"That is how we react so long as we keep in fit SPIRITUAL condition."
(p85, AA Big Book)
What IS 'Fit SPIRITUAL condition'? (p85, AA Big Book)
That's another post.
'Fit SPIRITUAL condition' (p85, AA Big Book) MAY or MAY NOT manifest as 'fit PSYCHOLOGICAL condition'
But many unconsciously read this sentence as MEANING
'fit PSYCHOLOGICAL condition'
Which it is NOT (!!!) saying.
Think about it.
Its SO !! easy to UNCONSCIOUSLY MISINTERPRET what the big book is saying VERY !! directly to us
WITHOUT EVER REALISING IT.
Whatever.
I'm just drawing your attention to this (what I see as) IMPORTANT distinction.
I will !! TRY (!) to explain what 'Fit SPIRITUAL condition' is another post. (Difficult !!!! or what!)
For now, just remember that the big book does NOT suggest we aim to achieve 'fit PSYCHOLOGICAL condition'. Meaning the aim is not to become more PSYCHOLOGICALLY ADVANCED.
Nope.
Not to increase our Psychological knowledge, proficiency or expertise.
Certainly not as a primary goal.
It may (or may not) occur as a fortunate !! BY PRODUCT of having a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps, (p60, AA Big Book) and thereafter keeping in fit SPIRITUAL condition. (p85, AA Big Book)
BUT THAT'S NOT REALLY WHAT THE BIG BOOK IS TELLING US (in no uncertain terms) WHAT WE OUGHT TO BE STRIVING FOR.
Whatever. Just thought I would mention that if you haven't already spotted it.
Basically recovery has VERY LITTLE to do with PSYCHOLOGICAL GOALS, but has a GREAT DEAL to do with SPIRITUAL GOALS.
Which are distinctly different to the former, (in my perception anyhow.)
That's my experience. Make of it what you will. For all I know ? this is glaringly ! obvious to you all already..
Have a great Thursday!
"If you want to hide something from an alcoholic, put it in the Big book"
About Me
- An Irish Friend of Bill
- I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.
Showing posts with label Therapy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Therapy. Show all posts
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Can therapy or counseling get you sober, or keep you sober?
..As a substitute for "a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps" (p60, AA Big Book)
"Neither he NOR ANY OTHER HUMAN BEING can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power. " (p43, AA Big Book)
That includes Therapists, counselors, people who work in treatment centres, psyciatrists, sponsors, me, you.
ALL !!!! humans unfortunately..
This is why I do not get Sponsees to do therapy or such (if ever) until AFTER step 9. Ie when the spiritual malady Is overcome (p64, AA Big Book) and they are no longer in danger of drinking PROVIDED THEY STAY IN FIT ***SPIRITUAL*** CONDITION. (p85, AA Big Book)
Anyway. That's how I do it. That's how old timers did it when I was new. And that's what I saw working again and again and again.
So that's what I pass on. That's my experience.
Thankfully it seems to be the same as that of the first 100 members. (re first quote from p43, AA Big Book)
There's another reason, but ill explain that another time. Theres more to this, but I'll split it over a few posts.
Have a great Thursday!
"If you want to hide something from an alcoholic, put it in the Big book"
"Neither he NOR ANY OTHER HUMAN BEING can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power. " (p43, AA Big Book)
That includes Therapists, counselors, people who work in treatment centres, psyciatrists, sponsors, me, you.
ALL !!!! humans unfortunately..
This is why I do not get Sponsees to do therapy or such (if ever) until AFTER step 9. Ie when the spiritual malady Is overcome (p64, AA Big Book) and they are no longer in danger of drinking PROVIDED THEY STAY IN FIT ***SPIRITUAL*** CONDITION. (p85, AA Big Book)
Anyway. That's how I do it. That's how old timers did it when I was new. And that's what I saw working again and again and again.
So that's what I pass on. That's my experience.
Thankfully it seems to be the same as that of the first 100 members. (re first quote from p43, AA Big Book)
There's another reason, but ill explain that another time. Theres more to this, but I'll split it over a few posts.
Have a great Thursday!
"If you want to hide something from an alcoholic, put it in the Big book"
Friday, June 22, 2007
Check out this new AA Recovery Blog. My kind of guy!
It's a cool long time sober Buddhist AA guy explaining stuff about relationships and it's called Relationships in Recovery
Right up my street! Cool. Isn't the blogsphere GREAT? You get to read what people with (what I consider to be) 'niche' experience and interpretations have to say on things. I'm not kidding. I VERY RARELY meet people with a similar outlook in AA. Ie a little bit 'clinical' in the way they view the 'suffering alcoholic, a chunk of Buddhist experience, so a bit ? 'esoteric' for want of a better word, and PLENTY of time in AA.
So cool! I'm happy. Just my cup of tea. Looks VERY interesting..
Disclaimer: If you know me you will know I am very comfortable with differences of opinion, and have never had a problem with the idea of different viewpoints, so you will know that when I say that I really like the look of something, that doesn't mean I agree with EVERYTHING they say. I see nothing 'disrespectful' about drawing a different conclusion than the other fellow. But that's another post really.
Basically it looks very interesting, so check it out. There's a lot of useful information about relationships, which his GREAT because I have always noticed that there are a always a LOT of people in AA who are NOT in a relationship, and I'm a strong believer in the healing effects of CONSTRUCTIVE relationships, as opposed to abusive / chronically dependent ones!
Right up my street! Cool. Isn't the blogsphere GREAT? You get to read what people with (what I consider to be) 'niche' experience and interpretations have to say on things. I'm not kidding. I VERY RARELY meet people with a similar outlook in AA. Ie a little bit 'clinical' in the way they view the 'suffering alcoholic, a chunk of Buddhist experience, so a bit ? 'esoteric' for want of a better word, and PLENTY of time in AA.
So cool! I'm happy. Just my cup of tea. Looks VERY interesting..
Disclaimer: If you know me you will know I am very comfortable with differences of opinion, and have never had a problem with the idea of different viewpoints, so you will know that when I say that I really like the look of something, that doesn't mean I agree with EVERYTHING they say. I see nothing 'disrespectful' about drawing a different conclusion than the other fellow. But that's another post really.
Basically it looks very interesting, so check it out. There's a lot of useful information about relationships, which his GREAT because I have always noticed that there are a always a LOT of people in AA who are NOT in a relationship, and I'm a strong believer in the healing effects of CONSTRUCTIVE relationships, as opposed to abusive / chronically dependent ones!
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Abusive Background?: Your TOUGHEST lesson in sobriety is VULNERABILITY
Its tricky learning how to endure the overwhelming scariness of being vulnerable if you come from an abusive background. There is a tendency to either over indulge or repress, as well which doesn't help. All these thing require a very skillful, mindful, balancing act interiorly. Its quite subtle. Plus nigh on impossible if you cannot tolerate overwhelming emotional states without needing to drink to deal with it. so I suppose the heavier stuff, works best after step 9. Well that's what I've found anyway.
If you come from a physically abusive, sexually abusive, indifferent or cruel emotionally abused background, my guess would be that the TOUGHEST thing you will EVER learn in sobriety will be letting your guard down and allowing yourself to be utterly vulnerable. Trust basically.
No front. No defence. No second guessing.
Not everyone is the same, but I think that will be your greatest and toughest lesson. My experience is that the miraculous power in trying to live along spiritual lines by doing the steps can create enough healing to make that possible.
By the way, some people have a ‘front’ but do not make it obvious in their outward manner. These are the types with GOOD social skills, who nonetheless, never REALLY drop their reserve. These are just the ‘controlled’ types. Again this need to ‘be a certain way’ is a little inflexible and fear based and can be reduced with a good step 11 practice after step 9.
For these people the lesson is ‘not being in control’. Not having all the answers. But don’t worry. Basically if you bash away at the programme long enough, you Do get to be more like the ‘wearing life like a loose garment’ type. You DO get there in the end!
