14 years Sober. Relapse. Dead within a week.

Went to a meeting where a local guy shared that someone he knew from way back, (and had always spoken to fairly regularly), relapsed after 14 years and was dead within a week.
I didn't get the chance to find out if it's somebody I know, but I suspect it isn't, but you never know. It was a very sobering indictment of the importance of remaining vigilant / fit spiritual condition, and continuing to be willing to go to any lengths in order to face up to one's weaknesses and destructive habitual tendencies on a daily basis. It was very sad.
Another lady in the meeting discovered she had a serious cancer diagnosis in the previous week, which brings up to 3 the number of people who I have recently run into, who are undergoing tests of some sort for various cancer scares.
Nobody said life ever stopped happening when you get sober. It absolutely doesn't. None of us know what is round the corner.

I was very moved by the opportunity to be in the presence of people with real problems, and it felt precious having the opportunity to sit in a room with people who feel they have the permission to talk about these things freely, and share their burden.
I feel sorry for people who say they don't want to go to AA meetings anymore. I love going to them, and I love the opportunities for service that they provide. Each meeting shows me something about myself and about my attitudes to my fellow man, and allows me to stop and consider how I am responding to people places and things, and that insight is invaluable. I love being part of the tide of humanity.
It doesn't matter how long I've been around. I'm always touched and moved by being part of a group of alcoholics doing their lousy best to get well.

“Those who do not recover” p58, “fit spiritual condition” p85 and “spiritual status” p101

Please bear with me while I roll out a few quotes before I get to the jist of this post ☺

“Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.” (p58, AA Big Book)

“If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing.” (p70, AA Big Book)

“And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.” (p85, AA Big Book)

We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. (p101, AA Big Book)

if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. (p15, AA Big Book)
Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. (p20, AA Big Book)
Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. (p97, AA Big Book)

Whew! Sorry for all those quotes, but I need them all to make this point unfortunately.. Thanks for bearing with me ☺ Here we go..

Please (!!!!!!) do not confuse ‘not drinking’, or being ‘dry’, with (what the big book calls) being ‘recovered’ (p xxiii, xv, xvii, 133, 132, 113, 90) or being in ‘fit spiritual condition’. (p85, AA Big Book)

Instead of asking yourself, “How long has that person been sober?”, ask yourself “What might that person’s spiritual status be?” or “Does that person look like they might be in fit spiritual condition” or “Does that person look, speak, or act, or describe their perceptions of life, like a person who has 'recovered'?”

All I know is that there are many very mentally unwell people in AA, and in my opinion it is foolish to equate length of sobriety with competence. If people are uptight, disparaging, grumpy, lifeless, dour, bitchy, intolerant, complaining, somber, humourless, irritable, restless control freaks, then I am not particularly impressed by what they have, no matter how long they are around.
It’s not really how long sober you are that matters, what matters is whether it looks as though you have ‘recovered’. I say ‘looks’ because unless you are a mind reader, you are required to refer to the experience of other people in AA in order to make use of the program, and in order to do that, you are required to identify people in AA who are examples of what the programme can achieve when used to good effect. Because you and I are incapable of reading minds we have to make estimates as to who is making good use of the programme, in order to obtain the help we need when seeking reliable advice and feedback about how to get well and stay well.

This is in regards to seeking reliable guidance and direction. This is not the same as learning from others. I can learn something from !!!! everybody, even if all I learn from them is patience because they are exasperating, or gratitude, because they are about to die of liver failure due to repeated relapses, or are serving a murder sentence for losing control in a blackout.

No. What I’m talking about here is seeking reliable direction and feedback about how to live well by applying the programme of recovery. For me I will obtain that from only the people who have ‘got what I want’. And in order to figure out who ??? those people are, I pay attention to their capacity to remain in ‘fit spiritual condition’ as described in the big book on page 85.

As the first 9 steps represent the recovery and steps 10, 11 and 12 represent the maintenance of recovery, this is where I have interpreted the point of recovery to be. (I am only passing on what old timers passed on to me regarding their interpretation of recovery btw). Also make note, I refer to what I am describing as an interpretation. Some people draw the conclusion that anyone who makes use of certain definitions must automatically have fixed views, (much like the fixed view that AA’s who rely on certain definitions are people who have fixed views. ☺), but that’s neither here nor there, I just mention that as this is a view I have observed many times in AA.

What the big book refers to as ‘recovered’ has a specific ‘look’ in the basic text. A description of how someone can look after completing the first nine steps is vividly illustrated in the chapter a promise to you on page 85 next to the explicit reference to being in fit spiritual condition.
Instead of getting hung up on the terms, as some people do, why not use this benchmark of ‘wellness’ in the basic text as a way of identifying those in the programme who are WELL (recovered, whatever you choose to call it) as opposed to DRY. Disregard the length of time sober. There are many dishonest people in AA and always have been, so when attempting to identify who might be in fit spiritual condition, for the purposes of seeking needed advice, use your common sense and do NOT assume that because someone is DRY that they are somehow ??? not at grave risk of drinking, killing themselves, killing other people, committing sex offences, or going insane. All these things ARE possible for those that ‘do not recover’ from the crippling illness of alcoholism. There are only TWO ways this disease can end up if untreated, insanity or death.
“The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.” (p30, AA Big Book)
Untreated alcoholism is not a pretty sight. In my opinion anyway.

Plus we occasionally have members who have very !!!! serious and dangerous mental illnesses, have had lobotomies, and all sorts. I have met just about every kind in AA meetings :) Yes including one who has had a lobotomy.. I have been lucky enough to witness first hand some very !!! mentally unwell people get well and lead positive and fulfilling lives, IF they completely give themselves to this simple program, so i know that the following quote is not wishful thinking.
There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.” (p58, AA Big Book)

Btw, People who have long periods of sobriety AND at the same time manage to stay in fairly fit spiritual condition DO manage to acquire skills and abilities over time which cannot be acquired in a short span of time, but because people are so different, and rates of improvement vary so wildly, again this cannot be relied upon as a hard and fast guide. So ultimately common sense must prevail when trying to figure these things out.

