By the way. Bono is of the same opinion as myself. But then I class him as one of the cool people I like, that I try to learn from. (Very personal preference as I know he's not everyone's cup of tea) So its no surprise that I'm in agreement with him on this issue.
He says: "You can exorcise your demons or you can exercise them. I don't know what I've discovered about myself from analysis. The thing to watch for is navel-gazing — and I do have a very nice one — but most of what I've learnt about myself you discover in other people."
Each to their own and all, but a VERY wise person once told me that 'its far better to figure things out on your own' when I asked them about whether or not to pursue therapy. I found it hard to believe, but I am beginning to understand what they meant. I think it IS far better, even though I had no idea I could do it when they suggested that.
But then I'm a very difficult person to impress. Lots of conventionally held standards of self aware excellence are to my mind wanting in many respects. So I can see that my perspective is far from typical. But I have to say I am very grateful for the insight that that feedback offered me. It was the first time I had heard that experience expressed, and I have done quite a bit of research on the subject. I consider myself very fortunate to have been told that. And I would never have believed it, but I have found that to be the case.
For example. A friend of mine in recovery is dealing with similar stuff to myself but has gone down the therapy route. A very expensive and highly trained one I might add. Well they're not coping nearly as well with his stuff as I am with mine. -In my opinion. I know you can't compare, but I think it's fair to say I'm doing pretty good. Exercise and diet are part of my regime though. It works wonders when you take great care of your body. I'm also in love with the intangible mystery of inner change brought about by practicing the principles I learned about in AA to begin with. The 'spiritual' road is pretty weird and utterly unfathomable, but it does seem to work beautifully.
Basically I think its because the most impressive type of people I know are not therapists, so I suppose I model myself on them more than anything else. Even the very good ones I met appear to have a far more limited set of skills and abilities than the people that impress me. I find them as effective (in fact more so) as a conventional therapist, but they are not in that job. I suppose I just don't find them (meaning therapists) that inspiring. I'm much more impressed by people who live really well. Very fit, very good diet, very good at having fun and enjoying life, not heavy, but understand all the 'heavy' stuff, and give the appearance of living a 'normal' life. 'Under the radar' I suppose. That's what appeals to me far more than being perceived as a person who (due to study and training) has somehow got more answers to life's problems than another 'untrained' person. To me life is the great lesson, and you can learn to be self aware and not get too caught up in the pointless array of distractions no matter what you do. But, like I say, each to their own. That's just how I see the whole therapy thing.
Basically, I think its normal to fall in love with therapy when you discover it, just like it can be normal to fall in love with AA when you first discover that too. I've done both. I've met some pretty good therapists as well. Its just now I really think I can do a better job on my own. So this is what I tell my sponsees now.
If you have a craving to be of service to your fellow man in a 'spiritual' capacity, I have found that I can do that in just about any job description. Its unavoidable. Its just happens whether I like it or not when I am trying to have a good life and practice these principles in ALL my affairs. There is always an opportunity to be helpful to another human being, if you look for it. I find there are far too many!
- An Irish Friend of Bill
- I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Therapy? It's FAR better to figure things out by yourself. (In my experience)
Posted by An Irish Friend of Bill
Labels: After Step 9, Basic principles of Recovery, Therapy
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