For those in search of a surrogate parent, or ‘someone to take care of them’ I recommend step 11. It ! Should leave you feeling connected to an ever present feeling of love, no matter what is happening. I refer to this in a previous post called a ‘‘dual mind space’.
Basically ‘god’ is the new ‘mother’, or parent you never had. The new benchmark for trust, security and wellbeing. Perhaps the first TRUE constant you have ever experienced. Its very cool. And step 11 brings you right into the bosom of your higher power. Steps one to nine, ‘set the stage’ for the step 11 magic to happen.
Personally I prefer ‘spiritual’ ? Esoteric ? Remedies for these things rather that (what I see as) the very limited scope of man made intellectual awareness that is available in 20th century mental health. Too limited! I want something MUCH more advanced than that. Ancient wisdom from the great masters. So that’s why I do not promote therapy with my Sponsees regardless of their histories. I understand that is not a currently popular view, but when I say this stuff, I say it to explain what I do. Not to try to control others or ‘make’ you do what I do. I have MUCH better things to do with my very limited reserves of energy than try to herd cats! No Siree! MY life is centre stage. I have NO power over others so that is not my concern. So what I mean is ‘do as you please’. I do not ‘need’ people to agree with me in order to feel ? Validated.
By the way, if these things didn’t work I would never subscribe to them. My experience and observations is that these things DO work. (Just in case you think I am a deranged idiot!)
Anyway! Regarding the abuse personality type, it’s worth noting that alongside this ‘invincibility’ (which is just another way of saying they NEVER let their guard down, or ‘show their face’ that this heavily defended approach is often coupled with a ‘god shaped hole’ of YEARNING to be take care of. This is because people with these backgrounds seem to spend the rest of their lives looking for surrogate parents. In the form of a partner often. Women with this tendency can often have a terrible emotional desperateness about ‘wanting ? Something’ from a relationship that it can never really provide.
They are looking in all the wrong places so to speak. Looking to fill the god shaped hole in relationships. Looking to satisfy the "Hungry Ghost". Relationships were never designed to meet the needs of a desire for a surrogate parent.
In addition. These types can be the ‘We don’t make friends we take hostages’ type. Meaning there is a clinging also. A sort of ‘hanging on to the apron strings’.
I find that people with these types of background have the most difficulty with abandonment issues and ‘letting go’ when I complete the first nine steps with them. They kind of want ‘more’.
‘More’ is just another word for the "Hungry Ghost"., and I direct people to a GOOD step 11 practice who are suffering from this condition. Step 11 is a VERY effective tool for addressing this spiritual condition. The hunger is finally satisfied! Wow. That’s how powerful a GOOD step 11 practice is. It reaches places in the soul that neither you or I will ever know exists. Its very powerful. Make sure you have a good teacher!
By the way, vulnerability does NOT mean being a 24 hr pool of weeping ? ..whatever. It means not being afraid of being exposed, of being (temporarily) a blobby mess. Not being afraid of being 'seen'. It is not a blank check for catharsis, or anything else. It means TRUE honesty. TRUE intimacy. No holding back. No trying to be 'clever'. Its an unflattering exposure of self. There is no ego. But more importantly, its a decision to NOT BE SUSPICIOUS or defended.
It can mean many things. Bu that's more what I mean in this case. So basically, I am not advocating limitless weeping as a hallmark of vulnerability. It is MUCH more than that.
If you come from a physically abusive, sexually abusive, indifferent or cruel emotionally abused background, my guess would be that the TOUGHEST thing you will EVER learn in sobriety will be letting your guard down and allowing yourself to be utterly vulnerable. Trust basically.
No front. No defence. No second guessing.
Not everyone is the same, but I think that will be your greatest and toughest lesson. My experience is that the miraculous power in trying to live along spiritual lines by doing the steps can create enough healing to make that possible.
By the way, some people have a ‘front’ but do not make it obvious in their outward manner. These are the types with GOOD social skills, who nonetheless, never REALLY drop their reserve. These are just the ‘controlled’ types. Again this need to ‘be a certain way’ is a little inflexible and fear based and can be reduced with a good step 11 practice after step 9.
For these people the lesson is ‘not being in control’. Not having all the answers. But don’t worry. Basically if you bash away at the programme long enough, you Do get to be more like the ‘wearing life like a loose garment’ type. You DO get there in the end!
For those in search of a surrogate parent, or ‘someone to take care of them’ I recommend step 11. It ! Should leave you feeling connected to an ever present feeling of love, no matter what is happening. I refer to this in a previous post called a ‘‘dual mind space’.
Basically ‘god’ is the new ‘mother’, or parent you never had. The new benchmark for trust, security and wellbeing. Perhaps the first TRUE constant you have ever experienced. Its very cool. And step 11 brings you right into the bosom of your higher power. Steps one to nine, ‘set the stage’ for the step 11 magic to happen.
Personally I prefer ‘spiritual’ ? Esoteric ? Remedies for these things rather that (what I see as) the very limited scope of man made intellectual awareness that is available in 20th century mental health. Too limited! I want something MUCH more advanced than that. Ancient wisdom from the great masters. So that’s why I do not promote therapy with my Sponsees regardless of their histories. I understand that is not a currently popular view, but when I say this stuff, I say it to explain what I do. Not to try to control others or ‘make’ you do what I do. I have MUCH better things to do with my very limited reserves of energy than try to herd cats! No Siree! MY life is centre stage. I have NO power over others so that is not my concern. So what I mean is ‘do as you please’. I do not ‘need’ people to agree with me in order to feel ? Validated.
By the way, if these things didn’t work I would never subscribe to them. My experience and observations is that these things DO work. (Just in case you think I am a deranged idiot!)
Anyway! Regarding the abuse personality type, it’s worth noting that alongside this ‘invincibility’ (which is just another way of saying they NEVER let their guard down, or ‘show their face’ that this heavily defended approach is often coupled with a ‘god shaped hole’ of YEARNING to be take care of. This is because people with these backgrounds seem to spend the rest of their lives looking for surrogate parents. In the form of a partner often. Women with this tendency can often have a terrible emotional desperateness about ‘wanting ? Something’ from a relationship that it can never really provide.
They are looking in all the wrong places so to speak. Looking to fill the god shaped hole in relationships. Looking to satisfy the "Hungry Ghost". Relationships were never designed to meet the needs of a desire for a surrogate parent.
In addition. These types can be the ‘We don’t make friends we take hostages’ type. Meaning there is a clinging also. A sort of ‘hanging on to the apron strings’.
I find that people with these types of background have the most difficulty with abandonment issues and ‘letting go’ when I complete the first nine steps with them. They kind of want ‘more’.
‘More’ is just another word for the "Hungry Ghost"., and I direct people to a GOOD step 11 practice who are suffering from this condition. Step 11 is a VERY effective tool for addressing this spiritual condition. The hunger is finally satisfied! Wow. That’s how powerful a GOOD step 11 practice is. It reaches places in the soul that neither you or I will ever know exists. Its very powerful. Make sure you have a good teacher!
By the way, vulnerability does NOT mean being a 24 hr pool of weeping ? ..whatever. It means not being afraid of being exposed, of being (temporarily) a blobby mess. Not being afraid of being 'seen'. It is not a blank check for catharsis, or anything else. It means TRUE honesty. TRUE intimacy. No holding back. No trying to be 'clever'. Its an unflattering exposure of self. There is no ego. But more importantly, its a decision to NOT BE SUSPICIOUS or defended.
It can mean many things. Bu that's more what I mean in this case. So basically, I am not advocating limitless weeping as a hallmark of vulnerability. It is MUCH more than that.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
CHECK OUT Mr Ken Wilbers 51 year old body!!! WOW
Here's Ken Wilbers photo page.
Click on 2000's section, Its the 5th pic. and when you see the torso shot scroll by, click on it and it will display properly. DAMM fine!
If that isn't an incentive to 'get spiritual' I don't know WHAT is!!!
