'I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself;
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul;
if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.'
The above is an excerpt form 'the Invitation' by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
(I have posted it on this blog under the label heading 'favorites' and 'insightful writing' as I find it a very useful frame of reference for where I am TRYING to head to.
This excerpt is all about having a SPINE and having the integrity to risk disapproval and confrontation IN ORDER TO DO THE RIGHT THING.
It is EXTREMELY RARE for someone to come into aa with assertiveness skills, so don't give yourself a hard time about it!! We ALL have to learn this stuff! There are dozens!! Of books on assertiveness, classes. You name it. So there is no excuse for not to be able to learn this..
For those of you that live in fear of confrontation I say..
'Keep on the firing line of life with these MOTIVES and God WILL, (not might) keep you unharmed' (p102)
So there's your 'shield'!
I always tell Sponsees ITS PERFECTLY OK TO CHANGE YOUR MIND. About ANYTHING. Most people (women especially) are a bit door-matty and UNASSERTIVE when they are new. And as a result often get AMBUSHED into things. Usually by bossy MANIPULATIVE people!!, to do things they don't really want to do. I have a PARTICULAR DISLIKE for manipulative sorts, so I take GREAT PLEASURE in advising them to POLITELY tell their friend that they have changed their mind.
For example:
You could say something like this.
"Hi Mary, you know, now that I've had a chance to mull it over, I have to say, I WON'T be doing that thing for you. I'm afraid it just doesn't sit very well with me, and so I'm afraid you'll have to find someone else to help you out. I realize in retrospect that I SHOULD have said I would think about it rather than agree on the spot. That was my error. But the truth is, that I actually feel VERY uncomfortable about doing that, and, I'm afraid to say I also feel a little manipulated. In future I intend to think things through MUCH more carefully before I agree to them, but for the time being, I'm afraid, on this occasion, I will HAVE to let you down. You're an intelligent resourceful woman, so I'm SURE you will find someone else to help you out instead."
See? It's not that difficult is it?
About Me
- An Irish Friend of Bill
- I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Consequences. 'Luck'. 'The little things. There's nothing bigger, is there?' Protection.
Karma. Cause and effect. Consequences.
'The little things. There's nothing bigger, is there?'
Motive to be of Maximum Helpfulness.
'Luck'.
Sliding Doors. Vanilla sky. It's a Wonderful Life.
Karma is just another word to describe the law of cause and effect. Or CONSEQUENCES.
Sliding Doors is a 1998 film with Gwyneth Paltrow in it.
The story roughly goes that: Young Helen is fired from her job at a PR company, and when the sliding doors of the tube car close on her, we start to see what would have happened if she'd made the train, and if she hadn't.
This film is about how your life can go in TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS based on ONE very SEEMINGLY TRIVIAL event.
Some people would say the thing that determines which 'fork in the road' we are drawn down is due to 'LUCK' Luck is the word I use when I talk about these things, but really I don't know what word to use for it. Some would call it DESTINY. All I know is that I always feel that my life and everything I value in it is ALWAYS COMPLETELY IN THE LAP OF THE GODS. And that EVERY LITTLE THING I do, or don't do, no matter how small, creates my future life. Good or bad.
I also believe that the gods and devas ?? Whatever they are, really DO exist and CAN intervene and try to help us steer our lives to better things. But I also believe that we 'earn' this 'protection' MAINLY through the action of
'CONSTANT thought of others and how we may help meet their needs' (p20)
And I think this is why the big book tells us that:
'OUR VERY LIVES, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our CONSTANT thought of others and how we may help meet their needs' (p20)
And:
'For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could NOT survive the CERTAIN trials and low spots ahead' (p15)
And:
'Keep on the firing line of life with these MOTIVES and God WILL, (not might) keep you unharmed' (p102)
Another film which dramatizes THE SAME THING is the film Vanilla Sky with Tom cruise.
Only in this film the 'trivial event' is not a sliding door on a tube, but a momentary whim to get a short lift from Cameron Diaz.
Heres a segment of the script of the Vanilla Sky film.
Tech support:
(referring to Sofia) 'This was a kind woman...
an individual...
more than your equal.
You barely knew her in real life, but in your Lucid Dream...
she was your savior.
(and later..)
Your friend Brian Shelby threw a three-day memorial in your old home.
He was a true friend.
You were missed, David.
It was Sofia who never fully recovered.
It was she who somehow knew you best...
and like you, she never forgot that one night...
where true love seemed possible.
Consequences, David.
It's the little things.
Tom Cruise:
The little things.
There's nothing bigger, is there?
Because (as these films so eloquently dramatize) DESPERATLEY IMPORTANT OUTCOMES can hinge on SEEMINGLY INSIGNIFICANT ACTIONS, I know for a fact that I CANNOT foresee the terrible or brilliant CONSEQUENCES of ANY of my actions. So I RELY COMPLETELY on the 'gods' and devas ?? to GUIDE ME 'in all my affairs' so that UNLIKE Gwyneth in sliding doors and UNLIKE Tom in Vanilla Sky, I AM LOOKED AFTER AND PROTECTED FROM THE POTENTIALLY TERRIBLE CONSEQUENCES OF EVEN THE TINIEST DECISIONS.
So basically that's what I mean by 'luck'
So that's why I try (very imperfectly) to look at what I can contribute to any situation. Purely as a form of SELF PROTECTION or 'LIFE INSURANCE'.
I am NOT asked to SUCCEED in my attempts to try to be helpful. I am just asked to TRY to be of MAXIMUM HELPFULNESS.
So basically that's what motivates me to practice
'CONSTANT thought of others and how we may help meet their needs' (p20)
'in all my affairs' and to maintain a HELPFUL MOTIVE fairly constantly.
It doesn't mean that people always like me or agree with me. But that's not the point. That's not what the big book promises us. We are promised that we will 'remain unharmed'. I frequently meet people who try to make my life difficult and have a hostile attitude toward me, but I am able to remain unharmed, and that is what is important.
The film 'What a wonderful life' also dramatizes the HUGE long term consequences of what seem like VERY SMALL THINGS at the time.
This is the nature of life I'm afraid. EVERYTHING is important. All the time! In ways we just can't even imagine. Our only hope is divine help! But thankfully the big book PROMISES us exactly that in exchange for 'CONSTANT thought of others and how we may help meet their needs' (p20)
So we can rest easy!
Some quotes that spring to mind are..
"We cannot do great things in this world, we can only do little things with great love" ~ Mother Teresa
And
'You cannot change the world, but you CAN change the world for one man'
Phew! Hope that explains it!
I encourage you to watch these films more than once, so that the message of them really sinks in.
Just try to earn as many 'good karma points' as you can! It all helps!
By the way that does NOT mean give up your day job to become a missionary in Africa! It's god's will for us to be HAPPY JOYOUS AND FREE, (p133) so if being a nun DOESN'T make you happy, joyous and free, then its obviously NOT god's will for you! Thank god!
'The little things. There's nothing bigger, is there?'
Motive to be of Maximum Helpfulness.
'Luck'.
Sliding Doors. Vanilla sky. It's a Wonderful Life.
Karma is just another word to describe the law of cause and effect. Or CONSEQUENCES.
Sliding Doors is a 1998 film with Gwyneth Paltrow in it.
The story roughly goes that: Young Helen is fired from her job at a PR company, and when the sliding doors of the tube car close on her, we start to see what would have happened if she'd made the train, and if she hadn't.
This film is about how your life can go in TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS based on ONE very SEEMINGLY TRIVIAL event.
Some people would say the thing that determines which 'fork in the road' we are drawn down is due to 'LUCK' Luck is the word I use when I talk about these things, but really I don't know what word to use for it. Some would call it DESTINY. All I know is that I always feel that my life and everything I value in it is ALWAYS COMPLETELY IN THE LAP OF THE GODS. And that EVERY LITTLE THING I do, or don't do, no matter how small, creates my future life. Good or bad.
I also believe that the gods and devas ?? Whatever they are, really DO exist and CAN intervene and try to help us steer our lives to better things. But I also believe that we 'earn' this 'protection' MAINLY through the action of
'CONSTANT thought of others and how we may help meet their needs' (p20)
And I think this is why the big book tells us that:
'OUR VERY LIVES, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our CONSTANT thought of others and how we may help meet their needs' (p20)
And:
'For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could NOT survive the CERTAIN trials and low spots ahead' (p15)
And:
'Keep on the firing line of life with these MOTIVES and God WILL, (not might) keep you unharmed' (p102)
Another film which dramatizes THE SAME THING is the film Vanilla Sky with Tom cruise.
Only in this film the 'trivial event' is not a sliding door on a tube, but a momentary whim to get a short lift from Cameron Diaz.
Heres a segment of the script of the Vanilla Sky film.
Tech support:
(referring to Sofia) 'This was a kind woman...
an individual...
more than your equal.
You barely knew her in real life, but in your Lucid Dream...
she was your savior.
(and later..)
Your friend Brian Shelby threw a three-day memorial in your old home.
He was a true friend.
You were missed, David.
It was Sofia who never fully recovered.
It was she who somehow knew you best...
and like you, she never forgot that one night...
where true love seemed possible.
Consequences, David.
It's the little things.
Tom Cruise:
The little things.
There's nothing bigger, is there?
Because (as these films so eloquently dramatize) DESPERATLEY IMPORTANT OUTCOMES can hinge on SEEMINGLY INSIGNIFICANT ACTIONS, I know for a fact that I CANNOT foresee the terrible or brilliant CONSEQUENCES of ANY of my actions. So I RELY COMPLETELY on the 'gods' and devas ?? to GUIDE ME 'in all my affairs' so that UNLIKE Gwyneth in sliding doors and UNLIKE Tom in Vanilla Sky, I AM LOOKED AFTER AND PROTECTED FROM THE POTENTIALLY TERRIBLE CONSEQUENCES OF EVEN THE TINIEST DECISIONS.
So basically that's what I mean by 'luck'
So that's why I try (very imperfectly) to look at what I can contribute to any situation. Purely as a form of SELF PROTECTION or 'LIFE INSURANCE'.
I am NOT asked to SUCCEED in my attempts to try to be helpful. I am just asked to TRY to be of MAXIMUM HELPFULNESS.
So basically that's what motivates me to practice
'CONSTANT thought of others and how we may help meet their needs' (p20)
'in all my affairs' and to maintain a HELPFUL MOTIVE fairly constantly.
It doesn't mean that people always like me or agree with me. But that's not the point. That's not what the big book promises us. We are promised that we will 'remain unharmed'. I frequently meet people who try to make my life difficult and have a hostile attitude toward me, but I am able to remain unharmed, and that is what is important.
The film 'What a wonderful life' also dramatizes the HUGE long term consequences of what seem like VERY SMALL THINGS at the time.
This is the nature of life I'm afraid. EVERYTHING is important. All the time! In ways we just can't even imagine. Our only hope is divine help! But thankfully the big book PROMISES us exactly that in exchange for 'CONSTANT thought of others and how we may help meet their needs' (p20)
So we can rest easy!
Some quotes that spring to mind are..
"We cannot do great things in this world, we can only do little things with great love" ~ Mother Teresa
And
'You cannot change the world, but you CAN change the world for one man'
Phew! Hope that explains it!
I encourage you to watch these films more than once, so that the message of them really sinks in.
Just try to earn as many 'good karma points' as you can! It all helps!
By the way that does NOT mean give up your day job to become a missionary in Africa! It's god's will for us to be HAPPY JOYOUS AND FREE, (p133) so if being a nun DOESN'T make you happy, joyous and free, then its obviously NOT god's will for you! Thank god!
Friday, October 27, 2006
Limitless digital music for your ipod!
Buy one of these, they're GREAT!! Its called the Bug too. As you probably have figured out I have a weakness for both gadgets and music! I LOVE dance music but have a REALLY !! hard trying to find what track is what? It's ALWAYS beyond me! Too much effort. If I ever decide to become a DJ. (Never!) I will get round to figuring out what is what. Until then, this FABULOUS NEW INVENTION will have to do.
As you know, I'm always nagging you all to get down the gym!, and uplifting dance music is the BEST gym/running ally. You can record digital tracks onto a SD card. Load your SD card into your laptop, and hence onto your ipod!!! Instant gym fix!
Anyway this fabulous machine can record 30 !!! Hours of programming on a 2gig SD card. I think they sell tthese radios in john lewis on oxford street for 100 quid. You can pick up SD cards dirt cheap on ebay I think. I don't know about you, but for me music is priceless, so this is a very sensible investment.
I know it looks like KACK, (Blame Wayne Hemingway) but it has the best features.
If you really wanted something less naff looking, you can get a portable version called the PocketDAB 2000 but its 170 quid.
Finally, they have gotten round to making a decent digital radio with decent record features. Thank god! About flippin time!
I can heartily recommend (tedious sounding but rather impressive) Radio one Friday evening programming for great ! dance tracks. It all helps when you're down the gym! Plus you can set this thing to record stuff in advance meaning you never have to hang around to record stuff. Cool!
By the way check out the bug's links page. It's quite cool!
The subservient chicken is quite amusing!
Dishonesty is what fuels Denial and Delusion
Denial and delusion is kept alive ONLY by dishonesty. Which is effectively a SELECTIVE interpretation of events, in favor of our own (usually ego feeding) pet theories.
All bias is a form of dishonesty, and denial is an extreme position of bias. We are seeing things ONLY as WE want to see them. Regardless of how glaringly obvious it is to everyone else that we are out of touch with reality!
Unfortunately denial is an 'invisible' weakness to whomever is suffering from it, so they will have NO idea they are in denial. Even if everyone else can see it. 'Its a disease that tells you you don't have it'.
Therefore anyone with noticeable levels of dishonesty, in ANY FORM WHATSOEVER has a INCREASED chance of suffering (sometimes VERY BADLY) from denial and delusion. They may in fact be crippled by it. Basically the more noticeable dishonesty is in a person, in ANY form, the more 'fuel' there is in that person to prop up delusion and denial.
A person who is 100% honest, would be someone with an ACCURATE PERCEPTION OF REALITY. The more reality is 'edited out' or 'selectively ignored' or repressed. The more DIShonest a person is.
We fool ourselves when we allow ourselves to hang on to selective perceptions of the world, simply because we are scared of what accepting an alternative view might bring. We reinforce the machinery that keeps denial going and effectively ensure we stay blind.
'Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.' p58
'Those who DO NOT RECOVER are people who cannot or will not COMPLETELY give themselves to THIS simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being HONEST with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands RIGOROUS HONESTY'. p59
All bias is a form of dishonesty, and denial is an extreme position of bias. We are seeing things ONLY as WE want to see them. Regardless of how glaringly obvious it is to everyone else that we are out of touch with reality!
Unfortunately denial is an 'invisible' weakness to whomever is suffering from it, so they will have NO idea they are in denial. Even if everyone else can see it. 'Its a disease that tells you you don't have it'.
Therefore anyone with noticeable levels of dishonesty, in ANY FORM WHATSOEVER has a INCREASED chance of suffering (sometimes VERY BADLY) from denial and delusion. They may in fact be crippled by it. Basically the more noticeable dishonesty is in a person, in ANY form, the more 'fuel' there is in that person to prop up delusion and denial.
A person who is 100% honest, would be someone with an ACCURATE PERCEPTION OF REALITY. The more reality is 'edited out' or 'selectively ignored' or repressed. The more DIShonest a person is.
