Difficult family members? Try treating them like a newcomer

I still have a long way to go with my parents. Generally, I try to do the right thing, but my emotions can still be very uncomfortable and messy about them. I try to heal my emotions by trying to be helpful to them in whatever way I can, which might not be very much.

For me, the attitude that seems to work best is if I think of them as newcomers. as in AA newcomers.
For some reason I don't recall ever thinking of them as 'adults' in the proper sense. Hard to explain, but I saw myself as more 'grown up' than them. Not that they are incompetents. Far from it. Just that I saw them as ? Infants or something.

Whatever. I find that if I think of them as newcomers then I am able to be more compassionate toward them. But I am also more vulnerable (in a good way), than I ever have been before, and so I can experience a lot of powerful emotion about realizations of failed expectations.

The more I experience kindness, love and acceptance in recovery, the more I see the missing bits of the jigsaw, so that's why grieving tends to accompany healing developments in recovery. Of which there are many. I know they regret the past, and try to do better, but I still see them as very limited in their ability to do the right thing, and my emotions are much closer to the surface than they ever were before, so it can feel overwhelming dealing with the consequences of the baggage.

Whatever. It gets better as they say. I like being able to feel stuff, as its so easy to be in denial. Sounds crummy, but for me this is 'getting better'. Its progress for me anyway.