In case you don't know already. One thing that being around recovering (or whatever) women of one sort or another over the last 20 years or so has shown me, is that women are SIGNIFICANTLY less trustworthy than men when it comes to sexual fidelity. This is what I have learned.
Don't worry, its opportunity more than anything else. Women simply have more opportunities to have sex outside their relationship than men do. Meaning they get 10 opportunities for every one a guy gets. But its still very depressing because everybody has a choice and choosing to cheat on the person you claim to be in love with shows very poor character and deceitfulness in my opinion. Qualities I find very repellant.
In case you're wondering, I am just as guilty of sexual misconduct as any other alcoholic I know, so I am far from lily white in this area.
I suppose what has been disillusioning for me in recovery is seeing this behavior in my non alcoholic 'sisters'. Un-inebriated, stone cold sober decisions to deceive their long term partners without seeming to have ANY conscience about it AT ALL. It bugs me, but I have no excuse to look down my nose at any other human being.
But for those of you that were as naïve and idealistic as I was before I figured this out, I thought it only fair to let you know.
I have met many women with chips on their shoulders about men and 'trust issues', but by far the worst offenders in this category are women!! I hope this will help you put your resentments against men into perspective and teach you to be much more careful about the women you allow your partner to spend time with.
Also its a good lesson in getting to know oneself generally. If we see ourselves as 'the good guys' and blokes as 'the bad guys' then we put ourselves at risk of doing wrong. It's useful for us to see that WE are far more likely to stray than our male partners. To be vigilant about the time we spend with other men, and to back off when we feel we are likely to stray. It's useful to be aware of these things, so that when trouble comes we spot it at 100 paces instead of letting the situation get awkward. If you are in a relationship you need to be very aware of ANY sexual interest outside the relationship, and talk to someone and try and sort it out. Do NOT keep it to yourself, or tell yourself its 'ok'. You are as sick as your secrets.
In case you think I don't know what I'm talking about, please look at paternity statistics. (They're awful!) And remember, that's just recording the amount of illegitimate pregnancies! I can assure you there are many more sexual betrayals than there are resultant illegitimate pregnancies!
Also bear in mind that unscrupulous people tend to not want to advertise their poor behavior. Women tend to not want to advertise that they decided to give the plumber a b*** j*b on Friday morning or that they shagged a minicab driver Wednesday afternoon in a lay by after a party in Hastings. Or that they picked up a younger guy at work by handing him their phone number and meeting him for sex later that week, or the same day even. Or that they walked up to a guy they liked the look of in the supermarket on Sunday and shagged him in the car afterwards. It doesn't sound very impressive does it? Well that's why they aren't in a big hurry to tell you about it!! Trust me. It happens. A LOT.
A LOT more than you realize. Depressing but true. Women appear to have had a conscience lobotomy when it comes to sexual behavior. Oh well.
- An Irish Friend of Bill
- I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
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