We fool ourselves when we allow ourselves to hang on to selective perceptions of the world, simply because we are scared of what accepting an alternative view might bring. We reinforce the machinery that keeps denial going and effectively ensure we stay blind.
'Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.' p58
'Those who DO NOT RECOVER are people who cannot or will not COMPLETELY give themselves to THIS simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being HONEST with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands RIGOROUS HONESTY'. p59
Recognizing (Self Centered) Fear in its unflattering forms! It's not pretty!
In order to benefit from the vast pool of wisdom that is available to you in AA, and therefore learn the MOST you can about recovery, YOU NEED TO LEARN TO IDENTIFY WHO HAS SUCCEEDED IN KEEPING MAJOR SYMPTOMS OF THIS KILLER ILLNESS (such as Self Centered Fear) IN REMISSION, AND TO WHAT EXTENT. A little? A lot? (Self Centered) Fear is a SYMPTOM of alcoholism, which is a nasty, degrading, humiliating, killer illness. It's is a MASSIVE chunk of this illness. So its WELL worth learning to recognize.
For me I see (Self Centered) Fear as characterized mainly by an NEUROTIC, INTENSE, ENERGISED state. It looks 'jumpy'. The more twitchy and energized a person looks, the more I assume (Self Centered) Fear is eating them up inside, and the more unchecked their belief is, that everyone is out to get them!
More dramatic manifestations:
Neurotic. Panic Attacks. Agoraphobia. Obsessive compulsive disorder. Superstitious. Nightmares. Disturbed sleep. Insomnia. Early morning insomnia.
'The horrors'. Meaning you 'see' horrific trains of events played out in your mind (like a video) during the day. For example getting on the train and graphically imagining a bomb going off under your seat.
Less dramatic, (but equally unpleasant) manifestations:
Worry. Circular thinking. 'Busy' head. Doom and gloom. Pessimism. Anticipating disaster. Living emotionally in the future. Fragmented scattered mind. Inability to concentrate. Mind wanders off constantly, AWAY from the present moment.
Wary of others. Wary of anything. Twitchy. Jumpy. Can't settle. Can't tolerate silences in conversation, so nervously fills in gaps. Fidgety. Biting nails. Nervously strumming fingers on desk. Nervous-ness. Biting lip. Looking around you and behind you. Afraid of the dark. Afraid of being mugged. Afraid of anything.
Intense. Uptight. Control freak. Addicted to strict regimes. Unable to tolerate any chaos, or leeway.
Shrill. Strained. Keyed up. Wired. Speedy. Brisk, dismissive, Restless. Animated. Talks too fast. Hamster in the wheel busyness. Running on nervous energy.
Starey eyes. Nervous smile. Permanent smile. Fixed grin. Fixed eye contact. Nervous laugh. Strained politeness. Phony. Fake. Ingratiating. Too 'nice'. Insincere. Insecure.
Spineless. Doormat. Martyr. Wimp. Pansies. Never disagrees with anyone.
Uncomfortable. NOT comfortable in their own skin. NOT wearing life like a loose garment. Not calm. Not easy going.
Persecution complex. CONVINCED everything that goes wrong is a deliberate attack on you. Defensiveness: You respond to others angrily on the assumption that their careless remark was DELIBERATE. Why? Because you think everyone is out to get you! When someone laughs, you are convinced they must have been laughing at you!
Absence of things. Such as: Not able to be in the present moment.
Ideally, Step 4 is where you get to identify where (Self Centered) Fear has poisoned your wellbeing, (in the form of resentment). And a list of phobic fears. But until then, you still stand to benefit from recognizing degrees of manifestation of (Self Centered) Fear both in yourselves and others. It will help you find the people who really have recovered from their (Self Centered) Fear. They are the people who can teach you how to remove your own. Not unfortunately, the people whose (Self Centered) Fear is still running the show.
(Self Centered) Fear is incredibly painful, so if you do learn how to reduce or diminish your own you will have a very valuable skill to offer 'the alcoholic who still suffers'.
We ALL have fearful tendencies. We will NEVER be perfectly free of it. But we CAN go to to ANY LENGTHS to not indulge our fearful behaviors or attitudes, or alternatively, to ACT AS IF we are full of FAITH. (but describing faith is a whole other story!) So there is always something we can do to improve our lot. The less your (Self Centered) Fear is running riot, the more peace of mind you will have! So there is a strong incentive to reduce our levels of (Self Centered) Fear to an ABSOLUTE MIMIMUM.
Fear does have its uses! But I prefer to use PRUDENCE, rather than unbridled terror to direct my actions throughout the day, and keep me safe!!!
Bill W describes Prudence as 'rational concern, without worry'.
For me I see (Self Centered) Fear as characterized mainly by an NEUROTIC, INTENSE, ENERGISED state. It looks 'jumpy'. The more twitchy and energized a person looks, the more I assume (Self Centered) Fear is eating them up inside, and the more unchecked their belief is, that everyone is out to get them!
More dramatic manifestations:
Neurotic. Panic Attacks. Agoraphobia. Obsessive compulsive disorder. Superstitious. Nightmares. Disturbed sleep. Insomnia. Early morning insomnia.
'The horrors'. Meaning you 'see' horrific trains of events played out in your mind (like a video) during the day. For example getting on the train and graphically imagining a bomb going off under your seat.
Less dramatic, (but equally unpleasant) manifestations:
Worry. Circular thinking. 'Busy' head. Doom and gloom. Pessimism. Anticipating disaster. Living emotionally in the future. Fragmented scattered mind. Inability to concentrate. Mind wanders off constantly, AWAY from the present moment.
Wary of others. Wary of anything. Twitchy. Jumpy. Can't settle. Can't tolerate silences in conversation, so nervously fills in gaps. Fidgety. Biting nails. Nervously strumming fingers on desk. Nervous-ness. Biting lip. Looking around you and behind you. Afraid of the dark. Afraid of being mugged. Afraid of anything.
Intense. Uptight. Control freak. Addicted to strict regimes. Unable to tolerate any chaos, or leeway.
Shrill. Strained. Keyed up. Wired. Speedy. Brisk, dismissive, Restless. Animated. Talks too fast. Hamster in the wheel busyness. Running on nervous energy.
Starey eyes. Nervous smile. Permanent smile. Fixed grin. Fixed eye contact. Nervous laugh. Strained politeness. Phony. Fake. Ingratiating. Too 'nice'. Insincere. Insecure.
Spineless. Doormat. Martyr. Wimp. Pansies. Never disagrees with anyone.
Uncomfortable. NOT comfortable in their own skin. NOT wearing life like a loose garment. Not calm. Not easy going.
Persecution complex. CONVINCED everything that goes wrong is a deliberate attack on you. Defensiveness: You respond to others angrily on the assumption that their careless remark was DELIBERATE. Why? Because you think everyone is out to get you! When someone laughs, you are convinced they must have been laughing at you!
Absence of things. Such as: Not able to be in the present moment.
Ideally, Step 4 is where you get to identify where (Self Centered) Fear has poisoned your wellbeing, (in the form of resentment). And a list of phobic fears. But until then, you still stand to benefit from recognizing degrees of manifestation of (Self Centered) Fear both in yourselves and others. It will help you find the people who really have recovered from their (Self Centered) Fear. They are the people who can teach you how to remove your own. Not unfortunately, the people whose (Self Centered) Fear is still running the show.
(Self Centered) Fear is incredibly painful, so if you do learn how to reduce or diminish your own you will have a very valuable skill to offer 'the alcoholic who still suffers'.
We ALL have fearful tendencies. We will NEVER be perfectly free of it. But we CAN go to to ANY LENGTHS to not indulge our fearful behaviors or attitudes, or alternatively, to ACT AS IF we are full of FAITH. (but describing faith is a whole other story!) So there is always something we can do to improve our lot. The less your (Self Centered) Fear is running riot, the more peace of mind you will have! So there is a strong incentive to reduce our levels of (Self Centered) Fear to an ABSOLUTE MIMIMUM.
Fear does have its uses! But I prefer to use PRUDENCE, rather than unbridled terror to direct my actions throughout the day, and keep me safe!!!
Bill W describes Prudence as 'rational concern, without worry'.
Recognizing Self Pity in its unflattering forms! It's not pretty!
In order to benefit from the vast pool of wisdom that is available to you in AA, and therefore learn the MOST you can about recovery, YOU NEED TO LEARN TO IDENTIFY WHO HAS SUCCEEDED IN KEEPING MAJOR SYMPTOMS OF THIS KILLER ILLNESS (such as Self Pity) IN REMISSION, AND TO WHAT EXTENT. A little? A lot? Self Pity is a SYMPTOM of alcoholism, which is a nasty, degrading, humiliating, killer illness. It's is a MASSIVE chunk of this illness. So its WELL worth learning to recognize.
For me I see Self Pity as characterized mainly by a DRAINED, APATHETIC, ENERGY-LESS state. It looks 'tired'. The more energy-less a person looks, the more I assume self pity is eating them up inside, and the more unchecked their belief is, that the glass IS half empty.
Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink. Complaining. Whingeing. Moaning. Hard done by.
Taking things for granted. Eg: I Complained because I Had No Shoes, until I met someone who had no feet. Believing the glass is half empty. Not half full.
Victim Mentality. Sympathy. Persecution complex
Apathy. Defeatism. What's the point? Drained. Weary. Energy-less. Lackluster. Heavy sigh. Everything is such an effort!
World weary. World weighs heavy on their shoulders. Sad smile. Sad.
Absence of things. Such as: No enthusiasm. No passion. No gratitude.
Ideally, Step 4 is where you get to identify where Self Pity has poisoned your wellbeing, (in the form of resentment). But until then, you still stand to benefit from recognizing degrees of manifestation of Self Pity both in yourselves and others. It will help you find the people who really have recovered from their Self Pity. They are the people who can teach you how to remove your own. Not unfortunately, the people whose Self Pity is still running the show.
Self Pity is incredibly painful, so if you do learn how to reduce or diminish your own you will have a very valuable skill to offer 'the alcoholic who still suffers'.
We ALL have Self Pitying tendencies. We will NEVER be perfectly free of it. But we CAN go to to ANY LENGTHS to not indulge our Self Pitying behaviors or attitudes, or alternatively, to ACT AS IF we are full of gratitude. (but describing gratitude is a whole other story!) So there is always something we can do to improve our lot. The less your Self Pity is running riot, the more peace of mind you will have! So there is a strong incentive to reduce our levels of Self Pity to an ABSOLUTE MIMIMUM.
For me I see Self Pity as characterized mainly by a DRAINED, APATHETIC, ENERGY-LESS state. It looks 'tired'. The more energy-less a person looks, the more I assume self pity is eating them up inside, and the more unchecked their belief is, that the glass IS half empty.
Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink. Complaining. Whingeing. Moaning. Hard done by.
Taking things for granted. Eg: I Complained because I Had No Shoes, until I met someone who had no feet. Believing the glass is half empty. Not half full.
Victim Mentality. Sympathy. Persecution complex
Apathy. Defeatism. What's the point? Drained. Weary. Energy-less. Lackluster. Heavy sigh. Everything is such an effort!
World weary. World weighs heavy on their shoulders. Sad smile. Sad.
Absence of things. Such as: No enthusiasm. No passion. No gratitude.
Ideally, Step 4 is where you get to identify where Self Pity has poisoned your wellbeing, (in the form of resentment). But until then, you still stand to benefit from recognizing degrees of manifestation of Self Pity both in yourselves and others. It will help you find the people who really have recovered from their Self Pity. They are the people who can teach you how to remove your own. Not unfortunately, the people whose Self Pity is still running the show.
Self Pity is incredibly painful, so if you do learn how to reduce or diminish your own you will have a very valuable skill to offer 'the alcoholic who still suffers'.
We ALL have Self Pitying tendencies. We will NEVER be perfectly free of it. But we CAN go to to ANY LENGTHS to not indulge our Self Pitying behaviors or attitudes, or alternatively, to ACT AS IF we are full of gratitude. (but describing gratitude is a whole other story!) So there is always something we can do to improve our lot. The less your Self Pity is running riot, the more peace of mind you will have! So there is a strong incentive to reduce our levels of Self Pity to an ABSOLUTE MIMIMUM.
Recognizing Pride in its unflattering forms! Its not pretty!
Pride is all about imbalances of the ego.
In the Spiritual world the ego is RUBBISH. The aim is to have NO ego. Ideally no self. The reason ego is such a skewed perception of reality is because THERE IS NO SELF. There is only ONE PERSON, and that is everyone! That's why pride and ego ALWAYS feels wrong or bad.
I defy you to indulge your pride and feel good. Its IMPOSSIBLE! Try it! It cant be done! You always end up feeling like a plank at some point!!
Hence the old axiom, Pride comes before a fall'. Yep pride sucks. Always feels uncomfortable and bad, like you are being poisoned from the inside.
Its totally at odds with your TRUE NATURE, and that's why it just never makes you feel 'happy joyous and free'.
The imbalances occur when:
The ego is too puffed up. 'Superior'.
The ego is shriveled. 'Inferior'.
Basically ALL ego is bad. Because we are in fact all one blob of existential awareness, manifesting in (what looks like) separate bodies but ABSOLUTELY connected together, whether we like it or not!
By the way, this is why WE HEAL OURSELVES WHEN WE TRY TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE. Why? Because we are really attempting to help another part of (what I call) the 'blob'. We ARE helping another part of OURSELVES. Even thought it doesn't look like it, looking through the (very limited) view of reality we get via our senses.
(Sorry for going into space cadet territory!) I cant help it!! Just ignore this part of it does your head in. ok? Hahaaaa. Even I have to laugh at the things I come out with sometimes. If you could hear the conversations I have with Sponsees sometimes..!!
Here are some 'earmarks' of evidence of mismanaged or inadequately managed PRIDE.
The more I see these things in others (and myself), the more I assume pride is significantly unrecognized, unchecked and badly managed by that person, (including myself!).
Definition of earmark: An identifying feature or characteristic: eg: a novel with all the earmarks of success
So I do NOT look to people with these characteristics to teach me a great deal about how to rid myself of my remaining pride or to develop humility, which would be the opposite of pride.
Also I find I would be unable to help people unless I was aware of these imbalances, both in myself and in others. These imbalances cause a HUGE amount of emotional pain, so they DO concern me. Pride Kills!
Manifestations of 'Superior' version of Pride:
What will people think of (The Great) me?
Arrogance. Smart alec. Cocky. Scoffing. Delusions of grandeur. Grandiose. Pious. -(Spiritual pride). Self importance. Big shot. Lord it about. Overvalue oneself. Think you are irreplaceable in some capacity. Pompous. Oblivious to personal fallibility. Talk down to people. Talk down to newcomers. Looking down your nose at ANYONE. Believing you are 'better than' other people. Sniffy. Snooty. Disgust. Don't you know who I am? Taking exception at the trials and errors of life EVER landing on THEIR doorstep!! Inflated. Talks for too long. Monopolizes conversations. Loves the sound of their own voice. Smug. Smarmy. Self congratulatory. Back slapping. Cozy. Complacent. Intolerance toward others with fewer skills and abilities than oneself. Pulls rank. I know better than you. Know it all. Smart Alec. Self righteous. Racist. Bigoted. Irritable. Thinking that because you have been sober a long time that you are somehow less likely to be wrong, or to make TERRIBLE mistakes.
