You are Lovable

It might take a while, but eventually you will realize that you are actually alright, a lovable human being, ..and it will be utterly !! heartbreaking to see all the wasted years that you thought you ought to hate/diminish yourself for all your 'wrongs'.
If you think you feel sad now, just wait! ..this will wound you to your very centre. But in a good way. Each time we get a bit better, we grieve for the wasted days, months, decades, when we were 'blind and could not see' and thought it was acceptable to loathe ourselves and our weaknesses.
It ? might be a long time coming, but it will show up eventually..
The sooner you 'get' this, the less time you will squander. -As a fully lived life is impossible if you believe deep down that you deserve to be hated, even if only by yourself.
(I prefer the word hate to the word resentment btw, I see them as interchangeable in case you are wondering..)

If you hate your ‘character defects’, or castigate yourself for having them, reading about the Shadow may help.
Understanding the Shadow is a great way to embrace ones ‘wrongs’ wholeheartedly, without following them heedlessly. It is very respectful toward the presence of destructive impulses, yet accepts them as part of ones humanity.

Have a fabulous Wednesday :) Gosh where did the year go?..

Are you being a Control Freak with your Character Defects?: "The more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got." p66

Interior Stone Gothic Archways, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

Stop fighting your demons: (Control Freak. White knuckle. Self will)

For me its when I am essentially being a CONTROL FREAK that I get hung up on the TODAY's emotional 'outcome.' For example:

Whether I am impatient TODAY
Whether I am intolerant TODAY
Whether I have self pity TODAY
Whether I have inferiority TODAY

The 'outcome' is NONE OF MY BUSNESS. We all have a ?'dark side', a weak side to our personality. I just don't feel ? shame about that anymore. but that's shadow work really. Once you understand the shadow side of things, you stop feeling judgmental and bad about dark ? lurking parts of the mind.

By the way these are GREAT books on Shadow work:
Meeting the Shadow by Connie Zweig
A Little Book on the Human Shadow by Robert Bly
Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Doesn't mean I ENCOURAGE them. Just means I accept that EVERY human has them. The whole human condition is a bit weird really. Can be very dark and very light at the same time. There are so many facets to the mind. It never ends. Its when we stop 'fighting' the 'dark side' that a RELAXED ACCEPTANCE sort of 'kicks in' and everything calms down. Ironic really. 'the more we fight and try to have our own way, the worse matters got' as they say..

Life is just TOO SHORT. And besides, getting hung up on this stuff is too much like taking myself FAR TOO SERIOUSLY. Not wearing life like a loose garment.
I call it 'right effort'. Where I am putting one foot in front of the other, trying to do the 'next right thing', but at the same time, NOT BEING PREOCCUPIED WITH THE OUTCOME too much.
Yeah its a bit of a balancing act. Lots of effort. Going to ANY LENGTHS sometimes as a matter of fact, but not placing my mental energy in the OUTCOME. Why? Because IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS. I have no way of controlling the outcome, so it makes no sense really to get too concerned with it.
So yeah. Get busy going to ANY LENGTHS to have a FABULOUS life, but do not waste one iota of mental or emotional energy on the outcome of your efforts, as you have no control over the outcome anyway.

Whatever. That's just what I think.
Yeah I get frustrated at the speed of my improvements in some areas too. But that's normal to feel like that from time to time. I just don't have the mental energy to be 'fussy' about my recovery. Being pretty laid back has become the norm, so fussing over ANYTHING just feels ? 'odd'. So yeah, I want things quicker too, but by and large I just kind of plod on, and just get on with it.

How I try to get over 'disillusioning behavior' from people in AA, and wherever really..

IMAGE_180, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

For me, the ? 'answer is in non duality and shadow work. Which are pretty much the same thing anyway. If you really do see that there is only ONE person, as Thich Nhat Hanh so eloquently describes in the poem Call Me By My True Names, you have to reach a point where you see:

"I am a frog swimming happily in the clear water of a pond. And I am the grass-snake that silently feeds itself on the frog.

I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones, my legs as thin as bamboo sticks. And I am the arms merchant, selling deadly weapons to Uganda.