Men who have a lot of mind control have a lot more choices than the likes of you or I. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean they get off lightly. They are going to ANY LENGTHS too by the way.
A monastic would not choose to develop their bodies in this way as I don't think it would assist their celibacy very much! But I dare say they might have the ability to exercise their will power along these lines if they wanted.
"Spiritual" isn't this fluffy, feel good, ego massaging, comfy, tree hugging, kitted-muesli-jumper, baggy option.
Well for me it isn't anyway. Yes there is incredible compassion, but that compassion stems from a RUTHLESS UNWAVERING commitment to REALITY.
'Proper' spiritual people are pretty tough people. Incredible persistence and staying power. Often they are just born like that, as opposed to 'made'. Having said that, even the ones who are born like that can choose a very demanding life path of learning with REALLY tough obstacles. What I mean is, they don't 'have it easy'. No Siree! There are no days off, not even for those guys.
Anyway I digress. I'm not drawing your attention to this to make you feel bad about your body, but to make a point about what it means to be spiritual. Its actually hard to put into words. And pictures help a bit. But it is a very common misconception that there is something 'malleable' about it. That's not the same as open minded by the way. Remaining open minded is actually a VERY tough doctrine to maintain in my opinion.
Basically spirituality (from what I have seen of it anyway) is INCREDIBLY tough. But in a GOOD way. Like when you see the Shaolin monks bend pointed steel poles on their chest. These guys are not Nancys!
They're not vague. They're not wooly. They are very, very precise in their thinking.
Anyway I think this picture communicates what I mean FAR better than my words can. But this is how I 'see' spirituality. I do NOT see it in a 'therapy' view. That approach is MUCH softer in my opinion than this stuff. Put it this way, you don't see many therapists that look like this, do you? EXACTLY! (Anthony Robbins doesn't count by the way! Sorry but he's just not in the same league.) They are two very different doctrines. Personally I prefer this one! It goes WAY beyond 'knowledge'. It REALLY relies on what is utterly unknown and mysterious.
Anyway I DO love AA, but these guys have chosen to make themselves publicly known as teachers, and they are not celibate monastics, so it gives you an idea of what I think a non monastic spiritual life can look like. Now you know why I think it is terribly cool to do this stuff.
You can be beautiful inside AND outside!! Cool! Sign me up!
Obviously this is a very personal view, but I just thought I would share it with you. Each to their own. But this is what 'proper' (non celibate) spirituality looks like to me. The really 'top quality' stuff anyway. Monks may be similar in mind, but not in body shape! Except if you are a Shaolin monk I suppose...
I'm not saying I EXPECT spiritual people to look like this, but this is how I 'see' it. Anyway, I hope you get an idea of what I mean. Basically there are no knitted muesli jumpers in my spiritual view!
(This is actually more difficult !! to explain! than I thought it would be!) Hope that makes sense! Sorry if you think I am a body fascist! I'm not really!
Click on 2000's section, Its the 5th pic. and when you see the torso shot scroll by, click on it and it will display properly. DAMM fine!
If that isn't an incentive to 'get spiritual' I don't know WHAT is!!!
Men who have a lot of mind control have a lot more choices than the likes of you or I. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean they get off lightly. They are going to ANY LENGTHS too by the way.
A monastic would not choose to develop their bodies in this way as I don't think it would assist their celibacy very much! But I dare say they might have the ability to exercise their will power along these lines if they wanted.
"Spiritual" isn't this fluffy, feel good, ego massaging, comfy, tree hugging, kitted-muesli-jumper, baggy option.
Well for me it isn't anyway. Yes there is incredible compassion, but that compassion stems from a RUTHLESS UNWAVERING commitment to REALITY.
'Proper' spiritual people are pretty tough people. Incredible persistence and staying power. Often they are just born like that, as opposed to 'made'. Having said that, even the ones who are born like that can choose a very demanding life path of learning with REALLY tough obstacles. What I mean is, they don't 'have it easy'. No Siree! There are no days off, not even for those guys.
Anyway I digress. I'm not drawing your attention to this to make you feel bad about your body, but to make a point about what it means to be spiritual. Its actually hard to put into words. And pictures help a bit. But it is a very common misconception that there is something 'malleable' about it. That's not the same as open minded by the way. Remaining open minded is actually a VERY tough doctrine to maintain in my opinion.
Basically spirituality (from what I have seen of it anyway) is INCREDIBLY tough. But in a GOOD way. Like when you see the Shaolin monks bend pointed steel poles on their chest. These guys are not Nancys!
They're not vague. They're not wooly. They are very, very precise in their thinking.
Anyway I think this picture communicates what I mean FAR better than my words can. But this is how I 'see' spirituality. I do NOT see it in a 'therapy' view. That approach is MUCH softer in my opinion than this stuff. Put it this way, you don't see many therapists that look like this, do you? EXACTLY! (Anthony Robbins doesn't count by the way! Sorry but he's just not in the same league.) They are two very different doctrines. Personally I prefer this one! It goes WAY beyond 'knowledge'. It REALLY relies on what is utterly unknown and mysterious.
Anyway I DO love AA, but these guys have chosen to make themselves publicly known as teachers, and they are not celibate monastics, so it gives you an idea of what I think a non monastic spiritual life can look like. Now you know why I think it is terribly cool to do this stuff.
You can be beautiful inside AND outside!! Cool! Sign me up!
Obviously this is a very personal view, but I just thought I would share it with you. Each to their own. But this is what 'proper' (non celibate) spirituality looks like to me. The really 'top quality' stuff anyway. Monks may be similar in mind, but not in body shape! Except if you are a Shaolin monk I suppose...
I'm not saying I EXPECT spiritual people to look like this, but this is how I 'see' it. Anyway, I hope you get an idea of what I mean. Basically there are no knitted muesli jumpers in my spiritual view!
(This is actually more difficult !! to explain! than I thought it would be!) Hope that makes sense! Sorry if you think I am a body fascist! I'm not really!
Thursday, March 29, 2007
The Gift of Desperation, E.E., Sharing for the Newcomer, and Wise as Serpents
Yeh, sometimes they call it 'The Gift of Desperation'.
It IS a gift. Trust me! I was lucky. I had it.
I had tried EVERYTHING ELSE. And it DIDN'T WORK.
Ii always say. "I was a member of EE before I was a member of AA, 'Everything Else'. Yeah. NOTHING !!!! worked.
Not therapy.
Not self help books.
Not all the self knowledge I got from all those self help books.
Not success at work.
Not friends at work.
Not al anon. **(see bottom of post)
Not having a higher power in al anon
Not working the 'hazeltwig' steps in al anon. (Sorry all you 'hazeltwig' fans out there!) It just didn't work for ME, ok? :)
Not going to al anon meeting every day
not helping people in al anon.
Not kindnesses and concern from people in al anon
Not having fellowship in al anon
Not 'just not drinking'.
Not 'trying to be a better person'.
Not throwing myself into work to take my mind off it.
Not stopping eating sugar.
Not crying hoping the tears would eventually run out.
Not staying in bed thinking I needed some rest.
Not time off.
Diddly squat. Nothing.
I was back at square one.
I fell apart anyway.
I was losing my mind. PROPERLY losing my mind. In a really NOT FUNNY way. In a scary 'One flew over the cuckoos nest' way. And it was getting WORSE.
So I KNEW when I got to AA, that there was a bit more !! to the steps than meets the eye.
I did NOT plan on repeating my errors in al anon.
It was like 'close but no cigar'. (But that's another post)
I was missing ! something. I KNEW it. There was something I had just !!! missed. Not noticed. I needed to look a LITTLE BIT HARDER, and be a LITTLE BIT SHREWDER in my approach. I needed to REALLY study the way different people were trying to get well.
I figured if I got it wrong a SECOND time. That would be IT. There was very little 'battery power' left. In retrospect I think that was a pretty accurate assessment. I KNEW I had to GET IT RIGHT this time.
