVER thought comes into your head, answer it with 'Is that so?'
Scary (!) but worthwhile and very freeing..

P.S This exercise is NOT designed to give you permission to act destructively if former ideas of moral or ethical restraint have kept destructive urges at bay. I am working on the assumption that you already grasp the basic understanding that destructive acts are harmful to both yourself and others. (Just in case you thought otherwise..)
It is explained in more detail in the podcast.

I got this idea from Metta - It All Belongs
A talk given by Ajahn Amaro on November 17th, 2007 during the Thanksgiving Retreat.
Have a nice Wednesday!

It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS

All Souls Church, Langham Place. Rear door, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who likes me
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who doesn't like me
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who agrees with me
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who doesn't agree with me
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS what other people think of me
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS why people like me or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS why people agree with me or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who 'gets' it (meaning sobriety) and who doesn't.
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who ends up being a friend and who doesn't
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who ends up wanting to be my friend and who doesn't
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS which men are attracted to me and which aren't
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS whether it makes any sense or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I can contribute or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I like it or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS what exam marks I get
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I feel like going to the gym or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I feel like eating healthily or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I get sick or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS how long I get to live
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I have an accident or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS what will happen next week or next hour
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS what thoughts come into my head
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS what feelings arise in any given moment
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS how well or badly I react to things
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I am better or worse than the next person
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS how things turn out
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS how well I understand things
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS how fast or slowly I recover
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I like Sponsees or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I like sponsoring or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if things are easy or difficult
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I like it or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I am getting along with everyone or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS how long I get to stay in my current employment
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I am successful or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I am in physical pain or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I encounter enemies or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I am betrayed or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I can handle it
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS how I look. What voice I have. What personality I have
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS how long it takes to erode a destructive mental habit
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I am frightened or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I experience grief or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if it feels overwhelming
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who I respond well to
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who I 'click' with
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if my lousy best is good enough
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who responds well to me
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who responds badly to me
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who I can or cannot help
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if get what I want or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I get the thing that feels most important or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I lose the thing that feels most important or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS why the world is the way it is
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if it rains or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I like AA meetings or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I look foolish from time to time
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS when I get it wrong, how often, or how badly I get it wrong
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I fail or succeed
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if my head doesn't change for a looong time
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if my feelings don't change for a looong time
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who reads this blog, of what people think of it
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I am verbally attacked or blamed
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I acheive my ideal weight, or body shape
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I get the dream man or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I am misrepresented or misunderstood
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I need to be alone or spend time with people
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who the best teachers are on any given day
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who tells me what I need to know
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS where I get the direction and guidance I need from
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS when I need help
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS how stubborn persistent and intractable my 'wrong view' is
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I am a nice person or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I am 'right' or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I manage to avoid terrible errors of judgment or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS when the people I love die or get sick
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I get the help I THINK I need or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS what people, places and things I am attracted to
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I am appreciated or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I get a pleasant lifestyle or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I have financial security or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if it feels like I have achieved something or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS whether it means anything in the end or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS whether I find out later I have been barking up the wrong tree or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS how many friends I have, or where I find them
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who is important to me
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS who I manage to help
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if there is a 'payoff' or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I experience very unskillful negative mind states, and how often
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I know what to say or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I have enough patience and tolerance or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I am neurotic or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if I like you or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if there is a happy ending or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if the good guys 'win' in the end or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if evil prevails in the end or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS if humans destroy themselves in the end or not
It's NONE OF MY BUSINESS what happens!! Basically.

As you can tell. the list is ENDLESS!

Meaning I have let go of the DELUSION that I am 'the actor running the show'
I don't have a say
I don't have a vote
I don't get to rearrange reality to be the way I think it 'should' be.
I cannot control people places and things. That means you, me, the world and all that happens in-between. Everything! The complete opposite of being a control freak basically..

Don't get me wrong
I work as hard as I can
I do my LOUSY BEST
Which I can assure you, feels like going to ANY !!!! LENGTHS !! some days.
So I do NOT get to 'put my feet up' just because I am not a successful dictator of world events.

Apart from that, life is very straightforward!!

Before you get all !! depressed, read the stuff I posted under the label Insightful writing which includes the writing calledDo good anyway... By Mother Theresa

(I'm still ADDICTED to Ajahn Amaro's talks at the moment..)

Have a nice Sunday! Its GLORIOUS over here.
Thank God for freshly squeezed orange juice ice lollies!!

Determine for an hour to hate that person continuously

Interesting stuff from Ajahn Amaro from
The End of Love and Hate
A talk given on August 25th, 2007 at 38min 18 seconds.

"Determine for an hour to hate that person continuously
As soon as the mind wobbles and wavers from hating,
IMMEDIATELY
Let go of the distraction and go back to hating.
See if you can cultivate hatred for that WHOLE time.

(Its actually very hard to do) to stay in a state of aversion and sustained hatred continuously for an hour. Its extremely hard to sustain.

Its a good way to get a perspective on a mind state. Give it what it asks for. "

Just thought I'd share that. I LOVE Mr Amaro at the moment. Have a great Thursday!

'The glory of God is that we live our lives' ~ St Irenaeus

'The glory of God is that we live our lives'
St Irenaeus
A guy in AA told me that one. Thought I would share it with you. Lovely isn't it?

Heard in a meeting
What's the difference between a Rottveiler and an alcoholic?
The Rottveiler knows when to let go.