I am the twelve-year-old girl, refugee on a small boat, who throws herself into the ocean after being raped by a sea pirate. And I am the pirate, my heart not yet capable of seeing and loving."

Non duality is a TERRIFYING reality to admit to oneself. But it IS the true nature of things. So you, and that offender are one and the same. Intrinsically connected, just like Thich Nhat Hanh describes. What I find REALLY cool, is that AA was 'onto this' in 1935, when it told us to 'look for the similarities not the differences'. It goes much deeper than that, but essentially we have FAR more in common than we want to admit.

Yeah. Regarding the sexual abuse case in the papers, I know NOTHING about this guy. Saw him in meetings AGES ago and that's it really. For all we know he's been out on the piss. My ?(guess) theory is that he was not drinking, and for all we know he may have been going to meetings. There are plenty of sick puppies in meetings!! So that's not such a stretch. Plus this thing happened ? 10 years ago. So he would have been ? 5-7 ? Years sober at the time.
Gawd knows. Its not really important anyway.

Yeah I remember when I first got disillusioned with AA. 93? 94? Can't remember.. Thank GOD for the Buddhist monk that explained that disillusionment happens on EVERY spiritual path. Not just the AA one! Its a very respectable 'rite of passage'. You have to somehow keep your heart open and compassionate despite the few bad apples, and disheartening examples. But you also have to have some kind of compassion for the sick people, like Thich Nhat Hanh does in the poem Call Me By My True Names, or else you will go mad!

What was weird, was that the thing that started me off on this 'dis'ing old timers was one online AA that I found horrifyingly ? Dogmatic and 'authoritative', for want of a better word. Without naming names I wanted people to see how !! dodgy the whole ''preaching' thing is. So there you go. I let AA's piss me off from time to time too. I'm sure they think they are doing the right thing, but I think it sounds a bit mad. I can't help but worry what people newer than me make of it. If they immediately assume this person 'knows' what they are talking about. I like to think I can spot a 'duff' one at 100 paces, but I don't think newer people can.. Whatever. Its none of my business either. But being someone with 20 odd years has really shown me how MEEK and SUBSERVIENT and TRUSTING some newer AA's are with long time sober people. To be honest I find it quite HORRIFYING how trusting some people are. I don't think I was ever like that. Oh well.

But yes. (in MY opinion) I think its VERY, I repeat VERY healthy, to see AA in the LONG term. (5 years and over) as 'spiritual kindergarten'. Step 11 should eclipse AA in spiritual power. Leaving AA as some kind of base camp. Step 11 is where you 'climb'. AA is much more 'grass roots' spirituality. A place to learn, humility, patience, tolerance, and generosity. Helping others. But the 'illuminations' belong to a GOOD (non AA) step 11. (Meaning you look OUTSIDE AA for examples of enlightened activity) I never learned Step 11 from Step 11 meetings, or from other AA members talking about THEIR experience of step 11. I went straight to the horses mouth so to speak. I found some of the most highly respected, world famous enlightenment teachers on my doorstep. There arent that many so they are pretty easy to track down. Plus some choose tp teach all over the world. 'Why speak to the monkey when you can speak to the organ grinder' sort of thing. So I learned about Step 11 in Monasteries, with senior monks and nuns from various religions. Mainly Buddhist. Obviously, thats a very personal preferenece, meaning its a free country and you can practice step 11 any way you wish. But I have to admit that sponsees who do the same, feel EXACTLY the way I do about AA after they meet some (what I call) 'Senior teachers' outside AA. but that's another story really..
I do my 'grass roots' with meetings and newcomers, but I get my direction and strength from step 11. That is what informs my actions, and tells me where to go next.

For me meetings are like being an auxiliary nurse. Real basic stuff, but hard work nonetheless. Its like a basic workout. A sort of once over. Like brushing my teeth every day. And the step 11 stuff. Well that's like SUPER-advanced yoga classes, or attending a lecture by the finest professor on the subject, that makes the most complex esoteric truth seem like common sense. In aa, I feel as though I am mopping up blood and vomit. Dirty work, but good for me, and thankfully does bring me closer to my higher power if I do it in the right spirit. Reminds me of when Gandhi insisted on the regular practice of cleaning the latrines as a way of maintaining humility. AA (for me) is the 'dirty work', but it gives me a great deal of pleasure when I do it right. And step 11 refines and pushes me in ways that AA meetings never could.
Whatever. That's just what I think.

