What is Love?

Hmm. Yes. Love is very interesting thing. So many different ideas about what it is.
I find "The end of love and hate" by Amaro as very interesting. He mentions sticky, possessive, restrictive, attachment, fixed views, type of love.

I see love as a commitment to doing the next right thing. Being willing to go to any lengths (p76,79, AA Big Book) to do so. Whether my feelings support that aspiration or not.
But I like the aspiration of abandoning all craving. All clinging. "let go absolutely' (p58, AA Big Book) ..as they say
Being able to hold the moment. (not feverishly cling to it) Understand that it is beautiful, but not cling to it or hang on to it longer than it will last. Ask more of the moment than it can deliver.
All beautiful moments pass away and are replaced by other moments. The craving mind is the enemy (for want of a better word) that destroys the peace. Not the inevitable passing of all conditioned reality. The coming and going of all people places and things. 'This too shall pass' as they say. well yes. It does.

Like an aa member in my home group said ? ages ago. Pain is not caused by change. It is caused by RESISTANCE to change.

But I see resistance as nothing more than the CRAVING mind. Trying to hold on to an 'old idea'. (p58, AA Big Book)
It is the craving, the clinging that is the cause of the suffering. Not the conditions.
Anyway, I think you would find Amaros explanation of love and hate as very interesting.

At 16.56 minutes in the talk called "We Are More Than Our Feelings" Munindo talks about fully surrendering to the delight of the moment without getting 'lost' in it. A quiet knowing of the relativity of experience. The impermanence. Its a fabulous talk. Well I think so.

I like Tom's description of love, in his myspace post called "Run from the heard"

"What I find most odd is the extreme confusion over such a simple concept as Love. As a society, we've grown so self-obsessed that most confuse love with lust, and have totally lost the notion of Love as a perfect ideal that's unchanging, true, and an object to die for. It's quite a simple concept when you think about it. However, it's easy for selfish desires to "drug" within us any notion of objective idealism, creating deep rooted subjective confusion. So we can now actually believe such erroneous statements as "we are no longer in love," or "we grew apart," etc. to explain failed relationships.

C.S. Lewis said that "we don't fall into and out of Love like bathwater." Precisely. If we are in Love, we shall forever be in Love. If we presume to have fallen out of Love, then we were never in love in the first place.

The disheartening fact that most relationships break-up or end in divorce suggests that most, sadly, never find true love. But how can they, when they've lost the notion of a perfect ideal to some ever-changing, relativistic lustful feeling construed as Love? I read recently that 10 out of the last 11 relationships on The Bachelor have failed. Well is it any surprise when there's no aspiration to common values, morals, or spiritual beliefs – the necessary elements of Love? Isn't it all rather self-centered chaos ending in recycled failure? When shall we break this tiresome cycle of recycled errors?

I'm not jaded; I'm just not drugged. Whatever I do in this life, I shall not be a herd statistic, and conform to a pervasive and undermining motive of self-centeredness. I'd rather die trying to discover a perfect ideal implanted in my heart by a higher Source, a perfect notion of Love, everlasting beyond Time immemorial, a Love that is the "same yesterday, today and forever," not dependent on fleeting feeling or emotion, though the cause of romantic emotion, beyond happiness and sadness, and underpinned by godly morals and values."

He's linked on my blog in my list of 'people I like' as opposed to an alcoholic blogger. An interesting guy. He's very !! much IN the world, but not OF it. Nice bloke.

Service and getting motivated to go to ANY LENGTHS to study for a BETTER JOB. NO excuses!

Service is everything. it goes beyond outward action to the quality of ones heart, presence, and inner stillness.
These 'silent' qualities enrich others very powerfully.

Everything I do, say, think and feel can be service.
Meaning, In any moment, I am either taking, or I am giving.
But yes. sometimes practical help is needed. If I have free time.