Manifestations of 'Inferior' version of Pride:
Apologetic. Sheepish. Wimpy. Never speaks up. Assumes ones opinion is always null and void. Assumes one is always wrong, damaged, beyond repair, damaged goods, beyond help, loser. Convinced that they are 'special and different' because they are uniquely crap and therefore recovery does not apply to them.
Judgmental: (A form of Pride) Manifests as:
Critical. Condemnation. Finding fault. -with ANYTHING. Finger pointing. I'm right and you're WRONG! Being the 'chief critic'. Damming. Looking down your nose at ANYONE. Irritable. Intolerant. Unable to practice Live and Let live.
Judgmental behaviors:
When someone is in the habit of being judgmental and finding fault with people, places and things, they tend to adopt these kinds of behaviors...
Bitchiness. Attacking. Verbal attacks. Punishing behaviors or mindsets. Sarcasm. Putting other people down. Slagging off others. Making 'jokes' at the expense of others. Making someone the butt of a joke. Put downs. Thinly disguised put downs. Strained politeness. Phony. Fake. Insincere. Indignant exclusion. Sulking. Avoiding. Ignoring.
Or more obvious !! evidence of disapproval such as..
Physically attacking. Punching. Fighting. Shouting. Verbal abuse. Name calling.
Closed minded: (a form of arrogance, which is a form of Pride). Manifests as:
Contempt prior to investigation. Inflexible. Rigid. Un teachable. Not open to new ideas. Unable to let go of their old ideas.
Absence of Humility:
Thinking that because you have been sober a long time that you are somehow less likely to be wrong, or to make terrible mistakes. Oblivious to personal fallibility. No flies on me. I'm alright Jack. Conviction. Self Assurance. Unable to see that they could be wrong. Unquestioned confidence in ones decisions, perception or outlook. Confidence generally
Describing Humility is a whole other area, and I will not go into it here as it would take too long. But I hope after reading this you have a better grasp of how pride tends to manifest. Knowing this will make you are a better judge of who has really identified and rooted out their own pride, and who, on the other hand, is still being 'dragged around by the hair' by their pride.
In order to benefit from the vast pool of wisdom that is available to you in AA, and therefore learn the MOST you can about recovery, YOU NEED TO LEARN TO IDENTIFY WHO HAS SUCCEEDED IN KEEPING MAJOR SYMPTOMS OF THIS KILLER ILLNESS (such as Pride) IN REMISSION, AND TO WHAT EXTENT. A little? A lot? Pride is a SYMPTOM of alcoholism, which is a nasty, degrading, humiliating, killer illness. Pride is a MASSIVE chunk of this illness. Virtually a cornerstone. So its WELL worth learning to recognize.
Ideally, Step 4 is where you get to identify where pride has poisoned your wellbeing, (in the form of resentment). But until then, you still stand to benefit from recognizing degrees of manifestation of pride both in yourselves and others. It will help you find the people who really have recovered from their pride. They are the people who can teach you how to remove your own. Not unfortunately, the people whose Pride is still running the show.
Pride is incredibly painful, so if you do learn how to reduce or diminish your own you will have a very valuable skill to offer 'the alcoholic who still suffers'.
We ALL have pride. We will NEVER be perfectly free of it. But we CAN go to to ANY LENGTHS to not indulge our prideful behaviors, or alternatively, to ACT AS IF we are full of humility. (but describing humility is a whole other story!) So there is always something we can do to improve our lot. The less your pride is running riot, the more peace of mind you will have. So there is a strong incentive to reduce our levels of pride to an ABSOLUTE MIMIMUM.
In the Spiritual world the ego is RUBBISH. The aim is to have NO ego. Ideally no self. The reason ego is such a skewed perception of reality is because THERE IS NO SELF. There is only ONE PERSON, and that is everyone! That's why pride and ego ALWAYS feels wrong or bad.
I defy you to indulge your pride and feel good. Its IMPOSSIBLE! Try it! It cant be done! You always end up feeling like a plank at some point!!
Hence the old axiom, Pride comes before a fall'. Yep pride sucks. Always feels uncomfortable and bad, like you are being poisoned from the inside.
Its totally at odds with your TRUE NATURE, and that's why it just never makes you feel 'happy joyous and free'.
The imbalances occur when:
The ego is too puffed up. 'Superior'.
The ego is shriveled. 'Inferior'.
Basically ALL ego is bad. Because we are in fact all one blob of existential awareness, manifesting in (what looks like) separate bodies but ABSOLUTELY connected together, whether we like it or not!
By the way, this is why WE HEAL OURSELVES WHEN WE TRY TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE. Why? Because we are really attempting to help another part of (what I call) the 'blob'. We ARE helping another part of OURSELVES. Even thought it doesn't look like it, looking through the (very limited) view of reality we get via our senses.
(Sorry for going into space cadet territory!) I cant help it!! Just ignore this part of it does your head in. ok? Hahaaaa. Even I have to laugh at the things I come out with sometimes. If you could hear the conversations I have with Sponsees sometimes..!!
Here are some 'earmarks' of evidence of mismanaged or inadequately managed PRIDE.
The more I see these things in others (and myself), the more I assume pride is significantly unrecognized, unchecked and badly managed by that person, (including myself!).
Definition of earmark: An identifying feature or characteristic: eg: a novel with all the earmarks of success
So I do NOT look to people with these characteristics to teach me a great deal about how to rid myself of my remaining pride or to develop humility, which would be the opposite of pride.
Also I find I would be unable to help people unless I was aware of these imbalances, both in myself and in others. These imbalances cause a HUGE amount of emotional pain, so they DO concern me. Pride Kills!
Manifestations of 'Superior' version of Pride:
What will people think of (The Great) me?
Arrogance. Smart alec. Cocky. Scoffing. Delusions of grandeur. Grandiose. Pious. -(Spiritual pride). Self importance. Big shot. Lord it about. Overvalue oneself. Think you are irreplaceable in some capacity. Pompous. Oblivious to personal fallibility. Talk down to people. Talk down to newcomers. Looking down your nose at ANYONE. Believing you are 'better than' other people. Sniffy. Snooty. Disgust. Don't you know who I am? Taking exception at the trials and errors of life EVER landing on THEIR doorstep!! Inflated. Talks for too long. Monopolizes conversations. Loves the sound of their own voice. Smug. Smarmy. Self congratulatory. Back slapping. Cozy. Complacent. Intolerance toward others with fewer skills and abilities than oneself. Pulls rank. I know better than you. Know it all. Smart Alec. Self righteous. Racist. Bigoted. Irritable. Thinking that because you have been sober a long time that you are somehow less likely to be wrong, or to make TERRIBLE mistakes.
Manifestations of 'Inferior' version of Pride:
Apologetic. Sheepish. Wimpy. Never speaks up. Assumes ones opinion is always null and void. Assumes one is always wrong, damaged, beyond repair, damaged goods, beyond help, loser. Convinced that they are 'special and different' because they are uniquely crap and therefore recovery does not apply to them.
Judgmental: (A form of Pride) Manifests as:
Critical. Condemnation. Finding fault. -with ANYTHING. Finger pointing. I'm right and you're WRONG! Being the 'chief critic'. Damming. Looking down your nose at ANYONE. Irritable. Intolerant. Unable to practice Live and Let live.
Judgmental behaviors:
When someone is in the habit of being judgmental and finding fault with people, places and things, they tend to adopt these kinds of behaviors...
Bitchiness. Attacking. Verbal attacks. Punishing behaviors or mindsets. Sarcasm. Putting other people down. Slagging off others. Making 'jokes' at the expense of others. Making someone the butt of a joke. Put downs. Thinly disguised put downs. Strained politeness. Phony. Fake. Insincere. Indignant exclusion. Sulking. Avoiding. Ignoring.
Or more obvious !! evidence of disapproval such as..
Physically attacking. Punching. Fighting. Shouting. Verbal abuse. Name calling.
Closed minded: (a form of arrogance, which is a form of Pride). Manifests as:
Contempt prior to investigation. Inflexible. Rigid. Un teachable. Not open to new ideas. Unable to let go of their old ideas.
Absence of Humility:
Thinking that because you have been sober a long time that you are somehow less likely to be wrong, or to make terrible mistakes. Oblivious to personal fallibility. No flies on me. I'm alright Jack. Conviction. Self Assurance. Unable to see that they could be wrong. Unquestioned confidence in ones decisions, perception or outlook. Confidence generally
Describing Humility is a whole other area, and I will not go into it here as it would take too long. But I hope after reading this you have a better grasp of how pride tends to manifest. Knowing this will make you are a better judge of who has really identified and rooted out their own pride, and who, on the other hand, is still being 'dragged around by the hair' by their pride.
In order to benefit from the vast pool of wisdom that is available to you in AA, and therefore learn the MOST you can about recovery, YOU NEED TO LEARN TO IDENTIFY WHO HAS SUCCEEDED IN KEEPING MAJOR SYMPTOMS OF THIS KILLER ILLNESS (such as Pride) IN REMISSION, AND TO WHAT EXTENT. A little? A lot? Pride is a SYMPTOM of alcoholism, which is a nasty, degrading, humiliating, killer illness. Pride is a MASSIVE chunk of this illness. Virtually a cornerstone. So its WELL worth learning to recognize.
Ideally, Step 4 is where you get to identify where pride has poisoned your wellbeing, (in the form of resentment). But until then, you still stand to benefit from recognizing degrees of manifestation of pride both in yourselves and others. It will help you find the people who really have recovered from their pride. They are the people who can teach you how to remove your own. Not unfortunately, the people whose Pride is still running the show.
Pride is incredibly painful, so if you do learn how to reduce or diminish your own you will have a very valuable skill to offer 'the alcoholic who still suffers'.
We ALL have pride. We will NEVER be perfectly free of it. But we CAN go to to ANY LENGTHS to not indulge our prideful behaviors, or alternatively, to ACT AS IF we are full of humility. (but describing humility is a whole other story!) So there is always something we can do to improve our lot. The less your pride is running riot, the more peace of mind you will have. So there is a strong incentive to reduce our levels of pride to an ABSOLUTE MIMIMUM.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Innocent Hope, and 'You CANNOT transmit something you haven’t got' -Doesn't say, 'except for Martha, or Johnny'
Things I knew I DIDN'T want to 'inherit' from a Sponsor.
There is a very close relationship towards what a sponsor 'has' and what the Sponsee 'gets' (or is TRANSMITTED, to use the AA term)
The phrase that best sums this up in the big book is
You CANNOT transmit something you haven’t got.
p164
What does this mean?
Well. I always say to new people that are looking for Sponsors.
Think about it. If you would like to NOT be depressed in recovery, then it doesn't make a lot of sense choosing a depressed person to be your Sponsor, does it?
Think about it. The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to overcome depression, if they are in fact, still depressed.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to deal with their anger, if they are still angry, touchy, reactive, defensive, indignant, vengeful, punishing, verbal attacks, or losing their temper. (Acting out basically)
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to overcome irritability, if they are still snappy, and short with people.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to overcome fear, if they are still having panic attacks. Or are unable to move out of their habitual comfort zone.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to overcome their Pride, if they are talking 'down' to people, or are self righteous, pompous, arrogant, rigid, inflexible, un-teachable and closed minded.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to overcome self pity, if they are still feeling sorry for themselves, or hard done by, weeping constantly, or just plain world weary, heaving great sighs, sad smiles, and lackluster.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to cope with 'trials and low spots', if they are falling apart, every time they hit a rough patch. Or worse, relapsing.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they are still pretty self centered and selfish if they still make no effort to help newcomers. Or a half hearted superficial attempt that never adequately addresses the newcomers greatest weaknesses, therefore leaving the newcomer in great danger.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to overcome mood swings, if they are still unpredictable, changeable and inconsistent, or emotionally unstable.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to wear life like a loose garment, if they are still being a drama queen. Emotionally or behaviorally.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to enjoy their sobriety, and have fun, if they are still 'dull, boring and glum'. Dreary, overly serious and earnest? Sober not somber!
The EVIDENCE suggests that they DO NOT UNDERSTAND (yet) how to practice tradition 1, if they are still badmouthing or gossiping about other aa members.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND (yet) how to practice 'restraint of tongue and pen', (or moral restraint generally) if they still have no impulse control.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND (yet) how to practice step 12 and pass it on, if they make everything (about recovery) seem mysterious, complicated and unfathomable. Or wooly, boring, intangible and unfocused. Or simply never get to the crux of any problem they are presented with by someone in need.
Etc etc.
It's not exactly rocket science!
None of this would matter IN THE SLIGHTEST were it not for the big book statement 'You CANNOT transmit something you haven’t got.'
Normally I would have no interest whatsoever in what other people in aa have or haven't got, but if 'what they have' influences what may or may not be transmitted to ME in future. Well then, suddenly I am VERY interested!
Not because I care whether Ralph or Suzanne are doing what I think they should be doing. (Because what Ralph or Suzanne decide to do with their recovery is NONE OF MY BUSINESS!)
No. the reason, I show even the slightest interest in what Ralph or Suzanne has achieved (so far) in recovery is BECAUSE IT LIMITS THE EXTENT OF WHAT THEY CAN TEACH ME ABOUT RECOVERY. And that will have a DIRECT IMPACT on what is 'transmitted' to me. And therefore, the QUALITY of MY sobriety.
I was very greedy with recovery and wanted as much as I could get my greasy little hands on.
So I became VERY interested in what my peers had accomplished, and could therefore TRANSMIT. To me!!
So. Look for people who HAVE ALREADY ACHIEVED the goal that you are aiming for yourself.
The slogan that best sums up this approach is
'Have they got WHAT YOU WANT?'
This is a TERRIBLY PERSONAL question, because if you ask 20 AA's what they want to be like or feel in 10 years time, you will get 20 different answers. This is PERFECTLY FINE.
Nobody said we were all supposed to be the same. We aren't. This is NOT A PROBLEM. The 'spirit' of Live and let Live, means that we are completely comfortable being around other people who clearly have differing and opposing views to our own. That's the way it is supposed to be.
Submitting to peer pressure or 'following the crowd' is NOT being true to yourself. There is no integrity in such a position.
You should have the guts to GUILTLESSLY express your heartfelt desires. If only to yourself. REGARDLESS OF WHAT EVERYONE ELSE THINKS, or wants.
DO NOT FEEL OBLIGED TO WANT THE SAME AS TOM OR RACHEL SAY THEY WANT.
That's not the point.
Tom or rachel may think what you want is ludicrous or totally unachievable.
Unfortunately OPINIONATED, CONTROLLING types will be the first in the queue to tell you (in no uncertain terms) what THEY think you should be doing, or wanting!!
The truth is IT IS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS what your heartfelt preferences are!
This is not a VALUE JUDGEMENT. This is an HONEST HEARTFELT PERSONAL PREFERENCE.
I always say to people who feel guilty about expressing their heartfelt desires for fear of being judged by others...
Lets say I offer you some ice cream. I say Hi Joan, fancy some ice cream? Chocolate or strawberry?
You say 'chocolate thanks'
I say (In an INDIGNANT, SHIRTY tone) 'What do you mean??? Are you JUDGING the strawberry? That's not very nice of you Joan!!! '
Do you see how crazy, irrational and DEFENSIVE that reaction is?