Stop Fighting!: Variations on the notion of wrestling with pigs

If you know me , you will know one of my favorite old timers sayings is: "Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it." which I have already posted about here.

This comment just seems to say the same thing:
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." Friedrich Nietzsche:

Here's another one:
"What you resist, persists".

And of course, last but not least, the AA version:
Besides, we have stopped fighting anybody or anything. We have to! p103
(and after completing step 9..)
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. p85

Regarding "He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster."

See I think this is saying, by wrestling the demon, you make the demon stronger. To 'win' you have to stop 'resisting' the 'demon', acceptance really, as opposed to judgment and hatred, and pushing away. In the context of shadow work, this is called 'owning' our shadow, or 'integrating' our shadow.

Its not the same as indulgence. Its a delicate point of balance between repression and indulgence. The 'demon; doesn't get to run riot. We just stop hating and disowning it. There's a difference. Basically we are replacing judgment with compassion, and in doing so, create a MUCH more stable and powerful psyche. Whatever, that's just what I think. I generally think that any UN-integrated aspect is a bit like a loose cannon. But there you go. We simply cannot be at 'war' with any aspect, because we split bits of ourselves off if we do that, and those random floating bits of energy are left unaccounted for. Wild things let loose. They are FAR better off under our surveillance. Right id better be off before I go on and ON about this..

Regarding " And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."
To me this is describing getting 'lost' in the 'problem'. This is just another word for indulgence. (as in an old post explaining Neither repression nor indulgence. ) Indulgence here means not restricting the expression of the 'shadow'. Sort of giving it free rein, all in the name of avoiding 'repression. That doesnt work i'm afraid. It NEEDS restraint!

A (better than I expected) Wikipedia page that attempts to explain Projection

This wikipedia page on Projection is pretty good.

Here are some bits I liked but I'll TRY !! and explain it in my own word in another post.

Projection (or projection bias) is a defense mechanism in which one attributes to others one’s own unacceptable or unwanted thoughts or/and emotions. Projection reduces anxiety by allowing the expression of the unwanted subconscious impulses/desires without letting the ego recognize them.

Peter Gay describes it as "the operation of expelling feelings or wishes the individual finds wholly unacceptable—too shameful, too obscene, too dangerous—by attributing them to another."[1]

The concept was anticipated by Friedrich Nietzsche:
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."

Projection is the opposite defence mechanism to identification. We project our own unpleasant feelings onto someone else and blame them for having thoughts that we really have."

A defense mechanism in which the individual attributes to other people impulses and traits that he himself has but cannot accept. It is especially likely to occur when the person lacks insight into his own impulses and traits."

Attributing one's own undesirable traits to other people or agencies."

The individual perceives in others the motive he denies having himself.

Thus the cheat is sure that everyone else is dishonest."

People attribute their own undesirable traits onto others.

An individual who possesses malicious characteristics, but who is unwilling to perceive himself as an antagonist, convinces himself that his opponent feels and would act the same way."

A (better than I expected) Wikipedia page that attempts to explain the Shadow

This wikipedia page on the shadow is pretty good. Not great, but its a start.

Here's a bit of what it says:
"It may be (in part) one's link to animal life, which is superseded during early childhood by the conscious mind; afterwards it comes to contain thoughts that are repressed by the conscious mind. According to Jung, the shadow is instinctive and irrational, but is not necessarily evil even when it might appear to be so. It can be both ruthless in conflict and empathetic in friendship. It is important as a source of hunches, for understanding of one's own more inexplicable actions and attitudes (and of others' reactions), and for learning how to accept and integrate the more problematic or troubling aspects of one's personality. (For example, see The Emperor's New Clothes."

The shadow also includes a bit of Psychological projection, but I'll do that in another post.

