Everyone is different. I always seem to end up with younger guys.
In fact I have VERY VERY rarely ended up with older ones or same age ones.
Anyway. Yes I used to (and can still have) those moments of doubt. But it is ALL B**LS**T.
It is NOT the age of the person that is important. AT ALL.
It is whether or not they are a complete A**eh**e that IS important.
I know people the same age as me or older that I just CANNOT BE AROUND because their pathetic ! immaturity DRIVES ME NUTS.
And I ALSO know people MUCH younger than me who are FAR !! MORE TOGETHER THAN ME.
The moral of the story? Age doesn't tell you very much about a person. You have to learn how to be a MUCH better judge of character than that.
The upshot is: Choose someone 'well', not someone who is simply the same age as you. If they are WELL, TOGETHER, FOCUSED, ABLE TO COPE, INDEPENDENT THINKERS, EMOTIONALLY BALANCED, GOOD SOCIAL SKILLS. Oh yeah and not an alcoholic or addict in the middle of a nosedive.
THEY ARE FINE.
To people who doubt the basis of relationships based on age alone I would say:
"Contempt prior to investigation!"
"Keep an open mind"
"What other people think of you IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS" (If you are worried about what other people will think)
"That doesn't sound very open minded to ME"
Like EVERYTHING in life, you don't REALLY know till you try.
If you have some concerns, ask the person concerned about them. Say I think you're lovely, but I'm unsure about the age difference causing a problem down the road in the form of x, y,, z.
And see what THEY say. Like I always say, If in doubt, ASK!
Don't be a BORING old CONFORMIST! To thine own self be true! If it WORKS, then who are you to argue the case against it?
Do more of what works. Do less of what doesn't.
By the way this post does NOT address those people in SLAA (or anywhere else) who think it is OK to have sexual relationships with minors!!!
- An Irish Friend of Bill
- I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Compatibility: Ask yourself "Does it work?" NOT "Are they the same age?"
Posted by An Irish Friend of Bill
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I agree that age doesn't matter because it's what's in your mind and how you perceive yourself that's important. I see guys with trophy wives and then I know guys who like older women. I don't try to figure any of it out. It's what works for that person. As someone said on a blog recently--let your minds touch before your bodies. Good advice.
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