About Me

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I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Letter from your Disease


Just in case you forgot me, I am your disease.  I hate meetings, I hate higher powers, I hate anyone who has and works a program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you suffering and I wish you death.

Allow me to tell you about myself.  I am the disease of addiction.  I am cunning, baffling and powerful.  I have killed millions.  I have ruined lives of millions more and I am pleased.  I love to catch you by surprise.  I love pretending that I am your friend and lover.  I have given you comfort, haven't I?  Wasn't I there when you were lonely?  When you wanted to die, didn't you call on me and didn't I answer?  I was there.  I love to make you hurt, I love to make you cry; better yet, I love to make you so numb that you can neither hurt nor cry.  I love to help you give up and feel hopeless.  When you can't feel anything at all, that is my true gratification.  And all that I ask from you is long term suffering and lonely despair.

I've been there for you always.  When things were going right in your life, you invited me in.  You said you didn't deserve these good things, and I was the only one who agreed with you.  Together, we were able to destroy everything good in your life.  When things went wrong, I was there to agree with you about how unfair life is and how blameless you are for anything that happens to you.  I was the only one who would crawl down into the slimy paralysis of self-pity and wallow around with you there.

People don't take me seriously, and while this wounds my pride, I don't really mind because it so strongly serves my purpose.  People take strokes seriously; heart attacks, diabetes, AIDS--these they take seriously.  Fools.  Without my help those illnesses would not even be possible for many people.  I am such a hated disease and yet I do not come uninvited.  You choose whether or not to have me active in your life.  Doesn't that prove how powerful and cunning I am?  So many choose me over reality and hope even while they say they hate me.

But more that you hate me, I hate all of you who have embraced recovery.  Your refusal to invite me in your program, your meetings, your higher power.  All of these things weaken and disgust me, and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to.  Now I must lie here quietly, waiting. Oh, you don't see me much anymore, but I am here, and I have all the time in the world to wait for you.  When you only exist, I may live.  When you live, I may only exist.  But I am here, and until we meet again--if we meet again--I wish you misery and death, just as I always have done and always will do

Most sincerely,
Your Disease

from http://www.yerbuddybd.com/04b-recovery.htm


Anonymous said...

Gave me the shivers. Excellent though.

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Yeah, It's is kind of scary isn't it?
The energies that pull us into the abyss are very real I fear. But thankfully so are those that with the help of the programme, pull us out. Our motive to help our fellow man protects us like a talisman against this unseen predator.
I feel safe as long as I am trying to help others. it is my rod and my staff. they comfort me.. as they say.

But yeah its a great piece of writing. Glad you like it :) I did too. thats why i posted it.

the entry called 'just pedal' is very powerful too, and describes the higher power beautifully. well i think so. sort of like the opposite of the coin to this entry.