Get with the Shadow or you'll end up a bit too 'tightly wrapped' or ? Oblivious/Careless

In my opinion anyway.
Here's my ! Attempt to explain a thing I REALLY like. I gave up after a while, because it's VERY difficult to explain, but its better than nothing. Its a start.

Here's a bit by Robert Bly about how ?'processing' ones shadow affects ones 'authority'. Or perceived authority. I like this description as it communicates what I 'see' in others. Its a 'thing' I REALLY like to be around in other people.My favorite people have this quality. Anyway I just thought I would TRY !! To explain a bit about it. Not easy!

p54 A little book on the shadow', by Robert Bly.
"If a teacher has worked with his own shadow, she says that students, no matter how young they are, sense it, and discipline in that room will not be difficult, because the students know that the teacher has his crow with him. Other teachers, she says, who have not worked with their shadow, can talk about discipline all day and never get it. I like the idea that the work a person does on his or her shadow results in a condensation, a thickening or a denseing, of the psyche which is immediately apparent, and which results in a feeling of natural authority without the authority being demanded."

I must admit Sydney Poitier springs to mind in the film Dear Sir! But is not the best example. But it give you a clue as to what I think this passage refers to. Monks are 'dense' if that helps. Well the ones I like are anyway.

As far as the shadow goes, 'nice' is no good. There is no ? 'honesty' in 'nice'. A fuller appreciation of the 'depth and weight' of the human psyche, means 'nice' just does not 'fit'. Something a little more dense is requiired. Not wild and abandoned, just ? 'dense'. Dense is more honest. In my opinion. And I like being around dense people. The term I use for when people are NOT like this, is 'Sunny side up'. I actually find it pretty difficult to tolerate the company of people like that for very long. Its almost painful or something. Yeah, so there are some terms I use to describe it:

'Nice'
'Sunny side up'
'Tightly wrapped'
'Chipper'
? 'Optimistic' - a more obviously STRAINED form of positive thinking.
There is always something a bit STRAINED about this ? manner. Whatever. I hope you understand what I mean, because I find this pretty hard to describe.
They do not look 'stable'. Not to me anyway.
It always looks like quite a lot of energy is required to maintain that ? Demeanor.
There is an energy of 'enforcement' about them.

This type of person I find DRAINING. Which is a shame, because there are a LOT of people that are like this.

The people I like are:
? 'Dense' (Meaning the way Robert Bly uses the word dense in the passage I mentioned earlier)
No evidence of 'strain'. More like 'loose garment' types.
No evidence of 'sunny side up'
No fear of the dark side of humanity.
Acceptance of the dark side. Peace.
Ability to have fun and enjoy the good things life has to offer.
It look as if there Is more of a 'steady cruise' of energy
There is an energy of 'containment' about them. No 'strained' energy.
They look 'safe'. 'stable'.

Some people are kindof relaxed, but a bit oblivious. People who have integrated their shadow, look ? Powerful and 'knowing'. They have a very ? Silent authority. An unspoken authority. It is felt, more than anything. It doesn't come from being impressed by words.
It is not ? TOO relaxed. Its is NOT casual. It is precise and considered, but not precious. Its like ballet really.
Also it is not ? 'grubby'. I see a lot of acceptance of very negative behavior in meetings. That is NOT an example of shadow work. Instead it is reckless acceptance of damaging and negative thought forms.

Jeez. I KNEW this would be hard to explain. Whatever. Theres an attempt. I see this as pretty important developmental work in ANY spiritual path, so that's why I mention it.
Hey did I tell you I don't do therapy? Just thought I'd chuck that one in, just to mess with your heads! Hahaa. Right I'm off. Have a great Thursday!

The dark side of humanity: We ALL have a latent aspect of the Shadow

In trying to come to terms with violence and terrible deeds of one sort or another, I have been helped by reading stuff about the shadow. (Robert Bly is very good)
I believe we all have the capacity to discover ! terrible things about ourselves depending on what we focus on.
(as in)
You MOVE TOWARDS, and BECOME LIKE, THAT WHICH YOU THINK ABOUT, whether it is good for you, or bad for you

So, if I were in military combat. for instance and was required to kill others to survive, I think I would get to see some VERY ! dark places in my mind. We all have a shadow nature, but we don't get to see it very well if we choose to live a wholesome life.

