'The glory of God is that we live our lives' ~ St Irenaeus

'The glory of God is that we live our lives'
St Irenaeus
A guy in AA told me that one. Thought I would share it with you. Lovely isn't it?

Heard in a meeting
What's the difference between a Rottveiler and an alcoholic?
The Rottveiler knows when to let go.

What I'm listening to at the moment.
Ajahn Amaro podcasts of dharma talks.
I LOVE Ajahn Amaro! Just right for me at the moment. Especially as post-Dalai Lama therapy. I have him on my ipod as I stroll about in the sunshine we have right now. Very relaxing! Feels a bit 'out there' when you listen to em, as he abandons all concepts of self, identity, and 'fixed positions'. Ie no ego. How fabulous! I seem to have lost the ability to debate on any issue as it is only 'taking a position' (which can only be inherently uncertain and therefore ultimately unreliable.) Yeah I know, it sounds a bit weird, but it basically means that its really hard to make a statement' or something. I just feel like there is nothing to say at the moment. Probably why I am not posting much. I just think everything in my mind is pointless. Just hot air. Not really. But you know what I mean. Of no substance. That's better. Yeah. I think of it as pointless, but I have a feeling you will interpret that as me being derogatory about my thought processes and I can assure you it is not. All thought is very insubstantial to me at the moment. I kind of don't really listen to what my head is saying as it probably rubbish. That's all. I still use my brain to figure stuff out at work, but I'm not paying much attention to the 'washing machine' rumbling going on in the background. Besides the weather is too gorgeous to 'think' about anything. London looks seriously gorgeous in this weather. Tourists are everywhere, and I get to live here all year round. Cool! I feel like I'm on holiday when I'm at home. But there you go.

The Corporation on freedocumentaries.org
I don't really watch TV as such, but I like this kind of stuff. The Corporation was a disturbing but very interesting documentary. I MEANT to see in the cinema when it first came out, but didn't get round to it.. Really puts you off buying 'stuff''. Great if you shop too much. I have to force myself to the shops so I'm in no danger of getting a shopping addiction, (or whatever they call it..)

freedocumentaries.org
Interesting stuff. More of the same. TV with a social conscience. Cool. Quite depressing though.. Cheer yourself up by asking 'what can I DO ' to stop yourself feeling overwhelmed by it. Great TV though. Very interesting.

I have more time to catch up on new music and I LOVE some of the stuff that is being produced recently. Besides I NEED this music to keep me going in the gym, but as usual, I am pleasantly surprised by the new material. There are loads more but here are a few on my ipod..
GREAT ! running music. (IF you like that kind of thing..)
Madonna – ‘Give It To Me (Oakenfold Remix)’ (Warners)
Rihanna- 'Take A Bow' (Seamus Haji & Paul Emanuel Remix) (Def Jam)
Rihanna- 'Take A Bow' (Seamus Haji & Paul Emanuel Remix) (Def Jam)
Timbo Nelly Justin Madonna pharrell Britney Giveit2metwice

I'm either relaxing at home or getting exited about new stuff to learn and new job possibilities which would involve some retraining and a little more excitement than usual. We shall see. No harm in a few weeks retraining in the meantime, if it means I can try something new that pays better. Whatever. It feels really nice being on 'summer holiday' even though I'm still working full time..

Hey I LOVE the full moon today and the solstice this weekend, so this suits me just fine!
Have a great Wednesday!

John Legend's stripped-down, piano-based cover of Pride (In The Name of Love)

This is a lovely version of Pride. I just thought I would share it with you. i saw it mentioned on u2.com and had a listen. Very soulful. It's part of a two hour TV special marking the fortieth anniversary of the assassination of Martin Luther King. Apparently.

Right. Busy essay day! Have a lovely Monday!