Well the BAD news is that AA is full of TOUCHY, REACTIVE, INDIGNANT OPINIONATED people. Again this need not be a problem. Personally I do not have a problem with this.
This is the nature of RESENTMENT and is par for the course when dealing with the disease of alcoholism. Its the NORMAL manifestation of UNTREATED ALCOHOLISM.
(In reference to Resentment) 'From it stem ALL forms of spiritual disease.' P64
I mean you'd hardly be surprised to walk into a cancer ward to find !!! People with tumors, would you? You wouldn't berate or scold them, or JUDGE them for having those symptoms, would you?
Well then, its makes just as little sense to judge 'restless, irritable, and discontent' people in a meeting as the big book tells us in no uncertain terms that resentment is the PRIMARY SYMPTOM of alcoholism. ( 'From it stem ALL forms of spiritual disease.') Trust me, its really normal. Its the most prevalent symptom when dealing with UNTREATED ALCOHOLISM. So its is to be expected. Judging it would be stupid really.
So basically...
I encourage you to MAKE YOUR OWN MIND UP.
This is YOUR recovery. Not THEIRS.
Decide for YOURSELF what you want to achieve.
Do not be BULLIED into thinking you OUGHT TO CONFORM to other peoples VIEWS and OPINIONS about what THEY think is realistically achievable.
DECIDE FOR YOURSELF.
This requires sometimes that you grow a spine! Recovery is not for sissies!
So the best course of action is to ask yourself 'What do I want to be like 10 or 15 years sober?'
Do I want to be depressed?
Do I want to be depressed one day in every seven?
Do I want to be depressed one day in every month?
Do I want to be depressed one day in every year?
Do I want to be miserable?
Do I want to be miserable one day in every seven?
Do I want to be miserable one day in every month?
Do I want to be miserable one day in every year?
Do I want to bitch and moan?
Do I want to bitch and moan one day in every seven?
Do I want to bitch and moan one day in every month?
Do I want to bitch and moan one day in every year?
Do I want to struggle?
Do I want to struggle one day in every seven?
Do I want to struggle one day in every month?
Do I want to struggle one day in every year?
Do I want to be defeatist?
Do I want to be defeatist one day in every seven?
Do I want to be defeatist one day in every month?
Do I want to be defeatist one day in every year?
Do I want to be on anti depressants?
Do I want to be on anti depressants one day in every seven?
Do I want to be on anti depressants one day in every month?
Do I want to be on anti depressants one day in every year?
Et etc. you get the drift by now I'm sure.
Don't be afraid of looking stupid. (that's just your Pride, and we all know what the big book tells us about pride!) its rubbish!
Just admit to yourself, what you HONESTLY want for yourself.
Be honest!
Don't think, 'don't be silly I'll NEVER be like that'. What will Graham think?
Just admit HONESTLY what you REALLY want. What would YOU truly LOVE to be like? What would be your dream? Your INNOCENT HOPE? Imagine ANYTHING is possible. (perhaps not flying to the moon in a converted Lada, but you know what I mean!)
Its quite embarrassing admitting your heartfelt desires, even to yourself!
Ok. Once you have done that,
LOOK FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS THE THINGS THAT YOU WANT.
The MORE things they have that you want. The higher they 'rate' on your 'recovery monitor' and the MORE attention you pay to HOW THEY WORK THEIR PROGRAMME. The MORE you try to copy what they are doing to stay sober.
In an ideal world, you would get someone like this to be your sponsor. But if that is not possible, you can LEARN FROM THEIR EXAMPLE. Watch what they do. Go to the same meetings they do. Listen to what they say in meetings. Find out who they have sponsored, and ask them what suggestions they have been given. Find out how they did the steps. How did they do their step 4 EXACTLY? Be nosey. Find out as MUCH as you can about their programme.
Alternatively. The LESS they have of what you want. The lower they 'rate' on your 'recovery monitor' and the LESS you do what they are doing to stay sober. In fact, make a concerted attempt to AVOID doing whatever they have been doing to stay sober!
This is a summary of what I call
'Sticking with the winners'
And
'By their fruits, ye shall KNOW them' (from the Bible)
Its also embodies the slogan:
You move towards, and become like, that which you think about, whether it is good for you, or bad for you
Another slogan that springs to mind..
Wise people learn from their own mistakes. Smart people learn from other people’s!
Basically
YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO APOLOGISE FOR THE THINGS YOU WANT AND VALUE IN LIFE.
IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON TO WANT GOOD THINGS FOR YOURSELF.
So don't apologize!!! Be true to yourself!!
To summarize:
The sad fact of the matter is that you can ONLY learn from people WHO HAVE ALREADY ACQUIRED the skills and abilities that you are planning on learning.
If you sincerely care for the newcomer, and plan on staying comfortably sober, so that you can pass on your experience to 'the suffering alcoholic', Pay VERY CLOSE ATTENTION to the achievements of your peers,, because their accomplishments LIMIT what you 'get'.
Why? Because 'You CANNOT transmit something you haven’t got.'
p164
Blinking heck! Explaining these things takes far too much time!!! Oh well..
There is a very close relationship towards what a sponsor 'has' and what the Sponsee 'gets' (or is TRANSMITTED, to use the AA term)
The phrase that best sums this up in the big book is
You CANNOT transmit something you haven’t got.
p164
What does this mean?
Well. I always say to new people that are looking for Sponsors.
Think about it. If you would like to NOT be depressed in recovery, then it doesn't make a lot of sense choosing a depressed person to be your Sponsor, does it?
Think about it. The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to overcome depression, if they are in fact, still depressed.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to deal with their anger, if they are still angry, touchy, reactive, defensive, indignant, vengeful, punishing, verbal attacks, or losing their temper. (Acting out basically)
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to overcome irritability, if they are still snappy, and short with people.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to overcome fear, if they are still having panic attacks. Or are unable to move out of their habitual comfort zone.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to overcome their Pride, if they are talking 'down' to people, or are self righteous, pompous, arrogant, rigid, inflexible, un-teachable and closed minded.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to overcome self pity, if they are still feeling sorry for themselves, or hard done by, weeping constantly, or just plain world weary, heaving great sighs, sad smiles, and lackluster.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to cope with 'trials and low spots', if they are falling apart, every time they hit a rough patch. Or worse, relapsing.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they are still pretty self centered and selfish if they still make no effort to help newcomers. Or a half hearted superficial attempt that never adequately addresses the newcomers greatest weaknesses, therefore leaving the newcomer in great danger.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to overcome mood swings, if they are still unpredictable, changeable and inconsistent, or emotionally unstable.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to wear life like a loose garment, if they are still being a drama queen. Emotionally or behaviorally.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT KNOW (yet) how to enjoy their sobriety, and have fun, if they are still 'dull, boring and glum'. Dreary, overly serious and earnest? Sober not somber!
The EVIDENCE suggests that they DO NOT UNDERSTAND (yet) how to practice tradition 1, if they are still badmouthing or gossiping about other aa members.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND (yet) how to practice 'restraint of tongue and pen', (or moral restraint generally) if they still have no impulse control.
The EVIDENCE suggests that they CLEARLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND (yet) how to practice step 12 and pass it on, if they make everything (about recovery) seem mysterious, complicated and unfathomable. Or wooly, boring, intangible and unfocused. Or simply never get to the crux of any problem they are presented with by someone in need.
Etc etc.
It's not exactly rocket science!
None of this would matter IN THE SLIGHTEST were it not for the big book statement 'You CANNOT transmit something you haven’t got.'
Normally I would have no interest whatsoever in what other people in aa have or haven't got, but if 'what they have' influences what may or may not be transmitted to ME in future. Well then, suddenly I am VERY interested!
Not because I care whether Ralph or Suzanne are doing what I think they should be doing. (Because what Ralph or Suzanne decide to do with their recovery is NONE OF MY BUSINESS!)
No. the reason, I show even the slightest interest in what Ralph or Suzanne has achieved (so far) in recovery is BECAUSE IT LIMITS THE EXTENT OF WHAT THEY CAN TEACH ME ABOUT RECOVERY. And that will have a DIRECT IMPACT on what is 'transmitted' to me. And therefore, the QUALITY of MY sobriety.
I was very greedy with recovery and wanted as much as I could get my greasy little hands on.
So I became VERY interested in what my peers had accomplished, and could therefore TRANSMIT. To me!!
So. Look for people who HAVE ALREADY ACHIEVED the goal that you are aiming for yourself.
The slogan that best sums up this approach is
'Have they got WHAT YOU WANT?'
This is a TERRIBLY PERSONAL question, because if you ask 20 AA's what they want to be like or feel in 10 years time, you will get 20 different answers. This is PERFECTLY FINE.
Nobody said we were all supposed to be the same. We aren't. This is NOT A PROBLEM. The 'spirit' of Live and let Live, means that we are completely comfortable being around other people who clearly have differing and opposing views to our own. That's the way it is supposed to be.
Submitting to peer pressure or 'following the crowd' is NOT being true to yourself. There is no integrity in such a position.
You should have the guts to GUILTLESSLY express your heartfelt desires. If only to yourself. REGARDLESS OF WHAT EVERYONE ELSE THINKS, or wants.
DO NOT FEEL OBLIGED TO WANT THE SAME AS TOM OR RACHEL SAY THEY WANT.
That's not the point.
Tom or rachel may think what you want is ludicrous or totally unachievable.
Unfortunately OPINIONATED, CONTROLLING types will be the first in the queue to tell you (in no uncertain terms) what THEY think you should be doing, or wanting!!
The truth is IT IS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS what your heartfelt preferences are!
This is not a VALUE JUDGEMENT. This is an HONEST HEARTFELT PERSONAL PREFERENCE.
I always say to people who feel guilty about expressing their heartfelt desires for fear of being judged by others...
Lets say I offer you some ice cream. I say Hi Joan, fancy some ice cream? Chocolate or strawberry?
You say 'chocolate thanks'
I say (In an INDIGNANT, SHIRTY tone) 'What do you mean??? Are you JUDGING the strawberry? That's not very nice of you Joan!!! '
Do you see how crazy, irrational and DEFENSIVE that reaction is?
Well the BAD news is that AA is full of TOUCHY, REACTIVE, INDIGNANT OPINIONATED people. Again this need not be a problem. Personally I do not have a problem with this.
This is the nature of RESENTMENT and is par for the course when dealing with the disease of alcoholism. Its the NORMAL manifestation of UNTREATED ALCOHOLISM.
(In reference to Resentment) 'From it stem ALL forms of spiritual disease.' P64
I mean you'd hardly be surprised to walk into a cancer ward to find !!! People with tumors, would you? You wouldn't berate or scold them, or JUDGE them for having those symptoms, would you?
Well then, its makes just as little sense to judge 'restless, irritable, and discontent' people in a meeting as the big book tells us in no uncertain terms that resentment is the PRIMARY SYMPTOM of alcoholism. ( 'From it stem ALL forms of spiritual disease.') Trust me, its really normal. Its the most prevalent symptom when dealing with UNTREATED ALCOHOLISM. So its is to be expected. Judging it would be stupid really.
So basically...
I encourage you to MAKE YOUR OWN MIND UP.
This is YOUR recovery. Not THEIRS.
Decide for YOURSELF what you want to achieve.
Do not be BULLIED into thinking you OUGHT TO CONFORM to other peoples VIEWS and OPINIONS about what THEY think is realistically achievable.
DECIDE FOR YOURSELF.
This requires sometimes that you grow a spine! Recovery is not for sissies!
So the best course of action is to ask yourself 'What do I want to be like 10 or 15 years sober?'
Do I want to be depressed?
Do I want to be depressed one day in every seven?
Do I want to be depressed one day in every month?
Do I want to be depressed one day in every year?
Do I want to be miserable?
Do I want to be miserable one day in every seven?
Do I want to be miserable one day in every month?
Do I want to be miserable one day in every year?
Do I want to bitch and moan?
Do I want to bitch and moan one day in every seven?
Do I want to bitch and moan one day in every month?
Do I want to bitch and moan one day in every year?
Do I want to struggle?
Do I want to struggle one day in every seven?
Do I want to struggle one day in every month?
Do I want to struggle one day in every year?
Do I want to be defeatist?
Do I want to be defeatist one day in every seven?
Do I want to be defeatist one day in every month?
Do I want to be defeatist one day in every year?
Do I want to be on anti depressants?
Do I want to be on anti depressants one day in every seven?
Do I want to be on anti depressants one day in every month?
Do I want to be on anti depressants one day in every year?
Et etc. you get the drift by now I'm sure.
Don't be afraid of looking stupid. (that's just your Pride, and we all know what the big book tells us about pride!) its rubbish!
Just admit to yourself, what you HONESTLY want for yourself.
Be honest!
Don't think, 'don't be silly I'll NEVER be like that'. What will Graham think?
Just admit HONESTLY what you REALLY want. What would YOU truly LOVE to be like? What would be your dream? Your INNOCENT HOPE? Imagine ANYTHING is possible. (perhaps not flying to the moon in a converted Lada, but you know what I mean!)
Its quite embarrassing admitting your heartfelt desires, even to yourself!
Ok. Once you have done that,
LOOK FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS THE THINGS THAT YOU WANT.
The MORE things they have that you want. The higher they 'rate' on your 'recovery monitor' and the MORE attention you pay to HOW THEY WORK THEIR PROGRAMME. The MORE you try to copy what they are doing to stay sober.
In an ideal world, you would get someone like this to be your sponsor. But if that is not possible, you can LEARN FROM THEIR EXAMPLE. Watch what they do. Go to the same meetings they do. Listen to what they say in meetings. Find out who they have sponsored, and ask them what suggestions they have been given. Find out how they did the steps. How did they do their step 4 EXACTLY? Be nosey. Find out as MUCH as you can about their programme.
Alternatively. The LESS they have of what you want. The lower they 'rate' on your 'recovery monitor' and the LESS you do what they are doing to stay sober. In fact, make a concerted attempt to AVOID doing whatever they have been doing to stay sober!
This is a summary of what I call
'Sticking with the winners'
And
'By their fruits, ye shall KNOW them' (from the Bible)
Its also embodies the slogan:
You move towards, and become like, that which you think about, whether it is good for you, or bad for you
Another slogan that springs to mind..
Wise people learn from their own mistakes. Smart people learn from other people’s!
Basically
YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO APOLOGISE FOR THE THINGS YOU WANT AND VALUE IN LIFE.
IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON TO WANT GOOD THINGS FOR YOURSELF.
So don't apologize!!! Be true to yourself!!
To summarize:
The sad fact of the matter is that you can ONLY learn from people WHO HAVE ALREADY ACQUIRED the skills and abilities that you are planning on learning.
If you sincerely care for the newcomer, and plan on staying comfortably sober, so that you can pass on your experience to 'the suffering alcoholic', Pay VERY CLOSE ATTENTION to the achievements of your peers,, because their accomplishments LIMIT what you 'get'.
Why? Because 'You CANNOT transmit something you haven’t got.'
p164
Blinking heck! Explaining these things takes far too much time!!! Oh well..
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Book 2007 Amaravati Retreats before they fill up!
I see they have posted the 2007 retreat schedule on the Amaravati webpage.