I believe violent people are very caught up in that aspect of their condition, due to habitually negative behaviors, and do these things in an act of desperation to relieve the suffering that is building up inside them. I believe it is simply overwhelming for them and they blindly follow the tendency because they can see no other way of finding satisfaction. they are very sick people, and they create huge amount of suffering upon themselves for many lifetimes for performing such an act. its very sad.

They may put an end to their body, but they do not put an end to their suffering or their newly acquired karmic debt. Well that's how I see it anyway.

Also my non-dual view of the world and everyone on it, means I do not see myself as separate from anyone including people who kill and maim. But that's another post!
Like Thich Nhat Hanh says in the poem 'Call Me By My True Names':

I am the twelve-year-old girl, refugee on a small boat, who throws herself into the ocean after being raped by a sea pirate. And I am the pirate, my heart not yet capable of seeing and loving.

On that rather ! Unexplained point, I'm off! Anyway have a great Tuesday!

Defensiveness and Blame: My response to life is NOT 'their' fault. Admitting uncomfortable truths and shedding the 'rose tinted' view

I love this subject of alcoholic blame. Blame for drinking. Blame for WHATEVER.
You know, I really KNOW that my alcoholism is nobody else's fault.
But what's STILL very challenging for me and can STILL feel VERY opaque sometimes, is that MY RESPONSE TO *LIFE* IS NOT 'THEIR' FAULT.
Basically casting blame. Looking for JUSTIFICATIONS for my unhappiness with what they are doing.
All resentment is BULLSHIT in my opinion. But its difficult to 'see' that when I'm caught up in something, when something 'rattles my cage', or I just can't handle something, and decide to be 'better than', or 'right' instead. Basically finding fault. Looking down my nose, instead of 'changing my mind' to 'their' view.

(This refers to when I KNOW I am dealing with a person with more knowledge of life than I have. This does NOT refer to when somebody with no impulse control lashes out. This is about TRYING to come to terms with what are essentially uncomfortable truths. Not attempts to control by another)

I 'believe' the triggers in their behavior, and I secretly suspect I am right even though I am reluctant to admit it to them in person as I KNOW judgment is wrong. To me its all about the STUBBORNESS and RELUCTANCE to CHANGE MY MIND about things, and BE PREPARED TO LOOK AT IT FROM ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW. When I am disturbed by something, I don't want to change the entrenched beliefs of a lifetime, and the comfortable self righteous 'better than', that goes with it. I can feel as though my house is built in rock, when the uncomfortable truth is that it IS built on SAND and changes CONSTANTLY, and involves admitting scary truths about myself.

Being honest with myself is one of the hardest things in the world. I want to see WHAT I WANT TO SEE. I don't want to 'see' reality, when it involves 'seeing' DISTURBING truths about reality and myself. Basically, what I call 'embracing uncertainty' and dealing with the 'shadow'.

For me, the battle is about NOT BEING RIGHT. NOT BEING BETTER THAN. (Which all comes from the ego). And being willing to SEE IT ANOTHER WAY. Which is ego again.
E Gads! The ego puncturing aspect of this disease, just NEVER ENDS! But that's ok because I would LOVE to have less ego. But the process of reducing it, is HORRIBLE. Its a real 'CLIMB DOWN'. I ALWAYS find that challenging. No matter HOW long I am around. The 'climbing down' part feels HORRIBLE, at the time. But VERY liberating afterwards.

Plus it actually feels very sad to see the world how it IS sometimes, because it means giving up the 'rose tinted view' of humans, and ANY semblance of certainty. There is NOTHING to hold on to! Giving up a fantasy of how the world works involves a period of grieving the loss of the deluded fantasy.

Hatred and Delusion don't 'go away' as such. They just stop being an (alarming) BIG ! DEAL

We ALL suffer from hatred and delusion. The worst possible kind. Its part of the human condition. They don't go away as such. The trick is to have a compassionate, non judgmental awareness of these terrible weaknesses, and have the ability to go to any lengths to practice 'restraint of tongue and pen'. I learned the former by doing step 4 and 5, and the latter was a standard suggestion right from the earliest days in AA.
Robert Bly is very good at describing what's known as 'the shadow'. I got into all that in step 11. Its DARK! But it's ok, if you learn how to handle it!

