About Me

My photo
I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

A quote seen on packaging for a perfume called 'Falling in love'

'When it comes to love you need not fall but rather surrender.
Surrender to the idea that you must love yourself before you love another.
You must absolutely trust yourself before you can absolutely trust another and most importantly you must accept your flaws before you can accept the flaws of another.'

Seen on the side of packaging of a new perfume called 'Falling in love'

I have heard these ideas expressed before, but I just liked this summary of them. I have found all the above statements to be true. I believe it expresses the true meaning of 'love your brother as you love yourself'.

Although I'm very clear about the things I have learned to date, I would not describe myself as the 'arrogant personality'. I have ALWAYS doubted myself, at every step, regardless of the level of proficiency I achieve in any area. Not everyone is like this. So for me, learning to trust myself has been very important in recovery. I think this is the main motivation to shed a sponsor in the traditional aa sense after having been taken through the steps once. For me it has been very healing to resist the urge to constantly cross reference my ideas about what is best for me with outside sources in aa. 'External validation' I think they call it. Anyway I can only speak for myself, but that's what works for me. When I have encountered Sponsees that desperately want me to do all their thinking for them, or become responsible for problem solving all their 'stuff', I try to throw them back onto their own resources. Asking questions such as 'well what do YOU think you should do?' and things like that.
Other times I have to order people about a bit because they are just way too cocky and confident for their own good. They're all different.
I'm on the other end of the scale, totally lacking in confidence, so learning to trust myself is important work.

I love what this passage says about relationships. I have found it to be true there too. We really can only relate to what we believe deep down we deserve. And if we think we are useless, know nothing slobs, then its very hard to accept love from other people.
Oh well. All grist for the mill. Our work is just never done! The journey never ends, but I don't mind doing the work a day at a time..

Also, just to add, that this statement is also an expression of the principle of Metta meditation practice. This is a 'heart' practice, where we try to cultivate good will toward ALL sentient beings.
Westerners are sometimes surprised that the starting point of the meditation is to cultivate good will toward ONESELF. This is no accident. It is because we just CANNOT love others if we still secretly hold ourself in contempt for being flawed.

Funnily enough, it has mainly been through talking to newcomers and trying to help other alcoholics that I have learned to have a compassionate view of my own flaws. So often I see myself in them, and that's when the healing takes place. They truly are a blessing. I could not have achieved the peace of mind I now have without them.



life just good

Anonymous said...

I wonder is that perfume has a kick butt alluring smell.

You have had the opportunity for so much growth by offering yourself, your services to work with other alcoholics. That is so wonderful, I fear and look forward to this.

Still building on the trust, and you know what, it ain't so bad :) Like I said I am still building . . .

Anonymous said...

Ah….the sweet, smell of perfume! Today's market is flooded with hundreds and hundreds of different fragrances ranging

from floral to woodsy. Most women love the smell of perfume, wearing it even when going to the grocery store. The problem

is that perfume allergy for some women, is anything but nice.