I find that Senior Step 11 practitioners seem to mirror exactly what it says in the Big Book

I thought I would share with you my most recent inspiration. I manage to find a new one fairly regularly these days. I found this video on the Internet, whilst looking for something else, and I really liked the way she spoke to the group. I suppose if you have experienced bossy women this might not seem so appealing, but I particularly liked her no fuss approach.

At about 27 minutes in, she describes how you don't need to give up all your worldly possessions and live a simple life in order to be a 'spiritual' person. This is in response to a question by a man in the audience who says "if people places and things cannot make people happy, then what is the point of trying to acquire them?" Her response is that you can have your cake and eat it. Meaning it's not the people places and things that you have to get rid of, but your attitude towards the people places and things that is the problem. This reminds me of the phrase used to describe AA which is altered attitudes.

The next question at about 28 minutes in is about how to tell the difference between the unavoidable pain of real suffering and the avoidable pain of real suffering. She describes how she witnessed the Dalai Lama weep upon talking about his deceased mother, but that it was the expectation that the person place or thing would remain indefinitely that was the source of the problem, not the loss of the cherished people, place or thing in itself.

This is the same way that I was taught to analyse resentments in step four. If I felt aggrieved because a person place or thing had not done what I thought it ought to have done. - Such as a friend rejecting me, losing your job and not getting what I wanted basically. My step four consisted of three columns, and in my third column this type of resentment would have included self-centredness. Wanting things to go "my Way".

My analysis of this type of resentment was that there was an expectation that things would go my way, and this led to huge disappointment when things rarely did. - Because everything is completely beyond my control, people places and things cannot be relied upon to give me what I think I need. They will continue to live according to their own will, and to the extent that I am self-centred in my attitude towards people places and things (whom I have no control over), is the extent to which I will be frustrated and disappointed and aggrieved at the outcome, as it can only ever do what it was going to do anyway, regardless of what I think I want them to do.

In another question she talks about the difference between self-centred and a self forgetting attitude in response to difficult circumstances. In AA we hear the slogan that we ought to treat every problem as an opportunity to demonstrate God's will in all our activities.
Her way of describing the distinction is, you either think "what a terrible person that is, how dare they do that", or else you stop and ask yourself "What can I do about that?" which I interpret as being the same question as "how can I help?", or "how can I be of service in this situation?"

In AA we are told that helping others is the foundation of our recovery, and that we are no longer be running the show, and that in response to difficult circumstances we are to say to ourselves "this is a sick man, how my May I be helpful?" This seems to exactly mirror her response here.

So basically I found many parallels between what AA tells us we should do, and her very authoritative and thorough experience about how she is able to be ‘happy joyous and free’ under all circumstances. I'm always very inspired when I see parallels between senior spiritual practitioners and the things I have learned in AA. This has happened many, many times. I have lost count of how often I hear basic AA suggestions from very senior step 11 practitioners. The more step 11 I do the more I have learned to appreciate what AA taught me, because it has shown me how rarefied and impressive the tenets of AA are.

There is a lot more in the talk that I am not going to go into more detail, as this post will just get too long. No change there!
Anyway I'm going to head off to the gym now, because I have a busy day and I need to stay comfortable and not get stressed out by many things I have to do.
So I hope you all have a lovely Monday and I'm sure I will be reading your blogs in the near future :)

FadeText: Put your favorite slogans into a screensaver on your desktop (Macs only)

This is for Macs only I'm afraid, but its freeware and I'm sure there is a PC software that does the same thing.
I found this. I love slogans but forget them easily so like to be reminded. This screensaver (if you have a Mac) is freeware, so no cost which is nice :)

Its called fadetext and you can download it from here..