But its also true that what you dwell on Is who you become, But we all have the option of free will, so we are at liberty at any time to try to maintain focus on the solution rather than the problem. That's a different issue.

(Related slogans)
You move towards, and become like, that which you think about, whether it is good for you, or bad for you
The more you think about the problem, the bigger the problem gets. The more you think about the solution, the bigger the solution gets.

These abilities became 'normal' for me as opposed to VERY HARD work, as a result of doing the first 9 steps. I wanted them LONG before then, but they only materialized when I completed the first 9 steps and maintained with 10, 11, 12 afterwards. "The lift is broken, please use the steps", as they say.

(Related Big Book quote)
"If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered LONG ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did NOT save us, NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE TRIED.
We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with ALL our might, BUT THE NEEDED POWER WASN'T THERE.
Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, WERE NOT SUFFICIENT: they FAILED UTTERLY." p45

All I know is my mind is INFINITELY more stable than it was before completion of the steps.
That said, it is ALSO true that my ability to be non judgmental with various 'nasty' mind states, means that by and large, these 'weaknesses, are NO BIG DEAL.
I really LOVE the 'NO BIG DEAL' mindset. Its just another way of saying, This is NOT a 'problem', this is NOT a drama. ..Now where's the solution?

Self Talk: Saying NASTY things to ourselves

Self critical thoughts are themselves just a habit. All I know is it is MUCH harder to say nasty things to myself than it was before. But I can still do it. Again, I'm never really sure if these things occur LESS, or I have just stopped making a BIG DEAL of them. Either way, they just don't feature on my 'radar like they used to.
I can still in a careless moment be shocked at an inconsiderate, cruel thought I have had about myself though. In fact I think I am probably MUCH more sensitive to them now, (which is probably why I do them less), they are so cruel sometimes I weep, when I realize how NASTY some of those commenting thoughts can be. I would never in a MILLION years think of speaking to another person like that, so I find it quite shocking when it happens. I think it's just SO much much easier to make truly wounding digs at oneself simply because we have so much personal information at our disposal which we can use as ammunition. I think my cruel streak, knows it has no outlet in the 'real world', but sort of thinks it can 'get away' with saying cruel, personal, punishing things to myself. That's the 'shadow' as I call it, and bits of anger left rumbling around the system, looking for expression of some sort I reckon. If you don't deal with this stuff, it deals with you!

In my case I would say that in the same way that people curse or swear when they are frustrated and exasperated, that these callous unkind comments I hear myself saying to myself sometimes, are a way of 'smashing something up' like you see people do in films when they are angry. You know when they fling everything off the desk? Well outwardly, all my roads of harmful expression are blocked. Also the type of personal work that brings about this kind of exasperation, is 'invisible to the eye'. M 'battles' are nearly always personal and internal. So I think the 'invisible' source of the 'battles' PLUS the fact that all roads of negative self expression are BLOCKED, means that my carelessness tends to result in this inner 'flinging' of deliberately unkind words toward myself. Realizing the error of my ways can be terribly sad, once you grow a conscience!

The weird thing is, is that I do it so much LESS than I did it before, but I just never really noticed it before. It seemed 'normal' and didn't even register. Which is sad too. But most of us are TERRIBLY TERRIBLY UNCONCIOUS. Its SHOCKING seeing this, the longer you are sober and the more you see about how you actually think, to see how crappy our habitual thinking can be. I started to se how crazy it was when I first started going on retreats, but now I have a much more heartfelt appreciation of how mean and cruel some of those thought are, so it impacts on me more.

'Steady containment' is what I call enlightenment

STEADY CONTAINMENT is (what I call) the 'ninja' way of holding (what can be VERY !!!!) unpleasant emotions in consciousness WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.
Steady containment is what I call enlightenment.

(The other way I have heard this described is as 'Becoming a strong vessel'. Its sort of similar and I might explain that more in another post.)

