Life is a lot more like Vanilla Sky than you would think

Vanilla sky is about a man who is experiencing a nightmare which he believes is his real life until he is FORCED to examine his experience more carefully because of 'pain and unremitting suffering'.
Admittedly. His experience is a bit trippy at times. One person changes into another for instance. So we won't experience it in quite this (!) dramatic way. But yeah. He is dreaming. But he doesn't know it.
The nightmare gets his attention, and he struggles with familiar unconscious parts of himself (the therapist and old friend) in his attempt to make sense of the predicament he finds himself in.

More importantly the film VERY ACCURATELY shows how the TINIEST act can literally pull the whole thing apart.
Not just a mediocre of average thing.
But a SERIOUSLY GREAT, seemingly bullet proof thing.
Yes. I'm afraid that's a reality we are ALL capable of experiencing. At one year sober or 50 years sober. Our flaws and lack of judgment, or innocent oversight can pull everything down around our ears. Everything.

Basically its a lesson in cause and effect, impermanence, (that everything can disappear in a moment) and the maxim, 'you snooze you lose'. Very painfully illustrated by the devastating effect of Toms momentary decision to take a short car ride with Cameron.
Yeah I know its a very theatrical scene in the sense that Cameron acts like a !! total loon in the car, but even if we do not meet total loonys, we can STILL fall foul of poor choices that REALLY land us in it. They can be VERY SMALL and SEEMINGLY INSIGNIFICANT choices. And in their isolated sense, they probably are.
But in regard to the knock on effect down the line. They are NOT.
And that is how the world IS im afraid.
You would become TOTALLY paranoid about the smallest acts if you knew how tragic events trail back to insignificant sources. So its just as well we cannot see the causal links so clearly.
Anyway. I digress. As usual.

But yeah. Life is like vanilla sky. It really is. More so than you realize.
Its a great undiscovered film. Nobody realizes what a great metaphor it is.
Very accurate in a lot of ways.

For those of you that routinely experience the metal tape loop of

"when anyone said they liked me I used to think one of two things.
They were either LYING
Or they were STUPID"

(And I count myself among one of the people that experience that particular mental tape loop of destructive self loathing)
Then the TOTAL MISJUDGEMENT of the love that Toms character HAD during his life THAT HE HAD NO CLUE EXISTED
Is a valuable and VERY HUMBLING lesson.

Yes we are VERY OFTEN oblivious to the love and concern that others REALLY have for us.
That's why we look to ? 'feed' off of other fixes. Food. Tv, anything really to absorb into as an 'out', a way of running away from what Amaro calls 'the craving mind' (Tahana) or the hungry ghost as other call it.

Anyway. In his (Toms) despair, he DOES NOT SEE Penelope's love, or his friends love. He is oblivious to the GOOD people in his life. He FAILS to notice them because he is in pain and cannot see the wood for the trees. But unless you really PRACTICE gratitude and ACTIVELY LOOK for the GOOD people and GOOD things in your life, then YOU TOO will miss these wonderful people in your life. They are there already! You just forget to keep looking out for them! Thank god. We all have SOMEBODY who looks out (of HAS looked out for us). Well I think so. Even if we cannot see them. I am sure they are there.

Anyway I digress yet again.
What im saying is that this film is a fantastic illustration of how we unconsciously 'dream' our existence into being, and how the tiniest acts can destroy or save us. How we do not notice the love around us, and how we GET IT WRONG. ALL. THE. TIME.
Even if we are 'nice people'
Even if we 'mean well'
Even when we 'try hard'
Even when we 'do our best'

So yes we are pretty much at the mercy of our habitual thinking, and view of the world. Every (!!) act and thought counts. You snooze you lose. And sometimes you can lose everything on a dime. The tiniest thing.

Is it any wonder that it is so essential to connect with something greater than ourselves?
To 'move toward and become like' something greater than ourselves in order to make sense of the impeccable complexity partnered with utter simplicity? How in !! Gawds name are we supposed to make ANY sense of it all without that?
I have no idea.
Thank god the ? 'heart wisdom' is infinitely more expansive than the mind and can hold dozens of contradictions in place and STILL see the wood for the trees.
Complicated and simple at the same time. And the faultless infinite complexity need not be a problem. Just a feature of the landscape. Just another 'thing' in the mix.

So yes. The mind just doesn't have a strong enough 'engine' to get you there. Whereas the heart is like some sort of ? portal. A gateway into the world the mind simply cannot see. A landscape that sees all. Can hold it all.

