I call that 'guilt tripping' thing 'guilt manipulation.' There's a very useful reference to it on page 61 of the book '
Making Friends: A Guide to Getting Along with People' by Andrew Matthews,
..which looks a bit too simple at first sight, but has LOADS of really useful references for basic social skills in it. I recommend some of his books to Sponsees for learning basic ways of relating to other peoples demands, expectations, etc. I see all that stuff as common sense, in that 'normal' (meaning reasonably happy) people do these things anyway, but most people in AA have no idea how to do these things and they need to learn them from scratch. I say 'common' sense, but 'common' sense isn't nearly !! as common as I'd like it to be. I found his books really helpful. They just look a bit naff, that's all.
Anyway, its pretty good going to be able to distance yourself from the 'scene of the crime' (in resentment terms) when provoked If I am feeling heated, I try to get some distance between me and the resentment, otherwise I just cant think things through.
- An Irish Friend of Bill
- I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Social skills: 'Guilt Manipulation'
Posted by An Irish Friend of Bill
Labels: Book Recommendation, Boundaries, Relationships
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