Anyway hope you all are well and dealing elegantly with all the very un-elegant (!!) things that life has a habit of throwing at you :)
I'm up to my EARS in a new year of study. Different from last year. HARD!! I am in the process of figuring out how to ?? keep up with the relentless !! pile of new stuff. :)
So yeah, that's what I'm up to. Hence the silence online. When I have !!!! tons of stuff to do I don't want to go to many meetings because I feel I never have enough time to study, but I just end up getting stressed and not actually being very productive because I can't settle on any one thing. So its swings and roundabouts. The hardest thing about study is not getting freaked out by it. The subject itself isnt so bad, but the mind games are pretty relentless. It feels very overwhelming starting a pile of new material in a more demanding format.

Us AA's wear our hearts on our sleeve. We verbalize our anxieties and broadcast how difficult it seems, while most others keep all this to themselves so you get a lopsided view of how you are doing compared to everyone else. Its hard to get a handle on how you are doing in relation to everyone else and if I am doing enough.

I know enough to know that I always fear utter defeat and that this has proved to be baseless in the past, but each time it feels the same no matter how many times I get it right. My brain is hardwired to anticipate failure. I'm not sure there is a cure for this as no amount of reassurance from others or previous success seems to make any difference. Other old-timers with TONS of success have told me they feel the same..
I just have to keep on keepin on and not listen to what my head tells me, or mistake my fears and anxieties for any kind of reality, present or future.

Ie FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS

Whatever. Another ! roller-coaster of a year begins. !!!! Thank god I know enough to not listen to my head!
I seem to swing between fear that makes me very restless and concentration difficult, and complacency!! I would like to inhabit the middle ground, but until that happens, I will have to just not listen to what my head tells me :)

I have been watching videos of Ajahn Chah on Utube
to help chill me out a bit :) What a cool guy :) He looks GREAT in Videos. So free. So unfettered. There is no 'burden'. He is full of joy. Thank god for these living examples as otherwise I would have no clue ! what I was trying to achieve.. Step 11 always points me in the right direction. It gives me an example of the things I learned about in AA. Here Ajahn Chah shows me what 'happy joyous and free' looks like. This is useful as there are not nearly enough examples in the world to learn this from. BTW the video called The Buddha Comes to Sussex - Part 1 and 2 is very cool. I love monks and nuns :)

Here's a quote
Venerable Ajahn Chah "The mind of one who practises doesn't run away anywhere, it stays right there. Good, evil, happiness and unhappiness, right and wrong arise, and he knows them all. The meditator simply knows them, they don't enter his mind. That is, he has no clinging. He is simply the experiencer." - Ajahn Chah

Anyway thanks for listening and hope you have a great Tuesday :)

Increased sensitivity toward others AND acceptance means: "It hurts you more but it bothers you less"

On a relative level, it hurts you MORE. On an absolute level, it bothers you LESS
"There is a GREAT freedom from the suffering that you feel. Much MUCH more intensely." Quote at 6.15 of the video.

This is like a master class on emotional intelligence by Ken Wilber. Bless im.
This is for those of you that tend to get steamrollered by your emotions or fear that life will tear you apart unless you close your eyes to the suffering in the world. Ken has a very good explanation as to how more advanced practitioners view that ongoing tension.

My words:
Firstly. He distinguishes between what he calls RELATIVE reality, and ABSOLUTE reality.
Lets call the relative reality the ? world. 'People places and things', such as emotions, patterns of the mind. Al the emotional and mental 'traffic' we experience.

Then lets call the ABSOLUTE reality ? ..God, HP the power of AA as a whole. ? Whatever. Just something beyond the daily push and pull. Doesn't really matter what you call it. Its that place that feels ? beyond the surface of things. ? ..Gawd knows what it is, but it is beyond people, places and things. Including the capacity of the thinking mind.