It is a place in the mind where there is PEACE OF MIND in the presence of ALL SHADES OF EMOTION OR BEING. It is ALL ALRIGHT. There are NO BIG DEALS. That DOESN'T mean there is no emotion. That just means that ALL emotions are OK. They are DO-able. There is NO judgment or anxiety about them. It is essentially TOTAL ACCEPTANCE of the HUMAN CONDITION. The 'normal' aspects and the 'weird' indescribable, and unfathomable aspects. There is acceptance of the UNKNOWN, and the anxiety that accompanies new growth when we embark on uncharted territory.

There is something INCREDIBLY tough about this type of mindset, but to describe it as 'tough' alone would be misleading, because it is also characterized as a terrible beauty or gentleness. It can be incredibly joyous. (See the Dalai Lama). Like when you see a great chef prepare a fabulous meal and make it look so natural and easy, monk-type-people make this joyous, balanced, non judgmental state look like a 'normal day'. No big deal. Par for the course.

That doesn't mean it is EASY for them. They are working INCREDIBLY hard, often in extremely difficult and uncharted territory. They are not pansies! They are going to ANY LENGTHS. Not a moment is wasted. They just don't make a 'big show' of all the effort they are making. That would be FAR to ego feeding. Like it says on the just for today card..

JUST FOR TODAY—I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and NOT GET FOUND OUT; if ANYBODY knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I DON'T WANT TO DO—just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it

But to cultivate such a mind can be the result of many lifetimes work. Some are just born that way. But we all have the capacity to try to reach for a more balanced way of relating to our (seemingly IMbalancing) inner experiences.

This is a teaching that can only really be FELT as opposed to UNDERSTOOD. Often you need to be in the presence of a teacher. But it IS possible to 'connect' with a teacher through words and books. I find myself 'connecting' with Thich Nhat Hanh through his written word. But we do not really 'choose' our teachers. The choice is made for us, by the way we respond to each one. I have listed book recommendations and retreat centers that are reliable.

The Dalia lama teaches all over the world. So does Thich Nhat Hanh, and the Lazy Lama. They are all 'top dollar' I have their teaching schedule permanently featured in my links menu.
Also there is a fabulous monastery in redwood valley, California. Free to stay! As far as I know. Also thy may be able to recommend other good retreat centers in America. If you live over there.
http://www.abhayagiri.org/

This site shows you where the worldwide chain of monasteries of the Theravada tradition are (Which I am lucky enough to have on my doorstep). They (meaning the senior monks and nuns) know ALL the cool meditation places to go. If I need any 'leads' this is where I go to get info. Why? Because they are WESTERN. A person who grew up in Thailand (for instance) has a completely different set of emotional programming than myself as a result of their cultural conditioning. Just look at the difference between the way the local populace responded to the Tsunami as compared to the way the locals responded to the Katrina in New Orleans. I rest my case..
http://www.forestsangha.org/

Its no different than doing AA. You could never 'learn' AA without going to meetings could you? You need to SEE the people face to face to believe it. Well the same is true about this. You learn it much more powerfully if you can find a person that you can be in the same room as who has this quality. That's why I tell Sponsees to go on retreat after step 9, so they can see a whole new 'WAY OF BEING' demonstrated by these types of people. The skills they have go FAR above what can be seem in an AA room. But perhaps if enough AA's supplement their programme with a highly developed step 11 practice, then these skills might filter into AA rooms. I DO know that my (former) Sponsees appear to be learning this lesson pretty well. The ones that have gone on retreats anyway. Some retreats are utter rubbish by the way. Organized by charlatans! Not ALL retreats are good! Some are just not very good, and will only really do a half baked job, or will just be too tough, or imbalanced in the areas of development. You need all round skills really. 'Heart' practice and 'collecting/ quieting the mind' practice

Right I'm off! Too long. Gym, Library, the usual!!!
Hope you are all well and all that... Thanks for everything. You are a pretty cool bunch!

Understanding the Shadow

Meeting the Shadow: by Connie Zweig, Jeremiah Abram

A Little Book on the Human Shadow: by Robert Bly