That's why Jesus said to the disciples,
"Be as gentle as doves, BUT AS WISE AS SERPENTS"
Well, without realizing it at the time, THAT"S what I was doing. I STILL do it. I pay CLOSE attention to things. Well I try to anyway.
I looked at who was just talking for the sake of looking good, and who was actually speaking to ME when they shared. The (metaphorically) BATTERED and BLEEDING, raw newcomer.
'Luck' played a part in me finding my home group, but It was actually really easy to 'see'. My heart 'felt' the language spoken instantly. It soothed my emotional lacerations. It was like balm. It made me feel safe.
One person just REALLY stood out in that respect. I followed my nose. Yeah I checked him out too. He checked out fine. I wanted what he had, so I found out how he did the steps, and then I persuaded a female sponsor in the 'chain' of his Sponsees to take me through the steps.
I've been following my 'nose' ever since. I can just tell when people give a damm or not. Hey a lot of people are just too busy. Or ambivalent. Whatever. But I have always been drawn to those people who have an indefinable ?? something that tells me they care whether I live or die. It helps if in addition to that, they KNOW THEIR SUBJECT.
I confess, I get !!! Pretty irritated when people have a contradictory or muddled view of ANY doctrine. I LOVE clarity. Immediate simple answers. No 'fluff'. Like the big book says:
"The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight." Doctors opinion. PXXVI
Meaning NOT 'fluff'. Yeah I have a pretty low tolerance for what I call 'fluff'. I admit it. Heeheh
When I did what those people suggested, my burden became just SLIGHTLY lighter. That's how I KNEW these people weren't full of s**t. I tested their doctrine. And it worked. For the first time in my WHOLE GOD DAMMED LIFE, something WORKED. So that was it. I was sold. I remember how SHOCKED I was that something could actually lessen my pain. It was an AMAZING revelation. Blew me away.
**(by the way I LOVE al anon, don't get me wrong. Its just I needed to be in AA, NOT al anon, and that's why it wasn't working. If I have time, I try to get to an al anon meeting now. They're cool.)
Yeh I know I might sound like a judgmental B***H sometimes, Because I have a very DEFINITE ! way of expressing myself sometimes!, but you'll just have to take my word for it, (if that's what you're thinking) that actually you couldn't be further from the truth. I have the LOWEST of tolerances for what is known as 'taking a position', (which is basically the OPPOSITE of being OPEN MINDED), but I will have to explain that in ANOTHER POST. That's a WHOLE other doctrine!
Jeez so much stuff!
Right I'm OFF! See y'all.
It IS a gift. Trust me! I was lucky. I had it.
I had tried EVERYTHING ELSE. And it DIDN'T WORK.
Ii always say. "I was a member of EE before I was a member of AA, 'Everything Else'. Yeah. NOTHING !!!! worked.
Not therapy.
Not self help books.
Not all the self knowledge I got from all those self help books.
Not success at work.
Not friends at work.
Not al anon. **(see bottom of post)
Not having a higher power in al anon
Not working the 'hazeltwig' steps in al anon. (Sorry all you 'hazeltwig' fans out there!) It just didn't work for ME, ok? :)
Not going to al anon meeting every day
not helping people in al anon.
Not kindnesses and concern from people in al anon
Not having fellowship in al anon
Not 'just not drinking'.
Not 'trying to be a better person'.
Not throwing myself into work to take my mind off it.
Not stopping eating sugar.
Not crying hoping the tears would eventually run out.
Not staying in bed thinking I needed some rest.
Not time off.
Diddly squat. Nothing.
I was back at square one.
I fell apart anyway.
I was losing my mind. PROPERLY losing my mind. In a really NOT FUNNY way. In a scary 'One flew over the cuckoos nest' way. And it was getting WORSE.
So I KNEW when I got to AA, that there was a bit more !! to the steps than meets the eye.
I did NOT plan on repeating my errors in al anon.
It was like 'close but no cigar'. (But that's another post)
I was missing ! something. I KNEW it. There was something I had just !!! missed. Not noticed. I needed to look a LITTLE BIT HARDER, and be a LITTLE BIT SHREWDER in my approach. I needed to REALLY study the way different people were trying to get well.
I figured if I got it wrong a SECOND time. That would be IT. There was very little 'battery power' left. In retrospect I think that was a pretty accurate assessment. I KNEW I had to GET IT RIGHT this time.
That's why Jesus said to the disciples,
"Be as gentle as doves, BUT AS WISE AS SERPENTS"
Well, without realizing it at the time, THAT"S what I was doing. I STILL do it. I pay CLOSE attention to things. Well I try to anyway.
I looked at who was just talking for the sake of looking good, and who was actually speaking to ME when they shared. The (metaphorically) BATTERED and BLEEDING, raw newcomer.
'Luck' played a part in me finding my home group, but It was actually really easy to 'see'. My heart 'felt' the language spoken instantly. It soothed my emotional lacerations. It was like balm. It made me feel safe.
One person just REALLY stood out in that respect. I followed my nose. Yeah I checked him out too. He checked out fine. I wanted what he had, so I found out how he did the steps, and then I persuaded a female sponsor in the 'chain' of his Sponsees to take me through the steps.
I've been following my 'nose' ever since. I can just tell when people give a damm or not. Hey a lot of people are just too busy. Or ambivalent. Whatever. But I have always been drawn to those people who have an indefinable ?? something that tells me they care whether I live or die. It helps if in addition to that, they KNOW THEIR SUBJECT.
I confess, I get !!! Pretty irritated when people have a contradictory or muddled view of ANY doctrine. I LOVE clarity. Immediate simple answers. No 'fluff'. Like the big book says:
"The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight." Doctors opinion. PXXVI
Meaning NOT 'fluff'. Yeah I have a pretty low tolerance for what I call 'fluff'. I admit it. Heeheh
When I did what those people suggested, my burden became just SLIGHTLY lighter. That's how I KNEW these people weren't full of s**t. I tested their doctrine. And it worked. For the first time in my WHOLE GOD DAMMED LIFE, something WORKED. So that was it. I was sold. I remember how SHOCKED I was that something could actually lessen my pain. It was an AMAZING revelation. Blew me away.
**(by the way I LOVE al anon, don't get me wrong. Its just I needed to be in AA, NOT al anon, and that's why it wasn't working. If I have time, I try to get to an al anon meeting now. They're cool.)
Yeh I know I might sound like a judgmental B***H sometimes, Because I have a very DEFINITE ! way of expressing myself sometimes!, but you'll just have to take my word for it, (if that's what you're thinking) that actually you couldn't be further from the truth. I have the LOWEST of tolerances for what is known as 'taking a position', (which is basically the OPPOSITE of being OPEN MINDED), but I will have to explain that in ANOTHER POST. That's a WHOLE other doctrine!
Jeez so much stuff!
Right I'm OFF! See y'all.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Some happy UK life coaches I heard on the radio..
I heard these two do an interview on LBC radio, and I was very pleasantly surprised at how jolly, positive and solution orientated they were. Not intense, or earnest. Quite hippy-ish. They call themselves 'the Ministry of common sense', or Holly and Shirley. Apparently they are on TV over here, but I never watch the thing and I am in no hurry to.
I'm sure these two human beings are as deeply flawed and fallible as EVERY other human being, but I like their ability to speak very POSITIVELY, and they have figured out some good ideas for being positive along the way which I'm sure I can learn something from.
Do NOT put them on a pedestal, or think they 'know better' than you or I. they don't. (Just in case you are of that inclination)
But it's nice to listen to something positive every now and again. That's all. Its nice to be reminded of a positive way of looking at the world. I just don't see nearly enough people like this, so I like to focus in on them if I discover one along the way. That's all.
Here are the 'boxes' they tick for me..
(Seemingly) not materialistic. Attached to ideas of 'status'.
(Seemingly) not a lot of 'ego' going on.
Happy
Positive
Refuse to be a 'victim'
Really understand how helping other people makes you feel FANTASTIC. Hence the choice of being life coaches I suppose..
Vegetarian
Belief in exercise as a way of staying positive.