In retrospect, I think this ? 'dual' reality he describes, of both a 'relative' and 'absolute' nature, (Buddhists call it 'conditioned' and 'unconditioned' reality, but it doesn't really matter what you call it) is the thing I was ! trying to describe in the July 2007 post called: The Spiritual Life: One foot in the 'World', One foot in the 'Ether' And another Dec 2006 post called: A strange 'dual' mind space shared by myself and my Sponsees. (And their Sponsees)

Anyway. regarding RELATIVE reality: Ken says at 5.06 of the video:
"The more awakened you become, the more INVOLVED you become, the more you actually FEEL, and the more painful it becomes. So the pain increases. (So do the positive emotions BTW.)
You become SO sensitive you can feel EVERYTHING that's arising for everybody. All that becomes something that you TASTE and you FEEL CONSTANTLY.

He then says at 6.03 of the video:
"On the ABSOLUTE side, it bothers you LESS.
So there is a GREAT freedom from the suffering that you feel. Much MUCH more intensely.

We have to give ourselves PLENTY of room to feel BOTH:
The ABSOLUTE PERFECTION in everything that arises.
..And yet see ONE person starving and you will start crying so hard it will kill you.
And if you are not doing BOTH, you are doing something WRONG."

My words:
AA's learn to see 'perfection' in this way by developing the spiritual principle of Acceptance p417 of the Big book
""When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation-some FACT of my life unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I ACCEPT that person, place, thing or situation as being EXACTLY the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

NOTHING, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
(p417, AA Big Book) you can view the story this comes from called "Acceptance was the answer" here

*Apologies for the music on this vid BTW. Hey i didn't choose it!!.. but hey never mind.. :)

There is another ongoing tension with emotions between REPRESSION and INDULGENCE. But that's another post.
There are plenty of other Ken Wilber vids on Utube. Plus he has a website if you are interested..

Which 'race' are you when push comes to shove? The decent or indecent man?

"From all this we may learn that there are two races of men in this world, but only these two-the '"race" of the decent man and the "race" of the indecent man. Both are found everywhere, they penetrate into all groups of society. No group consists entirely of decent or indecent people. In this sense no group is of pure race and therefore one occasionally found a decent fellow among the camp guards."
p94 Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

Viktor E. Frankl was a therapist who was in the concentration camps. Its a very dignified exposition of the beauty of the human spirit and what makes us 'good' and 'bad'. Riveting. Fascinating.

LOVE this book. Very short very readable.

Some prisoners when their backs were against the wall became horribly ruthless and cruel in order to survive at !!!! any price. Others maintained their dignity despite the ravages of the situation and would offer their last piece of bread to another in the most frightful and despairing circumstances.
So you see. We CHOOSE the next right thing (moral restraint and impulse control) or giving in to our reptilian survival impulses, oblivious to the next man. Heedlessly following the instinctual, habitual path of least resistance. Which one would you like to be?

"Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted as wrongly as you are about to act now!"
p114 Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

I realized that I do the above without realizing when I speak to newcomers or sponsor people. I easily see the fork ahead in the road leading to an alternate destination were I to NOT explain to them how to dig themselves out of the hole. It is what motivates me to pass it on. The !!!! carnage and destruction down road B motivates me to TRY to educate them to travel down road A. so yeah I like this maxim.

..and describing a talk he gave his fellow prisoners after a !!! bleak and awful day:
"I asked the poor creatures listening to me attentively in the darkness of the hut (reminds me of Bill Wilson talking gravely to the assembled huddle of alcoholics in his kitchen) to face up to the seriousness of our position. They must not lose hope but must keep their courage in the certainty that the hopelessness of our struggle did not detract from its dignity and its meaning. I said that someone looks down on each of us in difficult hours-a frind, a wife, somebody alive or dead, or a God-and he would not expect us to disappoint him. He would hope to find us suffering proudly -not miserably....................The purpose of my words was to find a full meaning in our life, then and there, in that hut, and in that practically hopeless situation. I saw that my efforts had been successful. When the electric bulb flared up again, I saw the miserable figures of my friends limping toward me to think me with tears in their eyes."
p91 Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

Fantastic book. Go get it. Takes an afternoon to read.
Have a fabulous Thursday!