Its better to start off with weekend retreats to begin with. Longer ones can bring up more 'stuff' so you have to be fairly sure of your ability to contain with, and deal with the powerful feelings that arise. Moral restraint is VERY important as you may find yourself feeling very irritable and touchy for no apparent reason. This is just your anger coming up to be processed. It always evaporates at the end of the retreat.
Do as many weekend ones as you cab as they are VERY good and so easy to get to. A LOT easier than schlepping over to India I can tell you!
These things really fill up quick, so book now!
Bear in mind that there is always a waiting list, so be fair to others and if you have booked one but secretly think you will not make it, inform the retreat centre, and somebody else can go in your place. Its only fair!
The most popular ones are new year ones, so better book the 2007 dec 31st one in October 2006!
Its better to start off with weekend retreats to begin with. Longer ones can bring up more 'stuff' so you have to be fairly sure of your ability to contain with, and deal with the powerful feelings that arise. Moral restraint is VERY important as you may find yourself feeling very irritable and touchy for no apparent reason. This is just your anger coming up to be processed. It always evaporates at the end of the retreat.
Do as many weekend ones as you cab as they are VERY good and so easy to get to. A LOT easier than schlepping over to India I can tell you!
These things really fill up quick, so book now!
Bear in mind that there is always a waiting list, so be fair to others and if you have booked one but secretly think you will not make it, inform the retreat centre, and somebody else can go in your place. Its only fair!
The most popular ones are new year ones, so better book the 2007 dec 31st one in October 2006!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Sat 28th October 2-8.30pm. Monthly Retreat at the Turnham Green Vihara
This is totally free and is a WONDERFUL place.
Bring a nice marks and spencers cake to share or a packet of PG. it's always nice to bring something instead of showing up empty handed.
See their website in the links menu to see the full schedule.
Try to get there for 1.30 as the thing starts at 2. And try to stay for the whole thing as it's really quite a special place and had a wonderful vibe.
Its a 5min skip and a hop from Turnham green station, which is on the Piccadilly line. So its pretty darned easy to get to!
Don't plan anything 'over stimulating' afterwards as you will NOT be in the mood at all after this! You will be very chilled out!
London Buddhist Vihara.
• 2.00-2.15 Introductory Talk
• 2.15-3.30 Sitting Meditation Practice
• 3.30-4.00 Walking Meditation Practice
• 4.00-4.10 Tea
• 4.10-5.00 Sitting Meditation Practice
• 5.00-5.30 Walking Meditation Practice
• 5.30-6.00 Dhamma Talk
(Hopefully by the Abbot who is a VERY cool human being. Comes HIGHLY recommended. This is the BEST bit!!!!)
• 6.00-6.30 Tea & refreshment
• 6.30-7.30 Metta Bhavana (loving-kindness)
• 7.30-8.00 Questions and Answers, Discussion
Last Saturday of every Month. The next ones are..
28th October
25th November
27th January
Bring a nice marks and spencers cake to share or a packet of PG. it's always nice to bring something instead of showing up empty handed.
See their website in the links menu to see the full schedule.
Try to get there for 1.30 as the thing starts at 2. And try to stay for the whole thing as it's really quite a special place and had a wonderful vibe.
Its a 5min skip and a hop from Turnham green station, which is on the Piccadilly line. So its pretty darned easy to get to!
Don't plan anything 'over stimulating' afterwards as you will NOT be in the mood at all after this! You will be very chilled out!
London Buddhist Vihara.
• 2.00-2.15 Introductory Talk
• 2.15-3.30 Sitting Meditation Practice
• 3.30-4.00 Walking Meditation Practice
• 4.00-4.10 Tea
• 4.10-5.00 Sitting Meditation Practice
• 5.00-5.30 Walking Meditation Practice
• 5.30-6.00 Dhamma Talk
(Hopefully by the Abbot who is a VERY cool human being. Comes HIGHLY recommended. This is the BEST bit!!!!)
• 6.00-6.30 Tea & refreshment
• 6.30-7.30 Metta Bhavana (loving-kindness)
• 7.30-8.00 Questions and Answers, Discussion
Last Saturday of every Month. The next ones are..
28th October
25th November
27th January
Sunday, October 15, 2006
How shall I find a Sponsor? Who shall I ask?
Here's what I did.
When people ask me this question, I always tell them the same advice..because it worked for me and I've seen it work for many others too.
Ask your Higher Power to guide you towards THE VERY BEST Sponsor for YOU.
Other very similar prayers are...
Ask your Higher Power to guide you towards THE VERY BEST Meetings for YOU.
Ask your Higher Power to guide you towards THE VERY BEST way of working the programme for YOU.
Ask your Higher Power to guide you towards THE VERY BEST way of working the Steps for YOU.
Ask your Higher Power to guide you towards THE VERY BEST Concept of a Higher Power for YOU.
Getting on with the Footwork:
You paddle, God steers.
So now that you have put your request 'out there', start doing the FOOTWORK.
Ie. Looking out for the most sober person in the meetings you are going to and asking for their phone number.
Then try calling them.
Ask yourself, How helpful are they really?:
How do you feel AFTER you have spoken to them on the phone?
Do things seem simpler? Or more unclear?
Do you feel better for talking to them? Yes or no. If yes. How much better? A little? A lot?
Do you feel more hopeful after you spoke to them, or less hopeful?
Do you feel stupid after you have spoken to them?
Did they say bitchy things about other people in AA?
This is how you are to gauge HOW MUCH THE PERSON IS ACTUALLY HELPING YOU.
Principles Before Personalities:
Don't think to yourself, 'ah well they seem like a nice enough person.' THAT'S NOT THE POINT!
You are NOT supposed to choose a Sponsor based on PERSONALITY. Anymore than you would choose a Cardiac surgeon on PERSONALITY.
In case you've forgotten, alcoholism, like advanced Heart disease, is pretty f'ing nasty. And if you have any sense AT ALL, you will do WHATEVER IT TAKES TO STOP IN IN ITS F'ing TRACKS.
And just for the record, that does NOT include, choosing a Sponsor because 'You like them', it means you MAKE SURE you are choosing someone to help you THAT KNOWS THEIR SUBJECT AND THE EVIDENCE SUGGESTS THEY HAVE A VERY COMPETENT GRASP OF THE PRACTICE OF RECOVERY.
Not someone you 'like'.
Jeez.
Lets say (god forbid), that you find out tomorrow that you have a serious thickening of the arteries near the valves of the heart, and you're going to need a 'stint;' put into the vessel to keep it from causing future coronaries.
Now don't tell me that when faced with a CHOICE of consultants and cardiac surgeons, that you PAY NO ATTENTION WHATSOEVER TO THE TRACK RECORD OF THEIR PREVIOUS PATIENTS, OR THEIR EXPERIENCE AND FAMILIARITY WITH CARDIAC SURGERY, and make a decision BASED ENTIRELY ON WETHER YOU 'LIKE' THE SURGEON.
DUH!
No freaking way! Would you be so !! stupid.
Yet you'd be surprised how many people in AA chose Sponsors in precisely that way. Even though their lives really are at stake if they mess up their recovery.
??? I'll never know why people in AA make such CRITICAL DECISIONS about their lives so unthinkingly. Like everything else in life, 'you snooze you lose'. And choosing a Sponsor is no different.
The 'Shopping list'. Have they got what you want?:
So please, don't make a decision on a whim or an unthinking, auto pilot, sort of way. Try to make sense of what QUALITIES they have gained in recovery that YOU would like to 'own' down the road. What have they got that you want? Happiness? Peace of mind? Ability to pass it on? Wear life like a loose garment? Upbeat? Never depressed? Able to do really difficult things? Comfortable in their own skin? Easy continuity of emotional balance? Emotional consistency? Fair minded? Open minded? Teachable? Always learning new stuff? Easy going? Energized? Motivated? Enthusiastic? Makes things seem simple? Solution orientated? Capable? Doesn't bitch and moan? Etc etc.
Make a 'shopping list' of the things you want, and the things you don't want. Look for people who have already GOT the things on your shopping list. These are good people to think of as potential sponsors. Just be very clear about what it is EXACTLY that they have that you like so much. Don't be vague if you can possibly help it.
Check them out with other AA members:
Also, its perfectly ok to go to their home group and ask other people who know them or other Sponsees what they are like. As the impression you have of them may be misleading. Check the potential sponsor out with other 'trusted servants' and see what they say. Just in case.
When people ask me this question, I always tell them the same advice..because it worked for me and I've seen it work for many others too.
Ask your Higher Power to guide you towards THE VERY BEST Sponsor for YOU.
Other very similar prayers are...
Ask your Higher Power to guide you towards THE VERY BEST Meetings for YOU.
Ask your Higher Power to guide you towards THE VERY BEST way of working the programme for YOU.
Ask your Higher Power to guide you towards THE VERY BEST way of working the Steps for YOU.
Ask your Higher Power to guide you towards THE VERY BEST Concept of a Higher Power for YOU.
Getting on with the Footwork:
You paddle, God steers.
So now that you have put your request 'out there', start doing the FOOTWORK.
Ie. Looking out for the most sober person in the meetings you are going to and asking for their phone number.
Then try calling them.
Ask yourself, How helpful are they really?:
How do you feel AFTER you have spoken to them on the phone?
Do things seem simpler? Or more unclear?
Do you feel better for talking to them? Yes or no. If yes. How much better? A little? A lot?
Do you feel more hopeful after you spoke to them, or less hopeful?
Do you feel stupid after you have spoken to them?
Did they say bitchy things about other people in AA?
This is how you are to gauge HOW MUCH THE PERSON IS ACTUALLY HELPING YOU.
Principles Before Personalities:
Don't think to yourself, 'ah well they seem like a nice enough person.' THAT'S NOT THE POINT!
You are NOT supposed to choose a Sponsor based on PERSONALITY. Anymore than you would choose a Cardiac surgeon on PERSONALITY.
In case you've forgotten, alcoholism, like advanced Heart disease, is pretty f'ing nasty. And if you have any sense AT ALL, you will do WHATEVER IT TAKES TO STOP IN IN ITS F'ing TRACKS.
And just for the record, that does NOT include, choosing a Sponsor because 'You like them', it means you MAKE SURE you are choosing someone to help you THAT KNOWS THEIR SUBJECT AND THE EVIDENCE SUGGESTS THEY HAVE A VERY COMPETENT GRASP OF THE PRACTICE OF RECOVERY.
Not someone you 'like'.
Jeez.
Lets say (god forbid), that you find out tomorrow that you have a serious thickening of the arteries near the valves of the heart, and you're going to need a 'stint;' put into the vessel to keep it from causing future coronaries.
Now don't tell me that when faced with a CHOICE of consultants and cardiac surgeons, that you PAY NO ATTENTION WHATSOEVER TO THE TRACK RECORD OF THEIR PREVIOUS PATIENTS, OR THEIR EXPERIENCE AND FAMILIARITY WITH CARDIAC SURGERY, and make a decision BASED ENTIRELY ON WETHER YOU 'LIKE' THE SURGEON.
DUH!
No freaking way! Would you be so !! stupid.
Yet you'd be surprised how many people in AA chose Sponsors in precisely that way. Even though their lives really are at stake if they mess up their recovery.
??? I'll never know why people in AA make such CRITICAL DECISIONS about their lives so unthinkingly. Like everything else in life, 'you snooze you lose'. And choosing a Sponsor is no different.
The 'Shopping list'. Have they got what you want?:
So please, don't make a decision on a whim or an unthinking, auto pilot, sort of way. Try to make sense of what QUALITIES they have gained in recovery that YOU would like to 'own' down the road. What have they got that you want? Happiness? Peace of mind? Ability to pass it on? Wear life like a loose garment? Upbeat? Never depressed? Able to do really difficult things? Comfortable in their own skin? Easy continuity of emotional balance? Emotional consistency? Fair minded? Open minded? Teachable? Always learning new stuff? Easy going? Energized? Motivated? Enthusiastic? Makes things seem simple? Solution orientated? Capable? Doesn't bitch and moan? Etc etc.
Make a 'shopping list' of the things you want, and the things you don't want. Look for people who have already GOT the things on your shopping list. These are good people to think of as potential sponsors. Just be very clear about what it is EXACTLY that they have that you like so much. Don't be vague if you can possibly help it.
Check them out with other AA members:
Also, its perfectly ok to go to their home group and ask other people who know them or other Sponsees what they are like. As the impression you have of them may be misleading. Check the potential sponsor out with other 'trusted servants' and see what they say. Just in case.
Answers to your Prayers
God has only three answers to your prayers:
Yes
Yes, but not now
No, because I have something better for you
(This is an old one, but I was just reminded of it today). I have found it to be true in my recovery anyway. I trust when things drift apart, that it's time for one chapter to end so that another one can begin. Basically I have faith in 'failure' as a necessary closing of one door, to make way for the new.
So often we cling to 'the old ideas'. Anything familiar basically. Whether its good for us or bad for us, because we think there will be nothing better. What a load of !!! Very limited thinking! Our higher power has MUCH better plans for us! (Well that's what it's been like for me anyhow)
P100
When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God’s hands were better than ANYTHING we could have planned. Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you WILL, (not might) presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances!
p63
Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, IF we kept close to Him and performed His work well.
By the way, when asking your higher power for help with ANYTHING, always finish it it off with 'IF it's your will', JUST IN CASE you ask for something that you can't handle!!!. Like they say... 'If you pray for an elephant, make sure you've got a big back garden!'
Yes
Yes, but not now
No, because I have something better for you
(This is an old one, but I was just reminded of it today). I have found it to be true in my recovery anyway. I trust when things drift apart, that it's time for one chapter to end so that another one can begin. Basically I have faith in 'failure' as a necessary closing of one door, to make way for the new.
So often we cling to 'the old ideas'. Anything familiar basically. Whether its good for us or bad for us, because we think there will be nothing better. What a load of !!! Very limited thinking! Our higher power has MUCH better plans for us! (Well that's what it's been like for me anyhow)
P100
When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God’s hands were better than ANYTHING we could have planned. Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you WILL, (not might) presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances!
p63
Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, IF we kept close to Him and performed His work well.
By the way, when asking your higher power for help with ANYTHING, always finish it it off with 'IF it's your will', JUST IN CASE you ask for something that you can't handle!!!. Like they say... 'If you pray for an elephant, make sure you've got a big back garden!'
Thursday, October 12, 2006
You don't stop making STUPID mistakes after step 9
Sometimes REALLY BAD stupid mistakes.
Sometimes stupid mistakes that throw EVERYTHING YOU HAVE WORKED FOR into jeopardy.
The BAD new is, that ALL humans make mistakes. You NEVER stop making them. And you don't get to choose what kind of mistakes you make. It might be just mildly stupid, or it might be devastating. You will will NOT get to choose which kind you will be making next... Even after step 9. That choice will ALWAYS be denied you.
So what's the point of doing the first nine steps I hear you ask?
Well..
So that you can 'clear a channel' by 'Having a spiritual awakening as a result of doing the steps'
That will enable your higher power to..
'keep you unharmed', despite you ending up on the 'firing line' once more!
As in the big book quote...
Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God WILL, (not might) keep you unharmed=
So for me,
keeping myself in FIT SPIRITUAL CONDITION
And
Looking for opportunities 'to be of MAXIMUM HELPFULNESS
are for me, a form of 'life insurance policy' against my own (potentially FATAL) STUPIDITY.
