About Me

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I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Surrogate parents. Books can show you what good parenting looks like

I mention these books more as a way of finding an insight into what GOOD parenting looks like. For me, I have had to learn how to 'parent myself' in recovery. And these books are a guiding light as to what I should be doing. Hard to describe but they show me what love looks like. Parental love, that is.
If you have not experienced good parenting, let these books be your teachers! Even if you have had GREAT parenting you will still LOVE the story about Forrest.

The Education of Little Tree by Forrest Carter
VERY BEAUTIFUL story of skillful parenting. A monk recommended it to me. It serves as a window into loving behavior. I found it very beautiful and moving. Heartfelt. Its fiction, written very powerfully.

Follow Your Heart by Susanna Tamaro
GREAT because she paints a picture of healthy motherly love. (in my opinion) If you had an absentee mother, this lets you feel what its like having a loving mother. A surrogate parent. Its also fiction, written very powerfully. Like borrowing a surrogate parent for the time it takes you to read the book.

See Jane Win: The Rimm Report on How 1,000 Girls Became Successful Women ~Sylvia Rimm,
Book about a survey into what parenting skils produce girls who turn into happy productive adults. The advice although intended for children is just as useful for adults. I found it useful to see what bits I had got 'right' in my childhood, and what bits were missing, and therefore needed to be 'bolted on' in adulthood.
For instance, there was a section on how to reward successes without breeding fear of failure, which was interesting. There are lots of pointers.

Toxic Parents by Susan Forward
for a general roadmap of 'toxic' parental behavior. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the different forms of parental neglect or abuse. I think times have changed and most people are very aware of these behaviors now. But there's no harm in familiarizing yourself with these anyway.

Abuse and Trauma is referred to in another post. As well as loss of a parent. Here are the names of other posts.
After Step 9. Abuse and Trauma. Suggested Reading
After Step 9. Motherless Daughters. Suggested Reading

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