I am oblivious to xmas so far. Just concentrating on study at the moment. Trust me. "Its just another day". Really. "There are no big deals" and all that. Hehe but I !! LOVE swerving all the seasonal palaver. Social ritual seems utterly meaningless to me. "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye" as they say.

Outward stuff is just 'stuff'. So I am not terribly interested in it. I try to make sure I have no ketchup stains on my shirt (heheh) and all that, but above and beyond presentation (for the purposes of being considerate), my interest in plumage and ? nest building is a big fat zero. Hehe
So yeah do all that stuff if you REALLY want to but Im telling you it means NOTHING to me. Absolutely nothing. Kindness never goes out of fashion, but the palaver and running around I can do without.

Right gotta go.!!! Mind your head! :) Especially if you are in your first year. (Because it's nearly xmas and people tend to go a bit mad if they are not vigilant)

Happy Joyous and Free: Inspirational Speech by Dr. Randy Pausch

This is great if you haven't already seen it. There are many entries on you tube and the full length final speech is also on there.
I really like his approach.
No victim mentality.
Fun. Enthusiasm. "We insist upon enjoying life" What that means...being "Happy joyous and Free"
The love inherent in constructive criticism.
Loads !! really. Its a great lecture. This is the short 10min version he did on Oprah. Hope you like :)

Watch Derren Brown Friday win on the horses on 'the system'

Article in the Times about Derren Brown's programme
I dare say they will repeat it ad infinitum, so no hurry to see it on Friday.

This ia a David Blaine spoof and is LIBERALLY sprinkled with the use of the F word, so please do NOT watch it if you are offended by the use of the F word. Personally I loved it. Made me laugh. but you may not. ?

I confess I really like Mr Blaine and Mr D Brown, but I don't know how they do what they do. But suffice to say I have no problem with the idea that mind over matter stuff is very real. That's my view, so I like people that look as though they are doing that stuff SOMETIMES. As opposed to ALL the time. I figure some are legit tricks, and some are not. I have no idea which percentage. 80/20?, 90/10?, 95/5?. No idea. I would say it was a smaller proportion. But anyway, they are great showmen, regardless of how they do what they do. I like em, whether they are simple magicians or not.

My favorite D Blaine quote. "Soft is stronger than hard."
His site is quite interesting. Lots of video stuff, and nice pics. Mr D Brown's is much more unassuming. But I confess I LOVE his understated reserve. Very British. But that's just me.

The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off: Jonny Kennedy

Here are the Utube links to the documentary in all 5 parts.
The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off (Jonny Kennedy) Part 1 of 5
The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off (Jonny Kennedy) Part 2 of 5
The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off (Jonny Kennedy) Part 3 of 5
The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off (Jonny Kennedy) Part 4 of 5
The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off (Jonny Kennedy) Part 5 of 5

I really LOVE this guy.
To me he is ? 'special', whatever that means.
I am AMAZED by his capacity to deal with such a series of situations with such good grace. In such an ? 'ordinary' (meaning ego-less I suppose) way.
It is beyond my understanding how one might accomplish that.Well I DO understand. But its like doing weight training, and then seeing another person lift MUCH MUCH more weight than you could EVER manage even with a heavy training programme. I just look at that kind of example and go ..w o w. It makes me speechless really.
I love this guy. He is an AMAAZING example.
I LOVE people like this.
Whatever. Anyway. I think this documentary won LOADS of awards. Quite rightly. Its been put together really well.
Hope you like.
Have tissues ready for the end! You will need them!
But its weepy in a GOOD way. So don't let that put you off.

I have a great life, but I would lack the POWER to enjoy it if I did not "Perfect and enlarge my spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice"

I have a great life, (in my opinion anyway) but I would lack the POWER to enjoy it if I did not:
"perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others," (p14)

""Lack of power, that was our dilemma."
as they say.
"we could wish to be philosophically comforted, (ie enjoy all our COOL STUFF) in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly." (p45)"

Service. Helping others achieve sobriety, and having a life purpose of "constant thought of others and how I can meet their needs" (p20) is the lynch pin of ALL my inner joy.
So, How many newcomers are you helping stay sober these days?
They are TOTALLY mind altering!