Yes it means dropping the thinking mind temporarily. Which can throw you into BLIND PANIC if the only way you have ever ! Tried to make sense of the world is by being able to frame it in some cozy little mental box of classifications.
But yeah. If you can stand the SQIRMING mind bleating in the background because it can't 'fit' the experience into a neat little box,
AND you can resist the urge to let the mind gallop off like a dog with a stick the !! moment it sees a juicy morsel to THINK about, then you might !! just be able to enjoy a nice moment of what sogyal rinpoche calls Just BE (ing)

Whatever
I have no idea why I decided to type all that.
What I MEANT to say was, Vanilla Sky is a GREAT film and works on MANY levels. All true. So watch it a few times and see what you think.

Imagine (for one horror stricken moment,) that the 'story', might not be such a 'story' after all. But more real than most of the stuff you think of as your daily reality.
Now THAT'S a scary thought. But I am afraid to say I see a lot of reality in that film. Not all of it. But a lot more than you see in most. Which IS scary I suppose.
But never mind eh.
We just do our lousy best and try to stay in (reasonably) fit spiritual condition.
That's all we can do really. Seeing as how we see through the (god dammed) glass SO !!! darkly. Its like we don't really have much choice!

The OTHER great thing about this film, is that it is an accurate reflection of the inherent UNREALITY of the 'nightmare'. is that the nightmare is JUST THAT. A nightmare. Its an illusion. A 'seeming' as Amaro calls it. Important only insofar as to our need to RECOGNIZE it for what it is so that it becomes transparent to us, as opposed to this large looming chunk of reality staring at us. It is not 'real'.
The good news? Like some monk said.. IT IS ALL. ALL. RIGHT. Yet at the same time we are required to be aware of this subtle trick of the mind in order to not be consumed by it. Easy to say. Hard to do.
So there you go. A vaguely cheery note to end on. :)

Heheh
Whatever.
Sorry for rambling on.
It just once I start I cant stop :)

Right Id better go do some mundane household stuff. Go clean the bathroom and put some laundry on.
Same ol same ol basically.

BTW I am tempted to put a ? warning disclaimer on some of these posts because they are not ? Quite what I normally put here, and I am just kindof typing the first thing that comes into my head. So please do not feel that you have to agree with me or like it. Or anything really. Im just thinking out loud. And I may have got it wrong as I am not used to writing about this. So forgive me if I am sounding a bit cr*p. Im afraid its jus one of those things. Its VERY easy (unfortunately) to sound like a bit f a tw*t when you talk about these things, so you will just have to bear with me while I figure out (if ever!) how to write about ? this type of thing without sounding like a grandiose loon. It aint easy!

Hehe. Right off to tackle the bathroom with a strong cup of tea!

In the meantime, have a great Sunday! I on the other hand.. Have some serious cleaning up to do! Hey ho. Amaros 'zen bliss' (a my sister calls it) will keep me amused in the background!

Compassion for the 'enemy': The 114yr old monk who stayed alive to protect his attackers karma

At 35mins into the downloadable mp3 of the talk by Amaro called Listening to the mind there is a cool story which I thought I would share about having compassion for ones enemies. It sort of goes like this. Its a true story but I cant make out the spelling of the monks name. Amaro will know, but I haven't emailed nim to ask.

The true story of great master (cannot tell spelling from audio which is a shame) Siu yung.who at the age of 114 was attacked by the red guard.
He restored monasteries that were being destroyed by the communist party. He was so influential and so loved in china that at the time of the communist revolution the red guard came round and beat him up when he was 114 years old. They beat him with wooden clubs and left him for dead. Broken and bleeding. But he survived. He didn't die.
His fellow monastic took care of him, looked after him and were amazed at his strength and his resilience and he recovered.
Some weeks later the red guard found out he was still alive and they went back and beat him up again with steel bars. Broke his bones, and bust his head and he was incredibly injured. And everyone was sure he was going to die.
He was Incredibly hurt and was in incredible pain. And even his disciples, who loved him dearly, thought, "even though he'd been so injured and so hurt, the great master isn't dying. It must be out of compassion for us, that he's holding on, because he knows how upset we'll be if he passes away.
So they said to him. 'please, don't just hang on to life. Your bones are all broken, your organs are smashed, you're in such terrible pain. Please don't hold on to life just because you think that we will be upset if you pass away. If its time for you to die. Please don't just hang on to life for our sake. "
He said. "its not for you. I am deliberately holding on and staying alive. But its not for you. Its for the soldiers who beat me. Because if I died, the karma that they would create would be so terrible, I couldn't be responsible for that. So I'm staying alive. But its for their sake. Not for you."
And he lived for another SIX years after that. Wisely the communist army left him alone an he lived till 1959."