So yeah, just thought I would mention that, for what its worth as it was on my mind lately. If any of that makes sense to you, great, if not, that’s fine too as it is a very long time since I deluded myself into thinking all members of AA might agree with me all the time. They don’t. ☺ And I believe wholeheartedly that this is as normal in AA, as it is in every other walk of life. There is no need for me to make it into a problem. Choice of terminology is not an issue for me as I look for similarities not differences, which means that I identify with pretty much everybody, which might sound confusing, but in practice is anything but.
Whatever. I’m just digressing now. Too long as usual. ☺ I have lots of !! difficult things to do so I’d better get on with them ☺
Have a fabulous Thursday, and I hope life is treating you well.

Big Book Search Engine

Untreated Alcoholism: 'Stinking thinking". The STEPS are the answer. NOT Self Knowledge, or Will Power.

Inside All Saints Margaret Street Church London, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

"Stinking Thinking leads to Drinking"

This is for those of you who are new, and have not yet got a Sponsor, and started working through the Steps, as laid out in the Basic Text of AA. (The Big Book)
I remember I had to hear AA members repeat this SO !! MANY TIMES before I really HEARD it. That's why I'm spelling it out here. !

Lets say you have reached a point after starting coming to meetings where you are just beginning to see that instead of being a 'nice person'. Or a 'victim of circumstance', that actually, you have a little more 'stinking thinking' than you first realized. (!!!)
That actually you are a bit ! selfish.
That actually you have about as much gratitude as a gnats chuff.
That actually people annoy you quite a LOT.
That the general conversation, 'washing machine' thoughts that rumble around in your head, ARENT ACTUALLY THAT !!!! POSITIVE.

Well at this point it is tempting to think, that what AA offers is something 'educational' or 'self aware'. A bit like therapy perhaps. This is not so. Not entirely anyway. Self knowledge plays a PART, but not a very BIG part. The 'meat and potatoes' is in the STEPS. Well that's what I've found anyway.
Right. So regarding those negativities or mental 'defects' that you have started to spot..
"Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power."
p62

"We found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn´t there. Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly."
p45

"the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly any exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge. This is a point we wish to emphasize and re-emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience."
p39

And regarding any thoughts about drinking you may be experiencing..
"Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense MUST come from a Higher Power."
p43

"No human power could have relieved our alcoholism." (Doesn't say, "except for Mary, Joan, or Bridget')
p60

So if the problem isn't ''selfishness' (or any other 'stinking thinking" ) as such. What IS the problem?
"Lack of power, that was our dilemma. we had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power?
Well, that´s exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem."
p45

So how exactly am I supposed to " find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem."?
"Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery"
p59
"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps"
p60

So. There's your answer.
The STEPS will restore you to sanity.
Which will enable you to have a mental defence against alcohol. See page 84.

(After step 9) regarding alcohol:
"We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. WE react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid."
p84

And will provide you with the 'needed power" to do many things which until now have been beyond reach. Such as to act in keeping with the " moral and philosophical convictions galore" which you have, but are unable to live up to. Eg selfishness etc.

But to do the steps, you will need a sponsor. The more contented the better, the more peace of mind the better. Find the best available woman in your neighborhood and ask her to take you through the first nine steps. After that its just maintenance.
But most importantly,
"the (drink) problem has been removed. It does not exist for us."
p84

Which is why we all showed up in AA in the first place, lets face it!

So happy hunting! And I hope you find a good un!

Australia: Alcoholism accounts for a quarter of deaths in the Northern Territory

From an article in the Guardian on Thursday June 21, 2007.Click here to see the whole article:

Alcohol kills an Aborigine every 38 hours and accounts for a quarter of deaths in the Northern Territory.

"There is a strong association between alcohol abuse, violence and sexual abuse of children."

They are consistently the nation's most disadvantaged group, with far higher rates of unemployment, alcohol and drug abuse, and domestic violence.

The child abuse report, Little Children Are Sacred, released last week, found drinking was a key contributor to the collapse of Aboriginal culture and neglect of children, and created opportunities for paedophiles.

From another article in the Guardian on Thursday June 21, 2007. Click here to see the whole article:

"It is absolutely clear that unless we take on and overcome the abuse of alcohol and the harm it causes the Aboriginal people, then the Aboriginal people and their cultures are likely to disappear within a generation or so," the inquiry found.

The authors visited 45 Aboriginal communities and found crime had been cut by 70% in areas where pubs had been shut.

"The inquiry believes that extreme alcohol abuse has become normal in the Northern Territory and the devastating effects on children are rapidly increasing.

'Reading the Riot Act': A Step One confrontation technique I use occasionally

Step one is by FAR the most exhausting. For MANY reasons. But invariably, there comes a point of utter exasperation, where I reach my ABSOLUTE LIMITS of patience and tolerance. Normally I will just let it ride. But if I have SERIOUS concerns about the persons imminent (1-3 month) risk of relapse, or I am simply 'not getting through', I will adopt more 'dramatic' verbal approach. Which also happens to be VERY exhausting, for myself.

Its one of my least favorite tactics, as I find it REALLY tiring and mentally draining. But I have found that it seems to 'work' pretty much every time I use it, so I reluctantly implement it when no other method appears to be working. Also when my patience runs out!

What it feels like for me is like I am taming a wild horse or something, or wrestling with an alligator, or trying to catch a greasy pig.
It feels like a 'fight' of some sort. A battle of wills.
It is my belief that I am wrestling their ego to the ground in these verbally and mentally EXHAUSTING and very confrontational exchanges. Actually its not really THEIR ego, it is the ALCOHOLIC ego RUN RIOT that I am addressing, as opposed to THEM personally. I will not stop until I 'win'. And I do not care what I have to say or how I have to say it to 'win'. I often throw their previous behavior in their face, or aspects of their past that they are in denial about. Its pretty dramatic. Afterwards, Sponsees tell me I have been 'brutally honest', but that they REALLY appreciated it, and NEEDED to hear it. But don't get me wrong. Nobody ever WANTS to hear this stuff. I actually find it a bit scary saying it all. Although you wouldn't know that if you heard me in mid-stream! But that's probably because I hate confrontation. I can do it, but I do not like it.

