About Me

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I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Pulling the rug from under your feet: DOUBT can start playing up a bit when you start doing heavy-duty Monastic Step 11 stuff

Heres something I wrote in a previous post
called One off or Specialist/Sexual queries? Email a therapist!

sometimes these professionals are better at explaining how to practice (what I call spiritual principles) in relation to some other matter. So they are something you can avail yourself of, should you want additional feedback.
Personally, I find that just having the option of that feedback is a comfort in itself. More than the need to actually use it. Meaning its a comfort just knowing that it's there, even if you never actually use it. Its a psychological trick to make you feel safe, when you are experiencing doubt, more than anything.

By the way doubt is not a sign that something is wrong. It is a natural part of any spiritual path. Part of the business of becoming a 'spiritual warrior' for want of a better term is learning how to 'show up for life' and keep on keeping on despite being pulled this way and that by the energy of doubt. Doubt is a lesson in faith and going to any lengths in my opinion. I like to think that I can 'do' doubt, after 18yrs of practice!! It still feels really uncomfortable though!!
But if your sponsor insists that the only way to get well is to give them all your money and let them sleep with your (very cute) husband, then doubt in that instance is a very healthy sign that something is terribly wrong!!
As in ALL things, there is an exception to EVERY 'rule'.
Hahaaa. Good old doubt. One could write a whole chapter on it but I can't be bothered so I won't.
(End of old post)

This subject will be covered a bit in the book a path with Heart and Spiritual Emergency.
They both describe the way the rug is pulled from under your feet as a direct result of step 11
The reason is because PERMANENCE IS A MYTH

So this new 'thing in the mind, although it feels uncomfortable, is a LOT closer to reality than your previous mindset.
Its VERY healthy.
This is all about SEEING REALITY FOR WHAT IT IS remember? Unflinchingly. Whether it suits us or not.

I think the AA passage that comes closest to the battle we have with doubt is - Some of us have tried to hold on to our OLD IDEAS and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

In this case the 'old idea' is that permanence exists.
Or that there is a 'right answer'
A MUCH better summary of the 'truth' would be.. "Maybe good, maybe bad, who knows?"
That's a much more HONEST appraisal of the reality of the situation, and of just how much you REALLY know.

Welcome to the world of uncertainty Ladies!
As I used to say to you all the time, 'The rules are, THERE ARE NO RULES!'
Don't worry. After a while the uncertainty will stop bugging you. It doesn't bother me at all now. Well I can't remember the last time it bothered me.

Here's some things I like when I 'don't know the answer'
Music REALLY helps me get through certain things. It can be powerfully healing. I think of a lot of songs as a form of prayer. But I think ALL thoughts are a form of prayer, so music isn't excluded form that.

We found love,
So don't fight it
Life is a rollercoaster
Just gotta ride it
I need you,
So stop hiding
Love is a mystery
Girl, let's get inside it

Can't you feel my heart
Can't you feel my heart
Can't you take my heart

Ronan Keating Lyrics
Song: Life Is A Rollercoaster

Love, lift me out of these blues
Won't you tell me something true
I believe in you

Elevation Lyrics. U2

And I have no compass
And I have no map
And I have no reasons
No reasons to get back

And I have no religion
And I don't know what's what
And I don't know the limit
The limit of what we've got

Don't worry baby, it'll be alright
You got the right shoes
To get you through the night
It's cold outside, but brightly lit
Skip the subway
Let's go to the overground
Get your head out of the mud baby
Put flowers in the mud baby

No particular place names
No particular song
I've been hiding
What am I hiding from?

Don't worry baby, it's gonna be alright
Uncertainty... can be a guiding light
I hear voices, ridiculous voices
In the slipstream
Let's go, let's go... overground
Get your head out of the mud baby

She's gonna dream up
The world she wants to live in
She's gonna dream out loud

Zooropa Lyrics

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