Nice huh?
Well I liked it.
Just goes to show. There's no excuse for hatred. Amazing !! levels of compassion are possible. Wow.
Right I'm off. Have a fabulous Wednesday!

Forget Everything And Remember: Self Centred Fear and Fear of financial insecurity

Good old Ian Brown. This is F. E. A. R. (Uncle remix)

Fear is understandable.
So don't be hard on yourself
Accept this inner chaos for starters

Then. Here's the thing.
TRUST that even though this LOOKS scary.
That EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

Your higher power is ONLY ever interested in giving you WHAT IS THE VERY!!!! BEST FOR YOU.

If your higher power says NO to THIS thing.
It is because there is something FAR BETTER in store for you.
And in order to GET THAT, you have to LET GO of this thing.

So just TRUST THAT
And let those feelings just rumble along in the background, doing their own thing.
Have them. But do not BELIEVE them.

Also, like I said in a previous post about thing balancing themselves out, the universe ALWAYS seems to 'balances out' those that are 'channels', meaning those that have had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps, sort of thing.
So if your mind is very much 'stuck' to ONE side on some matter. The universe will PRESENT a situation to force this 'stuck' position to 'unstick' itself, and become more encompassing of other world views.

The universe does NOT tolerate ONE SIDED, 'fixed positions' or deluded longing and attachment to worldly things. (in those whose 'channels' are 'open')

Owning things is FINE. its BELIEVING in them as your mental and emotional 'savior' that is the 'problem'. Or attaching GREAT SIGNIFICANCE to them. Nothing wrong with LIKING them, or choosing to ENJOY them in the moment. Its CREATING YOUR ENTIRE IDENTITY FROM THEM that makes things a bit sticky later!
So the universe will create situations to re educate !!! you in this matter if it sees one of its students leaning too far one way.

So be warned!!!
If you are SINCERE in your wish for INNER PEACE and a desire to help others, life lessons will come THICK AND FAST.
The better the student, the more 'assignments' you get!!!
So if you have a dozen 'existential' essays to complete, then trust me! Your higher power rates you as a TOP student!!
You don't get to languish in the back of the class staring out the window and texting your mates!
Nah!
YOUR HIGHER POWER HAS WAYS OF GETTING YOUR ATTENTION.
So pay attention!
YOU SNOOZE YOU LOSE

Regarding money and objects. I LOVE edges comment in an interview where he said:

"Possessions are a way of turning money into problems."
and
"I don't have anything that I'd miss if it got stolen."

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2099-1334305,00.html
Sunday Times. November 2004

Hey and if you are scared, do the Taoist arch as well.
And earn some good karma points by trying to be of as much benefit to the person MOST in need (usually the newcomer) as you can. They stand to lose the MOST if they fail, so their weaknesses are the MOST in need of correcting. Lives !are at stake, so EVERY bit of help counts! You just NEVER KNOW if YOU will be the person who 'gets through' to them, so give it a whirl and see what happens. If it is good it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS and, if it is bad it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Just show up. You paddle and god steers.

Karma 'Speeds up': Things coming to a head. Things coming to FRUITION.

Ancient Statue of a Bodhisattva in Room 33 of the British Museum, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

Things coming to FRUITION.
Ripening to their inevitable outcome FASTER.

One of the things I tell people who start doing (what I consider to be GOOD) Step 11 practice. With powerful energetic Teachers. (As not all have very strong energy.)

(By the way you can empower yourself by practicing 'constant thought of others, maximum helpfulness' but that's another story.)

Here is a passage from Step 12 section of a guy from my homegroup about how we were 'taught' Step 12.
"AA Service
RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING in AA, we should start trying to adopt AN ATTITUDE OF SERVICE and a what-can-I-contribute approach IN ALL AREAS OF OUR LIVES However, for the alcoholic, it is VITAL that this should include PARTICULARLY (!!) passing on the message of AA’s programme of recovery on to suffering alcoholics.
This can take a variety of forms, direct or indirect, and can be aimed at both alcoholics who are already in AA in the AA group; and those who are outside AA and yet to stop through the Intergroup and General Service structures and even just as we go about our daily lives. The chapter Working With Others in the Big Book is the primary source for guidance here. The Twelve Traditions are invaluable to us in our consideration of how best to carry the message."
This is from the website called miseryisoptional.info

Anyway I digress. As !!! Usual.
Ok .
If you have been 'zapped' by a GOOD step 11
OR
If you have been 'zapped' by EFFECTIVELY helping newcomers.