What I'm listening to at the moment.
Ajahn Amaro podcasts of dharma talks.
I LOVE Ajahn Amaro! Just right for me at the moment. Especially as post-Dalai Lama therapy. I have him on my ipod as I stroll about in the sunshine we have right now. Very relaxing! Feels a bit 'out there' when you listen to em, as he abandons all concepts of self, identity, and 'fixed positions'. Ie no ego. How fabulous! I seem to have lost the ability to debate on any issue as it is only 'taking a position' (which can only be inherently uncertain and therefore ultimately unreliable.) Yeah I know, it sounds a bit weird, but it basically means that its really hard to make a statement' or something. I just feel like there is nothing to say at the moment. Probably why I am not posting much. I just think everything in my mind is pointless. Just hot air. Not really. But you know what I mean. Of no substance. That's better. Yeah. I think of it as pointless, but I have a feeling you will interpret that as me being derogatory about my thought processes and I can assure you it is not. All thought is very insubstantial to me at the moment. I kind of don't really listen to what my head is saying as it probably rubbish. That's all. I still use my brain to figure stuff out at work, but I'm not paying much attention to the 'washing machine' rumbling going on in the background. Besides the weather is too gorgeous to 'think' about anything. London looks seriously gorgeous in this weather. Tourists are everywhere, and I get to live here all year round. Cool! I feel like I'm on holiday when I'm at home. But there you go.

The Corporation on freedocumentaries.org
I don't really watch TV as such, but I like this kind of stuff. The Corporation was a disturbing but very interesting documentary. I MEANT to see in the cinema when it first came out, but didn't get round to it.. Really puts you off buying 'stuff''. Great if you shop too much. I have to force myself to the shops so I'm in no danger of getting a shopping addiction, (or whatever they call it..)

freedocumentaries.org
Interesting stuff. More of the same. TV with a social conscience. Cool. Quite depressing though.. Cheer yourself up by asking 'what can I DO ' to stop yourself feeling overwhelmed by it. Great TV though. Very interesting.

I have more time to catch up on new music and I LOVE some of the stuff that is being produced recently. Besides I NEED this music to keep me going in the gym, but as usual, I am pleasantly surprised by the new material. There are loads more but here are a few on my ipod..
GREAT ! running music. (IF you like that kind of thing..)
Madonna – ‘Give It To Me (Oakenfold Remix)’ (Warners)
Rihanna- 'Take A Bow' (Seamus Haji & Paul Emanuel Remix) (Def Jam)
Rihanna- 'Take A Bow' (Seamus Haji & Paul Emanuel Remix) (Def Jam)
Timbo Nelly Justin Madonna pharrell Britney Giveit2metwice

I'm either relaxing at home or getting exited about new stuff to learn and new job possibilities which would involve some retraining and a little more excitement than usual. We shall see. No harm in a few weeks retraining in the meantime, if it means I can try something new that pays better. Whatever. It feels really nice being on 'summer holiday' even though I'm still working full time..

Hey I LOVE the full moon today and the solstice this weekend, so this suits me just fine!
Have a great Wednesday!

'Maybe I'm not that bad': Pervasive and unconscious Self Doubt

Committee Room window with balcony, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

'Maybe I'm not that bad'
Is a thought I get quite a lot these days. The reason I’m mentioning it here is so that you kind-of know this is coming. Later on. A lot. If you have not started thinking this already.
As far as I am concerned if you start thinking this in a sort of involuntary way in less than 5 years sobriety, I think you are doing a pretty !! good job.
Whatever. I suppose I had some ? sort of renewed faith in myself at 5 years, but this is different. Its like its very VERY slowly ‘dawning’ on me, that I MIGHT NOT BE THAT BAD.
You know, not ‘beyond hope’
Not ‘beyond repair’
Not a ‘lost cause’ in respect to certain areas I would have been CONVINCED were ‘off limits’ or ‘out of reach’.
More like I see the ‘plasticity’ of recovery.
I am starting to be more open minded as to just what can be altered.
More ? optimistic perhaps.
Perhaps I see better that you can cover A LOT of ground sometimes. If you just keep your head down and do the work, instead of giving up on yourself because it looks IMPOSSIBLE.

I’m not just talking about difficult tasks like study. (Because that really is difficult.) I mean stuff the therapists tell you JUST ISNT POSSIBLE.
The stuff they tell you CANT BE DONE.
I suppose I mean emotional work. Getting from A to B.
Hey I’m not there yet, but more and more I see my insides changing for the better. I don’t really know WHY it’s happening. I can guess. I have very helpful influences in my recovery. By no virtue of mine. I am lucky perhaps. I have no idea why people are helpful to me. That’s the truth. I really don’t know if I am doing the right things or not. I try my best but I have no idea if I am off course. I suspect I am sometimes. Hopefully not too often. Whatever. What I mean is I HAVE NO SURE FOOTING. I make my best guess and that’s it. The rest I don’t know.
Which means I am still capable of making crippling errors of judgement from time to time. That’s scary. When you REALLY realise that. That ALL your knowledge and ALL your experience, and ALL your ‘good intentions’ WILL NOT SAVE YOU from your own ..fallabilty.
To err is human. Unfortunately.
We are all in the same boat. None of us REALLY know what we are doing.
We all LIKE to think we ‘know’ left from right.
But it’s not that simple.
Anyway. The issue of uncertainty aside.

I just hear myself saying to myself in my head 'Maybe I'm not that bad' in a sort of bewildered confused surprise. Like I just learned that black is white or up is down. It’s a confusing perception, but feels like a gradual dawning upon my senses that all this time I was wrong, and things really are NOT what they seem.