Outward actions that help (for me) are prioritized by the potential benefit that can occur by doing them.
The more my acts have the potential to benefit others, the higher the importance of that task.
So attempting to prevent death is first.
Attempting to prevent premature death second.
Attempting to prevent unhappiness that has no impact on the longevity.
If longevity not an issue. then QUALITY of life is important.
So old and dying first. as very little time! 5 yrs?
Terminal illness, that I cannot alter. of any age.
Misery generally.

All these things I address in that order, by offering (in some form or other) how to practice (what I see as) spiritual principles. Although you might not know that I was doing that if you saw me doing it! But that's what I see myself as doing. I sort of 'sneak it in' while Im doing mundane stuff. Like at work. Which is mundane stuff. Sometimes I just 'hang around' (while I am at work) and be an example of an un neurotic person. Just that can really !! freak people out sometimes. Its quite funny really. Stressed people get freaked out by people ho have no drama. Heehee.

Don't get me wrong. Im not saying Im like this all the time. Im not. I get stressed and tense about things. But by and large that is how my priorities are in my head. That's what I mean. There is a structure to what comes first when choosing how to make use of my time at work, and if I have any free time to sponsor when I'm not studying, and doing my own life obligations.

Mostly it is aiming to prevent death due to (what I see) as untreated alcoholism, (which can look on the surface like madness, or pain, or depression) by trying to teach others what was shown freely to me.
Followed by attempting to show other women how to be good sponsors. So they can do the same.
Then the sick, old and dying in my immediate family.
Then the general misery I encounter on a day to day level at work, shopping etc..

Lastly I look to my study for a new job as a way to help others. I see jobs as ego feeding so this can be difficult.
Getting a high paying, 'swishy' job seems a bit bizarre and pointless. but I am trying to make into another way I can help others.
But this is harder for me because it involves money. seeing beyond the money, ego and position this might provide me with if I do it well is difficult. I lack !!! Motivation!
But I am working on it!
Its probably just laziness, and fear experiencing incompetence and failure outside my area of expertise, and looking c*ap while I do it.
The best workers are egoless, but the potential for money and status confuse me and really put me off actually.
My immediate family are outwardly successful but seem desperately unhappy, so that's kind of what puts me off. I sense a deep abiding pain in them when I am ever around them. That's why I don't want to spend much time with them. Perhaps I am just better at sensing their pain than I am in sensing others pain.
Who knows.
Or else they just have a greater debt of energetic baggage to process than others.
But Winston Churchill was a troubled man and I like him. So baggage need not put one off people. Well all that is my judgment of that situation. But I can find unhappy people very !! draining, so I avoid them, unless there is an ! important piece of service work that needs doing.

So service in the form of this new job I am studying for is my new 'project' in expanding my step 12 remit. Even though I LACK motivation to improve upon my position in a largely repetitive and brain dead unchallenging 'comfortable rut' job that I have been doing for FAR TOO LONG. Oh well.
I hope I manage it, because the 'carrot' (on the stick) of money, position, and social status have absolutely no appeal to me. But this could just be BS. My ego just hiding under the duvet.
One never knows. Most of my thinking and perception is utter BS.
Thank GOD, I know that I don't know. And just don't trust what my head tells me.

Basically I need to go to ANY LENGTHS to complete this seemingly limitless pile of coursework for the next nine weeks.
Scary!

Nine weeks of ANY LENGTHS study.
I need to 'import' the same focus and energy that I HAVE when I am talking to a newcomer, and TRANSPOSE it onto my study obligations. Which are huge. Or seem huge anyway.
Whatever. Just another journey out of the comfort zone, so same ol same ol.
!! Why are there no days off? Ever? There is ALWAYS something new. Something that you do SO APPALLINGLY that only the GREATEST effort will pull it out of the bag.
Well compared to the proficiency I can experience with aa stuff, my level of student expertise is very !! underperforming by comparison.
I'm not cr*p, but I AM crap, at just sitting down and GETTING !!!ON WITH IT!!