IT'S YOUR WORLD YOU CAN CHANGE IT

This is a video of U2 performance of the fly on the Zoo TV tour.
Kathys post onYes We Can - Barack Obama Music Video which I LOVED watching, (even though I am NO authority on American politics, except for having the same level of fondness for George Bush as David Icke ) but anyway. I digress. its a great video, but it reminded me of my favorite bit of the Zoo TV U2 tour performances, which was the HUGE !!!! Ultra high definition TV's flashing the words IT'S YOUR WORLD YOU CAN CHANGE IT over and over REALLY !!!! Fast at the end of the song the fly. Here's a utube vid of it. I LOVE multimedia installations, and use of cool words. I think the video stage backdrop had a lot to do with Brian Eno whose mind I LOVE. I LOVE the way he thinks creatively. Whatever. Anyway the TV installations were HUGE and breathtaking. Really well done. This tiny utube pic does not do it justice. The effect of those words being flashed MASSIVELY in the background was very effective. Very believable. I love 'propaganda' and suggestion when it is used in a positive empowering way. It works! Anyway. Just thought I would share that with you. There were a couple of very powerful messages I took from that concert. A couple of slogans that have stayed with me since I first saw them in that incredibly powerful context of a beautifully engineered video installation. Good work Mr Eno! I really ought to read more of his stuff, as I find his thinking very inspiring. ( I think I want to purchase his little book of cards called Oblique strategies.) Whatever. There are so many great creative minds out there. Hard working souls! Right I'd better be off. Have yourselves a great Monday!.

Forget Everything And Remember: Self Centred Fear and Fear of financial insecurity

Good old Ian Brown. This is F. E. A. R. (Uncle remix)

Fear is understandable.
So don't be hard on yourself
Accept this inner chaos for starters

Then. Here's the thing.
TRUST that even though this LOOKS scary.
That EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

Your higher power is ONLY ever interested in giving you WHAT IS THE VERY!!!! BEST FOR YOU.

If your higher power says NO to THIS thing.
It is because there is something FAR BETTER in store for you.
And in order to GET THAT, you have to LET GO of this thing.

So just TRUST THAT
And let those feelings just rumble along in the background, doing their own thing.
Have them. But do not BELIEVE them.

Also, like I said in a previous post about thing balancing themselves out, the universe ALWAYS seems to 'balances out' those that are 'channels', meaning those that have had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps, sort of thing.
So if your mind is very much 'stuck' to ONE side on some matter. The universe will PRESENT a situation to force this 'stuck' position to 'unstick' itself, and become more encompassing of other world views.

The universe does NOT tolerate ONE SIDED, 'fixed positions' or deluded longing and attachment to worldly things. (in those whose 'channels' are 'open')

Owning things is FINE. its BELIEVING in them as your mental and emotional 'savior' that is the 'problem'. Or attaching GREAT SIGNIFICANCE to them. Nothing wrong with LIKING them, or choosing to ENJOY them in the moment. Its CREATING YOUR ENTIRE IDENTITY FROM THEM that makes things a bit sticky later!
So the universe will create situations to re educate !!! you in this matter if it sees one of its students leaning too far one way.

So be warned!!!
If you are SINCERE in your wish for INNER PEACE and a desire to help others, life lessons will come THICK AND FAST.
The better the student, the more 'assignments' you get!!!
So if you have a dozen 'existential' essays to complete, then trust me! Your higher power rates you as a TOP student!!
You don't get to languish in the back of the class staring out the window and texting your mates!
Nah!
YOUR HIGHER POWER HAS WAYS OF GETTING YOUR ATTENTION.
So pay attention!
YOU SNOOZE YOU LOSE

Regarding money and objects. I LOVE edges comment in an interview where he said:

"Possessions are a way of turning money into problems."
and
"I don't have anything that I'd miss if it got stolen."

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2099-1334305,00.html
Sunday Times. November 2004

Hey and if you are scared, do the Taoist arch as well.
And earn some good karma points by trying to be of as much benefit to the person MOST in need (usually the newcomer) as you can. They stand to lose the MOST if they fail, so their weaknesses are the MOST in need of correcting. Lives !are at stake, so EVERY bit of help counts! You just NEVER KNOW if YOU will be the person who 'gets through' to them, so give it a whirl and see what happens. If it is good it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS and, if it is bad it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Just show up. You paddle and god steers.

Music: Bliss: A Hundred Thousand Angels

Here's a sample of the Bliss: A Hundred Thousand Angels track.
You can hear a sample on iTunes as well.

This is a GREAT track.
You can buy it on iTunes for 79p!
Here's a website where you can buy the album for $1.08. Crikey! That's cheap..