THEN
You effectively have generated a TON of extra 'energy'.
This has the effect of 'cooking' you FASTER.

So,
The water reaches the boil FASTER than it would ordinarily.
Mind states change more frequently.
Insight occurs more often.
The penny drops more often.
The veil is lifted more often.
Our emotions evolve more often.
The 'furniture in our head' is rearranged more often.

Basically EVERYTHING SPEEDS UP.
NOTHING stays the same!
Its a bit of a rollercoaster ride to be honest. Hold onto your hats!

The furniture thing. Let me explain.
Ok.
Its like you went to bed with all the furniture in the usual place.
Then you got up in the middle of the night to have a pee.
And none of he furniture is in the same place it was yesterday. And you keep bumping into things.
Some stuff is new and you're not sure where you got it.
Other stuff you can't find.
Other stuff you don't even notice was missing till years later.

Well that's what its like IN YOUR HEAD AND YOUR EMOTIONS when you are on a FUNCTIONING Spiritual path.
Well that's what I think anyway. No offence if you know what I mean.

Right I'll get to the point if it kills me!
Reality is in a constant state of flux and IMPERMANENCE is the Hallmark of reality.,
Everything is whirling around at the speed of light. Changing in a nano second.
Reality is very PLASTIC. Hinges on a thought, Hangs on one tiny action.
Its very fragile. Like a butterflies wing. And can change at a moments notice.

"And I'm a million different people from one day to the next"
The Verve. Bittersweet Symphony

Very true. Richard Ashcroft was more accurate than he realized.
Anyway.
Scary huh?
Most of us don't see this very much, because we are too busy hiding in our comfort zones and HABITUAL thinking.
Auto pilot basically. To give us the ILLUSION of stability. Heheh. No such thing!
Reality is MUCH more scary than that. MUCH more delicate and precarious. MUCH more random. Being honest with oneself of the true nature of things is not a 'comfort'. The comfort comes from ACCEPTING that this is how it is. Just making peace with it.Getting used to the sand shifting under your feet constantly.

Anyway! Before I go on for !!!!! Ever!
My POINT IS
Increasing your ? energetic condition, by either (properly) helping others, or doing (a good) step 11 moves you CLOSER to this reality.
Its like you moved closer to the 'fire' and you can feel the 'heat' more.
Things start moving around quicker.
Synchronicity kicks in.
Things just happen at the right time.
The right people show up.
You hear what you need to hear.
You get what you need. Even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

But IN ADDITION to that.
Things that 'aren't quite right'.
Guess what happens to them?
Yep!
Like I said before.
First you get a pebble.
Then you get a Brick.
Then you get a BOULDER!

Well when you are 'tuned in' and the spiritual path is 'working'
The Boulder comes FASTER
Sometimes MUCH FASTER

Its the law of consequences. Or Karma.
Karma is just another word for the 'fruition' of ones actions.

If I eat a cake every day. Eventually I will get fat. That's a KARMIC CONSEQUENCE of that action.
So don't think I'm being vague here. I'm not. I just like using the word karma to describe this thing. Its the same as consequence.

Why does the boulder come faster?
Well its like God decided to put you in th 'A' Stream instead of the usual 'D' stream.
See. You are no longer a Spiritual 'Nancy', so God figures he can 'up the stakes' with you a bit.
So its cool really. Means you have 'upped' a grade. Well that's how I see it.

By the way, this is NOT to be confused with people who experience CRISIS after CRISIS because their lives are hopelessly unmanageable. This has an ENTIRELY different quality to it.
This will ONLY happen to people who are SINCERELY trying to help others OR doing a GOOD step 11.
Meaning, if you are just some sort of a git, and make crummy choices, then yeah, the s*it WILL hit the fan. But that's not the same thing.
This has MUCH more of a flavor of SYNCHRONICITY about it.
So no. If you are not sincere, or your motives are ego feeding rather than to be of service, then its a different ball of wax.