I call it 'Reading the Riot Act'.
Its VERY draining! Its pretty intense and emphatic, A 'no holds barred' full on 'thing' where I tell them (whether they like it or not) what they are doing WRONG. And usually how pissed off I am at trying to deal with it. Its a bit like being a 'hairdryer'. Its weird. Its a technique I have only really used for ? 3-4 years. I am amazed at how well it seems to work when all else fails. Basically its a very FULL ON thing where I take their inventory, and tell them in VERY unflattering and blatant terms where they are horribly wrong. Its VERY ego puncturing. But that's step 1. There is always a very unique kind of silence at the end stage of the exchange. It feels very different than normal silences. Better. Its a good silence. It tells me I am getting through. It reminds me of the 'silent' response of tom cruise in the vanilla sky clip I have posted on my side bar JUST after the guy in the lift tells Tom Cruise that 'It was Sofia who never fully recovered'. Anyway I feel step one is kind of 'on the way' when this point arises. You need to allow the dust to settle and the effect of the words to sink in. but usually you see a much more 'humbled', quieted, person after such an encounter. Provided they were a bit 'gobby' or 'mouthy' beforehand.

Anyway, I had to one of these the other night, and I am STILL mentally burnt out from it. My head literally ? Feels 'burnt out'.
Anyway it seemed to work and I like to think that they have enough information now about where they are going wrong to avoid getting themselves in the same mess they were in when I spoke to them last. I don't like to make any assumptions. And I CERTAINLY do not want them to think that they are in any way safe UNTILL they start implementing some new behaviors, as the LAST thing people need when they are getting it horribly wrong is to be lulled into a false sense of security. But you never know. Perhaps this is the last time I will have to repeat myself so empathically and at such length. I hope so!

Disclaimer: I meet a TON of women who are DOORMATS and go through life being BULLIED and just take that for granted. Also I have seen more than my fair share of browbeating, heavy handed and mean spirited sponsorship, so if you have experienced or are experiencing this type of sponsorship, do NOT see this post as an endorsement of that kind of sponsorship. It is NOT. It took AGES for me to develop the confidence and efficiency to develop this technique. Plus it simply DOES NOT WORK if the person doing it is even in the SLIGHTEST way RESENTFUL or BITTER.
The technical term for the difference in approach is 'clean anger' and 'dirty anger'.

Whatever. Just thought I would share that. I might add, I have not come across another sponsor who uses a similar technique, but I AM hoping that my Sponsees might learn how to do it themselves at some point, as I have found it to be REALLY effective at 'taming' newcomers. If you get step one right, the rest is downhill. Well pretty much anyway. And learning how to 'tame' rebellious Sponsees means that you are able to help a much wider range of personality types, and often more damaged people. Which can only be a good thing.

I do not need to 'be reminded' of the effects of alcoholism in order to want sobriety

"We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, THE PROBLEM HAS BEEN REMOVED. IT DOES NOT EXIST FOR US. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in FIT SPIRITUAL CONDITION."
p85 Big book.

When people in AA meetings nod sagely when a relapser (upon returning to meetings), 'meaningfully' reports how much worse it got whilst they were out, I wonder to myself, "Jeez, when was the last time these people bothered to speak to a newcomer???' ..they should know this stuff like the back of their hand!! They shouldn't need a relapser to come to meetings to 'report back'. (!!)

I suppose I am forced !! to observe the consequences of active alcoholism when I help people through the steps and help newcomers, so I am made aware of stuff like this whether I like it or not. Just never find myself 'forgetting it', or 'needing to be reminded' like I often hear people say in meetings.

I often hear this bandied about in meetings, as a popular idea about an important aid to stay sober. Along the lines of 'this is why I come to meetings," or "I needed to be reminded of how awful drinking is'. Or 'that helped me stay sober'. To me this way of staying sober bears little resemblance to the protection from relapse described on page 84 and 85 of the big book, so it has no relevance to my own sobriety, or my Sponsees, or my old home group for that matter. Basically I do not relate to it at all.

Its like that thing 'who ever heard of a hay fever sufferer with a compulsion to sniff flowers?' to me anyway, what these people are describing is a very weak mental defence, if it needs to be reinforced in this way. It means they clearly do not already feel " as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected." (p85)

Whatever. Its NONE OF MY BUSINESS how others conduct their own recovery, but that does irritate me somewhat. Its a grave misunderstanding of what AA proposes as a way of obtaining a mental defence. Its a LONG way from the 'fit spiritual condition' described in page 85. To my mind anyway.

Yes I KNOW this is a 'popular belief' in AA but I'm aware of that, and that's the main reason I'm drawing attention to (what I see) as inconsistencies between the reasoning inherent in those statements and the mental defence as described in the basic text. Also it bears little resemblance to my experience, but then, so does EVERYTHING I post as one of my polices is that what I share here is based on various 'case histories', including my own.

The PROGRESSIVE nature of the illness. The thumbscrews tighten!

"We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better."
p30 Big book.

NB: Notice is doesn't just say, 'but only when we are drinking'. This applies equally to people who are drinking and to people that are doing a 'dry drunk', or who are suffering from what I call 'untreated alcoholism'.

The thumbscrews tighten! Its as if the higher powers saying "will THIS make you wiling to go to any lengths?" No?..How about THIS? Ready yet?