'Lost' in Uncharted Territory: I have no compass. And I have no map. Uncertainty can be a guiding light.

Growing up in just about any way at all means journeys out of your comfort zone are UNAVOIDABLE.
Welcome to UNCHARTED TERRITORY.
Even though this new stuff is GOOD, it can STILL feel VERY scary when embarked upon, and uncertain. Terrifying, as a matter of fact. For some anyhow.

After a lifetime of drama and fear, and survival skills, feeling comfortable can feel like something is missing.
Not feeling constantly preoccupied can feel like something is 'wrong'.
Also when really SERIOUSLY reevaluating long held beliefs WITH ALL SINCERITY, it can completely 'Rock your World'. Realizations can be VERY far from comfortable. People think insights will be 'comforting', or 'cozy'. Not so. Some can be terrifying. They challenge EVERYTHING. It can seem like there is NOTHING to hold onto. Sometimes, because, for the time being anyhow, there ISN'T. (..Oh ye of little faith.)

So I'm just saying. Feeling 'lost' or without any reference to hold on to, is not comfortable as such, but I see it as being very healthy. Meaning you are in a process of reevaluation.
BUT LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE, you need to use a little common sense with this. Do this in moderation. Don't go 'full tilt' if you can't hack it. If its all getting a bit much, go do something very simple and reassuring, like go to a meeting and coffee after. Have a nap or go see a nice movie. You know, unchallenging stuff. Gym. Whatever.

For a LOT of us, the UNKNOWN and UNCHARTED world is the world of 'Happy joyous and free'.
The world of 'comfortable in my own skin'.
The world of 'There are no 'Big Deals'.
The world of TRUST.
The world of 'I feel safe'.
The world of 'I feel looked after'.

Not everybody. But a LOT. Especially those with abusive pasts.
Or those who live in TERROR of rejection.
Or those with CHRONIC DEPENDENDENCE upon external validation in the form of a relationship. (Most women seem to think their lives are a travesty of inconsequence if they are not in the role of wife/girlfriend) Jeez. Almost as mad as when a guy thinks he is a complete waste of space unless he is a ? 'sufficient' ? Breadwinner.
We are all as bad as each other really. We are ALL riddled with crazy irrationalities. What separates the men from the boys, is not whether we HAVE them, its to what extent we allow our lives to be DOMINATED by them. That all. So don't go thinking you are some kind of freak loser because you have spotted an irrationality. Welcome to the human condition!! It is CHOCK full of paradoxes and contradictions. Sure beats a Rubik cube any day for its brain teasing capacities!

Like Bono says in Zooropa
And I have no compass.
And I have no map.
And I have no reasons.
No reasons to get back.

And I have no religion.
And I don't know what's what.
And I don't know the limit.
The limit of what we've got.

Don't worry baby. It'll be alright.
You got the right shoes.
To get you through the night.
It's cold outside. But brightly lit.
Skip the subway.
Let's go to the overground.
Get your head out of the mud baby.
Put flowers in the mud baby.
Overground.

No particular place names.
No particular song.
I've been hiding.
What am I hiding from?

Don't worry baby. It's gonna be alright.
Uncertainty can be a guiding light.
I hear voices. Ridiculous voices.
In the slipstream.
Let's go. Let's go overground.
Take your head out of the mud baby.

She's gonna dream up the world she wants to live in.
She's gonna dream out loud.

Learning to trust the quiet inner voice: Christina Aguilera. The Voice Within

I'm sure this might not be to everyone's !! taste, but I think this song has a great message. Just thought I'd mention it here in case you don' know it already

Perhaps its the bit about being your own best friend. Not sure. But like that it suggests relying on ones own resources when the 'outside' seems confusing. I think we understand ourselves better than ANYONE else. So I think this is a very valuable and underused resource. I don't know about you, but I can FAR TOO EASILY defer to 'outside agencies', most often people, for 'external validation'. As they call it.
For me it goes against the grain to trust my perceptions. So that's why I like this kind of stuff.
Have a great Tuesday!

Simpler!: Ride the Storm. (mp3 sample)

Click here to hear the ? 2min sample.
MUCH better audio quality!