People think I am being 'nice' because I try to be helpful. But I am am taking care of ME. Of MY life.
I KNOW that the less self centered I am the BETTER my life works. So keeping my brain in "constant thought of others and how I can meet their needs" (p20) 'gear', by trying to help alcoholics for a short while every day, is no big deal. I see it like brushing my teeth. Or having a shower. It takes about the same amount of time, so what's the problem? Doesn't feel like sacrifice to me. It feels good. Why else would I do it?

So what I'm saying is
SERVICE MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD
"constant thought of others and how I can meet their needs" (p20) MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD

I have cool things in my life, but where does my joy emanate from?
SERVICE
Weird huh?
I've long since stopped trying to figure it out. All I know is THAT'S HOW IT IS. That's how life WORKS.
So that's what I do.
Easy really.

"Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now." (p124)
"If an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the CERTAIN trials and low spots ahead" (p14)
"Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives."

So if you want to feel gloriously !! happy, fulfilled, and have a sense of meaning and purpose
GO GRAB YOURSELF A PERSON NEWER THAN YOU
And pass on WHATEVER you know. NOMATTTER HOW LITTLE.
Hey you gotta start somewhere.
Just TRY to be helpful. That's all. Just do your lousy best and let go of the outcome.

Then, you can enjoy all the !! Cool things in your life!! Excellent huh?
Oh yeah. And it practically GUARANTEES you stay sober!!
Why?
"Chapter 7 Working with others. Practical experience shows that NOTHING will so much insure immunity from drinking as INTENSIVE work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail." (p89)

So its a DOUBLE WIN really...
Have a nice Thursday y'all..

If Jane Tomlinson's example doesn't convince you there's NO excuse for Self Pity. NOTHING will..

Ancient Statue of Buddha Room 33 British Museum, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

From the Guardian. Although you can find this story in MANY newspapers online. I just picked the Guardian article at random.

The tireless charity fundraiser Jane Tomlinson has died. The mother-of-three took up running after being diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2000 and told she had six months to live.
In the following seven years she raised £1.75m for charities, most of it through feats of endurance which included cycling from Italy to Yorkshire and across the US, as well as numerous marathons and gruelling ironman events.

Here's an interview with Jane Tomlinson that was broadcast on Womens Hour on radio 4 today.

American Beauty: "But it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world"

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me
... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world.
Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much,
my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...

...and then I remember to relax,
and stop trying to hold on to it,
and then it flows through me like rain
and I can't feel anything but gratitude
for every single moment
of my stupid little life...

You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure.
But don't worry...

You will someday."

-From American Beauty Script (at the end)

"When you stop seeing beauty, you start growing old"
U2. Summer Rain Lyrics.

I really like this end bit of the film. It captures the ? Abandonment of ? 'reason' as such when one 'sees' beauty. It's everywhere really. If you choose to look for it. Its not something that comes from the mind. Its a ? 'seeing' that comes from the heart. Or something. Anyway. Its not the ? Brain' that's sees this stuff. It is not an 'idea'. But you know when you have it. Like most really good things in life, -Very hard to describe.
There is also a quality of timelessness that I really like about this segment of the film. It has an 'air' of the poem by William Blake.

To see a World in a grain of sand,
And a Heaven in a wild flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand,
And Eternity in an hour

Blake is one cool geezer. From early childhood he had visions of angels. He is buried very close to Old street station (Bunhill Fields Burial Ground, City Road) and you should go and see th grave if you happen to be in the neighborhood. Here is a website with some information about him and the grave.

