About Me

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I have recovered from the disease of Alcoholism. I believe there is only one person really,.. everybody. And that peace of mind is everything. -So treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, because your neighbor IS yourself. I think most of recovery is what I would call common sense, but that learning to be ordinary is a true gift very few people acquire. My ambition is to accept everything unflinchingly, with compassion, and therefore be intrinsically comfortable in my own skin, no matter what. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and am willing to go to any lengths to improve my life. I believe the Big Book was divinely inspired, and is extraordinarily powerful. Unfortunately AA's best kept secret a lot of the time. (In my opinion). I just try to do what works, no matter what it is.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

We are never 'cooked'. There is no 'let up' as such.

"It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do"
p85 Big Book

If anything, MORE is required of us as our capability increases. Having said that, yes it feels a damm site easier than the first year, but I think we just can't 'get away' with negativity and the defence of 'I didn't know any better' as time goes on. Well it gets harder to underperform. The excuses run out!

I think this thing of 'wanting all the hard work to end' is like the part of us that wanted to blot things out with alcohol and ? drugs, TV whatever. we love the ? work to be over, but life's just not that simple. It really helped me in step 11 to meet really !! awesome people and to find out just how HARD they were working. Every day. made me feel like a bit of a Nancy. I used to think that you could sort of do a phd in spirituality and the tough lessons would be over. well now that I know how !! hard the seriously ! cool people are working. well i find it very humbling. i have NO excuse to take a day 'off'. each to their own. some would say that level of vigilance is not necessary. but i am motivated to TRY to emulate the approach of the people that inspire me, so that's why i prefer to be a little fussy. I just 'want what they have'. that's it really. and not ONE of them is a slouch. so I'm stuck with that approach.
I think it would be very easy to declare oneself 'cooked' and put your feet up for a while, and to be honest I like the less demanding plateaus when they show up, but I think the more work you do, the more is revealed, the more the ego is punctured. I used to think that was a bad thing, but when I met some !! Amazing people in step 11 who made it look consummately beautiful and do-able, I was sold. I don't mind it now really. Now I just don't identify with people who talk or act like they have figured 'it' out. It looks really unattractive and arrogant, and mentally lazy, now that I think of it. Staying 'in the oven' for the rest of ones life CAN be carried off in a VERY elegant manner. It IS possible. Its hard work. But its worth it. It is right to want to safeguard what you have 'built' so far. I think its very healthy to value and appreciate the benefits of recovery when they show up. I don't think its neurotic to fear losing those things. I'm sure you have experienced the ? Inexplicable pull toward negativity when we let up on something, stop making an effort, or indulge some petty small minded bitter aspect of our nature. It all goes to crap!! I know how quickly my thinking or bad mood can screw things up, so I am 'one bitten, twice shy'. I am just not willing to risk screwing it up so much. Yeah I still make stupid mistakes, but I try very hard to keep my head space pretty positive. Bah! I should be in the gym.. Have a great Wednesday!


Sarah said...

Great post. This blog is an amazing resource for people in early recovery, like I am, and this is a nice reminder that the work must continue if I want the sobriety to continue.

Recovery Road London said...

Yes. Another good post.

I'm afraid I still struggle with the spiritual part of the program, even after three years + sober. I'm never sure when I'm "being spiritual". I don't seem to be able to 'feel' what others feel.


An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Ah bless. I think the word 'spiritual' is vastly overused, and bandied about, and people never reallly sit down and say what they think it means EXACTLY. To me it means a lot of things. hard to explain. But I think feeling 'stuff' is EASY (and quite quick) to learn. I am always a bit surprised when sponsees end up feeling similar things when they do a few simple things that I was shown. You could EASILY do the stuff i was shown. In fact you have a head start in many ways as you have a naturally generous nature, wheras I do not. I would say you are ffar more ? 'spiritual' than you realise. We're all very good at selling ourselves short you know..

ArahMan7 said...

Ah yes! Thank you for the SECRET. I did sent you an email telling you that I've received it. It's playable on my set. Wonderful stuff. Thank you again.

Greeting from Malaysia.

Syd said...

I also want what others have and am working to get it. It takes a lot of work and thought and feeling to move toward the serenity I desire. It's coming but the work will never end.

johno said...

It is hard to underperform nowadays. The "guilt edge" and the maintenence work required to get back on track, also puts me off slacking off. Slacking off is not the easier softer way

Anonymous said...

I have learned the hard way that not being diligent about a daily reprieve can result in some serious hard core consequences. Is it worth it? Absolutely not.

Hard headed, perhaps, needing to learn the hard way, perhaps, grateful for others that are spiritual giants, YES!