Ride the Storm: Roachford Vs Mync Project

This UTube version is Rochford Vs Carl Kennedy – ‘Ride The Storm’ (White Label). I heard this first on Pete Tong's Friday show on 23 March and LOVED it, but now you can buy the mp3 online. I prefer this version, but its been released as Roachford Vs Mync Project – ‘Ride The Storm’ (Cr2). I think it's REALLY positive. But that's me. It's a very personal taste so you might hate it, and that's ok! You don't have to like it you know! Just thought I'd mention it. The audio on this version is not the best, but I prefer this mix to the Mync Project version, that's all.

Some better quality audio versions are
Roachford Vs Mync Project – ‘Ride The Storm’ (Cr2)Online mp3. Look near the bottom of the webpage for the little headphone icons, and click on them to hear an mp3 sample of the track.
and
BBC webpage Listen again of Pete Tong's Radio 1 show
6mins and 55 seconds into the show he plays the Mync Project version. They only keep the shows online for one week, so I imagine this will lbe replaced on Friday.
And if If you like that kind of thing..
14min and 45s into the show there is another good track: Too much Information. by ?
17min and 56s into the show: A great new track by Prince (Yeah the 80's one) called "Guitar'.
53mins and 40s into the show: Fedde Le Grand Vs Ida Corr – ‘Let Me Think About It’ (Data)

I always manage to find one decent track someplace on this weekly show. Thank GOD for the Bug Digital Radio, otherwise I would never be able to record the show..


Lyrics: Roachford: Ride the Storm

Hey my soul sister don't you look so sad
It's time to stop thinking about what you ain't got and see the things you have
Now don't you go and throw it all throw it all away
Tomorrow doesn't have to be just another yesterday

Ride the storm, life goes on, Life goes on, ride the storm

'Cos I can't watch you drown away, drown in your own tears
Everybody gets hurt sometimes, and everybody has fears
You say you want to end it all, but don't you get that rad baby
Cause if you want the good things, you got to taste the bad sometimes
That's how it is

Ride the storm, life goes on, Life goes on, ride the storm
'Cos I know that life can get hazy, but don't let this world drive you crazy, hear me baby
So don't let your world turn a permanent shade of blue
You've got to learn to kick the habit baby, before it starts to kick you yes it will
Don't you know you're bold enough and strong enough to fight
Someway somehow you know it's going to be all right
That's how it is

Ride the storm, life goes on, Life goes on, ride the storm

Hope I die before I get old: The Zimmers

I think I want to adopt these guys! Old people are pretty cute.
Heres some blurb about the Zimmers posted on you tube:

www.myspace.com/thezimmersband
The oldest and greatest rock band in the world - meet The Zimmers and their amazing cover of The Who's "My Generation".
Lead singer Alf is 90 - it's quite something when he sings "I hope I die before I get old". And he's not the oldest - there are 99 and 100-year-olds in the band!
The Zimmers will feature in a BBC TV documentary being aired in May 2007. Documentary-maker Tim Samuels has been all over Britain recruiting isolated and lonely old people - those who can't leave their flats or who are stuck in rubbish care homes.
The finale of the show is this group of lonely old people coming together to stick it back to the society that's cast them aside - by forming a rock troupe and trying to storm into the pop charts.
Some massive names from the pop world have thrown their weight behind The Zimmers... The song is produced by Mike Hedges (U2, Dido, Cure), the video shot by Geoff Wonfor (Band Aid, Beatles Anthology), and it was recorded in the legendary Beatles studio 2 at Abbey Road.
Look out for the single being released from May 21 - with proceeds going to a good cause.
And check out more photos and info at:www.myspace.com/thezimmersband

Gonna kick the darkness till it bleeds daylight

'You can't control what comes into your head, but you CAN control how you deal with it'