"One of Blake's strongest objections to orthodox Christianity is that he felt it encouraged the suppression of natural desires and discouraged earthly joy."
(From wikipedia page about William Blake What a COOL guy. I LOVE his attitude to ? 'religion'. Right up my street!

The 'old life' loses its luster: "Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives."

IMAGE_213r, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

Hmm Regarding the 'old life'. The old stuff doesn't appeal to me either. When you find a real joy in ? Transcendent things that appear out of the ether after helping newcomers, it can make the rest of the world seem very unfulfilling and pointless.
You have to somehow learn to embrace the 'world' and all its ? 'hollow' things, knowing that the 'world' offers us NO real 'refuge' as such. Refuge can only be found in the ? 'realm of the spirit'. But we have to love the world anyway. We cannot turn our backs on it, just because it Is not ultimately satisfying. Besides, there IS beauty in worldly things. It is after all the place we are assigned to grow along spiritual lines. So yes, it is a bit of a 'downer' when you see the limitations of it. But that does not mean we cannot enjoy it in its own 'level'.
You are changing inside. That's all. The world looks different and feels different. This is a good thing. But yes, it places a responsibility on YOU to find ways of enjoying it that make sense to YOU.

"Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives." p83 Big Book
Why do you think the first 100 members said that?
The 'world' falls away. And all we have to hold on to, is spiritual principles. The highest of which is the desire to help other human beings get sober and stay sober. That's it I'm afraid!

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

Yeah I know it sounds grim, but if you really ARE living along spiritual lines. Initially anyway, the world can suddenly seem very LIMITED in terms of what it has to offer. That new job, new car, new house etc, can suddenly seem MUCH less compelling.

"The spiritual life is not a theory. We HAVE to live it." p83 Big Book
" We have entered the world of the Spirit." p84 Big Book

If you are feeling like this. Think of this as a 'transition phase' where your job is to find things that you DO enjoy. They are often little things. You just need to refocus. To adjust your viewpoint slightly.
But yes, the cars, houses etc are NICE, but no they DON"T really change how we feel at the end of the day.
Happiness IS an inside job. But the good news, is that if you ARE happpy in yourself, those cars, houses etc can be fun things! So do not despair! Ut gets better!
But yeah. Phone a newcomer as well. Give it away to keep it and see how you feel after.

Reminds me a bit of that old post I did called
Are you hoping that one day everything will be fine and you'll enjoy everything?
Where I posted something I heard which was:
"You can enjoy everything, nothing is too small or large to enjoy.
You should learn to enjoy, in all aspects of your life.
"Tell me one thing in the day you look forward to."

Helping others: Martyrs are INCREDIBLY !! UNspiritual

Relevant quotes:
"We (meaning the first 100 members) are SURE that GOD WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY JOYOUS AND FREE" p133 Big Book
"WE (meaning the first 100 members) ABSOLUTELY INSIST on ENJOYING LIFE" p132 Big Book

"Get off the cross we need the wood"

Helping others does NOT involve, becoming a MARTYR. Because AA tells us VERY specifically that martyrs are INCREDIBLY UNspiritual. Martyr is synonymous with 'sufferance', and there is not a SHRED of that 'sufferance' ideology in the Big Book. So unless you are confident that you know better than the first 100 members, you will take that on board and work from the assumption that the 'martyr trip' is NOT in keeping with AA doctrine.
In fact you would be SERIOUSLY endangering your 'fit spiritual condition' if you were to decide to play the martyr.

So no. The AA 'Rules' are that:
A) GOD WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY JOYOUS AND FREE,
and B) WE ABSOLUTELY INSIST ON ENJOYING LIFE. No exceptions.

So, as long as you are HJ&Free, you can help as many people as you like!
As SOON as your attempts to help others STOP feeling HJ&Free, then you KNOW you must be OFF TRACK in some way.
Either you are doing it WRONG, or you are doing it TOO MUCH. Could be one or the other.
Basically, if 'constant thought of others feels BAD, then you are doing it WRONG. Sorry! There are NO exceptions to that rule. Not in the Big book anyway! So if that id your experience..then back to the drawing board with that instruction, as you haven't quite figured it out yet.
(Well that's how I do it, and that's how I ? 'pass it on' to others. Seems to work for me AND for them.