The reason I mention this, is because I tend to sponsor people with very low self-image. Way WAY !!! off the reality chart. They think they are second-class citizens or something. The thinking is SO pervasive and habitual, they don’t even notice it till I point it out. The look of aghast surprise when I tell them they have a DUTY to themselves to NOT permit others to mistreat them repeatedly comes as a HUGE surprise.
So what I’m saying is they are very LOW confidence, LOW self-belief types. (I might add that learning to NOT be a doormat is NOT as easy as it sounds. Those with persecution complexes for instance need to be VERY VERY !!! careful with this one, as they see ‘attack’ everywhere, and are frequently wrong.)

Anyway. I hear them saying later on, in the same slightly surprised tone I hear in my own head, saying ‘Maybe I’m not that bad’. And it makes me realise that we are having the same experience on some level or other. Which always cheers me up as I want sponsees to feel and experience the things I have felt in the process to getting well. It reassures me that I am passing it on. Thank god. You have to give it away to keep it. And I plan on keeping it.

Don’t get me wrong. I have a list a MILE long of stuff I want to be different. Stuff I have NO IDEA how I will crack. Seriously. Makes study look like a piece of cake!
I have SO many things I want to be different. But I have NO idea when or how it will happen. I’m just ‘plugging away’. Doing my lousy best. Seeing what happens. Some of this stuff I have been working on in some form or other for YEARS. And I am VERY stubborn!! Heheh. Even though I KNOW something is GOOD for me, I DO NOT LIKE HAVING TO LET GO OF OLD IDEAS and CONSIDER THAT I MIGHT BE COMLETELY !!!!! WRONG !!!! ABOUT SOMETHING.
Unfortunately that’s the ONLY way I know how to change things!
First. Consider the ! possibility that I am COMPLETLY !! WRONG about something!

Basically you have to eat a LOT of humble pie.
Eat your words.
Reverse ones ideas about things. All kinds of stuff.
Basically as they say in the U2 video for the the song ‘the fly..

EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG

Heheh. Its TRUE.
Horrifying isn’t it?
Heheee well you just gotta get used to it and get used to eating your words.

And here’s the thing.
As I am writing this. I KNOW that at some point in the future, I might ! look back at this and think..

W o w
I was S O wrong about that .. and I had NO idea. No clue at ALL.
But hey. On that cheery note! I may as well head off to the gym and all that stuff.

But do you see? Nothing is really certain. That’s what I mean. And even when we are quite nice human beings, we still have terrible, glaring weaknesses we have yet to discover, or fully appreciate. But glaring weaknesses are all part of the deal of being a human. So no big deal. What’s new?

That’s why I think its funny that people look at old timers like they ‘know the answers’. Anyone with ANY sense KNOWS they don’t know the answers. But I am CONVINCED that new people are attracted to people who have been around simply because they can SENSE that the ‘old timer’ can TELL that there are no ‘right’ answers. That ability to rest comfortably in uncertainty is what makes them look ‘safe’. Gawd knows.

Right. Gym beckons.

By the way, this ‘I’m not that bad’ stuff. I’m not fishing for compliments. I KNOW I’m alright, but I’m just sharing with you the conversations I have with myself regarding my own pervasive self doubt.

Also this is more relevant to those from the self-doubt end of the spectrum. I meet newcomers who have FAR too much confidence for heir own good. They reckon they are ‘A-ok!’ when they CLEARLY are not. Those people need a WHOLE different kind of conversation going on!! This is more for the people who CANNOT see no matter HOW hard they look, that they are ALRIGHT.
So there you go. See? You ARE MUCH better than you think. You just don’t know it yet. Yes and you have terrible flaws too, that you probably cant see either, but what I’m saying is that EVEN WITH THOSE TERRIBLE FLAWS, YOU ARE OK.
Flaws are normal. Even the terrible blind ones.
But YOU are OK. You are really quite a nice person. Yeah. ! Even you!
Weird huh?


So what's the moral of the story?
ACT AS IF YOU ARE NOT A PIECE OF SH*T
Why?
Because you will be MAD !!!!! at yourself in years to come when it FINALLY dawns on you that actually.. YOU ARE NOT THAT BAD!
You will be KICKING yourself for all the wasted opportunities and things you just figured were IMPOSSIBLE or OUT OF REACH, when you realize you ARE ok.
So save yourself a LOT !!! of heartache and beating yourself up later, by ALWAYS AIMING HIGHER THAN YOU THINK YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO. (‘Beyond your wildest dreams’ as they say..)
The worst thing that can happen is that someone will tell you ‘No’.
But I would MUCH rather someone ELSE told you NO,
Than YOU told you NO.
See? The IDEAL ‘no’ comes from SOMEBODY ELSE, not from YOU.
so basically. Don’t discount yourself from stuff. Nice people, nice places, nice jobs, you name it.
Because in YEARS to come, LONG after opportunities have come and gone. You will FINALLY realize that you are a !! nice human being. That other people want to be around! Even the nice ! people want to be around! You know. Properly.
So there you go.

‘Simple but not easy’ as the saying goes.
Too right!
See y’all. Have a fabulous Thursday!

Had a great time thanks

Dalai Lama's chair at the end of a 5 day teaching in Nottingham 08, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

Hope you guys are well and dandy. Thanks for popping by and offering encouragement and support. Its appreciated!
I had a great ! time in Nottingham though I'm not sure I did the initiation the justice it deserved, but thankfully my lousy best is good enough. I saw some AA's there and that made it all the more enjoyable as we were able to compare stories on how blissed out we were feeling by the whole thing. It makes all the difference when you get to share an event like that with other AAs. They hadn't been to see him before and they were blown away. It was really cool. Its something that only really makes sense when you see him in person. Gawd knows what it is, but it is really cool. You kindof want to adopt him or something at the end of the teaching!