'Right slap bang in the middle of a contradiction' was a phrase I heard Bono use in an interview, and I like these lyrics as an interpretation of where we can be in our heads, as we truly are POWERLESS over what comes into them. The only thing we can HOPE to control is how we decide to deal with it. I suppose I just love any description of the spiritual struggle toward recovery/enlightenment which includes all the ugly, disturbed bits of the mind. I'm just no good at wimpy, 'fluffy' spirituality. I like mine gritty and real. With all the lumps and bumps included! The other side of the spiritual life is equally real, the weird, peaceful, 'spaced out' part. But I get a bit annoyed when people only describe that one side of the coin, the 'wafty, esoteric' bit, when there is this other 'dark' side as well. Its what they call the 'shadow' if you ever get round to reading any Robert Bly. The shadow doesn't negate the positive aspects of the mind, but it IS there, and failure to acknowledge it can lead to all sorts of problems. I'm a strong believer in learning about shadow work in recovery. After step 9 anyway.
Who knows why I like what I do, but I do know I love this song, and it felt very satisfying to listen to it today on my ipod.
Because we are all in a constant, utterly uncontrollable state of change, the only thing we really can look to as being a constant in our lives is our higher power. I have always liked thinking of my higher power as love, (amongst other things), so these lyrics fit my concept of a HP.

U2 Lyrics: God Part II
Don't believe the devil, I don't believe his book
But the truth is not the same without the lies he made up
I don't believe in excess, success is to give
I don't believe in riches, but you should see where I live
I... I believe in love

Don't believe in forced entry, I don't believe in rape
But every time she passes by, wild thoughts escape
I don't believe in death row
skid row or the gangs
Don't believe in the Uzi, it just went off in my hands
I... I believe in love

Don't believe in cocaine, I got a speedball in my head
I could cut and crack you open... did you hear what I said?
Don't believe them when they tell me there ain't no cure
The rich stay healthy, the sick stay poor
I... I believe in love

I don't believe in Goldman, his type like a curse
Instant karma's gonna get him, if I don't get him first
I don't believe that Rock 'N Roll can really change the world
As it spins in revolution, spirals and turns
I... I believe in love

I don't believe in the 60's, in the golden age of pop
You glorify the past, when the future dries up
I heard a singer on the radio late last night
Says he's gonna kick the darkness till it bleeds daylight*
I... I believe in love

I feel like I'm falling
like I'm spinning on a wheel
It always stops beside a name, a presence I can feel
I... I believe in love
-for John Lennon

*Bruce Cockburn

Prayers in unexpected places

Love, lift me out of these blues
Won't you tell me something true
I believe in you

This is from the U2 song Elevation. I can see the entire song as a prayer, but my favorite bit is this. I love the whole 'song as prayer' thing. Well it works for me anyhow. I love the 'hidden' prayers in things. They seem to be everywhere sometimes. Like Kenny's street sign not so long ago. (See recovery road blog to see the street sign thing)
Anyway just thought I'd share that. So many songs are full of wonderful prayers.

Limitless digital music for your ipod!

Buy one of these, they're GREAT!! Its called the Bug too.
As you probably have figured out I have a weakness for both gadgets and music! I LOVE dance music but have a REALLY !! hard trying to find what track is what? It's ALWAYS beyond me! Too much effort. If I ever decide to become a DJ. (Never!) I will get round to figuring out what is what. Until then, this FABULOUS NEW INVENTION will have to do.
As you know, I'm always nagging you all to get down the gym!, and uplifting dance music is the BEST gym/running ally. You can record digital tracks onto a SD card. Load your SD card into your laptop, and hence onto your ipod!!! Instant gym fix!
Anyway this fabulous machine can record 30 !!! Hours of programming on a 2gig SD card. I think they sell tthese radios in john lewis on oxford street for 100 quid. You can pick up SD cards dirt cheap on ebay I think. I don't know about you, but for me music is priceless, so this is a very sensible investment.
I know it looks like KACK, (Blame Wayne Hemingway) but it has the best features.
If you really wanted something less naff looking, you can get a portable version called the PocketDAB 2000 but its 170 quid.
Finally, they have gotten round to making a decent digital radio with decent record features. Thank god! About flippin time!
I can heartily recommend (tedious sounding but rather impressive) Radio one Friday evening programming for great ! dance tracks. It all helps when you're down the gym! Plus you can set this thing to record stuff in advance meaning you never have to hang around to record stuff. Cool!

By the way check out the bug's links page. It's quite cool!
The subservient chicken is quite amusing!