In the big book it tells us our only two options if we do not treat this thing, are to go mad or die. I understand the 'mental and emotional rock bottom' very well as that's what I felt like at the beginning. Not nice! Why do think I do as AA tells me? Not because I am some sort of goody two shoes. I am backing away from the hell my mind can create without the programme. NO other reason.
Perhaps you have the 'gift of desperation'. If you do, you are VERY lucky. It makes recovery more palatable.

I remember thinking that wanting to die was a bit dodgy! To say the least!! This disease REALLY squirrels around in our brain if we don't practice this programme. Before we know it we are plain crazy.
Ah well. The good news is that it is all VERY treatable, but that in order for the medicine to work, we have to be willing to go to ANY LENGTHS to get well. That means doing stuff we REALLY don't want to do from time to time. The 'half measures' approach doesn't work.

The bottom line is 'keep coming back.'
WE ARE SICK PEOPLE GETTING WELL, NOT BAD PEOPLE GETTING GOOD.
If you are feeling dodgy, keep coming back.This WILL pass, funny enough.
Remember, its a cinch an inch but its hard by the yard.

Pray for the Bastard!: A 'stand-in' cure for Resentment before you complete the 4th and 5th step.

"If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even whey you don't really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead an do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks, and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love."
Freedom from Bondage, Page 552, Alcoholics Anonymous.

(Thank you Zane at Zanejabbers(who is actually a rather lovely human being) for reminding me of where this passage is. I completely forgot!)

When people are new and do not have the skills in identifying resentment that come after (competently!) completing steps 4 and 5, this is what I tell them to do with resentment. It's the NUMBER ONE offender" so it's VERY important to find a way of managing it prior the the insight we have after step 5.

My favorite old timer used to say it (Pray for the Bastard!) ALL the time.
I did it when I was new.
It worked for me.
I know LOADS of other people who did it and it worked for them too.
So, basically, it works.

Trust me, you NEED this skill prior to completion of step 5. If you do not learn this skill there is a STRONG chance you will get hijacked by resentment, and you are in GRAVE danger of drinking if you have not been 'restored to sanity as a result of having a spiritual awakening having completed the first nine steps.'
So this is VERY necessary.

Why?
Resentment is probably the greatest threat to sobriety. And the only real way to get on top of it is by the process of examining our resentments in step 4, and staying out of harms way till we know better in the meantime.

"But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.
If we were to live, we HAD to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison."
p66 BB

And this is why arguments (or ANYTHING that inflames resentment) puts you in an EXTREMELY vulnerable position. Anger just doesn't work for us. We can't just follow it like we used to. Even when we are 'right'. And especially ! when we are new because that's when we have the LEAST defense against the first drink.

This ' Pray for the Bastard!' thing is actually rather a lovely process. I LOVE hearing the stories people tell about what happened after they did it. Really !! Cool stuff happens sometimes. It seems to have a very miraculous effect.

The REALLY cool part of the proceess, is asking yourself IN ALL HONESTY. "What do I want?"
Really. What do I LONG for?
What would I love more than ANYTHING ELSE?"

See untill you answer that question HONESTLY, you have NO CLUE what to ask for the other person.
You have to identify your HEARTFELT DESIRE
Your INNOCENT HOPE
You need to identify the thing you CRAVE
No bullshit. The truth.

THAT'S the cool part.

And when you know what that thing is?
Well. You ask for the OTHER person, to have that thing.

Wow. I LOVE this practice. Its EXTREMELY powerful.
The more HONEST you are about what you TRULY want, the BETTER this thing works.
Yes. Of COURSE it involves going to ANY LENGTHS. But whats new? That's the 'AA deal'. This is NOT a half measures thing. Just do your lousy best. I start off saying it through gritted teeth, (Heheh) but it gets easier.
But just trust me. You will LOVE this one, in hindsight. Its an AMAZING practtice. We are SO lucky to have this gem in our toolbox. It REALLY moves things around in the universe.
Right I'm off. Have fun with that one!

Its not the 'craving' that makes you drink. Its the presence or absence of a 'mental defense' that is CRITICAL to staying sober

"Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, AT CERTAIN TIMES, *(ie not ALL the time) to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink."
Page 24 Big Book.

"Once more: The alcoholic AT CERTAIN TIMES *(ie not ALL the time) has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few cases, neither he NOR ANY OTHER HUMAN BEING can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power."
Page 42 Big Book.
*My insert!

The problem is not the craving as such. The problem is whether your 'mental defense' is shot! Good old Dr Bob suffered from cravings for TWO AND A HALF YEARS!! But, most importantly, he said "at no time have I been anywhere near yielding." See?
So what I'm saying is, don't concern yourself with the cravings, they indicate very little. It helps a LOT If you do Not skip meals or let yourself get thirsty. And stretching yourself to the point of exhaustion is NOT allowed!! Basic HALT really..
Eating something sweet, or a sweet drink can make cravings disappear. All this stuff is in living sober by the way.

There's a Big difference between a craving and a compulsion. If you have a craving but your 'mental defense' stays intact, then all is well!

The problem is when the mental defense is like Swiss cheese! And a momentary (amnesia induced) lapse in recall, leads us to believe we can put our hand on the (metaphorical) hot stove. Well THAT'S when we have a problem! Its all covered in the first three chapters in detail.

"There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove."
Page 24 Big Book.

The 'compulsion' is relieved if we adhere to the suggested actions. Higher power, talking to alcoholics, meetings, service. Its a basic drill. Nothing weird.
So you are in good company with the cravings!

From "Dr. Bobs NightMare"
"I spend a great deal of time passing on what I learned to others who want and need it badly. I do it for four reasons:
1 Sense of duty.
2 It is a pleasure.
3 Because in so doing I am paying my debt to the man who took time to pass it on to me.
4 Because every time I do it I take out a little more insurance for myself against a possible slip.
Unlike most of our crowd, I did not get over my craving for liquor much during the first two and one-half years of abstinence. It was almost always with me. But at no time have I been anywhere near yielding. "

Why stay away from wet places when you are new?

