About Me

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I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Are you being a Control Freak with your Character Defects?: "The more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got." p66

Stop fighting your demons: (Control Freak. White knuckle. Self will)

For me its when I am essentially being a CONTROL FREAK that I get hung up on the TODAY's emotional 'outcome.' For example:

Whether I am impatient TODAY
Whether I am intolerant TODAY
Whether I have self pity TODAY
Whether I have inferiority TODAY

The 'outcome' is NONE OF MY BUSNESS. We all have a ?'dark side', a weak side to our personality. I just don't feel ? shame about that anymore. but that's shadow work really. Once you understand the shadow side of things, you stop feeling judgmental and bad about dark ? lurking parts of the mind.

By the way these are GREAT books on Shadow work:
Meeting the Shadow by Connie Zweig
A Little Book on the Human Shadow by Robert Bly
Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Doesn't mean I ENCOURAGE them. Just means I accept that EVERY human has them. The whole human condition is a bit weird really. Can be very dark and very light at the same time. There are so many facets to the mind. It never ends. Its when we stop 'fighting' the 'dark side' that a RELAXED ACCEPTANCE sort of 'kicks in' and everything calms down. Ironic really. 'the more we fight and try to have our own way, the worse matters got' as they say..

Life is just TOO SHORT. And besides, getting hung up on this stuff is too much like taking myself FAR TOO SERIOUSLY. Not wearing life like a loose garment.
I call it 'right effort'. Where I am putting one foot in front of the other, trying to do the 'next right thing', but at the same time, NOT BEING PREOCCUPIED WITH THE OUTCOME too much.
Yeah its a bit of a balancing act. Lots of effort. Going to ANY LENGTHS sometimes as a matter of fact, but not placing my mental energy in the OUTCOME. Why? Because IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS. I have no way of controlling the outcome, so it makes no sense really to get too concerned with it.
So yeah. Get busy going to ANY LENGTHS to have a FABULOUS life, but do not waste one iota of mental or emotional energy on the outcome of your efforts, as you have no control over the outcome anyway.

Whatever. That's just what I think.
Yeah I get frustrated at the speed of my improvements in some areas too. But that's normal to feel like that from time to time. I just don't have the mental energy to be 'fussy' about my recovery. Being pretty laid back has become the norm, so fussing over ANYTHING just feels ? 'odd'. So yeah, I want things quicker too, but by and large I just kind of plod on, and just get on with it.


Shadow said...

yip, too true. if you fight something, you are acknowledging it, focussing on it and as a result it has power over you. once you accept it, something else takes the limelight, and it cannot influence you as much anymore. thanks!

Syd said...

I like the ideas here. I find that if I try to do anything too much, I end up making a mess of things. If I just let things be, I am far better off.

doctor a said...

Good to read your blog once more. Our home has been torn up the last 10 days because of a kitchen remodel, and the computer has been virtually inaccessable. Glad to be back.

My second sponsor used to say over and over again, "I'm responsible for the effort, but I'm not responsible for the results." I knew he walked his talk by how he responded to losing $1 million on a business deal he had been working on for 2 years--altho he was a little upset that evening, the next day he said, "Well, that didn't work out, so it's on to the next thing." And within a year he was doing something completely different and making more money than he ever had.

The old "Let go and let God" stuff really does work when we allow it to happen.

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Ahhh.. Nothing like a brand new kitchen for that happy joyous and free feeling! bet it looks LOVELY..

doctor a said...

It will look LOVELY whenever it is finished---remodels never happen in the time frame the contractor says it will. But at least it's usable and there's no longer a pile of kitchenware in front of the computer.