Discipline. Where is it? I think I am just a bit unmanageable. Too much the hippy. Too much 'whatever'. It is there with some stuff, but it is not here IN FORCE with the study.
Ah well. Another learning curve on the spiritual curriculum of life!

Todays (and for the next 2-3 years) Spiritual curriculum is:

'How to find a sense of urgency when you have NONE'
'How to (very sensibly) improve ones position in the job market when I have NO belief that outward conditions are responsible for my wellbeing. Basically that it will make NO difference'
'How to find a desire to have a reasonably prestigious job (compared to the one I have now which I dare say will not last very long) when you have NONE'
'How to desire a first degree, (or a good second) when you don't feel that bothered about getting one or not'.
'How to want better pay when you have no hunger to earn more."
'How to have faith in the skills you are learning, when it all looks like pointless mental loops that always miss the mark no matter how skilled one becomes, as it is tied to thought, which is in itself very limited'.
'How to WANT to do something WELL, that can be sought out because it appeals to grandiose instincts in people' BLEH. (Unlike my current job which is not even remotely grandiose.)

This Is an exercise in patience and tolerance towards the limits of these activities, more than anything. And laziness.
Just because they are LIMITED, or SEEM limited compared to step 11 stuff, does NOT give me the excuse, to be HALF HEARTED and LACKLUSTRE about them.
I need to give a s**t, basically.
Apathy! Toward what I see as kind of pointless stuff. That isn't really pointless. People who can do this job well DO serve others in MEANINGFUL ways because they help them GET OUT OF THE S**T.
They sort out problems for people. Using intellectual bags of tricks.
So there IS a point.
So I need to learn how to do this WELL.
So that when someone REALLY NEEDS help with this, (which they WILL), that I am S**T HOT at solving it for them using this new skill!!

See? I might just be talking myself into it!
Perhaps if I become very good at it but choose to do lots of free work for disadvantaged types, instead of getting a well paid job, that might work.?
But I LIKE the well paid ones, because they tend to be REALLY NICE people. (well that's what I find) More satisfied, more mentally alert, more functioning humans overall. Difficult tasks are VERY character building, so people in more sought after jobs tend to have better life skills than those at the bottom. They function better in all sorts of ways. So that's why I like difficult things, and I LOVE!!!! Being around people who are BRILLIANT at what they do. Why? because they are going to ANY LENGTHS. And I find that BEAUTIFUL and MESMERISING to behold.
But yeah, when there is money and status involved, then it can also attract those that value those things highly. But it is my OPINION, that the REALLY good ones, go WAY beyond that. They do what they do out of LOVE of the activity, or as a meditative task of doing.

See? This is why I despair sometimes. Because I can so easily be disappointed. I find myself always drawn to the people who are REALLY ! GOOD at what they do. Which makes me think I will only be TRULY satisfied working in that environment if I am around those kinds of people.
But in order to qualify for that I will HAVE to get a FIRST and work REALLY HARD for the next nine weeks, next 3 years?
But if I'm honest, I respect ANYONE who does this stuff, because it is difficult, and therefore character building.

Aha!
Another way to trick my brain into not seeing the money, (and therefore getting put off by the grandiose, status thing) would be to IMAGINE I am a person WHO NEED NEVER WORK AGAIN, but who CHOOSES TO WORK, to BE OF SERVICE.

So work of this kind would be a sort of a climb down, really.
I would be 'lowering' the quality of my life by taking part in it.

I actually know of people who are in this position. Not personally. But they have VERY FULL lives. Kids, you name it. They have NO NEED to work. Not like you and I do anyway. But they CHOOSE to do a REALLY IMPORTANT and REALLY RATHER DIFFICULT and DEMANDING job, involving LOTS of contact with rather ORDINARY, and sometimes YUKKY people, in an UNGRANDIOSE environment, despite having experienced (what I would see as) PRIVILGED LIVES. Long hours. Demanding situations. DIFFICULT to qualify academically for.
Basically, money is NOT what it is about, for them. Nor position. Or status. Just service. Even though they are paid very well for doing what they do.