When in doubt, don't.
"If you hang around a barbershop long enough, eventually you'll get a haircut."

It's just not worth it while those 'strange mental blank spots' are in danger of appearing when you LEAST expect them. While you are STILL at risk of selective amnesia at unpredictable intervals, best to stay AWAY from wet places.
Once your 'mental defense' is restored, (due to a 'spiritual experience as a result of doing the steps'), you can go wherever you dam well please! But for the time being its too much of a risk.

The Gift of Desperation, E.E., Sharing for the Newcomer, and Wise as Serpents

Yeh, sometimes they call it 'The Gift of Desperation'.
It IS a gift. Trust me! I was lucky. I had it.

I had tried EVERYTHING ELSE. And it DIDN'T WORK.
Ii always say. "I was a member of EE before I was a member of AA, 'Everything Else'. Yeah. NOTHING !!!! worked.

Not therapy.
Not self help books.
Not all the self knowledge I got from all those self help books.
Not success at work.
Not friends at work.
Not al anon. **(see bottom of post)
Not having a higher power in al anon
Not working the 'hazeltwig' steps in al anon. (Sorry all you 'hazeltwig' fans out there!) It just didn't work for ME, ok? :)
Not going to al anon meeting every day
not helping people in al anon.
Not kindnesses and concern from people in al anon
Not having fellowship in al anon
Not 'just not drinking'.
Not 'trying to be a better person'.
Not throwing myself into work to take my mind off it.
Not stopping eating sugar.
Not crying hoping the tears would eventually run out.
Not staying in bed thinking I needed some rest.
Not time off.

Diddly squat. Nothing.
I was back at square one.

I fell apart anyway.

I was losing my mind. PROPERLY losing my mind. In a really NOT FUNNY way. In a scary 'One flew over the cuckoos nest' way. And it was getting WORSE.

So I KNEW when I got to AA, that there was a bit more !! to the steps than meets the eye.
I did NOT plan on repeating my errors in al anon.
It was like 'close but no cigar'. (But that's another post)

I was missing ! something. I KNEW it. There was something I had just !!! missed. Not noticed. I needed to look a LITTLE BIT HARDER, and be a LITTLE BIT SHREWDER in my approach. I needed to REALLY study the way different people were trying to get well.
I figured if I got it wrong a SECOND time. That would be IT. There was very little 'battery power' left. In retrospect I think that was a pretty accurate assessment. I KNEW I had to GET IT RIGHT this time.

That's why Jesus said to the disciples,
"Be as gentle as doves, BUT AS WISE AS SERPENTS"
Well, without realizing it at the time, THAT"S what I was doing. I STILL do it. I pay CLOSE attention to things. Well I try to anyway.

I looked at who was just talking for the sake of looking good, and who was actually speaking to ME when they shared. The (metaphorically) BATTERED and BLEEDING, raw newcomer.

'Luck' played a part in me finding my home group, but It was actually really easy to 'see'. My heart 'felt' the language spoken instantly. It soothed my emotional lacerations. It was like balm. It made me feel safe.

One person just REALLY stood out in that respect. I followed my nose. Yeah I checked him out too. He checked out fine. I wanted what he had, so I found out how he did the steps, and then I persuaded a female sponsor in the 'chain' of his Sponsees to take me through the steps.
I've been following my 'nose' ever since. I can just tell when people give a damm or not. Hey a lot of people are just too busy. Or ambivalent. Whatever. But I have always been drawn to those people who have an indefinable ?? something that tells me they care whether I live or die. It helps if in addition to that, they KNOW THEIR SUBJECT.
I confess, I get !!! Pretty irritated when people have a contradictory or muddled view of ANY doctrine. I LOVE clarity. Immediate simple answers. No 'fluff'. Like the big book says:

"The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight." Doctors opinion. PXXVI
Meaning NOT 'fluff'. Yeah I have a pretty low tolerance for what I call 'fluff'. I admit it. Heeheh

When I did what those people suggested, my burden became just SLIGHTLY lighter. That's how I KNEW these people weren't full of s**t. I tested their doctrine. And it worked. For the first time in my WHOLE GOD DAMMED LIFE, something WORKED. So that was it. I was sold. I remember how SHOCKED I was that something could actually lessen my pain. It was an AMAZING revelation. Blew me away.

**(by the way I LOVE al anon, don't get me wrong. Its just I needed to be in AA, NOT al anon, and that's why it wasn't working. If I have time, I try to get to an al anon meeting now. They're cool.)

Yeh I know I might sound like a judgmental B***H sometimes, Because I have a very DEFINITE ! way of expressing myself sometimes!, but you'll just have to take my word for it, (if that's what you're thinking) that actually you couldn't be further from the truth. I have the LOWEST of tolerances for what is known as 'taking a position', (which is basically the OPPOSITE of being OPEN MINDED), but I will have to explain that in ANOTHER POST. That's a WHOLE other doctrine!
Jeez so much stuff!

Right I'm OFF! See y'all.

SELF OBSESSED: Constant thought of SELF? Or constant thought of OTHERS?

I have yet to meet someone who is very preoccupied with themselves who is radiant or at peace. Or who 'has what I want', basically. I know how easy it is to confuse the (very necessary) self examination that is a VITAL component of the steps, with simply being preoccupied with oneself. Its a sophisticated and elegant balancing act to get it right. Anyway, that's why I've posted this.
The 'measuring stick' of how to get the right balance (with ALL things not just this issue) is the principle of 'Neither repression nor Indulgence"

See old post called Balanced Between Repression & Indulgence

Again, like most things in relation to alcoholism, the MOST powerful spiritual 'medicine' is helping others. As the big book quotes pretty much repeat below. If you want relief from ANY symptom, 'give it away to keep it'.
Anyway, here's the relevant big book quotes:

"OUR VERY LIVES, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our CONSTANT thought of others (as opposed to CONSTANT thought of OURSELVES!!!!) and how we may help meet their needs". **
P20