I'm resting my brain for a bit, but I worry my brain will lose its edge if I don't keep learning new stuff. I think the exams were ok, but not in the ? High end of the scale. Alright but nothing dramatic in terms of impressive grades. We shall see when the results come out I guess.

I learned a lot about how to eat well to stay awake for long periods of time. That was interesting. I have a 'routine' of exam food now.
So yeah. Just relaxing at the moment. Watching POINTLESS films such as sex in the city, Indiana Jones, forgetting Sarah Marshall, and am now a bit bored of films..
Anyway I've got catching up of general stuff to do and usual life stuff to be getting on with, so I'm trying (!) to get all that back on track. Neglected gym, grooming etc, so I've no shortage of stuff to do and I want to prepare for term in otcober during the summer if I can summon up the discipline.
In the meantime its trips to the hairdressers, and getting back to a neglected home and work routine. So I'm not realy in a blogging mood at the moment. I've got to make decisions about October, make applications for further training and find out what grades are needed for different types of applications. Ie what the top end of the scale requires, and what the more mainstream applications expect. I dare say it changes year to year. Probably gets higher!
Programme stuff is just plodding along in the background so to speak. I have nothing new to say, or else I am too focused on sorting out study queries to think about AA stuff at the moment.
Plus is too ! sunny to think about anything meaningful at the moment! Weather is ! gorgeous and for once in a long time I am well rested, and have a little free time to indulge myself with, which can only be a good thing. So hope you all have are having a great time and if I can think of anything useful to add here I will, but my head is still swimming with study issues that need to be resolved this summer. Until I have figured that stuff out, I will be fairly preoccupied I think..
Hope your Wednesday is as good as the one over here is looking!

Wish me luck! See you back here in June..

Sorry I ain't been about, but blogging is too much of a distraction when I am trying to revise, so its taken a back seat. I'm VERY tired, but I think that's normal and thank GOD for AA meetings as its a little oasis of calm when study is ! Too much. So far so good. VERY scary exams 14th 22th and 27th. Dalai lama on 28th . Perfect!

Hope you guys are fine and dandy in an non-alcoholic sort of way!
Study is definitely a great way to learn about stress management, but I just might be ok. Not in the same league as April ( a in: A DAY IN THE LIFE OF ALCOHOL AND DRUG RECOVERY) who seems to be top of her class !!! year upon year, but alright so far.
Right I better be off. Mind how you go!, enjoy the sun, and see you back here end of the month!

John Legend's stripped-down, piano-based cover of Pride (In The Name of Love)

This is a lovely version of Pride. I just thought I would share it with you. i saw it mentioned on u2.com and had a listen. Very soulful. It's part of a two hour TV special marking the fortieth anniversary of the assassination of Martin Luther King. Apparently.

Right. Busy essay day! Have a lovely Monday!

An Instant Cure for Self Pity, or an attack of the 'Poor Me's'

There is probably SOMEONE out there who is sufficiently ! self obsessed or has such entrenched and habitual 'poor me' thinking, that they will be able to STILL feel sorry for themselves AFTER watching this, but hopefully those people will be few and far between!

Happy Easter and all that. But go easy on the chocolate girlies! You will only regret it later. :( Have a Green and Blacks Nut and Seed Cereal Bars instead. They are probably JUST as calorific, but for some (deluded) reason, you feel slightly ? immune from the curse of imminent obesity after polishing off the entire pack of three in one go. Not that I !! would know anything about that! Yeah right. Ah well . Back to the raw broccoli I suppose...

Only 21 women in every 1000 are get married in the UK. 23 in every 1000 men

A BBC News article caled Marriage rates lowest since 1862

Amazing eh?
That's for you ladies who have concluded there is something 'wrong' with you if you are not married!

I BET you had no idea the figures were so low. I had NO idea.
So basically, you are one of societies 'oddities' if you are
A. Over 16, ..AND
B. Getting married!

So there you go. Just thought I would share that with you. Personally I think marriage should only ever be attempted by the RUTHLESSLY !!! honest, and pretty enlightened folks, as I think the legal structure leaves a great deal to be desired. And the legalities of divorce are ! Horrendous. Mind you, all separations are pretty dodgy after a long period. But there you go, people are voting with their feet and just not 'playing'.
But yeah I reckon it could work if you knew yourself very well and were able to find a way of doing it that worked.

Makes you wonder how all those 'wedding' magazines and shops manage to stay in business..

Gotta go! Have a nice Wednesday!

How to download audio files off the internet for your ipod

Yeah I know it looks obvious, but I didn't figure it out for a while and had to ask, so I just thought I would mention it just in case.
Have a nice Tuesday!

Great talk on 'Restraint of tongue and pen" by Ajahn Munindo called 'Wise Forebearance'

Ajahn Munindo does a great 20 minute talk here on how to actually practice 'Restraint of tongue and pen" called Wise Forebearance. Great stuff!

Ajahn Munindo does a great 20 minute talk here on how to actually practice 'Restraint of tongue and pen" called Wise Forebearance. Great stuff!

Last 14mins very focused on how to do restraint.
(To stick it on your ipod, right click on the link and it prompts you to 'Download linked file as.." then save it on your desktop. Then itunes, then ipod. Done! )

"Nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen. We must avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious, power-driven argument. The same goes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional booby traps baited with pride and vengefulness. Our first job is to sidestep the traps. When we are tempted by the bait, we should train ourselves to step back and think. For we can neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint has become automatic."
Step 10. From 12 x 12

Amen!
I don't know about you but I am SERIOUSLY IMPRESED by restraint, and patient endurance. This is NOT to be confused with REPRESSION, which can more likely described as 'Bitter endurance' or unfeeling unawareness. Whatever, anyway, its not the same.
Right I better go. Have a nice Sunday!

