Isolation and the desire to be alone when things are difficult. Especially when you're new to AA.

I'm an introvert as it happens. I love time alone, but I also have a pretty interventionist sponsorship style and that means that I do not always 'go with the flow'. I will get pretty ! forceful on occasion. (in a nice way) if i think an aspect of the persons behavior is damaging them.

There's no doubt, many newcomers prefer to be alone. If I had a Sponsee like that, I would shelve the 'social' plans, as they would just be too uncomfortable, and substitute with meetings and coffee after as ways to ''be' around people. Oh and talking to newcomers, because it works miracles. But that's another story. Anyway, I would use meetings to talk to people, and coffee, and I would say use the phone at home to MAKE calls to one newcomer a day. The newest one you can find. But that requires a bit of 'briefing', I keep meaning to do a post on it and never get round to it. Basically its a five minute call where you try to be helpful in terms of aa suggestions to someone who knows less than you. I always end up asking what meeting they are going to later and what have you. Nothing much. Just trying to be helpful.
Im inclined t think that you are better off feeling sad in a meeting than feeling sad at home. I used to go to three meetings a day when I was new because I had such 'stinking thinking'.

Ah well. There are many different sponsorship styles and many degrees of willingness and desperation in newcomers and what have you, so each to their own. But I would be pretty loathe to let someone stew on their own with lots of unscheduled time at home.

I had one Sponsee who ! hated going to meetings when she was new. She likes them now, but I was pretty ! Tough with her about getting to them to begin with. She used to be very weepy and emotional, but then he had a very mixed alcohol and drug past. Shes very different now. Newcomers who want to isolate are NOT special and different. They are just one of us mixed up alkies, and free time is not used constructively but used to dwell on sad stuff. Well that's what I think anyway, but I'm not your sponsor, so it doesn't really matter what I think.
Yeah we KNOW it's human nature to isolate, but I think we would rather you were in meetings feeling lousy than at home feeling lousy. Bring the old body and the mind will follow and all that..

Punctuate time alone with short social lunch or morning meetings. Otherwise you can get a bit moody!

Oh yeah. And the other thing, self pity kicks off a bit if you are alone with your head for too long. Regardless of how long you have been sober. Us humans are social animals! We were not designed to be on our own for too long. On 'unscheduled' days I like to nip in to an early city meeting and go for coffee after or a busy lunch meeting in town and coffee after.

I love the coffee bistro scene. Especially in this GREAT weather. Sitting outside on little tables in the sun in busy streets gasbagging about anything and everything. Its great fun!

Anyway the social aspect of aa is important as a way of avoiding negative lethargy of the mind when left on its own too long. So what I mean is that it really helps to punctuate time alone with short social lunch or morning meetings. Otherwise you can get a bit moody! I actually love being able to go to meetings as they are always full of interesting colorful people, and I love it when I see people I haven't seen for a while.

AA really IS 'The pub with no beer'.

ISOLATION creates 'Car Crash TV Mind': Default leaning towards Morbid preoccupation, Despair, Bleakness, Pessimism and general Negativity

The Fast Show. 'Black' sketch. or those of you that didnt see the fast show series, this poor guy 'goes off on one' EVERY week, after the work 'black' comes into the conversation..

Heres another one. They all end up pretty much the same way!

I LOVE this comedy, but I also find it a useful tool for describing the way the alcoholic mind CAN operate WHEN LEFT TO IT'S OWN DEVICES. When I meet AA's who are being TERRIBLY morbid and GRIM, in my mind's eye, they remind me of the character in this sketch. We ALL have this to some degree, it's HOW WE HANDLE THIS TENDENCY THAT COUNTS. If you KNOW about it, and can see it from a mile off, you can nip it in the bud before it 'takes over'. This sketch show character helps me see the tendency more clearly, giving me more awareness, and therefore strengthening my position, in the battle with all these weird parts of the mind!
Some poor sods in AA are really LIVING this character though. There is quite a lot ! of negativity in AA! Thankfully I try to stick with positive people when I am not doing service.

LEFT TO OUR OWN DEVICES... We end up like the list below!
We do this mainly by ISOLATION in some form. Either lack of social contact, or not HUMBLING ONESELF on a REGULAR basis by CONFIDING in one's fellow man for life's INEVITABLE problems of one sort or another. (In a CONSIDERATE fashion of course! The aim is NOT to bore them to death!)
Or you can 'isolate in a crowd', meaning you have contact with people but you are not being HONEST with other human beings who could help you. Problems build up, or just SEEM to become overwhelming and BIG DEAL.
I'm always AMAZED at how even SMALL 'trivial' social contact (if approached from the point of view of service) COMPLETEY alters my mindset if I am becoming negatively preoccupied. Such a SMALL price (of time and effort) for such a BIG return!
You do NOT need to practice these things in an AA context. I have learned how to do ALL of the above, OUTSIDE AA. This means I can practice my programme wherever I go. Which is useful, if I am busy.

Unless we 'artificially' prompt our minds into POSITIVITY, using either meetings, newcomers, service, 'constant thought of others', contact with step 11 people, ON A REGULAR BASIS
Our minds default to..

Doom and gloom
Pessimism
Bleakness

Tortured
Wagnerian angst
Three act tosca
Morbid preoccupation

Morbidity
Morbid preoccupation

Big GAY Drama Queen. (Get out the big feather Boa and strike a 'tortured' pose!)
BIG Deal

Overwhelmed
Despair
Out of balance. Tipping toward INDULGENCE
Staring into space
Paralyzed by 'overwhelm'. Grind to halt.
Dwelling on 'the problem'

I call this 'Car crash TV mind'.

There is a sort of 'gravitational pull' towards NEGATIVITY, if the mind does not get actively 'trained' towards solution-based problem solving (by using meetings, service, reading or listening to programme stuff outside meetings etc)
Basically we are social animals. We were not designed to be on our own for very long. And certainly not designed to be preoccupied with self or 'conceal ourselves' in a crowd of fellow men.
The only way life 'works' is if my motive is to make a contribution in my activities (including the mundane ones) and seeking out other human beings to be kind to and reach out to help or be helped, (risking rejection in the process.) Trying to help others is actually very vulnerable, because you risk rejection. Well that's what I find. Vulnerability makes me more 'porous' and 'connects' me to other human beings even when I don't disclose a ton of personal details. As long as I am trying to help others along the way, (in ALL my affairs, not just in aa affairs), I am never alone.