"If an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and SELF-SACRIFICE FOR OTHERS, ** he could NOT survive the CERTAIN trials and low spots ahead".
P14

"When ALL other measure failed, work with another alcoholic WOULD save the day. **
P15

"Practical experience shows that NOTHING will so much insure immunity from drinking as INTENSIVE (as opposed to half-hearted, habitual rhetoric) work with other alcoholics".**
P89

"A kindly act once in a while ISN'T ENOUGH. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be". **
P97

"Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now".**
P124

"the dark past is the greatest possession you have**-the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them."
Ps124

"The spiritual life is NOT a theory. We HAVE to LIVE it." **
P83

** means insert: (..As opposed to 'professional' feedback, attention, sympathy, 'friendly' advice, 'external validation', positive 'strokes', people telling us what we want to hear, people agreeing with us, people telling us we are right, compliments, ego massaging comments, expecting others to take care of us, simply showing up at meetings, fellowship alone, etc etc..)

If 'your way' doesn't appear to be working very well. Why not try doing what the first hundred members did instead?

You have two choices.
You can either practice 'Constant thought of YOURSELF."
OR
'Constant thought of OTHERS".
What's it to be?
Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired Yet?
I'm afraid half measures REALLY do achieve ABSOLUTELY !!!! NOTHING. The first hundred members WERE NOT KIDDING when they wrote that. Funny enough.

Quality NOT Quantity! Good intentions AND length of sobriety ALONE are NOT enough

Good intentions AND length of sobriety ALONE are NOT enough.
They are better than NOTHING but they do NOT remove (or diminish) th e short OR long term risk of untreated alcoholism getting the better of the suffering alcoholic (Sponsee) in question.

'We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough'. p82
'My friend was much more than inwardly reorganized. He was on different footing. His roots grasped a new soil.' p12
'Cessation of drinking is but the first step away from a highly strained, abnormal condition.' p122

This is why I always say Quality NOT quantity. I have met LOTS of long time AA's whose sobriety I DO NOT WANT. At ALL!

I've also seen VERY promising new people that I KNOW will have GREAT recovery in 10 years time provided they sustain the effort and thoroughness they are applying from the start.

I think it's REALLY difficult to tell unless you get to know a bit about them. Put it this way, I do NOT make 'favorable assumptions' about people based SOLELY on length of time sober. Just like I TRY (not often very successfully!!) not to make UNfavorable assumptions about people who are new around. I get it wrong ALL the time. All I know is that I DON"T know.

Another benefit of being sober a longer time is that its VERY hard to be idealistic or put ANYONE on a pedestal. I know too much about the terrible weakness we ALL have!!
I am DEEPLY Unimpressed by length of time ALONE. I look for completely different things.

Having said that, yes, THOSE WHO USE THEIR TIME IN AA TO GOOD EFFECT, ARE able to enjoy rewards of peace of mind that others, who by virtue of luck or choice, have Not made such 'skilful' use of heir time in AA. So time CAN be an advantage, BUT IT IS NOT AUTOMATICALLY AN ADVANTAGE.
Just like LACK of time CAN be an DISadvantage, BUT IT IS NOT AUTOMATICALLY A disADVANTAGE.

I really do think length of time ALONE means VERY LITTLE. There's a LOT more to it than that. In my opinion.

If you look in more 'structured' (as opposed to 'arbitrary') style AA meetings, generally you will find more accountable AA members.

I have to say, I am mostly VERY disappointed with what I hear about the general quality of sponsorship out there, even though a LOT of it is well meaning. Good intentions aren't enough unfortunately!

ISOLATION creates 'Car Crash TV Mind': Default leaning towards Morbid preoccupation, Despair, Bleakness, Pessimism and general Negativity

The Fast Show. 'Black' sketch. or those of you that didnt see the fast show series, this poor guy 'goes off on one' EVERY week, after the work 'black' comes into the conversation..

Heres another one. They all end up pretty much the same way!

I LOVE this comedy, but I also find it a useful tool for describing the way the alcoholic mind CAN operate WHEN LEFT TO IT'S OWN DEVICES. When I meet AA's who are being TERRIBLY morbid and GRIM, in my mind's eye, they remind me of the character in this sketch. We ALL have this to some degree, it's HOW WE HANDLE THIS TENDENCY THAT COUNTS. If you KNOW about it, and can see it from a mile off, you can nip it in the bud before it 'takes over'. This sketch show character helps me see the tendency more clearly, giving me more awareness, and therefore strengthening my position, in the battle with all these weird parts of the mind!
Some poor sods in AA are really LIVING this character though. There is quite a lot ! of negativity in AA! Thankfully I try to stick with positive people when I am not doing service.

LEFT TO OUR OWN DEVICES... We end up like the list below!
We do this mainly by ISOLATION in some form. Either lack of social contact, or not HUMBLING ONESELF on a REGULAR basis by CONFIDING in one's fellow man for life's INEVITABLE problems of one sort or another. (In a CONSIDERATE fashion of course! The aim is NOT to bore them to death!)
Or you can 'isolate in a crowd', meaning you have contact with people but you are not being HONEST with other human beings who could help you. Problems build up, or just SEEM to become overwhelming and BIG DEAL.
I'm always AMAZED at how even SMALL 'trivial' social contact (if approached from the point of view of service) COMPLETEY alters my mindset if I am becoming negatively preoccupied. Such a SMALL price (of time and effort) for such a BIG return!
You do NOT need to practice these things in an AA context. I have learned how to do ALL of the above, OUTSIDE AA. This means I can practice my programme wherever I go. Which is useful, if I am busy.

Unless we 'artificially' prompt our minds into POSITIVITY, using either meetings, newcomers, service, 'constant thought of others', contact with step 11 people, ON A REGULAR BASIS
Our minds default to..