So?
See?
What's my excuse? I DON'T HAVE ONE.
See I ADMIRE people like that. So why can't I do the same?
There are LOADS of STINKY charity things I could do with my expertise if I wanted to. But ultimately ALL work is service. Whether it is performed in a grandiose environment or not.
I am just attached to being employed in a very UN grandiose environment, where ego is considered to be DEEPLY UNFASHIONABLE. (which it is really)
But I do not really fit in there.
My mind is languishing in that environment.
My only way of amusing myself while I perform repetitive tasks is to look for opportunities to be of service to others and have a laugh while I go about my work.
And even though it is not grandiose, ego IS there. Just in a different form. It does not take the form of intellectual superiority, or grandiosity, but in the form of some competitive male posturing, and trying to appear 'interesting' or funny, as opposed to dull.
Plus it is a job that cannot sustain profit with increasing overseas competition. So it will die a death at some point in the next ? 5 years. Probably. Or else be replaced with a MUCH ! lower paid version. Well probably. Like HALF what I earn now or something. Or NO job at all because it is all being done overseas. Gawd knows. It does not look promising.

So I should be making hay while the sun shines!
Basically.

See?
I need to APPRECIATE the LONG TERM VALUE of what I am learning AND THE MEANINGFUL OPPORTUNITIES TO BE OF SERVICE THAT IT CAN! AND WILL! PROVIDE.

Despite SOMETIMES being performed in an atmosphere of grandiosity, or intellectual superiority.
IF !!!! I am motivated to study hard enough to qualify, that is!!!

No excuses!
(Like in the film The Pursuit of Happyness)
I NEED what Will Smith HAD in that film!!!

Exactly!
Improving oneself and ones life is IMPORTANT. Whether I like it or not.
Because I dare say I will always be employed in some form or other, so it is in my interests to have other skills under my belt.
So!!
Anyway just thought I would share that with you as that is the stuff I am resolving in my head these days, and thinking it out loud so to speak helps me organize my thoughts.

Right. Whatever. Better get on with it instead of doing this!!!
Jeez. I KNEW that would take FOREVER to explain!
Right. off now!
See you in ? nine weeks ? Hahahaa

"Do you think honesty comes in degrees? Or is it all or nothing?"

Door at UCL, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

I saw this posed on another blog and thought it was an interesting question. Anyway, here's what I make of it.

"Do you think honesty comes in degrees? Or is it all or nothing? "

Neither. Those two alternatives are too limiting.
Holding back keeps you in a retrogressive (and very repetitive) groove, regardless of how often you are honest with the less ego puncturing things.
Secondly, its the effort and the intention that betrays the caliber of ones honesty, not the result.
Going to ANY lengths? Well that's gold plated, lustrous and beautiful.
Half measures? Looks as unattractive as it feels.
There is no need to reconfigure the 'terms and conditions' of the AA programme to fulfill a personal definition. Every word in there tells you EXACTLY what you need to know. You need no further definitions.
I am certain, that you KNOW, without a ! moments hesitation, whether you are going to 'any lengths' to tell the ego puncturing truth. Or not.
See? There's your answer.

I have a TON of half finished posts ! Too do because I am in the midst of preparing for a VERY busy academic year. I am VERY!!!! Excited!
Hopefully I will find the time to post them while I go on an shopping spree, and what have you. (Any excuse!)
I WISH I could tell you how many COOL things have 'rearranged' themselves to make my life workable. I have a pretty busy schedule at the best of times, but I need to get quite ! creative when I put some MORE stuff on my plate.
Suffice to say. God is !!! good! Hahaa.
Anyway. That's another post really..
Right. Gotta go.
Bear with me on the comment moderation. There is a 'Restless irritable and discontent' commenter doing the rounds. Again! No change there then!
Right the gym beckons. As does the desperately alluring Apple store..
Have a great Tueday y'all!

(Yeah and three cheers for Johno on getting in to the new course)
Kudos! See? It works!