Are you hoping that one day everything will be fine and you'll enjoy everything?

"You can enjoy everything, nothing is too small or large to enjoy.
You should learn to enjoy, in all aspects of your life.

Tell me one thing in the day you look forward to."

Reading Syd's post about the joy that comes from little things reminded me of something someone told me, who has an AMAZING capacity to enjoy life.
I don't know about you, but it really made me think.

The first thing that they said was the bit in the heading.
Then when they suggested actually thinking about what I look forward to in the day, I was really surprised at the answers that came into my head. I suppose they were little overlooked pleasures and moments of beauty that for some reason I just completely took for granted.
I still find it a fascinating way to direct my attention.

Another way of phhrasing it could be
Notice what you enjoy today.

For instance, when I ask myself this question am ! surprised at the answers.
For instance.
Being interested in the political evolution of the European union.
Learning new things.
Burying myself in piles of books in the British library.
Being showered with little pink blossom petals in a sunny afternoon on my way someplace.
Blossom on the trees.
Running with my ipod through crowded city streets.
My cat. Because she is so cute.
Black filter coffee from the Algerian coffee store.
The smell of the beans when I open the airtight container I put them in.
Vidal sassoon hair colour.
The earthy smell of foliage in warm summery evenings.
The great court and the reading room in the British museum.
Feeling mentally alert.
Tea and toast.
Radio 4.
Generosity of time and expertise from other aa's.
Aa's who do their best to encourage, inform and support me when I don't understand something.
Coffee after the meetings.
Being a non-verbal reassuring presence for weepy newcomers in meetings.
Helping newcomers. Feeling useful.
Seeing sponsees start sponsoring others.
Thinking of my mentors, and the people I love and admire.
Peaceful silence.
A Sponsee telling me they have been dancing till 5am.
Cobalt blue.
The moon.
Thinking about sea air.
Looking at a picture of the beach and thinking about what it feels like to be there.
Bright spring quality of light.
The pub with no beer.
Great quotes.
Getting comments on my blog from passing visitors.
Knowing aa's that live locallly to me.
That the centre of London feels like my 'front garden' or ''front porch'.

Well anyway, there are a lot of things on that list that I did not expect to see there. It surprises me what they are.
So anyway, what I'm saying is that it is fascinating journey to notice all the little pleasures that pass our way in the course of a 24 hours.
Its sort of like a gratitude list but different . The focus is not gratitude as such. Just
What do you enjoy?
Or
Name one thing in the day that you look forward to?

And then, working on the principle that " You can enjoy everything, nothing is too small or large to enjoy."
REALLY taking a second look at things and finding how that applies to all the things I do every day. When I do that, its TRUE. I CAN find joy in just about everything. Its WEIRD. Ah well. See for yourself.

Well I find it very interesting.
Right I'm off. Have a GREAT Monday!

SERIOUSLY easy going, and a little bit wild!

Its very common for aa's to interpret sobriety as some sort of 'super responsible' 'well-meaning, 'well-intentioned' identity.
Well yes it is, but its also VERY easy going. If you try too hard to be 'good', you will wear yourself out! Plus it will be no fun!
There has to be a little room for wildness and unpredictability and play, otherwise it all gets VERY serious and dreary. I like the book 'Women who run with the wolves' because it describes a very healthy form of 'wildness'. Amongst other things.

Stop trying so hard!
Stop trying to be 'good' or 'nice'. (It looks sugary and fake anyway) Integrity is FAR more attractive.
Avoid being earnest, over responsible, and serious.

Easy does it, but do it!
Wear life like a loose garment.