I thank God for sparing me (so far) from the most awful consequences of my mistakes in recovery. I just try to be helpful, and I seem to stay out of really bad trouble. That's all I know. But I've seen it so many times now, where people REALLY do seem to be LOOKED AFTER that I just don't question it anymore.
Obviously I could never prove it, but I just believe it. That's all.
Sometimes stupid mistakes that throw EVERYTHING YOU HAVE WORKED FOR into jeopardy.
The BAD new is, that ALL humans make mistakes. You NEVER stop making them. And you don't get to choose what kind of mistakes you make. It might be just mildly stupid, or it might be devastating. You will will NOT get to choose which kind you will be making next... Even after step 9. That choice will ALWAYS be denied you.
So what's the point of doing the first nine steps I hear you ask?
Well..
So that you can 'clear a channel' by 'Having a spiritual awakening as a result of doing the steps'
That will enable your higher power to..
'keep you unharmed', despite you ending up on the 'firing line' once more!
As in the big book quote...
Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God WILL, (not might) keep you unharmed=
So for me,
keeping myself in FIT SPIRITUAL CONDITION
And
Looking for opportunities 'to be of MAXIMUM HELPFULNESS
are for me, a form of 'life insurance policy' against my own (potentially FATAL) STUPIDITY.
I thank God for sparing me (so far) from the most awful consequences of my mistakes in recovery. I just try to be helpful, and I seem to stay out of really bad trouble. That's all I know. But I've seen it so many times now, where people REALLY do seem to be LOOKED AFTER that I just don't question it anymore.
Obviously I could never prove it, but I just believe it. That's all.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
The Amaravati Demon: Learning to deal with disillusionment
The Amaravati Demon is the term Viradhammo used to use to describe the utter disillusionment with Lay life that haunted you like a bad smell after having spent some time in the monastery, on a retreat or as a guest.
Part of learning how to do this practice lies in dealing with these uncomfortable feelings about the seeming emptiness, and hollowness of secular life.
People who are new really struggle with it. But the old timers learn to recomcile their expectations, and come to terms with the limited viewpoints outside institutions or groups like Amaravati.
The real skill comes in learning to be truly happy in the moment, knowing that most of the world is on auto pilot, with little chance of seeing the way things really are.
It IS possible to be happy knowing all these things. Its part of being a beginner in meditation that the whole life chapter of disillusionment, comes up to be worked on.
I like the quote
Before Enlightenment chop wood carry water, after Enlightenment, chop wood carry water.:
It IS possible to use the most mundane life as a vehicle for awakening. The old Buddhist timers know that, and that's why (amongst many reasons) they look happier than the new people!
So don't worry if you think everythign is a bit shit, now that you've seen a few monastics! It gets better!
Part of learning how to do this practice lies in dealing with these uncomfortable feelings about the seeming emptiness, and hollowness of secular life.
People who are new really struggle with it. But the old timers learn to recomcile their expectations, and come to terms with the limited viewpoints outside institutions or groups like Amaravati.
The real skill comes in learning to be truly happy in the moment, knowing that most of the world is on auto pilot, with little chance of seeing the way things really are.
It IS possible to be happy knowing all these things. Its part of being a beginner in meditation that the whole life chapter of disillusionment, comes up to be worked on.
I like the quote
Before Enlightenment chop wood carry water, after Enlightenment, chop wood carry water.:
It IS possible to use the most mundane life as a vehicle for awakening. The old Buddhist timers know that, and that's why (amongst many reasons) they look happier than the new people!
So don't worry if you think everythign is a bit shit, now that you've seen a few monastics! It gets better!
How to Awaken Love and Compassion
1. Loving Kindness: Unsealing the Spring
When we believe that we don't have enough love in us, there is a method for discovering and invoking it. Go back in your mind and recreate, almost visualize, a love that someone gave you that really moved you, perhaps in your childhood. Traditionally you are taught to think of your mother and her lifelong devotion to you, but if you find that problematic, you could think of your grandmother or grandfather, or anyone who had been deeply kind to you in your life. Remember a particular instance when they really showed you love, and you felt their love vividly.
Now let that feeling arise again in your heart, and infuse you with gratitude. As you do so, your love will go out naturally to that person who evoked it. You will remember then that even though you may not always feel that you have been loved enough, you were loved genuinely once. Knowing that now will make you feel again that you are, as that person made you feel then, worthy of love and really lovable.
Let your heart open now, and let love flow from it; then extend this love to all beings. Begin with those who are closest to you, then extend your love to friends and to acquaintances, then to neighbors, to strangers, then even to those whom you don't like or have difficulties with, even those whom you might consider as your "enemies," and finally to the whole universe. Let this love become more and more boundless. Equanimity is one of the four essential facets, with loving kindness, compassion, and joy, of what the teachings say form the entire aspiration of compassion. The all-inclusive, unbiased view of equanimity is really the starting point and the basis of the path of compassion.
You will find that this practice unseals a spring of love, and by that unsealing in you of your own loving kindness, you will find that it will inspire the birth of compassion. For as Maitreya said in one of the teachings he gave Asanga: "The water of compassion courses through the canal of loving kindness."
Tonglen Practice
from The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche
I read this ages ago in the book The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, and I found it on this webpage, along with some other methods for invoking compassion. This practice is called 'the Metta Bhavna" or Metta practice. Its a standard in Buddhist teaching but I LOVE the way Sogyal Rinpoche describes it in this passage.
When we believe that we don't have enough love in us, there is a method for discovering and invoking it. Go back in your mind and recreate, almost visualize, a love that someone gave you that really moved you, perhaps in your childhood. Traditionally you are taught to think of your mother and her lifelong devotion to you, but if you find that problematic, you could think of your grandmother or grandfather, or anyone who had been deeply kind to you in your life. Remember a particular instance when they really showed you love, and you felt their love vividly.
Now let that feeling arise again in your heart, and infuse you with gratitude. As you do so, your love will go out naturally to that person who evoked it. You will remember then that even though you may not always feel that you have been loved enough, you were loved genuinely once. Knowing that now will make you feel again that you are, as that person made you feel then, worthy of love and really lovable.
Let your heart open now, and let love flow from it; then extend this love to all beings. Begin with those who are closest to you, then extend your love to friends and to acquaintances, then to neighbors, to strangers, then even to those whom you don't like or have difficulties with, even those whom you might consider as your "enemies," and finally to the whole universe. Let this love become more and more boundless. Equanimity is one of the four essential facets, with loving kindness, compassion, and joy, of what the teachings say form the entire aspiration of compassion. The all-inclusive, unbiased view of equanimity is really the starting point and the basis of the path of compassion.
You will find that this practice unseals a spring of love, and by that unsealing in you of your own loving kindness, you will find that it will inspire the birth of compassion. For as Maitreya said in one of the teachings he gave Asanga: "The water of compassion courses through the canal of loving kindness."
Tonglen Practice
from The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche
I read this ages ago in the book The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, and I found it on this webpage, along with some other methods for invoking compassion. This practice is called 'the Metta Bhavna" or Metta practice. Its a standard in Buddhist teaching but I LOVE the way Sogyal Rinpoche describes it in this passage.
Dance like no one is Looking
We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.
The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. At times it seems to me that life is about to begin - real life. There always seems to be an obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time to be served, a debt to be paid, then life would begin.
The reality is these obstacles are our life and accepting this reality allows us to see, there is no way to happiness, happiness is the way. So treasure every moment, for time waits for no one. Stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you are married, until you get divorced, until Friday, until your car or home is paid off, until winter, spring, summer or fall, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination
So work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's looking.
The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. At times it seems to me that life is about to begin - real life. There always seems to be an obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time to be served, a debt to be paid, then life would begin.
The reality is these obstacles are our life and accepting this reality allows us to see, there is no way to happiness, happiness is the way. So treasure every moment, for time waits for no one. Stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you are married, until you get divorced, until Friday, until your car or home is paid off, until winter, spring, summer or fall, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination
So work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's looking.
It's Never Too Late To Have A Happy Childhood
I like the motto ChildLIKE not ChildISH.
Heres something I found ages ago which explains it well.
Certificate of the Right to Play
By this Certificate, know ye that:
___________________________________ is a lifetime member and in good standing in the Society of Childlike Persons and forever entitled to:
Walk in the rain, jump in mud puddles, collect rainbows, smell flowers, blow bubbles, stop along the way, build sandcastles, watch the sun and the moon and the stars come out, say hello to everyone, go barefoot, go on adventures, sing in the shower, have a merry heart, read children's books, act silly, take bubble baths, get new sneakers, hold hands and hug and kiss, dance, fly kites, laugh and cry for the health of it.
Wander around, feel scared, feel sad, feel mad, feel happy, give up worry and guilt and shame. Say yes, say no, say the magic words, ask lots of questions, ride bicycles, draw and paint, see things differently, fall down and get up again, talk with animals, look up at the sky.
Trust the universe, stay up late, climb trees, take naps, do nothing, daydream, play with toys, have pillow fights, learn new stuff, get excited about everything, be a clown, enjoy having a body, listen to music, find out how things work, make up new rules, tell stories.
Save the world, make friends with other kids on the block and do anything else that brings more happiness, celebration, relaxation, communication, health, joy, love, creativity, pleasure, abundance, great self-esteem, courage, balance, spontaneity, passion, beauty, peace and life energy to the above named member, and to the other human beings on this planet.
Further, the above named member is hereby officially authorized to frequent amusement parks, beaches, meadows, mountain tops, swimming pools, forests, playgrounds, picnic areas, summer camps, birthday parties, circuses, cookie shops, ice cream parlors, theatres, aquariums, museums, planetariums, toy stores, festivals, and other places where children of all ages come to play.
And - is encouraged to always remember the motto of the Society of Childlike Persons:
It's Never Too Late
To Have A Happy Childhood
Heres something I found ages ago which explains it well.
Certificate of the Right to Play
By this Certificate, know ye that:
___________________________________ is a lifetime member and in good standing in the Society of Childlike Persons and forever entitled to:
Walk in the rain, jump in mud puddles, collect rainbows, smell flowers, blow bubbles, stop along the way, build sandcastles, watch the sun and the moon and the stars come out, say hello to everyone, go barefoot, go on adventures, sing in the shower, have a merry heart, read children's books, act silly, take bubble baths, get new sneakers, hold hands and hug and kiss, dance, fly kites, laugh and cry for the health of it.
Wander around, feel scared, feel sad, feel mad, feel happy, give up worry and guilt and shame. Say yes, say no, say the magic words, ask lots of questions, ride bicycles, draw and paint, see things differently, fall down and get up again, talk with animals, look up at the sky.
Trust the universe, stay up late, climb trees, take naps, do nothing, daydream, play with toys, have pillow fights, learn new stuff, get excited about everything, be a clown, enjoy having a body, listen to music, find out how things work, make up new rules, tell stories.
Save the world, make friends with other kids on the block and do anything else that brings more happiness, celebration, relaxation, communication, health, joy, love, creativity, pleasure, abundance, great self-esteem, courage, balance, spontaneity, passion, beauty, peace and life energy to the above named member, and to the other human beings on this planet.
Further, the above named member is hereby officially authorized to frequent amusement parks, beaches, meadows, mountain tops, swimming pools, forests, playgrounds, picnic areas, summer camps, birthday parties, circuses, cookie shops, ice cream parlors, theatres, aquariums, museums, planetariums, toy stores, festivals, and other places where children of all ages come to play.
And - is encouraged to always remember the motto of the Society of Childlike Persons:
It's Never Too Late
To Have A Happy Childhood
Pulling the rug from under your feet: DOUBT can start playing up a bit when you start doing heavy-duty Monastic Step 11 stuff
Heres something I wrote in a previous post
called One off or Specialist/Sexual queries? Email a therapist!
sometimes these professionals are better at explaining how to practice (what I call spiritual principles) in relation to some other matter. So they are something you can avail yourself of, should you want additional feedback.
Personally, I find that just having the option of that feedback is a comfort in itself. More than the need to actually use it. Meaning its a comfort just knowing that it's there, even if you never actually use it. Its a psychological trick to make you feel safe, when you are experiencing doubt, more than anything.
By the way doubt is not a sign that something is wrong. It is a natural part of any spiritual path. Part of the business of becoming a 'spiritual warrior' for want of a better term is learning how to 'show up for life' and keep on keeping on despite being pulled this way and that by the energy of doubt. Doubt is a lesson in faith and going to any lengths in my opinion. I like to think that I can 'do' doubt, after 18yrs of practice!! It still feels really uncomfortable though!!
But if your sponsor insists that the only way to get well is to give them all your money and let them sleep with your (very cute) husband, then doubt in that instance is a very healthy sign that something is terribly wrong!!
As in ALL things, there is an exception to EVERY 'rule'.
Hahaaa. Good old doubt. One could write a whole chapter on it but I can't be bothered so I won't.
(End of old post)
This subject will be covered a bit in the book a path with Heart and Spiritual Emergency.
They both describe the way the rug is pulled from under your feet as a direct result of step 11
The reason is because PERMANENCE IS A MYTH
NOTHING STAYS THE SAME
EVERYTHING IS IN A PERMANENT STATE OF FLUX
FIXED IDEAS ARE NOT SPIRITUAL
CLOSED MINDEDNESS IS NOT SPIRITUAL
INFLEXIBILITY IS NOT SPIRITUAL
So this new 'thing in the mind, although it feels uncomfortable, is a LOT closer to reality than your previous mindset.
Its VERY healthy.
This is all about SEEING REALITY FOR WHAT IT IS remember? Unflinchingly. Whether it suits us or not.
I think the AA passage that comes closest to the battle we have with doubt is - Some of us have tried to hold on to our OLD IDEAS and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
In this case the 'old idea' is that permanence exists.
Or that there is a 'right answer'
Hahahaha
LIFE IS FAR MORE SOPHISTICATED THAN THAT
A MUCH better summary of the 'truth' would be.. "Maybe good, maybe bad, who knows?"
That's a much more HONEST appraisal of the reality of the situation, and of just how much you REALLY know.
Welcome to the world of uncertainty Ladies!
As I used to say to you all the time, 'The rules are, THERE ARE NO RULES!'
Don't worry. After a while the uncertainty will stop bugging you. It doesn't bother me at all now. Well I can't remember the last time it bothered me.
Here's some things I like when I 'don't know the answer'
Music REALLY helps me get through certain things. It can be powerfully healing. I think of a lot of songs as a form of prayer. But I think ALL thoughts are a form of prayer, so music isn't excluded form that.
We found love,
So don't fight it
Life is a rollercoaster
Just gotta ride it
I need you,
So stop hiding
Love is a mystery
Girl, let's get inside it
Listen
Can't you feel my heart
Can't you feel my heart
Can't you take my heart
Ronan Keating Lyrics
Song: Life Is A Rollercoaster
Love, lift me out of these blues
Won't you tell me something true
I believe in you
Elevation Lyrics. U2
And I have no compass
And I have no map
And I have no reasons
No reasons to get back
And I have no religion
And I don't know what's what
And I don't know the limit
The limit of what we've got
Don't worry baby, it'll be alright
You got the right shoes
To get you through the night
It's cold outside, but brightly lit
Skip the subway
Let's go to the overground
Get your head out of the mud baby
Put flowers in the mud baby
Overground
No particular place names
No particular song
I've been hiding
What am I hiding from?