I don't have time to give examples.
Heres one.
Sometimes the karmic consequence occurs SECONDS after the thought occurs.
I used to ALWAYS ALWAYS pay my travel fares.
One day for some ? Reason I forgot to buy more bus tickets.
THE MOMENT I realized I didn't have a travel pass that included the current day. (It had expired)
THE THOUGHT OCCURRED TO ME that I could just stay in the bus and not buy a new ticket before I got off.
The bus journey was 5 minutes tops.
I was tempted to not pay.
THE MOMENT I thought. Yeah why not. I'm only going to be on the bus for a few more minutes. Its too much hassle to get off the bus and get a new one. Ill be late for work anyway if I do. What the hell, I'll get a new pass when I get off later in the day.
DISHONEST.

GUESS WHAT HAPPENED
About 1 minute AFTER HAVING THAT THOUGHT
A ticket inspector got on. And started checking tickets.
As the bus was waiting to go off. I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO GET OFF THE BUS and buy a new one or else stay on and get a 10 pound fine. Or whatever it is that these guys do. Gawd knows.
Ok. To put this in context.
I went to that job for nearly ? 5 years.
Every day I got the bus 2-3 stops on the way there. 5 days a week.
Guess how often I saw a ticket inspector on the Bus during those 5 years?
ONCE.
Guess how often I THOUGHT about not paying my fare over those 5 years?
ONCE.
How much Step 11 was I doing then?
LOADS. With really cool people.

So there you go. Too long as usual! No change there!
I will have to do some more examples on another post.

DO YOU SEE WHY I BELIEVE WHAT WE THINK IS SO !! IMPORTANT?
There are plenty other examples. But I quite like that one. It was REALLY fast.
The boomerang came back WITHIN SECONDS.
So yeah. You have to stay on your toes if you plan on 'growing along spiritual lines'
Well that's what I think anyway.

Basically its all about MOTIVE.
So make yours 'For the benefit of all sentient beings' which is just another way of saying 'Maximum helpfulness'. Or "The greatest good for the greatest number'.
Its the BEST motive money can buy. If you ask me.

Anyway. Have a GREAT Thursday.
Sorry if that sounds a bit freaky or odd. Its just the mood I am in today. Whatever.
Please IGNORE it if it does your head in. Or ? it doesn't agree with you for some other reason.
See y'all!

15th Century Statue of the Bodhisattva Vajrasattva in Room 33 of the British Museum

15th Century Statue of the Bodhisattva Vajrasattva in Rm 33 British Museum, originally uploaded by Irish friend of Bill.

This is something for those that are planning on taking the The Vajrasattva Initiation in Nottingham, May 2008 with the Dalia Lama
I find it helpful to 'get to know' the ? Deities in question before I take an initiation. I was drawn to this statue the other day before I heard that the Dalai Lama was doing an initiation next year in May 2008. I nipped in toady in passing to see if there were any Vajrasattva statues in the museum and sure enough. There he/she/it was!!
Cool. Anyway Pictures work for me, so here is a pic of the 15th Century Statue from Nepal. The words underneath are the short form Mantra, which invokes the Deity. But you may be required to have an initiation before you actually use it. (!) Not sure. Haven't done my research yet. Some you do, some you don't. It is always wise to repeat these things respectfully, and that your motive for using them always be 'For the good of all sentient beings'. As opposed to some other motive.
Whatever. Hope you find the picture helpful, if you plan on attending next year. I just did it to help me get to know ? It better.

Its a really lovely statue. So many beautiful artifacts in Room 33..I LOVE that this stuff is so OLD. Real 'Tomb Raider' stuff..Worth a visit.

Vigilance: Recovery is like snakes and ladders

Early recovery is a bit like snakes and ladders. You can build up a nice little patch of serenity for yourself, and blow the whole thing by just ONE thoughtless act. Its like the snake part where you end up back at the bottom of the board again, and it seems like it takes AGES to get back up to where you were.

Well its like that in the beginning anyway, as people are a lot more unstable in their outlook, and susceptible to outside influences generally.

If you are checking in with a sponsor, and talking about your decisions (big and small) to others, you are in far less danger of doing something foolish.

Mind you, thoughtless acts can wreak havoc at ANY stage of recovery. You'd be surprised at how much harm you can do with just ONE thoughtless remark, for instance. You can destroy an ENTIRE relationship with one poisoned remark. Its amazing how powerful words are.

Reminds me of that boomerang quote:
The game of life is the game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy.
Florence Shinn

Which is really just another way of saying:
You move towards, and become like, that which you think about, whether it is good for you, or bad for you

Alternative Xmas Plan No1. Invite a newcomer to join you for Xmas dinner

Just an idea, if you are making a xmas dinner and have room for one more at home...

