About Me

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I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

How shall I find a Sponsor? Who shall I ask?

Here's what I did.
When people ask me this question, I always tell them the same advice..because it worked for me and I've seen it work for many others too.

Ask your Higher Power to guide you towards THE VERY BEST Sponsor for YOU.

Other very similar prayers are...
Ask your Higher Power to guide you towards THE VERY BEST Meetings for YOU.
Ask your Higher Power to guide you towards THE VERY BEST way of working the programme for YOU.
Ask your Higher Power to guide you towards THE VERY BEST way of working the Steps for YOU.
Ask your Higher Power to guide you towards THE VERY BEST Concept of a Higher Power for YOU.

Getting on with the Footwork:
You paddle, God steers.
So now that you have put your request 'out there', start doing the FOOTWORK.
Ie. Looking out for the most sober person in the meetings you are going to and asking for their phone number.
Then try calling them.

Ask yourself, How helpful are they really?:
How do you feel AFTER you have spoken to them on the phone?
Do things seem simpler? Or more unclear?
Do you feel better for talking to them? Yes or no. If yes. How much better? A little? A lot?
Do you feel more hopeful after you spoke to them, or less hopeful?
Do you feel stupid after you have spoken to them?
Did they say bitchy things about other people in AA?
This is how you are to gauge HOW MUCH THE PERSON IS ACTUALLY HELPING YOU.

Principles Before Personalities:
Don't think to yourself, 'ah well they seem like a nice enough person.' THAT'S NOT THE POINT!
You are NOT supposed to choose a Sponsor based on PERSONALITY. Anymore than you would choose a Cardiac surgeon on PERSONALITY.
In case you've forgotten, alcoholism, like advanced Heart disease, is pretty f'ing nasty. And if you have any sense AT ALL, you will do WHATEVER IT TAKES TO STOP IN IN ITS F'ing TRACKS.
And just for the record, that does NOT include, choosing a Sponsor because 'You like them', it means you MAKE SURE you are choosing someone to help you THAT KNOWS THEIR SUBJECT AND THE EVIDENCE SUGGESTS THEY HAVE A VERY COMPETENT GRASP OF THE PRACTICE OF RECOVERY.
Not someone you 'like'.
Jeez.
Lets say (god forbid), that you find out tomorrow that you have a serious thickening of the arteries near the valves of the heart, and you're going to need a 'stint;' put into the vessel to keep it from causing future coronaries.
Now don't tell me that when faced with a CHOICE of consultants and cardiac surgeons, that you PAY NO ATTENTION WHATSOEVER TO THE TRACK RECORD OF THEIR PREVIOUS PATIENTS, OR THEIR EXPERIENCE AND FAMILIARITY WITH CARDIAC SURGERY, and make a decision BASED ENTIRELY ON WETHER YOU 'LIKE' THE SURGEON.
DUH!
No freaking way! Would you be so !! stupid.
Yet you'd be surprised how many people in AA chose Sponsors in precisely that way. Even though their lives really are at stake if they mess up their recovery.
??? I'll never know why people in AA make such CRITICAL DECISIONS about their lives so unthinkingly. Like everything else in life, 'you snooze you lose'. And choosing a Sponsor is no different.

The 'Shopping list'. Have they got what you want?:
So please, don't make a decision on a whim or an unthinking, auto pilot, sort of way. Try to make sense of what QUALITIES they have gained in recovery that YOU would like to 'own' down the road. What have they got that you want? Happiness? Peace of mind? Ability to pass it on? Wear life like a loose garment? Upbeat? Never depressed? Able to do really difficult things? Comfortable in their own skin? Easy continuity of emotional balance? Emotional consistency? Fair minded? Open minded? Teachable? Always learning new stuff? Easy going? Energized? Motivated? Enthusiastic? Makes things seem simple? Solution orientated? Capable? Doesn't bitch and moan? Etc etc.
Make a 'shopping list' of the things you want, and the things you don't want. Look for people who have already GOT the things on your shopping list. These are good people to think of as potential sponsors. Just be very clear about what it is EXACTLY that they have that you like so much. Don't be vague if you can possibly help it.

Check them out with other AA members:
Also, its perfectly ok to go to their home group and ask other people who know them or other Sponsees what they are like. As the impression you have of them may be misleading. Check the potential sponsor out with other 'trusted servants' and see what they say. Just in case.

2 comments:

doughgirl said...

You have a great site here with a lot of information. I look forward to reading more in the very near future...THanks for shairng:)

tkdjunkie said...

Thank you, Irish Friend! You have an excellent blog here. Thank you very much for sharing your experience, strength, and hope!