Belief in healthy eating as a way of staying positive.
Belief in looking good and having fun.
Belief in meditation as a daily way of life.
Upbeat.
Belief that drinking and drugging are a bit naff and boring. Smoking too probably.
If in future some terrible scandal arises as to some aspect of their lives, this will only prove that ALL humans are very fallible.
For some reason, I am a little uneasy about what I have a 'hunch' about regarding their sexual conduct, but IT IS NOT FOR ME TO JUDGE ANOTHERS SEXUAL CONDUCT. So there! Its NONE OF MY BUSINESS. ALL judgment is WRONG and actually says a LOT more about ME than it does other people.
So there! Besides they are single as far as I know so its no big deal. I'm just a bit of a wimp when it comes to some more modern relationship styles, that's all. And after all, it is only a HUNCH. Nothing more.
Anyway, just thought I'd throw that one in, because for whatever reason I have very compelling hunches about people quite a LOT of the time!
Also because I am very much against making anyone (including myself) a 'guru' or 'better than', so I like to draw attention to the (rather depressing) fallibility of ALL humans..
Disclaimer: Just so you know, I have got people TERRIBLY wrong in the past, so if these two turn out to be lying charlatans then its not my fault! Don't blame me! I just thought they sounded positive, that's all..
I tend to believe people because I pretty much tell the truth, so if these people are lying, it not my fault!!
I'm sure these two human beings are as deeply flawed and fallible as EVERY other human being, but I like their ability to speak very POSITIVELY, and they have figured out some good ideas for being positive along the way which I'm sure I can learn something from.
Do NOT put them on a pedestal, or think they 'know better' than you or I. they don't. (Just in case you are of that inclination)
But it's nice to listen to something positive every now and again. That's all. Its nice to be reminded of a positive way of looking at the world. I just don't see nearly enough people like this, so I like to focus in on them if I discover one along the way. That's all.
Here are the 'boxes' they tick for me..
(Seemingly) not materialistic. Attached to ideas of 'status'.
(Seemingly) not a lot of 'ego' going on.
Happy
Positive
Refuse to be a 'victim'
Really understand how helping other people makes you feel FANTASTIC. Hence the choice of being life coaches I suppose..
Vegetarian
Belief in exercise as a way of staying positive.
Belief in healthy eating as a way of staying positive.
Belief in looking good and having fun.
Belief in meditation as a daily way of life.
Upbeat.
Belief that drinking and drugging are a bit naff and boring. Smoking too probably.
If in future some terrible scandal arises as to some aspect of their lives, this will only prove that ALL humans are very fallible.
For some reason, I am a little uneasy about what I have a 'hunch' about regarding their sexual conduct, but IT IS NOT FOR ME TO JUDGE ANOTHERS SEXUAL CONDUCT. So there! Its NONE OF MY BUSINESS. ALL judgment is WRONG and actually says a LOT more about ME than it does other people.
So there! Besides they are single as far as I know so its no big deal. I'm just a bit of a wimp when it comes to some more modern relationship styles, that's all. And after all, it is only a HUNCH. Nothing more.
Anyway, just thought I'd throw that one in, because for whatever reason I have very compelling hunches about people quite a LOT of the time!
Also because I am very much against making anyone (including myself) a 'guru' or 'better than', so I like to draw attention to the (rather depressing) fallibility of ALL humans..
Disclaimer: Just so you know, I have got people TERRIBLY wrong in the past, so if these two turn out to be lying charlatans then its not my fault! Don't blame me! I just thought they sounded positive, that's all..
I tend to believe people because I pretty much tell the truth, so if these people are lying, it not my fault!!
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Purity is a quality of the heart, not something that comes from unquestioning adherence to a set of rules
"Purity is a quality of the heart, not something that comes from unquestioning adherence to a set of rules"
..And other observations, from Sister (now Ajahn) Candasiri when she talks about 'Jesus through Buddhist eyes' on a radio 4 webpage.
I saw this interview on a radio 4 webpage here.
That first quote reminds me of two things I heard from my favorite old timer, in relation to following AA 'rules'.
He used to say. "It's the SPIRIT of the law, not the LETTER of the law'. Another aa slogan he said which I LOVED was:
"Feeling without action is Sentimentality
Action without feeing is an EMPTY GESTURE."
I have always found that to be a very good 'rule' when practicing Step 12 (service) of some sort.
(On the crucifixion) "An extraordinary account of patient endurance - willingness to bear the unbearable. without any sense of blame or ill will."
Ajahn Candasiri
Me: I just love this as a definition of 'patient endurance', as I haven't heard a definition of this before. I suppose its a bit like what I was describing in my earlier posts about Becoming a strong vessel and Steady containment' is what I call enlightenment.
"The Truth, which the Buddha likened to an ancient overgrown path that he had simply rediscovered."
Ajahn Candasiri
Me: I like this because that's what the 'truth' feels like for me too. I haven't heard it described like this before.
(My heading) Happiness is an inside job:
"We ourselves create the conditions that either promote well-being and the growth of understanding, or cause harm to ourselves or others. We don't need a God to consign us to the nether regions of some hell realm if we are foolish or selfish - it happens naturally. Similarly, when we fill our lives with goodness, we feel happy - that's a heavenly state."
Ajahn Candasiri
Me: I love the way all religions say the same thing. Happiness IS an inside job. We create our own heaven and hell through either good or bad habits. Nothing more.
(My heading) Neither repression nor indulgence:
"There is a way between either following or struggling to repress harmful thoughts that arise. I learned that, through meditation, I can simply bear witness to them, and allow them to pass on according to their nature - I don't need to identify with them in any way at all."
Ajahn Candasiri
Me: This was one of the most valuable things I learned from going to talks at the monastery. It showed me the 'skilful means' for holding difficult emotions in consciousness without letting them go overboard or adding to them in any way. It was a VERY liberating truth.
(My heading) Personal responsibility: Save yourself!:
"Jesus and the Buddha are extraordinary friends and teachers. They can show us the Way, but we can't rely on them to make us happy, or to take away our suffering. That is up to us."
Ajahn Candasiri
Me: So many times you hear this!! Its NOT your sponsor that saves you. its NOT your therapist that saves you. No one can REALLY save you except YOU. This is what I am learning by NOT having a therapist OR a Sponsor. I had NO idea this was true until I tried it. Its a weird one because I am SO conditioned to think I need to rely on other peoples feedback, or that I am too 'damaged' to save myself. But ultimately, it is ME that does the work. I have to surrender. I have to trust. I have to 'give it away'. No one else can do that for me. I am not saying that you HAVE to do the same, I'm just saying that's what works for me at the moment.
..And other observations, from Sister (now Ajahn) Candasiri when she talks about 'Jesus through Buddhist eyes' on a radio 4 webpage.
I saw this interview on a radio 4 webpage here.
That first quote reminds me of two things I heard from my favorite old timer, in relation to following AA 'rules'.
He used to say. "It's the SPIRIT of the law, not the LETTER of the law'. Another aa slogan he said which I LOVED was:
"Feeling without action is Sentimentality
Action without feeing is an EMPTY GESTURE."
I have always found that to be a very good 'rule' when practicing Step 12 (service) of some sort.
(On the crucifixion) "An extraordinary account of patient endurance - willingness to bear the unbearable. without any sense of blame or ill will."
Ajahn Candasiri
Me: I just love this as a definition of 'patient endurance', as I haven't heard a definition of this before. I suppose its a bit like what I was describing in my earlier posts about Becoming a strong vessel and Steady containment' is what I call enlightenment.
"The Truth, which the Buddha likened to an ancient overgrown path that he had simply rediscovered."
Ajahn Candasiri
Me: I like this because that's what the 'truth' feels like for me too. I haven't heard it described like this before.
(My heading) Happiness is an inside job:
"We ourselves create the conditions that either promote well-being and the growth of understanding, or cause harm to ourselves or others. We don't need a God to consign us to the nether regions of some hell realm if we are foolish or selfish - it happens naturally. Similarly, when we fill our lives with goodness, we feel happy - that's a heavenly state."
