About Me

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I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Attraction not Promotion: Stop trying to talk people into getting well. It just winds them up.

"Frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices." xxvi The doctors Opinion. The Big Book
"attraction rather than promotion" In ALL our affairs. PXIX. The Big Book

It's not for people that NEED it, its for people that WANT it.
Carry the message, not the alcoholic.

You cannot power-drive another person into accepting a viewpoint. You cannot insist, persuade, cajole, debate. It just doesn't work. Its only when we stop pressurizing others or trying to control how they see things that they are able to consider what we are telling them with any degree of impartially.

Its not easy to learn. It takes a LOT of self restraint, but it CAN be done. Its all part of learning the TRUE nature of powerlessness.

Having said that, VERY occasionally I will make an exception. There are 2 types that spring to mind. When I think they will drink in a very short time, or if I think the disease might very well kill them at some point in the future. Only then will I consider making an exception. Has to be life or death really. And even then I don't like doing it. But I think that's another post really..

But if they really do want to drink, there is nothing I can do that will make any difference. But I say it anyway. It eases my conscience to know I tried to say SOMETHING, just in case they do die because of alcoholism at a later date.
In a city this size, people die quite a lot from this illness, so if at some point in the future this disease DOES kill them, I like to think that I did as much as I was able to do to help them. That's all. Otherwise my conscience would give me a hard time.


Syd said...

I work hard at never missing an opportunity to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I fail but I'm getting better.

Recovery Road London said...

I still have a lot to say for myself. Lol.

johno said...

yeh i find self resraint, takes working at, am still way in the beginning of this one. its true tho, the less of a crusade i make it, the more attractive it seems. i only have my experience, its just the message. i've no idea of the difference betwen the alcoholics that need it and want it, so many talk the i want it talk, for a long while, load of them, seem to want it, sadly lots just disappear...

Anonymous said...

I have not come to this point yet, I am still getting back into the game. However I will say that I fell in love with the fellowship (of course meaning the active members). If anything that is what has kept me coming back.

I really have a true appreciation for your blog and how you take time out to write about your spiritual journey. It is wonderful guidence to other newbies trying to build a foundation to live life.

Shannon said...

There are soooo many of us who need it... but if they dont want it - they NEVER get it... what a tragedy. I am truly grateful for the gifts this program gave me. I am truly grateful that I heard this when I first got her and decided I wanted it
thanks for bringing this up

Shadow said...

i hear you. as a kid i used to beg my dad not to drink, and nothing i said stopped it. and hubby talked often enough to me before i took that step myself. unfortunately one cannot help someone who isn't ready to be helped. frustrating, but the truth.