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I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Isolation and the desire to be alone when things are difficult. Especially when you're new to AA.

I'm an introvert as it happens. I love time alone, but I also have a pretty interventionist sponsorship style and that means that I do not always 'go with the flow'. I will get pretty ! forceful on occasion. (in a nice way) if i think an aspect of the persons behavior is damaging them.

There's no doubt, many newcomers prefer to be alone. If I had a Sponsee like that, I would shelve the 'social' plans, as they would just be too uncomfortable, and substitute with meetings and coffee after as ways to ''be' around people. Oh and talking to newcomers, because it works miracles. But that's another story. Anyway, I would use meetings to talk to people, and coffee, and I would say use the phone at home to MAKE calls to one newcomer a day. The newest one you can find. But that requires a bit of 'briefing', I keep meaning to do a post on it and never get round to it. Basically its a five minute call where you try to be helpful in terms of aa suggestions to someone who knows less than you. I always end up asking what meeting they are going to later and what have you. Nothing much. Just trying to be helpful.
Im inclined t think that you are better off feeling sad in a meeting than feeling sad at home. I used to go to three meetings a day when I was new because I had such 'stinking thinking'.

Ah well. There are many different sponsorship styles and many degrees of willingness and desperation in newcomers and what have you, so each to their own. But I would be pretty loathe to let someone stew on their own with lots of unscheduled time at home.

I had one Sponsee who ! hated going to meetings when she was new. She likes them now, but I was pretty ! Tough with her about getting to them to begin with. She used to be very weepy and emotional, but then he had a very mixed alcohol and drug past. Shes very different now. Newcomers who want to isolate are NOT special and different. They are just one of us mixed up alkies, and free time is not used constructively but used to dwell on sad stuff. Well that's what I think anyway, but I'm not your sponsor, so it doesn't really matter what I think.
Yeah we KNOW it's human nature to isolate, but I think we would rather you were in meetings feeling lousy than at home feeling lousy. Bring the old body and the mind will follow and all that..

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