Ajahn Candasiri
Me: I love the way all religions say the same thing. Happiness IS an inside job. We create our own heaven and hell through either good or bad habits. Nothing more.
(My heading) Neither repression nor indulgence:
"There is a way between either following or struggling to repress harmful thoughts that arise. I learned that, through meditation, I can simply bear witness to them, and allow them to pass on according to their nature - I don't need to identify with them in any way at all."
Ajahn Candasiri
Me: This was one of the most valuable things I learned from going to talks at the monastery. It showed me the 'skilful means' for holding difficult emotions in consciousness without letting them go overboard or adding to them in any way. It was a VERY liberating truth.
(My heading) Personal responsibility: Save yourself!:
"Jesus and the Buddha are extraordinary friends and teachers. They can show us the Way, but we can't rely on them to make us happy, or to take away our suffering. That is up to us."
Ajahn Candasiri
Me: So many times you hear this!! Its NOT your sponsor that saves you. its NOT your therapist that saves you. No one can REALLY save you except YOU. This is what I am learning by NOT having a therapist OR a Sponsor. I had NO idea this was true until I tried it. Its a weird one because I am SO conditioned to think I need to rely on other peoples feedback, or that I am too 'damaged' to save myself. But ultimately, it is ME that does the work. I have to surrender. I have to trust. I have to 'give it away'. No one else can do that for me. I am not saying that you HAVE to do the same, I'm just saying that's what works for me at the moment.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Wow. Even I am surprised how quickly I get over things these days
I can't believe how 'normal' I feel after the crummy guy at work thing the other day. I will NEVER understand how this thing works. It baffles me UTTERLY. Even to this day.
Even though I've seen it work a million times, I'm still in awe when I see new people get better. It stuns me to see people transform.
I find a BIG factor in healing is 'surrendering to the moment' no matter what it is. All I know is that I am in a position after many years practice (!!) to to really accept whatever I happen to be experiencing. Even though it might be unpleasant. The weird thing is, that the more I seem to accept it, the quicker it changes into something else.
I don't know about you, but to me this is INFINITELY better than any therapy I've ever seen or come across. I ADORE the totally inexplicable aspects of this recovery path. It IS like witnessing miracles every day! I'm not kidding, but I really DO rely on them! Sounds really naff I know, but I really DO.
I am SO glad I do NOT rely on the rule of logic or therapeutic precedent to guide me through these aspects of my dysfunction.
Isn't recovery amazing? I think it is.
So many times I have been faced with (what I consider to be) really bleak odds, yet somehow things just 'change' for the better. I have NO idea how it works, but it is blissful and wonderful and I love it!
Sorry if that makes you want to puke, but I'm afraid that's the mood I'm in and I can't help it.
The reason I'm so impressed with how quickly I feel good again is because I KNOW enough about the type of mental symptoms I can experience to know that IT IS NOT NORMAL to be restored to wellbeing as quickly as I do. Its really not normal. I have done my research and I know about these things!
Sod therapy! Give me the healing powers of this spiritual programme anyway!
(Sorry I don't mean to offend those of you that make different choices, I only speak for MYSELF remember!)
By the way I like SOME therapists. They have their uses. I just PREFER this method, that's all. Also I don't have a 'reason' why I make that choice. My choices are made for me by the 'track record'. Whatever works BEST, well that's what I do, NOMATTER WHAT IT IS.
So if in future sometime, I were to come across a therapist that could create more powerful healing than my spiritual programme, I would dump the programme like a hot brick, and do what the therapist said. The reason I HAVEN'T done that is because my EXPERIENCE suggests the spiritual programme I have been shown is by FAR the most powerful choice. That's all.
Even though I've seen it work a million times, I'm still in awe when I see new people get better. It stuns me to see people transform.
I find a BIG factor in healing is 'surrendering to the moment' no matter what it is. All I know is that I am in a position after many years practice (!!) to to really accept whatever I happen to be experiencing. Even though it might be unpleasant. The weird thing is, that the more I seem to accept it, the quicker it changes into something else.
I don't know about you, but to me this is INFINITELY better than any therapy I've ever seen or come across. I ADORE the totally inexplicable aspects of this recovery path. It IS like witnessing miracles every day! I'm not kidding, but I really DO rely on them! Sounds really naff I know, but I really DO.
I am SO glad I do NOT rely on the rule of logic or therapeutic precedent to guide me through these aspects of my dysfunction.
Isn't recovery amazing? I think it is.
So many times I have been faced with (what I consider to be) really bleak odds, yet somehow things just 'change' for the better. I have NO idea how it works, but it is blissful and wonderful and I love it!
Sorry if that makes you want to puke, but I'm afraid that's the mood I'm in and I can't help it.
The reason I'm so impressed with how quickly I feel good again is because I KNOW enough about the type of mental symptoms I can experience to know that IT IS NOT NORMAL to be restored to wellbeing as quickly as I do. Its really not normal. I have done my research and I know about these things!
Sod therapy! Give me the healing powers of this spiritual programme anyway!
(Sorry I don't mean to offend those of you that make different choices, I only speak for MYSELF remember!)
By the way I like SOME therapists. They have their uses. I just PREFER this method, that's all. Also I don't have a 'reason' why I make that choice. My choices are made for me by the 'track record'. Whatever works BEST, well that's what I do, NOMATTER WHAT IT IS.
So if in future sometime, I were to come across a therapist that could create more powerful healing than my spiritual programme, I would dump the programme like a hot brick, and do what the therapist said. The reason I HAVEN'T done that is because my EXPERIENCE suggests the spiritual programme I have been shown is by FAR the most powerful choice. That's all.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Therapy? It's FAR better to figure things out by yourself. (In my experience)
By the way. Bono is of the same opinion as myself. But then I class him as one of the cool people I like, that I try to learn from. (Very personal preference as I know he's not everyone's cup of tea) So its no surprise that I'm in agreement with him on this issue.
He says: "You can exorcise your demons or you can exercise them. I don't know what I've discovered about myself from analysis. The thing to watch for is navel-gazing — and I do have a very nice one — but most of what I've learnt about myself you discover in other people."
Each to their own and all, but a VERY wise person once told me that 'its far better to figure things out on your own' when I asked them about whether or not to pursue therapy. I found it hard to believe, but I am beginning to understand what they meant. I think it IS far better, even though I had no idea I could do it when they suggested that.
But then I'm a very difficult person to impress. Lots of conventionally held standards of self aware excellence are to my mind wanting in many respects. So I can see that my perspective is far from typical. But I have to say I am very grateful for the insight that that feedback offered me. It was the first time I had heard that experience expressed, and I have done quite a bit of research on the subject. I consider myself very fortunate to have been told that. And I would never have believed it, but I have found that to be the case.
For example. A friend of mine in recovery is dealing with similar stuff to myself but has gone down the therapy route. A very expensive and highly trained one I might add. Well they're not coping nearly as well with his stuff as I am with mine. -In my opinion. I know you can't compare, but I think it's fair to say I'm doing pretty good. Exercise and diet are part of my regime though. It works wonders when you take great care of your body. I'm also in love with the intangible mystery of inner change brought about by practicing the principles I learned about in AA to begin with. The 'spiritual' road is pretty weird and utterly unfathomable, but it does seem to work beautifully.
Basically I think its because the most impressive type of people I know are not therapists, so I suppose I model myself on them more than anything else. Even the very good ones I met appear to have a far more limited set of skills and abilities than the people that impress me. I find them as effective (in fact more so) as a conventional therapist, but they are not in that job. I suppose I just don't find them (meaning therapists) that inspiring. I'm much more impressed by people who live really well. Very fit, very good diet, very good at having fun and enjoying life, not heavy, but understand all the 'heavy' stuff, and give the appearance of living a 'normal' life. 'Under the radar' I suppose. That's what appeals to me far more than being perceived as a person who (due to study and training) has somehow got more answers to life's problems than another 'untrained' person. To me life is the great lesson, and you can learn to be self aware and not get too caught up in the pointless array of distractions no matter what you do. But, like I say, each to their own. That's just how I see the whole therapy thing.