PS. I also like Johno's 'Sellotape over the mouth" or ? 'Duct tape the mouth' phraseology to describe this thing. Funny! Though I cant find the post she used it in. oh well. Its good because it shows how HARD it is to do. That's why it impresses me!

Things are never as bad or as good as you think!

"Things are never as bad or as good as you think!"

Someone told me this and I REALLY like it, so I thought I would share it with you.
Its very cool. Looks like nothing at first glance, but it IS .. true.
Cool. I had never noticed this until someone pointed it out to me. I LOVE it when i find some piece of new information..

Hope you are having a lovely Thursday wherever you are. I'm knee deep in study books. Till at least ? June. Ah well. Wish me luck! I still lack discipline (having lost my capacity for desperation a LONG time ago), but I am doing my ! lousy best I suppose. Confidence is not great, but I am just showing up and seeing what happens. It aint a walk in the park, thats for sure!

Hot tip. Healthy snack food. Marks and Spencers do these shredded raw veg in microwaveable containers for two quid or something. They cook in 2 minutes and basically it is just shredded vegetables. but they taste ! LOVELY. (Yeah I know, WEIRD) GREAT snack food for when you are at work or cant be BOTHERED to cook something 'healthy'. Like a SERIOUSLY healthy version of a Pot noodle. How cool is that! Plus it doesn't make you fat! Which is nice. :) Whatever. Right i'd better be off!

Total Lunar eclipse Wednesday 20th Feb 2008

Total Lunar eclipse Wednesday 20th Feb 2008
Details on the link above courtesy of NASA if you like that kind of thing. Hey I love a bit of planetary weirdness. Jonathan Cainer always mentions these things as well on his site.
Enjoy!

Eclipse times:
London: Thursday: 1.43am - 5.09am (totality: 3.01am-3.51am)
Cape Town: Thursday: 3.43am-7.09am (totality: 5.01am - 5.51am)
Madrid/Paris: Thursday: 2.43am - 6.09am (totality: 4.01am - 4.51am)
New York: Wednesday: 8.43pm - 00.09am (totality: 10.01pm - 10.51pm)
California: Partial eclipse only - visible from moonrise only: 5.46pm

Heard in a meeting

"You're not responsible for the FIRST thought that comes into your head,
But you ARE responsible for the SECOND thought,
And for the FIRST action."

And

"AA is full of Mirrors and Lighthouses"

Cool. I liked them. And I haven't heard them before.
Hope you are having a good Monday. The weather is SERIOUSLY GORGEOUS over here.

IT'S YOUR WORLD YOU CAN CHANGE IT

This is a video of U2 performance of the fly on the Zoo TV tour.
Kathys post onYes We Can - Barack Obama Music Video which I LOVED watching, (even though I am NO authority on American politics, except for having the same level of fondness for George Bush as David Icke ) but anyway. I digress. its a great video, but it reminded me of my favorite bit of the Zoo TV U2 tour performances, which was the HUGE !!!! Ultra high definition TV's flashing the words IT'S YOUR WORLD YOU CAN CHANGE IT over and over REALLY !!!! Fast at the end of the song the fly. Here's a utube vid of it. I LOVE multimedia installations, and use of cool words. I think the video stage backdrop had a lot to do with Brian Eno whose mind I LOVE. I LOVE the way he thinks creatively. Whatever. Anyway the TV installations were HUGE and breathtaking. Really well done. This tiny utube pic does not do it justice. The effect of those words being flashed MASSIVELY in the background was very effective. Very believable. I love 'propaganda' and suggestion when it is used in a positive empowering way. It works! Anyway. Just thought I would share that with you. There were a couple of very powerful messages I took from that concert. A couple of slogans that have stayed with me since I first saw them in that incredibly powerful context of a beautifully engineered video installation. Good work Mr Eno! I really ought to read more of his stuff, as I find his thinking very inspiring. ( I think I want to purchase his little book of cards called Oblique strategies.) Whatever. There are so many great creative minds out there. Hard working souls! Right I'd better be off. Have yourselves a great Monday!.

Watch Derren Brown Friday win on the horses on 'the system'

Article in the Times about Derren Brown's programme
I dare say they will repeat it ad infinitum, so no hurry to see it on Friday.

This ia a David Blaine spoof and is LIBERALLY sprinkled with the use of the F word, so please do NOT watch it if you are offended by the use of the F word. Personally I loved it. Made me laugh. but you may not. ?

I confess I really like Mr Blaine and Mr D Brown, but I don't know how they do what they do. But suffice to say I have no problem with the idea that mind over matter stuff is very real. That's my view, so I like people that look as though they are doing that stuff SOMETIMES. As opposed to ALL the time. I figure some are legit tricks, and some are not. I have no idea which percentage. 80/20?, 90/10?, 95/5?. No idea. I would say it was a smaller proportion. But anyway, they are great showmen, regardless of how they do what they do. I like em, whether they are simple magicians or not.

My favorite D Blaine quote. "Soft is stronger than hard."
His site is quite interesting. Lots of video stuff, and nice pics. Mr D Brown's is much more unassuming. But I confess I LOVE his understated reserve. Very British. But that's just me.