An Instant cure for self pity and taking yourself FAR TOO SERIOUSLY

They Call Me Naughty Lola: The "London Review of Books" Personal Ads.

See I told you it was funny! They've just made it into a book! Cool.

What does happy joyous and free look like? -A smile on the heart

What does happy joyous and free look like? I like Thich Nhat Hanh's description. He say's it's more like 'a smile on the heart' rather than a smile on the face. This works for me. Although there is nothing wrong with a smile on the face. But a lot of women, due to their wimpy/ spinelessness and general nervousness, can have a very insincere nervous smile. So generally, a smile on it's own doesn't mean much.
When I talk to someone who smiles nervously, I feel uncomfortable. II also find that I am compelled to smile nervously in return. It actually requires quite a force of will to NOT do that. So I consider it a favor to refuse to smile nervously in the company of others.
The face stores up SO much tension, that a smile from an uncomfortable person, can be really quite unpleasant. For me anyhow. I'm not sure if other 'civvies' notice it to the extent I do, but I think non alcoholic 'normal' people notice it.
The more useless you think you are, the more there can be a desperate desire to be liked manifesting in a people-pleasing ingratiating nervous grin.

Also you should NEVER smile when you are discussing something that is not amusing or pleasant. This is called MIXED MESSAGES.
If you are someone whose expression is almost permanently fixed in a smile, you are probably just a very nervous person. People who smile a lot when they talk regardless of what they are talking about look a bit odd. Even comedians don't smile much. There's a clue.
So please, if you are in the 'nervous smile' category, try NOT to smile. You will make everyone MUCH more comfortable. If you INSIST on having a PERMANENT GRIN, opt for the 'smile on the heart' instead. Its a LOT nicer.

I'm afraid I consider women to be the worst offenders in the nervous smile category. Once you decide to try NOT smiling, you'll realize just how difficult it is. I still don't find it easy when im in nervous company.

Here's some other dodgy looking smile type stuff that sprung to mind...
Maniac laughing
Fixed grin. Really bad with fixed eye contact!
Strained smile. I'm trying to be polite, but I hate you, sort of thing.
Weary (never mind eh?) smile. Betrays 'poor me' thinking, and a boatload of self pity.
Nervous laugh
Look how much I'm enjoying myself REALLY!! Laugh
Obsequious smile
Ingratiating smile
The 'buoy you up' or 'Jolly you along' grin. This says much more about the other persons inability to tolerate what looks like a more 'real' expression. Its a control freak trying to cheer you up!
The 'positive thinking' (I'm in complete denial of my shadow) grimace
Smug smile. Yuk! It's SO full of ego. Very patronizing to boot.
Smarmy smile. Just looks really phony.

Bleh! Nervous smiles SUCK! Don't do them!!! They look REALLY uncomfortable, ingratiating, insincere, and nervous! And NEVER get into the habit of having a permanent smile when you are speaking. That's the worst. Looks really dodgy. Even if your mouth is permanently tipped up at the end. That's just as bad. In my opinion anyway. Apart from that, I really like them!
Look at top models on catwalks. Are they smiling? No! Yet they are the epitome of attractiveness. Models go to great lengths to rid them selves of facial tension, so that they look more attractive. So please learn from them!
Try to be sincere, instead of giving in to habit. It may feel 'clunky' at first, but its do-able

By the way. Don't go to the other end of the spectrum and conclude that the only sincere expression is a miserable one. It isnt. Its just not a permanent grin!
That remind me how after a 'unremitting doom' chair, punctuated by fits of weeping, is often met with sharing from the floor along the lines of, 'That was SO honest'. !! In other words, misery is held in high esteem in aa as being 'real', and a balanced disposition goes unnoticed or just doesn't ever attract the same type of comments from the floor. Why? Cynicism! The embedded belief that life is shite and could not possibly be enjoyed. Oh well. Enough about my pet hates! Hahaa. Right I'm off. Too long as usual...