Basically, I think its normal to fall in love with therapy when you discover it, just like it can be normal to fall in love with AA when you first discover that too. I've done both. I've met some pretty good therapists as well. Its just now I really think I can do a better job on my own. So this is what I tell my sponsees now.
If you have a craving to be of service to your fellow man in a 'spiritual' capacity, I have found that I can do that in just about any job description. Its unavoidable. Its just happens whether I like it or not when I am trying to have a good life and practice these principles in ALL my affairs. There is always an opportunity to be helpful to another human being, if you look for it. I find there are far too many!
He says: "You can exorcise your demons or you can exercise them. I don't know what I've discovered about myself from analysis. The thing to watch for is navel-gazing — and I do have a very nice one — but most of what I've learnt about myself you discover in other people."
Each to their own and all, but a VERY wise person once told me that 'its far better to figure things out on your own' when I asked them about whether or not to pursue therapy. I found it hard to believe, but I am beginning to understand what they meant. I think it IS far better, even though I had no idea I could do it when they suggested that.
But then I'm a very difficult person to impress. Lots of conventionally held standards of self aware excellence are to my mind wanting in many respects. So I can see that my perspective is far from typical. But I have to say I am very grateful for the insight that that feedback offered me. It was the first time I had heard that experience expressed, and I have done quite a bit of research on the subject. I consider myself very fortunate to have been told that. And I would never have believed it, but I have found that to be the case.
For example. A friend of mine in recovery is dealing with similar stuff to myself but has gone down the therapy route. A very expensive and highly trained one I might add. Well they're not coping nearly as well with his stuff as I am with mine. -In my opinion. I know you can't compare, but I think it's fair to say I'm doing pretty good. Exercise and diet are part of my regime though. It works wonders when you take great care of your body. I'm also in love with the intangible mystery of inner change brought about by practicing the principles I learned about in AA to begin with. The 'spiritual' road is pretty weird and utterly unfathomable, but it does seem to work beautifully.
Basically I think its because the most impressive type of people I know are not therapists, so I suppose I model myself on them more than anything else. Even the very good ones I met appear to have a far more limited set of skills and abilities than the people that impress me. I find them as effective (in fact more so) as a conventional therapist, but they are not in that job. I suppose I just don't find them (meaning therapists) that inspiring. I'm much more impressed by people who live really well. Very fit, very good diet, very good at having fun and enjoying life, not heavy, but understand all the 'heavy' stuff, and give the appearance of living a 'normal' life. 'Under the radar' I suppose. That's what appeals to me far more than being perceived as a person who (due to study and training) has somehow got more answers to life's problems than another 'untrained' person. To me life is the great lesson, and you can learn to be self aware and not get too caught up in the pointless array of distractions no matter what you do. But, like I say, each to their own. That's just how I see the whole therapy thing.
Basically, I think its normal to fall in love with therapy when you discover it, just like it can be normal to fall in love with AA when you first discover that too. I've done both. I've met some pretty good therapists as well. Its just now I really think I can do a better job on my own. So this is what I tell my sponsees now.
If you have a craving to be of service to your fellow man in a 'spiritual' capacity, I have found that I can do that in just about any job description. Its unavoidable. Its just happens whether I like it or not when I am trying to have a good life and practice these principles in ALL my affairs. There is always an opportunity to be helpful to another human being, if you look for it. I find there are far too many!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Wordless transmission. It's a HIGH teaching.
The best things in life are wordless!
A sunset
A flower
The feeling of love you have for another human being
The special feeling you have when you are in the same room as someone who truly supports you.
Basically the BEST, highest teachings go way beyond words. Words and language are simply far too crude and 'clunky' to grasp these refined 'truths'. So please have respect for these type of learning experiences. They go very deep and are very profound. I doubt the human language will ever be able to describe reality as we get to experience it. But that's ok. Words are just a convention we are stuck with to communicate basic stuff with one another. I don't think they were ever intended to reflect reality accurately.
This is why I favor the 'spiritual' route to freedom rather than the therapy route. Therapy relies on language and the ability of our mind to grasp concepts. To me growth as a human being is infinitely more complex than any of those very superficial functions. I MUCH prefer the infinite complexity of higher truths, as revealed to us in ways I don't suppose I will ever understand. We need to be comfortable with a path that embraces and makes use of faculties we do not and cannot understand. I love the mystery of a spiritual path. To me it is by far the most sophisticated learning curve there is. It would take many lifetimes and a very special type of person to be able to grasp even the beginnings of reality. And I think reality is infinitely more weird than you could possibly imagine. Thank god we have a higher power who understands it a bit better than we do!
A sunset
A flower
The feeling of love you have for another human being
The special feeling you have when you are in the same room as someone who truly supports you.
Basically the BEST, highest teachings go way beyond words. Words and language are simply far too crude and 'clunky' to grasp these refined 'truths'. So please have respect for these type of learning experiences. They go very deep and are very profound. I doubt the human language will ever be able to describe reality as we get to experience it. But that's ok. Words are just a convention we are stuck with to communicate basic stuff with one another. I don't think they were ever intended to reflect reality accurately.
This is why I favor the 'spiritual' route to freedom rather than the therapy route. Therapy relies on language and the ability of our mind to grasp concepts. To me growth as a human being is infinitely more complex than any of those very superficial functions. I MUCH prefer the infinite complexity of higher truths, as revealed to us in ways I don't suppose I will ever understand. We need to be comfortable with a path that embraces and makes use of faculties we do not and cannot understand. I love the mystery of a spiritual path. To me it is by far the most sophisticated learning curve there is. It would take many lifetimes and a very special type of person to be able to grasp even the beginnings of reality. And I think reality is infinitely more weird than you could possibly imagine. Thank god we have a higher power who understands it a bit better than we do!
Careers Counseling
The 2006 edition of What Color Is Your Parachute? A Practical Manual for Job-Hunters and Career-Changers,
A careers counselor who works according to the What colour is your parachute book is:
Jo Ouston
07976 262 776
020 7821 8299
Career Analysts
Since our establishment in 1965, tens of thousands of individuals from all walks of life and backgrounds have achieved real career success and personal fulfilment as a direct result of our unique specialist consultancy services.
Over 80% of our business is referred by previous clients.
A careers counselor who works according to the What colour is your parachute book is:
Jo Ouston
07976 262 776
020 7821 8299
Career Analysts
Since our establishment in 1965, tens of thousands of individuals from all walks of life and backgrounds have achieved real career success and personal fulfilment as a direct result of our unique specialist consultancy services.
Over 80% of our business is referred by previous clients.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
One off or Specialist/Sexual queries? Email a therapist!
Relate £22.50
Philip Hodson £47
Anna Raeburn. Free
Personally I have GREAT faith in spiritual principles as a solution to ALL my life problems. My AA programme has stood me in GREAT stead over the years and served as the FINEST introduction one could possibly ask for to life's very steep and unremitting learning curve!! Basically the spiritual 'apprenticeship' of the steps is a template you will use, again and again, in an informal way after step 9, to grow as a human being.
For instance, I am currently in the process of learning things about my life (at 18 years sober) which almost exactly mirror the learning curve I experienced with my sponsor in the early years of my recovery. Except this time its LIFE, not 'the steps' that I am 'doing'. I have the same issues of learning to trust, doubt in my ability to learn, and lack of faith as I had when I first joined AA. AA has taught me to show up, and do the next right thing, and go to any lengths, every day in order to get better in another area of my life. I am SO grateful for having had the experience of the steps 'in the bank' because otherwise I would find the messy business of growth confusing and overwhelming. I feel like I 'earned my stripes' in AA and now can understand 'the lay of the land' because of the journey I took from steps 1 to 9.