'The Journey to Alcoholics Anonymous' short video by UK General Service Office of AA

This is a seriously GREAT video for newcomers called ' The Journey to Alcoholics Anonymous" that Higher Powered Daave spotted a while back, but I am SO impressed with it that I thought I would mention it. Its really good for people who are new and have hang-ups and worries about what AA will be like if they go to a meeting.
Anyway see for yourself. And thanks to Daave for spotting it for me. I think I will include a sidebar link for this permanently.

Have a great Sunday!

Forget Everything And Remember: Self Centred Fear and Fear of financial insecurity

Good old Ian Brown. This is F. E. A. R. (Uncle remix)

Fear is understandable.
So don't be hard on yourself
Accept this inner chaos for starters

Then. Here's the thing.
TRUST that even though this LOOKS scary.
That EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

Your higher power is ONLY ever interested in giving you WHAT IS THE VERY!!!! BEST FOR YOU.

If your higher power says NO to THIS thing.
It is because there is something FAR BETTER in store for you.
And in order to GET THAT, you have to LET GO of this thing.

So just TRUST THAT
And let those feelings just rumble along in the background, doing their own thing.
Have them. But do not BELIEVE them.

Also, like I said in a previous post about thing balancing themselves out, the universe ALWAYS seems to 'balances out' those that are 'channels', meaning those that have had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps, sort of thing.
So if your mind is very much 'stuck' to ONE side on some matter. The universe will PRESENT a situation to force this 'stuck' position to 'unstick' itself, and become more encompassing of other world views.

The universe does NOT tolerate ONE SIDED, 'fixed positions' or deluded longing and attachment to worldly things. (in those whose 'channels' are 'open')

Owning things is FINE. its BELIEVING in them as your mental and emotional 'savior' that is the 'problem'. Or attaching GREAT SIGNIFICANCE to them. Nothing wrong with LIKING them, or choosing to ENJOY them in the moment. Its CREATING YOUR ENTIRE IDENTITY FROM THEM that makes things a bit sticky later!
So the universe will create situations to re educate !!! you in this matter if it sees one of its students leaning too far one way.

So be warned!!!
If you are SINCERE in your wish for INNER PEACE and a desire to help others, life lessons will come THICK AND FAST.
The better the student, the more 'assignments' you get!!!
So if you have a dozen 'existential' essays to complete, then trust me! Your higher power rates you as a TOP student!!
You don't get to languish in the back of the class staring out the window and texting your mates!
Nah!
YOUR HIGHER POWER HAS WAYS OF GETTING YOUR ATTENTION.
So pay attention!
YOU SNOOZE YOU LOSE

Regarding money and objects. I LOVE edges comment in an interview where he said:

"Possessions are a way of turning money into problems."
and
"I don't have anything that I'd miss if it got stolen."

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2099-1334305,00.html
Sunday Times. November 2004

Hey and if you are scared, do the Taoist arch as well.
And earn some good karma points by trying to be of as much benefit to the person MOST in need (usually the newcomer) as you can. They stand to lose the MOST if they fail, so their weaknesses are the MOST in need of correcting. Lives !are at stake, so EVERY bit of help counts! You just NEVER KNOW if YOU will be the person who 'gets through' to them, so give it a whirl and see what happens. If it is good it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS and, if it is bad it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Just show up. You paddle and god steers.

Service and getting motivated to go to ANY LENGTHS to study for a BETTER JOB. NO excuses!

Service is everything. it goes beyond outward action to the quality of ones heart, presence, and inner stillness.
These 'silent' qualities enrich others very powerfully.

Everything I do, say, think and feel can be service.
Meaning, In any moment, I am either taking, or I am giving.
But yes. sometimes practical help is needed. If I have free time.

Outward actions that help (for me) are prioritized by the potential benefit that can occur by doing them.
The more my acts have the potential to benefit others, the higher the importance of that task.
So attempting to prevent death is first.
Attempting to prevent premature death second.
Attempting to prevent unhappiness that has no impact on the longevity.
If longevity not an issue. then QUALITY of life is important.
So old and dying first. as very little time! 5 yrs?
Terminal illness, that I cannot alter. of any age.
Misery generally.

All these things I address in that order, by offering (in some form or other) how to practice (what I see as) spiritual principles. Although you might not know that I was doing that if you saw me doing it! But that's what I see myself as doing. I sort of 'sneak it in' while Im doing mundane stuff. Like at work. Which is mundane stuff. Sometimes I just 'hang around' (while I am at work) and be an example of an un neurotic person. Just that can really !! freak people out sometimes. Its quite funny really. Stressed people get freaked out by people ho have no drama. Heehee.

Don't get me wrong. Im not saying Im like this all the time. Im not. I get stressed and tense about things. But by and large that is how my priorities are in my head. That's what I mean. There is a structure to what comes first when choosing how to make use of my time at work, and if I have any free time to sponsor when I'm not studying, and doing my own life obligations.

Mostly it is aiming to prevent death due to (what I see) as untreated alcoholism, (which can look on the surface like madness, or pain, or depression) by trying to teach others what was shown freely to me.
Followed by attempting to show other women how to be good sponsors. So they can do the same.
Then the sick, old and dying in my immediate family.
Then the general misery I encounter on a day to day level at work, shopping etc..