Doom and gloom
Pessimism
Bleakness

Tortured
Wagnerian angst
Three act tosca
Morbid preoccupation

Morbidity
Morbid preoccupation

Big GAY Drama Queen. (Get out the big feather Boa and strike a 'tortured' pose!)
BIG Deal

Overwhelmed
Despair
Out of balance. Tipping toward INDULGENCE
Staring into space
Paralyzed by 'overwhelm'. Grind to halt.
Dwelling on 'the problem'

I call this 'Car crash TV mind'.

There is a sort of 'gravitational pull' towards NEGATIVITY, if the mind does not get actively 'trained' towards solution-based problem solving (by using meetings, service, reading or listening to programme stuff outside meetings etc)
Basically we are social animals. We were not designed to be on our own for very long. And certainly not designed to be preoccupied with self or 'conceal ourselves' in a crowd of fellow men.
The only way life 'works' is if my motive is to make a contribution in my activities (including the mundane ones) and seeking out other human beings to be kind to and reach out to help or be helped, (risking rejection in the process.) Trying to help others is actually very vulnerable, because you risk rejection. Well that's what I find. Vulnerability makes me more 'porous' and 'connects' me to other human beings even when I don't disclose a ton of personal details. As long as I am trying to help others along the way, (in ALL my affairs, not just in aa affairs), I am never alone.

What does largely SUPRESSED Anger look like in women? 'Tightness'

I just wanted to describe this thing that I see all the time. Its what I call one of my 'earmarks' for identifying primary weaknesses in people. I NEED to make an accurate assessment of the things that are at the forefront of each Sponsees illness. They are all different. They usually fall into one of three 'neurosis'. Either Anger is the main player, Sadness, or Fear. That's it! There is other stuff that can be a roadblock, (like arrogance, or laziness, or inertia etc etc. the list is endless! But I quite like being able to identify the predominant 'color' of the emotion. I call it 'the main player'.

Anyway, I just think this one is REALLY easy to spot. Almost in an instant, so I thought I'd share it with you. There are some exceptions but I'm not going to explain that here as I don't want this to take too long!

Basically this is the way I 'see' anger in women
Clenched
Tight
Strained
Closed
There is something a little bit FEROCIOUS about them, even when they are saying NOTHING. (I know someone like this and even though she never expresses her judgment OPENLY, you FEEL her wrath!!)
Hard
Hard faced. I think you can see a LOT of tension in the face, and this is why we have the phrase 'hard faced'.
Driven. (Describing more of a tension more than a HEALTHY desire to improve oneself.)

As far as MY interpretation goes, these OUTWARD signs, are indicative of an INNER quite FEIRCE thought pattern, containing a lot of JUDEMENTAL thoughts about people, places and things.
There is also a FRUSTRATED (usually suppressed) desire to CONTROL. No wonder these people are angry!!
It saves you a LOT of bother, if you are able to spot these things from the off, as NOBODY LIKES TO BROADCAST THEIR 'emotional cripple' status. No siree!! They keep these things to themselves!!, and then you only find out about them later on when you get to spend time with them in person.

This is a useful 'trick' for guys who are looking to get involved with women. AVOID THE ONES THAT LOOK LIKE THIS. Only AFTER you get to know them, and you have to some extent 'fallen' for them, will you find out that they are actually quite angry people, and there is a biting presence of resentment burning underneath their 'controlled' exterior.

Also don't assume that this quality has ANYTHING to do with the length of time people are sober. It doesn't.
I always say to Sponsees QUALITY NOT QUANTITY. Look for hallmarks of EXCELLENCE, NOT length of time around!! The two do not always correlate. At all!!

Also I see the ABSENCE of anger in women as what I call 'SOFT'
Relaxed. Physically relaxed.
Easy going
Open
Gentle
No 'tightness'

Tightness is just another word for uptight, but I thought I'd elaborate on this 'identifying characteristic so that you can see it as clearly as I do.

Don't think I resent these people. Often they can have other very redeeming qualities, but I confess, that apart from Sponsees, I choose not to spend time with these types of women in the main, unless I HAVE to.
There you go!! Sorry if any of you ladies reading this see yourselves in this description!! If it's any consolation I have seen obedient Sponsees with very embittered mindsets REALLY 'soften' over time with a bit of work. And I myself! Have this tendency, but I like to think that my awareness of it has reduced it to a 'puppy'. It rears its ugly head from time to time, but I do NOT allow it free expression!

Don't get me wrong. ALL women have anger in some form. The very BEST of us can, and DO have our 'moments' when the best we can do is go off and count to 10!

But I'm talking about something else here. The women who display THESE CHARACTERISTICS mentioned above are TROUBLE, insofar as their anger will cause you pain and problems should you choose to be their friend or business partner. There will be RANCOUR, HARSHNESS, BITTERNESS, BLAME, JUDGEMENT, SUPERIORITY, SARCASM, ATTACKING COMMENTS AND DIGS, LOOKING DOWN THEIR NOSE AT YOU, LASHING OUT, CRUEL WORDS, INABILITY TO TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILTY.
You will become the 'BAD GUY'. The SCAPEGOAT for their PAINFUL REACTION TO LIFE.
These are all examples of 'acted out' anger. There may also be PHYSICAL ATTACK with these women. Could be fairly inadequate as women are in the main much weaker than men, but they may resort to some sort of attempted physical assault. If you are a guy or family member.
These people have NO IDEA that happiness IS AN INSIDE JOB.
So stay away!! Sponsor them, but not much more..

There is another LESS SUPRESSED version of female anger, the 'Jade Goody' model I shall call it!! This is the ZERO SUPRESSION, ZERO IMPULSE CONTROLLED model, and is much more common amongst LESS EDUCATED or socialized people.
I would normally associate this with a MALE model of anger, but it is beming increasingly more common amongst women. But that's another post!

Oh well. Never mind eh? Hope this helps somebody out there!

I just never worry about relapse, or find myself thinking about drinking. (Obedient!) Sponsees are the same..