Look around now for new people to ask.
Look especially for the ones who have the GREATEST DIFFICULTY with their family. Or who are the most disturbed by being around their family.
Or the person with the least amount of family members left.

What I'm saying is don't just pick people you 'like', try to look for the person 'most in need', and start there. Prioritize!
Some are in GREATER NEED OF INCLUSION than others! Be mindful of differing circumstances and try to pitch at the best choice. The most 'worthy' case.
Or alternatively, the person who you think WOULD BENEFIT THE MOST from being included at your dinner. The more you think they would progress, the higher they are on your 'rating'.

Here's a clue
If they like you they tend to respond better. So someone that likes you is a better choice than someone who clearly doesn't like you.
If they are very cynical about other people's motives, something like this could completely change the way they view the world, or aa. So that's quite a significant change.
Someone who is CONVINCED that they are 'rejection material' would be REALLY affected by an invitation like this. The effect on them could be quite profound.
Someone whose family are all dead. This would blow them away.
Someone with a very disturbed and violent family background. This would be a VERY powerful insight for them as to what it COULD be like in a healthier environment.
A woman who has lost custody of her children since last xmas and so will be having the first xmas alone.
A woman who is having her first xmas as a widow.
A mother who is having her first xmas after losing a child.
Etc etc. I think you get the drift here. The idea is to think of how this might HELP them, and try to pick the person/people you think will have the MOST affect on. The MORE they benefit from this act, the more 'good karma points' you will earn!! (well that's how I see it anyway)

Use common sense please! Don't bite off more than you can chew!
It's just one idea. I've got loads of alternative xmas plans, but I just thought I'd start with this one. Don't think this is the ONLY thing you can do different. It isn't!

God REALLY does speak to you through 'random' people in (and out of) meetings

Actually I DO go to meetings to hear what God has to say to me through random people. Or to see who God has decided to put in my path that day. I AM taught by the synchronicity of both what people say and do in meetings. Also by who shows up. It IS true. You DO hear what you need to hear, if you are TRYING to stay in fit spiritual condition. I might add that part of staying in fit spiritual condition, means (for me) that I aim to be neither AA dependent, meeting dependent, or person/sponsor dependent. So I pretty much know that I can feel pretty good even if I go to very few or no meetings. I have been going to about one a week since November 05 because I've been co secretary, and if you know me, I'm sure you can see that I'm fine! (Actually I needed to go to more to find speakers, and I have enjoyed going to more.) Having said that, I am sure that if I really needed to go without meetings I would be fine. I have in the past gone to one every 6 weeks. Reluctantly! But I can be 'of service' ANYWHERE. I don't need to be in a meeting to do that. So if you are my sponsee, in theory that option is available to you, IF you decide to approach recovery in a similar fashion to myself. AA badly needs good sponsors though, so I hope you continue to look for people that really WANT what you've got and are willing to do exactly what you suggest. Because if they get well, they will be a great blessing to AA. In my opinion.
I'm only saying that because I don't want you to bugger off to have a life after step 9 without putting anything back into AA. Trust me you will NEED the 'good karma points' generated by 'constant thought of others' in order to invite blessings into your life! It may seem like you are constantly having to get busy making 'lemons into lemonade', but HAVE FAITH!! Sponsoring alcoholics is on of the MOST powerful ways I have found of generating 'good karma points'. So use it! Its a VERY powerful spiritual 'workout'. It produces MASSIVE amounts of blessings in every sense. Mental, emotional, physical, coincidental. Everything really. For me it has proved to be a very powerful vehicle for getting where I want to get in my mind and my emotions. I have experienced what I think are miracles of healing. I really _should_ be a train wreck. It really not normal for me to be happy, or even have enough basic skills to make my life better. If I have these skills, they are a gift from God and nothing else. They certainly did NOT originate in me. They are blessings.
So, DO THE RIGHT THINGS AND THE RIGHT THINGS WILL HAPPEN!!
That's REALLY how it works. I have come to rely on it!!
The Universe knows EXACTLY what you are doing and will reflect back to you what you 'put out'. Trust me, the world is SO weird it would make your head spin if you even had a HINT of how weird it is. NOTHING is quite as it seems! And the 'world of the Spirit' is VERY real. And sees everything! And reacts accordingly! And knows a LOT more than you will EVER know. Thank God for a higher power to look out for us in this weird business of trying to make sense of life!

PS Please ignore this if this 'does your head in'. Its a post step 9 conversation really. Step 11 stuff I suppose..