Lastly I look to my study for a new job as a way to help others. I see jobs as ego feeding so this can be difficult.
Getting a high paying, 'swishy' job seems a bit bizarre and pointless. but I am trying to make into another way I can help others.
But this is harder for me because it involves money. seeing beyond the money, ego and position this might provide me with if I do it well is difficult. I lack !!! Motivation!
But I am working on it!
Its probably just laziness, and fear experiencing incompetence and failure outside my area of expertise, and looking c*ap while I do it.
The best workers are egoless, but the potential for money and status confuse me and really put me off actually.
My immediate family are outwardly successful but seem desperately unhappy, so that's kind of what puts me off. I sense a deep abiding pain in them when I am ever around them. That's why I don't want to spend much time with them. Perhaps I am just better at sensing their pain than I am in sensing others pain.
Who knows.
Or else they just have a greater debt of energetic baggage to process than others.
But Winston Churchill was a troubled man and I like him. So baggage need not put one off people. Well all that is my judgment of that situation. But I can find unhappy people very !! draining, so I avoid them, unless there is an ! important piece of service work that needs doing.

So service in the form of this new job I am studying for is my new 'project' in expanding my step 12 remit. Even though I LACK motivation to improve upon my position in a largely repetitive and brain dead unchallenging 'comfortable rut' job that I have been doing for FAR TOO LONG. Oh well.
I hope I manage it, because the 'carrot' (on the stick) of money, position, and social status have absolutely no appeal to me. But this could just be BS. My ego just hiding under the duvet.
One never knows. Most of my thinking and perception is utter BS.
Thank GOD, I know that I don't know. And just don't trust what my head tells me.

Basically I need to go to ANY LENGTHS to complete this seemingly limitless pile of coursework for the next nine weeks.
Scary!

Nine weeks of ANY LENGTHS study.
I need to 'import' the same focus and energy that I HAVE when I am talking to a newcomer, and TRANSPOSE it onto my study obligations. Which are huge. Or seem huge anyway.
Whatever. Just another journey out of the comfort zone, so same ol same ol.
!! Why are there no days off? Ever? There is ALWAYS something new. Something that you do SO APPALLINGLY that only the GREATEST effort will pull it out of the bag.
Well compared to the proficiency I can experience with aa stuff, my level of student expertise is very !! underperforming by comparison.
I'm not cr*p, but I AM crap, at just sitting down and GETTING !!!ON WITH IT!!

Discipline. Where is it? I think I am just a bit unmanageable. Too much the hippy. Too much 'whatever'. It is there with some stuff, but it is not here IN FORCE with the study.
Ah well. Another learning curve on the spiritual curriculum of life!

Todays (and for the next 2-3 years) Spiritual curriculum is:

'How to find a sense of urgency when you have NONE'
'How to (very sensibly) improve ones position in the job market when I have NO belief that outward conditions are responsible for my wellbeing. Basically that it will make NO difference'
'How to find a desire to have a reasonably prestigious job (compared to the one I have now which I dare say will not last very long) when you have NONE'
'How to desire a first degree, (or a good second) when you don't feel that bothered about getting one or not'.
'How to want better pay when you have no hunger to earn more."
'How to have faith in the skills you are learning, when it all looks like pointless mental loops that always miss the mark no matter how skilled one becomes, as it is tied to thought, which is in itself very limited'.
'How to WANT to do something WELL, that can be sought out because it appeals to grandiose instincts in people' BLEH. (Unlike my current job which is not even remotely grandiose.)

This Is an exercise in patience and tolerance towards the limits of these activities, more than anything. And laziness.
Just because they are LIMITED, or SEEM limited compared to step 11 stuff, does NOT give me the excuse, to be HALF HEARTED and LACKLUSTRE about them.
I need to give a s**t, basically.
Apathy! Toward what I see as kind of pointless stuff. That isn't really pointless. People who can do this job well DO serve others in MEANINGFUL ways because they help them GET OUT OF THE S**T.
They sort out problems for people. Using intellectual bags of tricks.
So there IS a point.
So I need to learn how to do this WELL.
So that when someone REALLY NEEDS help with this, (which they WILL), that I am S**T HOT at solving it for them using this new skill!!

See? I might just be talking myself into it!
Perhaps if I become very good at it but choose to do lots of free work for disadvantaged types, instead of getting a well paid job, that might work.?
But I LIKE the well paid ones, because they tend to be REALLY NICE people. (well that's what I find) More satisfied, more mentally alert, more functioning humans overall. Difficult tasks are VERY character building, so people in more sought after jobs tend to have better life skills than those at the bottom. They function better in all sorts of ways. So that's why I like difficult things, and I LOVE!!!! Being around people who are BRILLIANT at what they do. Why? because they are going to ANY LENGTHS. And I find that BEAUTIFUL and MESMERISING to behold.
But yeah, when there is money and status involved, then it can also attract those that value those things highly. But it is my OPINION, that the REALLY good ones, go WAY beyond that. They do what they do out of LOVE of the activity, or as a meditative task of doing.

See? This is why I despair sometimes. Because I can so easily be disappointed. I find myself always drawn to the people who are REALLY ! GOOD at what they do. Which makes me think I will only be TRULY satisfied working in that environment if I am around those kinds of people.
But in order to qualify for that I will HAVE to get a FIRST and work REALLY HARD for the next nine weeks, next 3 years?
But if I'm honest, I respect ANYONE who does this stuff, because it is difficult, and therefore character building.

Aha!
Another way to trick my brain into not seeing the money, (and therefore getting put off by the grandiose, status thing) would be to IMAGINE I am a person WHO NEED NEVER WORK AGAIN, but who CHOOSES TO WORK, to BE OF SERVICE.

So work of this kind would be a sort of a climb down, really.
I would be 'lowering' the quality of my life by taking part in it.

