I find that after a while, me being consistently 'comfortable' can be REALLY disquieting for others to be around, if what they are used to is drama, struggle, emotional overwhelm, ups and downs, and what have you. In terms of the impact it appears to be having on me I mean. I think people tend to assume I have no problems. Either that or they just can't make me out. All I know Is they rarely imagine that I am dealing with difficult things. They assume because I look 'ok' that things in my life must be 'ok'. Not so! Life lessons happen to EVERYBODY. Including me! Bereavement, betrayal, disillusionment, you name it! There is no way you can avoid these things. Its part of learning how to be a human. They happen to !! everybody. Not just the people who have a habit of referring to these events in conversation.
Initially, people are nearly always pleased to see me. But over time it becomes apparent that I'm just not being hijacked by moods, negativity or emotional overwhelm in the way that they unwittingly take for granted, and that can really 'upset the apple cart' in a strange sort of way. It just doesn't 'compute' that I might be having the SAME, if not worse, problems that THEY have, but I am just dealing with it a different way. Especially in AA, as people can tend to make assumptions about how 'honest' I'm being, or whether or not I am in denial. I can just tell that it is difficult for some of them to really understand. Obviously not everybody. Just those that take fairly obvious negativity or negative behaviour for granted as 'part of the furniture.'
Having spent 1-2 years trying to do the steps in another programme and getting progressively more MAD before I got well in AA, I COMPLETELY understand that viewpoint. My Sponsees often say they see the same look of non recognition in some fellow AA's, when they report how they feel or how they are dealing with things. I've had many strange comments over the years, including one woman who thought 'I must not be an alcoholic'. Whatever. I understand how it must look strange to someone who has become accustomed to a different way of dealing with things. I understand that attitude, but I prefer to be around people who think emotional stability is a NORMAL thing, instead of some weird ?! freaky thing. Each to their own, but I prefer to be with people I feel I have more in common with. The term I have heard used to describe this tendency is 'creates an uncomfortable contrast', and so that's how I describe it now.
- An Irish Friend of Bill
- I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
'Creates an Uncomfortable Contrast'
Posted by An Irish Friend of Bill
Labels: Acceptance, Choosing a Home Group, Peace of mind
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emotional stability... where can i buy some? hee hee hee
I suppose some may feel that different (in regard to the way you deal with things, life) is threatening. You have a sweet serenity, and how many must desire the formula to that.
I think that your qualities are admirable. I don't believe that there is a model recovering person but there are those who I want to be more like & if I want what 'they' have I just have to do what 'they' do. To those who may be uncomfortable with your serenity - tell them to 'stop hating and start participating' (more in their own recovery). Thank you for sharing your experiences. P.S. Thank you very much for your comments and encouragement on my blog - it meant a lot to me !
those that take fairly obvious negativity or negative behaviour for granted
God help me deal with these energy drainers- my experience is that some of them go into attack mode- I do best to steer clear of the energy wasters. Much more energy left to do cool stuff.
All the best-
Hey thanks for dropping by Owen. Nice to see you, and hope life is treating you well! I see you have bumped into a few of these guys too. hahaa
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