Don't worry baby, it's gonna be alright
Uncertainty... can be a guiding light
I hear voices, ridiculous voices
In the slipstream
Let's go, let's go... overground
Get your head out of the mud baby
She's gonna dream up
The world she wants to live in
She's gonna dream out loud
Zooropa Lyrics
called One off or Specialist/Sexual queries? Email a therapist!
sometimes these professionals are better at explaining how to practice (what I call spiritual principles) in relation to some other matter. So they are something you can avail yourself of, should you want additional feedback.
Personally, I find that just having the option of that feedback is a comfort in itself. More than the need to actually use it. Meaning its a comfort just knowing that it's there, even if you never actually use it. Its a psychological trick to make you feel safe, when you are experiencing doubt, more than anything.
By the way doubt is not a sign that something is wrong. It is a natural part of any spiritual path. Part of the business of becoming a 'spiritual warrior' for want of a better term is learning how to 'show up for life' and keep on keeping on despite being pulled this way and that by the energy of doubt. Doubt is a lesson in faith and going to any lengths in my opinion. I like to think that I can 'do' doubt, after 18yrs of practice!! It still feels really uncomfortable though!!
But if your sponsor insists that the only way to get well is to give them all your money and let them sleep with your (very cute) husband, then doubt in that instance is a very healthy sign that something is terribly wrong!!
As in ALL things, there is an exception to EVERY 'rule'.
Hahaaa. Good old doubt. One could write a whole chapter on it but I can't be bothered so I won't.
(End of old post)
This subject will be covered a bit in the book a path with Heart and Spiritual Emergency.
They both describe the way the rug is pulled from under your feet as a direct result of step 11
The reason is because PERMANENCE IS A MYTH
NOTHING STAYS THE SAME
EVERYTHING IS IN A PERMANENT STATE OF FLUX
FIXED IDEAS ARE NOT SPIRITUAL
CLOSED MINDEDNESS IS NOT SPIRITUAL
INFLEXIBILITY IS NOT SPIRITUAL
So this new 'thing in the mind, although it feels uncomfortable, is a LOT closer to reality than your previous mindset.
Its VERY healthy.
This is all about SEEING REALITY FOR WHAT IT IS remember? Unflinchingly. Whether it suits us or not.
I think the AA passage that comes closest to the battle we have with doubt is - Some of us have tried to hold on to our OLD IDEAS and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
In this case the 'old idea' is that permanence exists.
Or that there is a 'right answer'
Hahahaha
LIFE IS FAR MORE SOPHISTICATED THAN THAT
A MUCH better summary of the 'truth' would be.. "Maybe good, maybe bad, who knows?"
That's a much more HONEST appraisal of the reality of the situation, and of just how much you REALLY know.
Welcome to the world of uncertainty Ladies!
As I used to say to you all the time, 'The rules are, THERE ARE NO RULES!'
Don't worry. After a while the uncertainty will stop bugging you. It doesn't bother me at all now. Well I can't remember the last time it bothered me.
Here's some things I like when I 'don't know the answer'
Music REALLY helps me get through certain things. It can be powerfully healing. I think of a lot of songs as a form of prayer. But I think ALL thoughts are a form of prayer, so music isn't excluded form that.
We found love,
So don't fight it
Life is a rollercoaster
Just gotta ride it
I need you,
So stop hiding
Love is a mystery
Girl, let's get inside it
Listen
Can't you feel my heart
Can't you feel my heart
Can't you take my heart
Ronan Keating Lyrics
Song: Life Is A Rollercoaster
Love, lift me out of these blues
Won't you tell me something true
I believe in you
Elevation Lyrics. U2
And I have no compass
And I have no map
And I have no reasons
No reasons to get back
And I have no religion
And I don't know what's what
And I don't know the limit
The limit of what we've got
Don't worry baby, it'll be alright
You got the right shoes
To get you through the night
It's cold outside, but brightly lit
Skip the subway
Let's go to the overground
Get your head out of the mud baby
Put flowers in the mud baby
Overground
No particular place names
No particular song
I've been hiding
What am I hiding from?
Don't worry baby, it's gonna be alright
Uncertainty... can be a guiding light
I hear voices, ridiculous voices
In the slipstream
Let's go, let's go... overground
Get your head out of the mud baby
She's gonna dream up
The world she wants to live in
She's gonna dream out loud
Zooropa Lyrics
Live Each Day to the Fullest
Live each day to the fullest. Get the most from each hour, each day, and each age of your life. Then you can look forward with confidence, and back without regrets.
Be yourself... but be your best self. Dare to be different and follow your own star.
Don't be afraid to be happy ..enjoy what is beautiful. Love with all your heart and soul. Believe that those you love, love you.
When you are faced with decision, make that decision as wisely as possible, then forget it. The moment of absolute certainty never arrives.
And above all, remember that God helps those who help themselves. Act as if everything depended on you And pray as if everything depended on God.
Author Unknown
Be yourself... but be your best self. Dare to be different and follow your own star.
Don't be afraid to be happy ..enjoy what is beautiful. Love with all your heart and soul. Believe that those you love, love you.
When you are faced with decision, make that decision as wisely as possible, then forget it. The moment of absolute certainty never arrives.
And above all, remember that God helps those who help themselves. Act as if everything depended on you And pray as if everything depended on God.
Author Unknown
Saturday, October 07, 2006
A quote that sprung to mind.. (that I like)
For some reason when I think of Tibetan Masters and the Deities they refer to as part of the services they provide to the world, it reminds me of the the last (dying) quote of the 'Warrior' style Replicant in Blade runner. They, (meaning the Rinpoches and Lamas) describe a world I cannot even begin to imagine, but that I trust exists. -because I trust their personal integrity, and the integrity of the Buddhist teaching. It conjures up the poetry of other worlds, seen through the eyes of a trusted servant. So I looked it up, and repeated the film quote here. I often use poetry and music to evoke sentiments felt in recovery that I struggle to articulate in my own words. They are very useful tools in describing inner worlds, that are far removed from logic and the senses. Something more felt than experienced suppose. Poetry, films, stories, fairytales and archetypes are all very useful tools in recovery. I encourage you to make use of them. If they nourish you, that is. Not if they disturb you, or increase your discomfort.
I think what I'm trying to say is that I feel that the Rinpoches and Lamas inhabit an extraordinary world, seen only by people with their advanced level of skill and ability, that would seem terrifying and utterly alien to ordinary people like you and me. So I see a bit of the life of a Rinpoche in the life of this Replicant in blade runner.
And I LOVE the qualities of toughness that the replicants have in this film, as I see (the right kind of) toughness as a VITAL commodity for achieving spiritual growth. It's not for sissies!
Anyway, here's the quotes...
If only you could see what I've seen with your eyes.
I've done questionable things. ... Nothing the god of bio-mechanics wouldn't let you in heaven for.
I thought you were supposed to be good. Aren't you the good man? Come on! Oh, Deckard! Show me ... what you're made of.
Proud of yourself, little man?
You better get it up, or I'm gonna have to kill you!
Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave!
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams ... glitter in the dark near Tanhauser Gate. All those ... moments will be lost ... in time, like tears ... in rain. Time ... to die.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Don't accept Chairs on your Home Group Night
Why? Because you SHOULD, if you have been very obedient, (!) (in regard to THIS process anyhow,) be in a position after Step 9 to feel very good (by and large) by going to just one meeting a week.
This is how I expect it to ''look' for you after Step 9 (using the method I was shown)
You instinctively feel you will never drink again
You feel very safe. Very 'looked after'
You don't feel that you 'need' meetings.
You actually find many meetings a bit 'grubby' (energetically) or uncomfortable due to your sensitivity to other peoples 'stuff''.
Your reasons for going to meetings is to be of service rather than to 'plug up a hole' in some 'emotional leak'.
You feel out of place in a lot of 'regular' meetings because you can't identify with the ongoing struggles you hear other AA's experiencing, or their emotional temperament.
Other AA's, (often nice well meaning people) will look at you a bit oddly when you tell them how you feel and you may end up getting the 'Perhaps you're just not an alcoholic' line I've heard in my time!
So basically. The way I see it, you have a VERY cushy (untypical) deal, because you should have completely severed any sense of a dependency to meetings. Its a very fearless option. I just don't 'do' fear mongering as such.
In fact you should feel like going to meetings is a bit of an effort, because you just don't ever feel like you need them. They're nice, from time to time, but you just don't 'need' them as such.
So you are very lucky. You have a LOT more free time than a lot of other AA's who can end up going to 3 meetings a week or more for YEARS.
The approach I do is what I call a 'HIGH yield, LOW maintenance' option'. You get a LOT of 'happy joyous and free' from your investment of ONE meeting a week.
So because this type of relationship to meetings is very unusual in AA, (from what I have noticed,) it creates a much stronger need to be around like-minded people. So your home group has a RAISED SIGNIFICANCE.
Everybody needs what I call 'Spiritual friends'. The Buddhists call it Sangha. AA calls it 'the fellowship'.
Your home group is the place where you meet your spiritual friends. You need them to identify with, and to get their support. And it helps you make sense of the ways your head is being affected by the way I have introduced you to the Steps. I find it weird how Sponsees turn into Spiritual friends. I never really expect it to happen, but it does! They change so much!!
You will probably find, that you end up being asked to do quite a lot of chairs after step 5.
Here's a stock response. (if it clashes with your home group)
Say - 'thank you very much for asking, but I'm afraid I can't make it on that day, as that's my home group.
Don't just accept it on the premise 'that it's service'. You already have quite a substantial commitment to service in the form of newcomers and Sponsees, so you're not in any great need to find more. Don't worry, they're be plenty other opportunities to do chairs, so missing one won't make a difference.
By the way. There's nothing WRONG as such with going to lots of meetings, IF you want to.
If you like them, and you honestly are getting something from them, then why not? If you feel happy joyous and free going to lots of meetings, why not?
They are free, for god sakes, and you (if you keep your eyes peeled) can meet some good people there. So the rule is (as always) DO WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE. 'To thine own self be true'. Follow your conscience in these matters as your higher power is speaking to you through it.
Personally I would prefer you to be investing your time and energy into step 11 pursuits, but they can be quite costly (compared to going to AA). But if you are a bit shrewd, you can find lot of very high quality low cost step 11 options.
Just try and avoid going to meetings, (other than your home group) OUT OF HABIT. Or because it has become your COMFORT ZONE or a COMFORTABLE RUT. Or someone told you you 'SHOULD'.
Keep re-evaluating your position. Is your mood pretty consistently good when you go to one or two meetings a week? Well then, perhaps you could try doing one, and seeing how you feel then?
If you do nothing on your 'nights off' you will start feeling lonely, or bored. So replace with something else. You may feel a little like a nomad while you go out searching for new places to 'belong' to, but that's temporary, and it wont last. It doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. Its just the predictable way to feel when you are seeking out new friends and new environments. It feels a little insecure at first, but it settles down. It helps if you bring an AA buddy sometimes, just for a bit of solidarity.
I'm a big fan of cinema, and that's an easy way to fill an evening.
This is how I expect it to ''look' for you after Step 9 (using the method I was shown)
You instinctively feel you will never drink again
You feel very safe. Very 'looked after'
You don't feel that you 'need' meetings.
You actually find many meetings a bit 'grubby' (energetically) or uncomfortable due to your sensitivity to other peoples 'stuff''.
Your reasons for going to meetings is to be of service rather than to 'plug up a hole' in some 'emotional leak'.
You feel out of place in a lot of 'regular' meetings because you can't identify with the ongoing struggles you hear other AA's experiencing, or their emotional temperament.
Other AA's, (often nice well meaning people) will look at you a bit oddly when you tell them how you feel and you may end up getting the 'Perhaps you're just not an alcoholic' line I've heard in my time!
So basically. The way I see it, you have a VERY cushy (untypical) deal, because you should have completely severed any sense of a dependency to meetings. Its a very fearless option. I just don't 'do' fear mongering as such.
In fact you should feel like going to meetings is a bit of an effort, because you just don't ever feel like you need them. They're nice, from time to time, but you just don't 'need' them as such.
So you are very lucky. You have a LOT more free time than a lot of other AA's who can end up going to 3 meetings a week or more for YEARS.
The approach I do is what I call a 'HIGH yield, LOW maintenance' option'. You get a LOT of 'happy joyous and free' from your investment of ONE meeting a week.
So because this type of relationship to meetings is very unusual in AA, (from what I have noticed,) it creates a much stronger need to be around like-minded people. So your home group has a RAISED SIGNIFICANCE.
Everybody needs what I call 'Spiritual friends'. The Buddhists call it Sangha. AA calls it 'the fellowship'.
Your home group is the place where you meet your spiritual friends. You need them to identify with, and to get their support. And it helps you make sense of the ways your head is being affected by the way I have introduced you to the Steps. I find it weird how Sponsees turn into Spiritual friends. I never really expect it to happen, but it does! They change so much!!
You will probably find, that you end up being asked to do quite a lot of chairs after step 5.
Here's a stock response. (if it clashes with your home group)
Say - 'thank you very much for asking, but I'm afraid I can't make it on that day, as that's my home group.
Don't just accept it on the premise 'that it's service'. You already have quite a substantial commitment to service in the form of newcomers and Sponsees, so you're not in any great need to find more. Don't worry, they're be plenty other opportunities to do chairs, so missing one won't make a difference.
By the way. There's nothing WRONG as such with going to lots of meetings, IF you want to.
If you like them, and you honestly are getting something from them, then why not? If you feel happy joyous and free going to lots of meetings, why not?
They are free, for god sakes, and you (if you keep your eyes peeled) can meet some good people there. So the rule is (as always) DO WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE. 'To thine own self be true'. Follow your conscience in these matters as your higher power is speaking to you through it.
Personally I would prefer you to be investing your time and energy into step 11 pursuits, but they can be quite costly (compared to going to AA). But if you are a bit shrewd, you can find lot of very high quality low cost step 11 options.
Just try and avoid going to meetings, (other than your home group) OUT OF HABIT. Or because it has become your COMFORT ZONE or a COMFORTABLE RUT. Or someone told you you 'SHOULD'.
Keep re-evaluating your position. Is your mood pretty consistently good when you go to one or two meetings a week? Well then, perhaps you could try doing one, and seeing how you feel then?
If you do nothing on your 'nights off' you will start feeling lonely, or bored. So replace with something else. You may feel a little like a nomad while you go out searching for new places to 'belong' to, but that's temporary, and it wont last. It doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. Its just the predictable way to feel when you are seeking out new friends and new environments. It feels a little insecure at first, but it settles down. It helps if you bring an AA buddy sometimes, just for a bit of solidarity.
I'm a big fan of cinema, and that's an easy way to fill an evening.
Stare at the back of your hand for 30 seconds
Stare at the back of your hand for 30 seconds. Now stare at this advert for 15 seconds while squinting your eyes. Now fully open your eyes and stare at the back of your hand for another 30 seconds. And again at your hand. Now stare at your mother. Back of your hand. Advert. Hand. Advert. Mother. Mother. Hand. Mother. Wall. Feet. Now wipe the tears away. Back at the hand. Advert. Hand. Mother. Man, 43. Hand. Advert. Mother. Hand. Hand. Hand. Box no. 18/07. Mother.
This is why I LOVE the Personals section of the London Review of Books: Deep JOY!!