I actually know of people who are in this position. Not personally. But they have VERY FULL lives. Kids, you name it. They have NO NEED to work. Not like you and I do anyway. But they CHOOSE to do a REALLY IMPORTANT and REALLY RATHER DIFFICULT and DEMANDING job, involving LOTS of contact with rather ORDINARY, and sometimes YUKKY people, in an UNGRANDIOSE environment, despite having experienced (what I would see as) PRIVILGED LIVES. Long hours. Demanding situations. DIFFICULT to qualify academically for.
Basically, money is NOT what it is about, for them. Nor position. Or status. Just service. Even though they are paid very well for doing what they do.

So?
See?
What's my excuse? I DON'T HAVE ONE.
See I ADMIRE people like that. So why can't I do the same?
There are LOADS of STINKY charity things I could do with my expertise if I wanted to. But ultimately ALL work is service. Whether it is performed in a grandiose environment or not.
I am just attached to being employed in a very UN grandiose environment, where ego is considered to be DEEPLY UNFASHIONABLE. (which it is really)
But I do not really fit in there.
My mind is languishing in that environment.
My only way of amusing myself while I perform repetitive tasks is to look for opportunities to be of service to others and have a laugh while I go about my work.
And even though it is not grandiose, ego IS there. Just in a different form. It does not take the form of intellectual superiority, or grandiosity, but in the form of some competitive male posturing, and trying to appear 'interesting' or funny, as opposed to dull.
Plus it is a job that cannot sustain profit with increasing overseas competition. So it will die a death at some point in the next ? 5 years. Probably. Or else be replaced with a MUCH ! lower paid version. Well probably. Like HALF what I earn now or something. Or NO job at all because it is all being done overseas. Gawd knows. It does not look promising.

So I should be making hay while the sun shines!
Basically.

See?
I need to APPRECIATE the LONG TERM VALUE of what I am learning AND THE MEANINGFUL OPPORTUNITIES TO BE OF SERVICE THAT IT CAN! AND WILL! PROVIDE.

Despite SOMETIMES being performed in an atmosphere of grandiosity, or intellectual superiority.
IF !!!! I am motivated to study hard enough to qualify, that is!!!

No excuses!
(Like in the film The Pursuit of Happyness)
I NEED what Will Smith HAD in that film!!!

Exactly!
Improving oneself and ones life is IMPORTANT. Whether I like it or not.
Because I dare say I will always be employed in some form or other, so it is in my interests to have other skills under my belt.
So!!
Anyway just thought I would share that with you as that is the stuff I am resolving in my head these days, and thinking it out loud so to speak helps me organize my thoughts.

Right. Whatever. Better get on with it instead of doing this!!!
Jeez. I KNEW that would take FOREVER to explain!
Right. off now!
See you in ? nine weeks ? Hahahaa

Music: Bliss: A Hundred Thousand Angels

Here's a sample of the Bliss: A Hundred Thousand Angels track.
You can hear a sample on iTunes as well.

This is a GREAT track.
You can buy it on iTunes for 79p!
Here's a website where you can buy the album for $1.08. Crikey! That's cheap..

GREAT 7 min summary by Ken Wilber of Step 11 goals

Ken Wilber REALLY knows his subject, and he is a useful model for the likes of us (un-ordained 'normies') in that he has chosen NOT to live a monastic life, thereby showing us 'normal folks' that it IS possible to develop a spiritually committed practice AND go to work, have relationships, and pay the bills etc. Yeah I know he's a bit unusual, but it still serves as a useful example that you don't HAVE to live in a monastery to have a SERIOUS practice.

Yeah I know what he's saying sounds a bit pretentious if you're not used to hearing this kind of stuff, but this is what you would be 'taught' on any good step 11 retreat. But there are not many teachers as competent or available as Mr Wilber.
What can I say? I like him. But that's just me.
Mind you, don't envy having to deal with all that ego cr*p that goes with being such a well known teacher. You need to work pretty had on not letting the ego get out of hand. Yuk! I find the ego really Unattractive.
Whatever.

But yeah. I posted this because he as managed to summarize the core teaching of any mindfulness training in less than 5 minutes.
(Well 7 mins and 48 seconds actually)
!!
Amazing.
And I think he is able to do it in such a way that doesn't make it sound like airy fairy sh*te, or long winded mumbo jumbo.
But hey, that's why he's one of the best teachers around.
I've hardly read any of his books. They seem a bit too technical for me. But I read 'Grace and Grit' about how his first love (wife) died of breast cancer really young. Amazing story. Great if you are struggling with being a a carer of some sort or are dealing with illness.

But yeah. This is the meat and potatoes of any mindfulness training. He describes it better than I can. Think of it as a 'postcard' from the shores of step 11, for those of you that have yet not paid a visit to a decent retreat centre.

Step 11 is SO cool. It is like the finishing touch to the jigsaw. You can do it anytime, but is MUCH more revealing once you 'clear the decks' with the help of the first 9 steps.

By the way if what he says seems FAR too complicated, Eckhart Tolle says the SAME thing in the power of now but makes it sound simpler. Just takes longer to explain, thats all!
Right off to the gym!!!!
Have a great Thursday!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Click here to see the Happy New Year eCard
PUT THE SOUND ON AND ENJOY
Happy !! New Year!!

This is fun!
Mr (rather appropriately ! named) 'Wild' sent me this ecard, and I couldn't resist sending it to everybody.
Bless. So thank very much Mr (rather appropriately named) Wild!
Where DOES he find all his crazy email widgets ?and colourful bits ? and peices. His emails are pretty much rainbow coloured!!
Cool. Right well have fun with this funny ol thing..

if you want to send to someone, here is the address:
http://www.icq.com/img/friendship/static/card_16961_rs.swf