"It was very simple. When I didn't get my OWN WAY, I took a RESENTMENT"
(My favorite old timers way of explaining Self Centeredness)
Not getting your OWN WAY, is a mini-lesson in the grand old art of SELF CENTREDNESS. Or 'being a CONTROL FREAK' for short.
Lovely eh? These things are just not even REMOTELY flattering. There's nothing 'cool' about being a control freak is there? Bleh!
Don't worry. It gets easier! It looks pretty ugly at the beginning when all you see is ONE flaw, then ANOTHER. Yuk!
In 'AA speak' we call being a control freak 'running the show' or 'the actor running the show' p60
"Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his OWN WAY.
If his arrangements would ONLY stay put, if only people would do as HE WISHED, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful.
What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life doesn't treat him right.
Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, HE IS SURE OTHER PEOPLE ARE MORE TO BLAME. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a SELF-SEEKER?
Our actor is SELF-CENTERED.
Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles."
Self centeredness therefore, (in my opinion) is a VITAL character defect to identify in ANY step 4. God help you if you FAIL to identify the part it played in ALL of your resentments! Its such a BIG part of resentment.
Anyway. That's why they say 'let go and let god'. Because that means pretty much being the OPPOSITE of a control freak.
Self centeredness is 'standard issue' stuff. We are SICK people getting well, NOT bad people getting good, and all that..
It DOES get better! Thank god!
FRUSTRATION is a classic Self centered position also, as the discomfort always stems from a DESIRED OUTCOME which has not arisen. Getting our OWN WAY means the same 'thing' as a 'desired outcome'. Frustration is when that desired outcome is felt very strongly and therefore its 'absence' is felt very strongly too.
- An Irish Friend of Bill
- I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Control Freak: Being Self Centered and The Actor running the Show
Posted by An Irish Friend of Bill
Labels: Character Defects, Step 10, Step 4
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Thank you my friend. I really relate myself with this post.
Selfishness-self-centeredness! ~ Something for me to work it out. And you're right I'm just sick getting well.
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