Pulling the rug from under your feet: DOUBT can start playing up a bit when you start doing heavy-duty Monastic Step 11 stuff

Heres something I wrote in a previous post
called One off or Specialist/Sexual queries? Email a therapist!

sometimes these professionals are better at explaining how to practice (what I call spiritual principles) in relation to some other matter. So they are something you can avail yourself of, should you want additional feedback.
Personally, I find that just having the option of that feedback is a comfort in itself. More than the need to actually use it. Meaning its a comfort just knowing that it's there, even if you never actually use it. Its a psychological trick to make you feel safe, when you are experiencing doubt, more than anything.

By the way doubt is not a sign that something is wrong. It is a natural part of any spiritual path. Part of the business of becoming a 'spiritual warrior' for want of a better term is learning how to 'show up for life' and keep on keeping on despite being pulled this way and that by the energy of doubt. Doubt is a lesson in faith and going to any lengths in my opinion. I like to think that I can 'do' doubt, after 18yrs of practice!! It still feels really uncomfortable though!!
But if your sponsor insists that the only way to get well is to give them all your money and let them sleep with your (very cute) husband, then doubt in that instance is a very healthy sign that something is terribly wrong!!
As in ALL things, there is an exception to EVERY 'rule'.
Hahaaa. Good old doubt. One could write a whole chapter on it but I can't be bothered so I won't.
(End of old post)

This subject will be covered a bit in the book a path with Heart and Spiritual Emergency.
They both describe the way the rug is pulled from under your feet as a direct result of step 11
The reason is because PERMANENCE IS A MYTH
NOTHING STAYS THE SAME
EVERYTHING IS IN A PERMANENT STATE OF FLUX
FIXED IDEAS ARE NOT SPIRITUAL
CLOSED MINDEDNESS IS NOT SPIRITUAL
INFLEXIBILITY IS NOT SPIRITUAL

So this new 'thing in the mind, although it feels uncomfortable, is a LOT closer to reality than your previous mindset.
Its VERY healthy.
This is all about SEEING REALITY FOR WHAT IT IS remember? Unflinchingly. Whether it suits us or not.

I think the AA passage that comes closest to the battle we have with doubt is - Some of us have tried to hold on to our OLD IDEAS and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

In this case the 'old idea' is that permanence exists.
Or that there is a 'right answer'
Hahahaha
LIFE IS FAR MORE SOPHISTICATED THAN THAT
A MUCH better summary of the 'truth' would be.. "Maybe good, maybe bad, who knows?"
That's a much more HONEST appraisal of the reality of the situation, and of just how much you REALLY know.

Welcome to the world of uncertainty Ladies!
As I used to say to you all the time, 'The rules are, THERE ARE NO RULES!'
Don't worry. After a while the uncertainty will stop bugging you. It doesn't bother me at all now. Well I can't remember the last time it bothered me.

Here's some things I like when I 'don't know the answer'
Music REALLY helps me get through certain things. It can be powerfully healing. I think of a lot of songs as a form of prayer. But I think ALL thoughts are a form of prayer, so music isn't excluded form that.

We found love,
So don't fight it
Life is a rollercoaster
Just gotta ride it
I need you,
So stop hiding
Love is a mystery
Girl, let's get inside it

Listen
Can't you feel my heart
Can't you feel my heart
Can't you take my heart

Ronan Keating Lyrics
Song: Life Is A Rollercoaster

Love, lift me out of these blues
Won't you tell me something true
I believe in you

Elevation Lyrics. U2

And I have no compass
And I have no map
And I have no reasons
No reasons to get back

And I have no religion
And I don't know what's what
And I don't know the limit
The limit of what we've got

Don't worry baby, it'll be alright
You got the right shoes
To get you through the night
It's cold outside, but brightly lit
Skip the subway
Let's go to the overground
Get your head out of the mud baby
Put flowers in the mud baby
Overground

No particular place names
No particular song
I've been hiding
What am I hiding from?

Don't worry baby, it's gonna be alright
Uncertainty... can be a guiding light
I hear voices, ridiculous voices
In the slipstream
Let's go, let's go... overground
Get your head out of the mud baby

She's gonna dream up
The world she wants to live in
She's gonna dream out loud

Zooropa Lyrics