I have gone for long periods without meetings (after step 9) but I have never found myself worrying about drinking, or finding drinking attractive. I'm not an advocate of dependency on anything, including meetings, but I am aware that for a lot of people in AA, meetings are the places where they 'work their programme' in the form of fellowship. self revealing honesty, asking for help and helping others. If meetings are the ONLY places you practice those things, (!!) then you really ARE stuck without meetings! All I know is if I am practicing CONSTANT THOUGHT OF OTHERS, life is very easy. So many people still have what is called in the big book an 'alcoholic mind' despite attending meetings, and are effectively accidents waiting to happen.

I have found I can often spot the ones that will relapse ahead of time. So much so, that (if they ask me about their recovery) I tell them that I expect them to relapse at some point. Even down to the year! or month, depending. I told someone that quite recently actually. What I'm saying is that I do not find it mysterious when people relapse.

I'm VERY lucky because I stumbled across a method of doing the steps which seems to eliminate any risk of relapse. I know 100's of people who have done it the same way as I did it, and they just NEVER relapse. But that's why I chose to do it the way I did. It might sound trite and arrogant, but until I see just ONE person drink who has done it the way I was shown, I think it would be wrong to imply that there is a risk of drinking by doing it that way.

In fact that's one of the main reasons I've left bits of it online, as I think I was SO lucky to have learnt recovery the way I did. I'm sure there are MANY other GREAT ways of working the programme, but I simply haven't NEEDED to research the success of OTHER step methods as the one I've used up to now seems to work very well. I'm not alone in this, as my old home group contemporaries often express a very similar gratitude when we run into one another, as the longer we are sober, the more we realize how lucky we are.

Old post refs:
An old post called
The 'Alcoholic Mind' Do you still have one?
Listed under the label Untreated Alcoholism which explains a bit about it.
Also the
"Being around alcohol in Recovery" Topic has some stuff about how the big book describes our relationship to alcohol OUGHT to be after step 9.
There are 2 old posts called
After Step 9, How should we be feeling toward alcohol?
And..
Does the BB say that we should avoid alcohol after Step 9?
Which explains it.

The 'Alcoholic Mind' Do you still have one?

(In regard to the ability to be around alcohol after Step 9)
Chapter 7. WORKING WITH OTHERS page 101
We meet these conditions every day.
An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an ALCOHOLIC MIND;
there is something the matter with his spiritual status.

Chapter 3. MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM page 41
I now remembered what my alcoholic friends had told me,
how they prophesied that if I had an ALCOHOLIC MIND,
the time and place would come -- I would drink again.

Chapter 2. THERE IS A SOLUTION page 23
Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind, rather than in his body.

Chapter 3. MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM page 42
I knew from that moment that I had an ALCOHOLIC MIND.
I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help
in those strange mental blank spots.

Chapter 2. THERE IS A SOLUTION page 24
The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer
do not crowd into the (alcoholic) MIND to deter us.

Dry but not Recovered? COMPLETELY give yourself..

Chapter 5. HOW IT WORKS page 58
Those who do not recover
are people who cannot or will not
COMPLETELY give themselves
to THIS simple program,

usually men and women
who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.

Notice it doesn't say, those who DRINK,
It just says 'Those who do NOT RECOVER

Meaning, You may stay sober but NEVER recover from alcoholism.

I love the fact that this statement completely side steps the whole issue of drinking/ not drinking and instead focuses entirely on whether someone had RECOVERED or not. Which is far more telling in my opinion.

So this statement implies that there are many people who simply DO NOT RECOVER despite not drinking and going along with the recovery programme to some extent. Perhaps in a buffet-style. Taking the bits they like and leaving out other bits.

I don't know about you but I see a LOT of people who are not experiencing the description of recovery (or the promises as I like to call them) but who are not drinking and are doing bits of the programme. Perhaps just going to meetings and relating their day to day concerns, but not getting through the steps or spending time with newcomers 'giving it away to keep it'.

Obviously unity and tolerance are a priority, so I practice Live and let Live when I encounter these types, but when given the opportunity I try to explain why thoroughness is SUCH an important criteria in MY recovery, and what is potentially at stake if I do not do that.

As far as I am concerned, I risk NEVER RECOVERING if I 'leave bits out' of the programme.
I HAVE to do the WHOLE NINE YARDS if I expect to get well.

If I leave things out, I do so at my own peril.
That's why I'm a real stickler for thoroughness. In myself and the people I sponsor. Like the first 100 members I think its a VERY important aspect of recovery. That's why they mention it so categorically in how it works. In my opinion.

Its also why I prefer not to sponsor people who I instinctively feel are just going through the motions because they want to get to step nine and start dating, (or whatever).
I don't expect 'going through the motions' to work any more than the first 100 members did. Its superficial and partial, and therefore pretty much guarantees that they will not recover.
As taking people through the steps actually requires quite a lot of hard work, and time and energy, I am not willing to commit time and energy to a formula that is designed NOT to deliver recovery. The best thing to do with someone like this is to explain as best I can that I do not think it is working and why, and that they ought to find someone else they either respond to better, or who demands less of themselves and has therefore probably not recovered (to the extent that I would expect to) either. There are plenty of people like this in AA to choose from, so finding a new sponsor along those lines is never a problem. They are much better suited to a sponsor with a similar mindset to their own. Attraction not Promotion and all that. After all, it's not for people that NEED it, its for people that WANT it.

Does the BB say that simply not drinking is enough?

Chapter 6. INTO ACTION page 82
We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough.

Chapter 2. THERE IS A SOLUTION page 19
We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning.

Chapter 11. A VISION FOR YOU page 152
Now and then a serious drinker, being DRY at the moment says,
"I don't miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time."
As ex-problem drinkers, we smile at such a sally.
We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits.
He fools himself.
Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them.
He will presently try the old game again, for he isn't happy about his sobriety.
He cannot picture life without alcohol.
Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it.
Then he will know loneliness such as few do.
He will be at the jumping-off place.
He will wish for the end.

Looks like a resounding NO then!