What I'm saying is that the highest, most sophisticated teachings I have stumbled across AFTER doing the first nine steps are ALWAYS a reflection in part in the process I went through with my sponsor on the journey from steps 1 to 9. What I mean is that the dynamic I experienced in the throes of the steps are repeated afterwards in the process of growing up. My first experience of these 'battles' was with the steps, but now they are familiar road signs on my journey of growth.
So it is in this spirit that I suggest the OPTION of having another source of referral or feedback.
So do not think that I consider 'professional feedback to be some sort of 'graduation' after step 9. Better than the steps or something. I don't. It is my opinion that spiritual principle are MUCH more powerful than ANY therapy. I'm just saying this can be used as a back up resource, or something to get specialist information.
For example. If I wanted to know what type of therapist to seek out for a sexually abused niece in Wales, who is 15, lets say. I would ask Philip Hodson. Because that is specialist information that I do not know.
Also sometimes these professionals are better at explaining how to practice (what I call spiritual principles) in relation to some other matter. So they are something you can avail yourself of, should you want additional feedback.
Personally, I find that just having the option of that feedback is a comfort in itself. More than the need to actually use it. Meaning its a comfort just knowing that it's there, even if you never actually use it. Its a psychological trick to make you feel safe, when you are experiencing doubt, more than anything.
By the way doubt is not a sign that something is wrong. It is a natural part of any spiritual path. Part of the business of becoming a 'spiritual warrior' for want of a better term is learning how to 'show up for life' and keep on keeping on despite being pulled this way and that by the energy of doubt. Doubt is a lesson in faith and going to any lengths in my opinion. I like to think that I can 'do' doubt, after 18yrs of practice!! It still feels really uncomfortable though!!
But if your sponsor insists that the only way to get well is to give them all your money and let them sleep with your (very cute) husband, then doubt in that instance is a very healthy sign that something is terribly wrong!!
As in ALL things, there is an exception to EVERY 'rule'.
Hahaaa. Good old doubt. One could write a whole chapter on it but I can't be bothered so I won't.
Relate web site says...
Relate webpage
Email a Counsellor lets you consult a Relate Counsellor online
All replies are written personally for you, and we aim to send a reply within 4 working days.
It costs just £22.50 to Email a Counsellor and get a personal reply. Each follow-on email and reply also costs £22.50.
Phillip Hodson website says...
Philip Hodson Webpage
Cheques should be sent in advance to PO BOX 29742 LONDON NW3 1FF. replies are usually sent within 48 hours.
Subjects are not limited but may include anything to do with love, sex, marriage, relationships, emotions, bereavement, divorce, dating, gender identity, sexual orientation, transvestism, difficulties with attachment/detachment, childhood/teenage, managing adolescents, parenting in general, time management issues, phobias, eating disorders, panic attacks, depression, borderline personality difficulties, erectile disorder, female orgasmic dysfunction, ejaculation problems and loss of libido.
Philip Hodson £47
Anna Raeburn. Free
Personally I have GREAT faith in spiritual principles as a solution to ALL my life problems. My AA programme has stood me in GREAT stead over the years and served as the FINEST introduction one could possibly ask for to life's very steep and unremitting learning curve!! Basically the spiritual 'apprenticeship' of the steps is a template you will use, again and again, in an informal way after step 9, to grow as a human being.
For instance, I am currently in the process of learning things about my life (at 18 years sober) which almost exactly mirror the learning curve I experienced with my sponsor in the early years of my recovery. Except this time its LIFE, not 'the steps' that I am 'doing'. I have the same issues of learning to trust, doubt in my ability to learn, and lack of faith as I had when I first joined AA. AA has taught me to show up, and do the next right thing, and go to any lengths, every day in order to get better in another area of my life. I am SO grateful for having had the experience of the steps 'in the bank' because otherwise I would find the messy business of growth confusing and overwhelming. I feel like I 'earned my stripes' in AA and now can understand 'the lay of the land' because of the journey I took from steps 1 to 9.
What I'm saying is that the highest, most sophisticated teachings I have stumbled across AFTER doing the first nine steps are ALWAYS a reflection in part in the process I went through with my sponsor on the journey from steps 1 to 9. What I mean is that the dynamic I experienced in the throes of the steps are repeated afterwards in the process of growing up. My first experience of these 'battles' was with the steps, but now they are familiar road signs on my journey of growth.
So it is in this spirit that I suggest the OPTION of having another source of referral or feedback.
So do not think that I consider 'professional feedback to be some sort of 'graduation' after step 9. Better than the steps or something. I don't. It is my opinion that spiritual principle are MUCH more powerful than ANY therapy. I'm just saying this can be used as a back up resource, or something to get specialist information.
For example. If I wanted to know what type of therapist to seek out for a sexually abused niece in Wales, who is 15, lets say. I would ask Philip Hodson. Because that is specialist information that I do not know.
Also sometimes these professionals are better at explaining how to practice (what I call spiritual principles) in relation to some other matter. So they are something you can avail yourself of, should you want additional feedback.
Personally, I find that just having the option of that feedback is a comfort in itself. More than the need to actually use it. Meaning its a comfort just knowing that it's there, even if you never actually use it. Its a psychological trick to make you feel safe, when you are experiencing doubt, more than anything.
By the way doubt is not a sign that something is wrong. It is a natural part of any spiritual path. Part of the business of becoming a 'spiritual warrior' for want of a better term is learning how to 'show up for life' and keep on keeping on despite being pulled this way and that by the energy of doubt. Doubt is a lesson in faith and going to any lengths in my opinion. I like to think that I can 'do' doubt, after 18yrs of practice!! It still feels really uncomfortable though!!
But if your sponsor insists that the only way to get well is to give them all your money and let them sleep with your (very cute) husband, then doubt in that instance is a very healthy sign that something is terribly wrong!!
As in ALL things, there is an exception to EVERY 'rule'.
Hahaaa. Good old doubt. One could write a whole chapter on it but I can't be bothered so I won't.
Relate web site says...
Relate webpage
Email a Counsellor lets you consult a Relate Counsellor online
All replies are written personally for you, and we aim to send a reply within 4 working days.
It costs just £22.50 to Email a Counsellor and get a personal reply. Each follow-on email and reply also costs £22.50.
Phillip Hodson website says...
Philip Hodson Webpage
Cheques should be sent in advance to PO BOX 29742 LONDON NW3 1FF. replies are usually sent within 48 hours.
Subjects are not limited but may include anything to do with love, sex, marriage, relationships, emotions, bereavement, divorce, dating, gender identity, sexual orientation, transvestism, difficulties with attachment/detachment, childhood/teenage, managing adolescents, parenting in general, time management issues, phobias, eating disorders, panic attacks, depression, borderline personality difficulties, erectile disorder, female orgasmic dysfunction, ejaculation problems and loss of libido.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Will Self Knowledge keep you sober?
The actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly any exception,
will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge.
page 39 Chapter 3. MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable.
Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time.
More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall.
page 26 Chapter 2. THERE IS A SOLUTION
He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic.
Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside
in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk!
page 36 Chapter 3. MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots.
page 42 Chapter 3. MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
Surely this was the answer -- self-knowledge.
page 7 Chapter 1. BILL'S STORY
He was positive that this humiliating experience,
plus the knowledge he had acquired,
would keep him sober the rest of his life.
Self-knowledge would fix it.
page 40 Chapter 3. MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge.
page 39 Chapter 3. MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
Above all, he believed he had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable.
Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short time.
More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall.
page 26 Chapter 2. THERE IS A SOLUTION
He had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic.
Yet all reasons for not drinking were easily pushed aside
in favor of the foolish idea that he could take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk!
page 36 Chapter 3. MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots.
page 42 Chapter 3. MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
Surely this was the answer -- self-knowledge.
page 7 Chapter 1. BILL'S STORY
He was positive that this humiliating experience,
plus the knowledge he had acquired,
would keep him sober the rest of his life.
Self-knowledge would fix it.
page 40 Chapter 3. MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