I've got it in the links menu, but you HAVE to read it because its just so fabulous!
then again you may really hate this type of humour. but its right up my street. and after all
WE ABSOLUTELY INSIST ON ENJOYING LIFE
So anything that conjures up a little chuckle can only be a GOOD thing
This is why I LOVE the Personals section of the London Review of Books: Deep JOY!!
I've got it in the links menu, but you HAVE to read it because its just so fabulous!
then again you may really hate this type of humour. but its right up my street. and after all
WE ABSOLUTELY INSIST ON ENJOYING LIFE
So anything that conjures up a little chuckle can only be a GOOD thing
What a cool Being!
"Every person whose heart is moved by love and compassion, who deeply and sincerely acts for the benefit of others without concern for fame, profit, social position, or recognition expresses the activity of Chenrezig." Bokar Rinpoche
-- Chenrezig: Lord of Love
Chenrezig may be the most popular of all Buddhist deities, except for Buddha himself -- he is beloved throughout the Buddhist world.
In his Teaching on the Chenrezig Sadhana, Kalu Rinpoche said "one does not think of the deity's body as solid or material, made of flesh and blood like one's ordinary body, or made of metal or stone like an idol. One thinks of it as appearance that is inseparable from emptiness, like a rainbow or like a reflection in a mirror."
We have flesh and blood bodies, but not as much compassion as we would like to have, and Chenrezig has a body made of rainbows, and boundless impartial compassion. When we put those two extremes together, in the Chenrezig meditation, we move in the direction of manifesting as a being with a flesh-and-blood body and unlimited compassion -- with maybe a few rainbows thrown in for decoration.
Well. There are some very inspiring quotes about this Being.
It sunds to me as though this being is all about warmth and concern for ALL our fellow men. Even the ones that are difficult to love.
I see compassion as the OPPOSITE of resentment. Because the more I am able to feel compassion, the less I am able to justify ANY resentment. I see Compassion as Mercy. A merciful heart. I LOVE the prayer (to your higher power0 which is simply 'Mercy'. I find it very moving, but then I find all prayers, hymns, you name it, very moving. So gawd knows.
But I think for those of you that can still feel the bitterness of judgment in your hearts. See this empowerment as a way of softening your heart, and truly noticing the wounds ALL men carry. Instead of noticing all the things others do which seem to be in opposition to our desires.
Souns like a love fest basically. A love in!
Very cool. Anything that moves you further away from resentment can only be a good thing.
I think this empowerment sounds very cool. Its bound to be REALLY popular.
Oh well.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Sat 7th Oct!! The Empowerment of the One-Thousand Arm Chenrezig Anyone?
I'm not exactly an expert, (!!!) but I think this looks like an TOP Tibetan Monk. A SENIOR Tibetan Rinpoche Is doing an 'entry level' Initiation this weekend. Right on our doorstep!! Anyone fancy it?? ..SO much nicer than hiking all the way over to Nepal or India to do these things...Don't worry if you don't understand it. I don't think anyone does. Properly anyway. But initiations are REAL and connect you to the ?? Being in question. As far as I know. They are very 'dense' teachings. Who knows how these things work? But the way I see it, it doesn't do you any harm.
When a Senior teacher like this shows up, its always packed out, so TRY to get there a bit early. Expect it to fill up.
Also a lot of monks and nuns show up to take the initiation, so meeting them is always a pleasant bonus. If you manage to get to speak to them.
We are SO lucky that SENIOR pals of his Holiness teach cool stuff a stones throw away.
By the way, they don't have these type of people round to teach very often. One or two times a year. They are not very expensive at all to do either.
!!! Very exciting!
This is the Teacher...
Khensur Lobsang Tenzin Rinpoche
Born in Tibet in 1934, Rinpoche was ordained as a monk at the age of seven and entered Sera Je monastery at seventeen. He obtained his Lharampa Geshe degree in 1979, entered Gyume Tantric University and two years later became master of discipline.
In 1985 His Holiness the Dalai Lama appointed him abbot of Gyume, a position he held for six years. Since then he has taught extensively in India and the West.
Saturday and Sunday 7 & 8 October 2.30pm – 5pm:
initiation and commentary £80 (£50 concs.)
initiation only £40 (concs. £25)
commentary (see below) £40 (concs. £25)
• all levels •
This is about the 'Being'....
Chenrezig (Skt: Avalokiteshvara) is the embodiment of compassion and as such is so important to our lives. His Holiness the Dalai Lama is very closely connected to Chenrezig and the mantra om mani padme hum is the most revered in Tibet. Rinpoche will confer a great empowerment of the 1,000-hand, 1,000-eye Chenrezig with the five tathagatas in the system of Num Palmo (yoga tantra).
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Blissed out post-9th-Step weekly schedule..
I hate admitting this, but I actually did this kind of itinerary for 2-3 years.? I can't remember. I was a total junkie for the whole step 11 deal. I LOVED how it made me feel and I had this insatiable curiosity about how on earth it worked. I just couldn't get enough of it.
There's LOADS more stuff out there that you can do, but I thought id start with a basic structure for those of you that are that stage in your recovery. I know it looks a bit over the top, but I loved it. It felt great. I'm sure you'll figure out what appeals to you.
Monday.
1-6pm.
NFSH Healing at Leicester Square. Don't get there later than 5.30pm or you'll miss the proverbial boat. Nip in to Watkins on the way for a browse.
7pm
Alternatives. Piccadilly Circus.
Yes its just an excuse to flog books, cd's etc, and 99% of the people that show up are usually scoping the joint for a date. But don't let that put you off. There are some VERY respectable authors that show up. And for 10 quid that's alright.
Tuesday
1-4pm
NFSH Healing at the Homeopathic Hospital. If you are free during the day.
By the way there is an alright lunchtime meeting 1-2 a stones throw away as well, if you happen to be in the neighborhood.
7pm
Amaravati meditation group in Holland Park. You need to phone beforehand AND BE VERY POLITE beforehand. You can't just show up. Ask me for the phone no and I'll txt it to you.
Wednesday
7pm.
Meditation Group at the London Buddhist Vihara (See links menu)
THIS IS A PROPER MONASTERY SO PLEASE SHOW UP AT LEAST 10MINS EARLY.
Why? Because the silence is deafening. Making late entrances REALLY awkward. And rude.
Thursday
Where else to go but the finest meeting in London town. Possibly the universe! Hahaaa. Just kidding with you!!
The purpose of attending to attend to your sponsees and be of service to the newcomer. As opposed to a social club that is. The intention makes ALL the difference I find.
Friday
2.30-8.30pm.
NFSH Healing at Leicester Square. Don't get there later than 8.30pm or you'll miss the proverbial boat. Nip in to Watkins on the way for a browse.
6.30-9pm
Join the taster class at the Zen school of shiatsu. 8 quid or something. Its very healing! Resist the urge to sign up for the 3 grand course straight away! Its very tempting!
Naff off to Amaravati for the weekend as a guest OR to attend one of their (VERY cool) weekend retreats.
Saturdays
10.15-1pm
Thich Nhat Hanh Sitting group of Lay (meaning non monastic) followers at Hop Gardens. See Links Menu for details. They listen to a talk by Thich Nhat Hanh and do some sitting and walking meditation. Sometimes you meet some interesting people at these types of things. Like AA, the occasional 'crazy' (?) shows up from time to time, so don't just assume everyone is 'together'.
2-8.30pm
Long Meditation class at the London Buddhist Vihara.
VERY cool, as you get to hear a talk (hopefully) by the Abbot. Who is a VERY cool human being.
Last Saturday of every Month. The next ones are..
28th October
25th November
27th January
Or go to the meditation class at Amaravati. But its a bit of a hike getting there.
Sundays
10-5pm
Every now and again they have a Meditation Sundays with a visiting Theravdin monk at the Buddhist Society. Victoria. Check the events section of their webpage.
I think you may need to become a member to attend. But its a nominal yearly fee.
They also have a Zen monk/nun come to visit some Sundays from 11-3.30.
You could try going to one of the HUGE massive ANCIENT churches in London for a Christian service just to see what it feels like.
St Paul's for instance
Or Westminster Cathedral.
You know, somewhere very ancient and famous. London is FULL of them, and they do have great energy. I haven't been to services myself. But I LOVE the way they feel and how ancient they are. And they are very beautiful too I might add.
Weekend Mind body spirit type workshops.
They usually cost about 200-300 quid. Pretty expensive, so only go with the MOST critically acclaimed authors. There are a lot of kooks out there!! Be careful what you spend your money on!
Well if you do that every week, you may feel completely spaced out and fabulous!! Heh heh.
People will start calling you a Space Cadet! But that's a small price to pay for how nice it feels..
There's LOADS more stuff out there that you can do, but I thought id start with a basic structure for those of you that are that stage in your recovery. I know it looks a bit over the top, but I loved it. It felt great. I'm sure you'll figure out what appeals to you.
Monday.
1-6pm.
NFSH Healing at Leicester Square. Don't get there later than 5.30pm or you'll miss the proverbial boat. Nip in to Watkins on the way for a browse.
7pm
Alternatives. Piccadilly Circus.
Yes its just an excuse to flog books, cd's etc, and 99% of the people that show up are usually scoping the joint for a date. But don't let that put you off. There are some VERY respectable authors that show up. And for 10 quid that's alright.
Tuesday
1-4pm
NFSH Healing at the Homeopathic Hospital. If you are free during the day.
By the way there is an alright lunchtime meeting 1-2 a stones throw away as well, if you happen to be in the neighborhood.
7pm
Amaravati meditation group in Holland Park. You need to phone beforehand AND BE VERY POLITE beforehand. You can't just show up. Ask me for the phone no and I'll txt it to you.
Wednesday
7pm.
Meditation Group at the London Buddhist Vihara (See links menu)
THIS IS A PROPER MONASTERY SO PLEASE SHOW UP AT LEAST 10MINS EARLY.
Why? Because the silence is deafening. Making late entrances REALLY awkward. And rude.
Thursday
Where else to go but the finest meeting in London town. Possibly the universe! Hahaaa. Just kidding with you!!
The purpose of attending to attend to your sponsees and be of service to the newcomer. As opposed to a social club that is. The intention makes ALL the difference I find.
Friday
2.30-8.30pm.
NFSH Healing at Leicester Square. Don't get there later than 8.30pm or you'll miss the proverbial boat. Nip in to Watkins on the way for a browse.
6.30-9pm
Join the taster class at the Zen school of shiatsu. 8 quid or something. Its very healing! Resist the urge to sign up for the 3 grand course straight away! Its very tempting!
Naff off to Amaravati for the weekend as a guest OR to attend one of their (VERY cool) weekend retreats.
Saturdays
10.15-1pm
Thich Nhat Hanh Sitting group of Lay (meaning non monastic) followers at Hop Gardens. See Links Menu for details. They listen to a talk by Thich Nhat Hanh and do some sitting and walking meditation. Sometimes you meet some interesting people at these types of things. Like AA, the occasional 'crazy' (?) shows up from time to time, so don't just assume everyone is 'together'.
2-8.30pm
Long Meditation class at the London Buddhist Vihara.
VERY cool, as you get to hear a talk (hopefully) by the Abbot. Who is a VERY cool human being.
Last Saturday of every Month. The next ones are..
28th October
25th November
27th January
Or go to the meditation class at Amaravati. But its a bit of a hike getting there.
Sundays
10-5pm
Every now and again they have a Meditation Sundays with a visiting Theravdin monk at the Buddhist Society. Victoria. Check the events section of their webpage.
I think you may need to become a member to attend. But its a nominal yearly fee.
They also have a Zen monk/nun come to visit some Sundays from 11-3.30.
You could try going to one of the HUGE massive ANCIENT churches in London for a Christian service just to see what it feels like.
St Paul's for instance
Or Westminster Cathedral.
You know, somewhere very ancient and famous. London is FULL of them, and they do have great energy. I haven't been to services myself. But I LOVE the way they feel and how ancient they are. And they are very beautiful too I might add.
Weekend Mind body spirit type workshops.
They usually cost about 200-300 quid. Pretty expensive, so only go with the MOST critically acclaimed authors. There are a lot of kooks out there!! Be careful what you spend your money on!
Well if you do that every week, you may feel completely spaced out and fabulous!! Heh heh.
People will start calling you a Space Cadet! But that's a small price to pay for how nice it feels..
Monday, October 02, 2006
My Favorite Old Timer's Sayings
THE NEWCOMER IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE ROOM
Take it on TRUST
Just do what makes you feel COMFORTABLE
It’s a cinch an inch, but it’s hard by the yard
We are SURE God wants us to be happy, joyous and free.
(in reference to statements from the Big Book) -Doesn't say, 'except for Mary, or John, or David'.
The more you put in, the more you get out
The people that matter don’t mind, and the people that mind, don’t matter
Those who do NOT RECOVER are people who cannot or will not COMPLETELY give themselves to THIS simple program. (not the Hazeltwig Programme)
EVERY time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with US
Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our CONSTANT thought of others and how we may help meet their needs
Wear life like a loose garment, not like a hair shirt!
Just do your lousy best
Wise people learn from their own mistakes. Smart people learn from other people’s
What would be the LOVING thing to do?
Stick with the winners
(On choosing Sponsors) Have they got what you want?
Do they look as though they are enjoying their sobriety?
What are they like in the traffic?
Are they comfortable in their own skin?
The good is the enemy of the best
Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of MAXIMUM helpfulness to others
Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God WILL, (not might) keep you unharmed
Its better to be in AA pretending to be an alcoholic, than to be 'out there', pretending you're not
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice
(on advice about talking in meetings) Its says we ought to share in a 'GENERAL' way. Not a blow by blow account!
Feeling without action is Sentimentality. Action without feeling is an empty gesture
Not entirely sure about these ones..
If life was fair, you would be dead'
You can’t transmit something you haven’t got
Love people and use things, not love things and use people
Sick and tired of being sick and tired
Look but don't stare
Take it on TRUST
Just do what makes you feel COMFORTABLE
It’s a cinch an inch, but it’s hard by the yard
We are SURE God wants us to be happy, joyous and free.
(in reference to statements from the Big Book) -Doesn't say, 'except for Mary, or John, or David'.
The more you put in, the more you get out
The people that matter don’t mind, and the people that mind, don’t matter
Those who do NOT RECOVER are people who cannot or will not COMPLETELY give themselves to THIS simple program. (not the Hazeltwig Programme)
EVERY time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with US
Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our CONSTANT thought of others and how we may help meet their needs
Wear life like a loose garment, not like a hair shirt!
Just do your lousy best
Wise people learn from their own mistakes. Smart people learn from other people’s
What would be the LOVING thing to do?
Stick with the winners
(On choosing Sponsors) Have they got what you want?
Do they look as though they are enjoying their sobriety?
What are they like in the traffic?
Are they comfortable in their own skin?
The good is the enemy of the best
Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of MAXIMUM helpfulness to others
Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God WILL, (not might) keep you unharmed
Its better to be in AA pretending to be an alcoholic, than to be 'out there', pretending you're not
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice
(on advice about talking in meetings) Its says we ought to share in a 'GENERAL' way. Not a blow by blow account!
Feeling without action is Sentimentality. Action without feeling is an empty gesture
Not entirely sure about these ones..
If life was fair, you would be dead'
You can’t transmit something you haven’t got
Love people and use things, not love things and use people
Sick and tired of being sick and tired
Look but don't stare
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